The Private Life of Jamie Madrox
by pirate kit
Summary: Living at the Xavier Institute is strange. And things are NEVER normal for a boy who produces copies of himself upon contact . This is the life of Jamie and his multiples. final two chapters posted
1. Hi, my name is 'Jimmy'

You may ask, 'Why the heck is Kit writing about an obscure character instead of… oh… taking over the Empire State Building with a spork?'. Well. I can't say anything about the second part (sounds like fun though), but I LIKE Jamie! He's like the little brother I never had. And since my sisters' seemed to be EVERYWHERE at once, I decided to write this fic. I just want to slug the little guy in the arm and then hug all his copies.

_This chapter has now been rewritten.  Why? … because Kit is bored._

Besides… I needed to get an Evolution fic out before my hovering minion army bites me. My minions worry me.

~ Kit

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

**By: Pirate_kit (I ARE KIT!!!)**

**7/12/03  (Now revised!)**

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                The cover of the book was rather plain, with childish loops that spelled, "The Private Book of Jamie Madrox". In much smaller print, it read, 'keep out!' under the large title. The book, which had been hidden under the mattress and tucked into the sheet's lining, was now resting on the tabletop. The owner of the book was tapping a pen against his fingers, looking up at the ceiling in concentration.

"Hmmm, lessee, I should start with this morning, I guess." Jamie wrinkled his nose, looking down at the book again. Pulling the cover open, he began on a blank page. "July 12th …. At … 5:00 AM." He began to dictate out loud as he wrote. Jamie took another pause to remember, tipping his chair back on two legs.

"KURT! You are so DEAD!" Kitty screamed from down the hall, startling Jamie into tipping further back in the chair and landing on the floor. THUD. Three other Jamies' were now looking about, dazed. The sounds of an impending battle could be heard outside, complete with 'bamf', 'whack', and a very oddly placed 'squish'; after which Jamie heard Kurt yowl in disgust. The fight ended quickly after that, the sounds of a teacher breaking up the two of them, soothing the racket.

Multiple pulled himself back up into the desk and Jamie #1 through #3 began a card game on the bed.  Five-card stud Poker!  Sadly, this was Jamie's worst game, so all the multiples stunk equally.  They seemed to think the point of the game was to ask everyone else for their Kings or Aces (like a very strange version of Go-Fish).  Picking up the pen again, the journal began to grow in length. "I guess I should start at the beginning. You see…."

*****************************************************

                "Wake-up, Squirt." Someone was shaking Jamie lightly.

"Jus' fi' more min's..." Jamie slurred, pushing his face into the pillow.  It was so warm, a cocoon of heat and soft blankets wrapped around him.  He could sleep forever, even with that grating voice speaking to him. Suddenly the bed tipped up and he rolled to the floor with a 'thud', dumping a copy of himself out. Wolverine had just thrown him from bed, by holding it vertical.

"No, kid. No more minutes. Danger Room session." Logan rumbled, resting the bed back down onto all four legs and heading for the door. "Suit up and be down there in ten minutes."

Jamie's copy stood up and stretched, yawning dramatically. "Ow. I have a kink in my back." He rubbed his shoulder blade and blinked feebly. Jamie shuffled to his closet and dug out two training uniforms, one for him, and one for his multiple. Shrugging his duckie pajamas off, he dressed while mumbling half-coherent things under his breath. The young mutant was fortunate enough to have his own room, due to the fact that if he were jostled, there would be no room for his multiples. That, and when four sleeping Jamies' start talking in there sleep it sounds like the US Senate in high, squeaky voices…

Logan had wanted to train the new recruits today, but the Danger Room would be used by the older students to teach 'fog techniques' later. They had got stuck with the early session. The early, eye-popping, boot-dragging, torture session. That left Jamie, Rahne, Jubilee, Sam, Amara, Ray, and Roberto to train in the ungodly hours of the morning. Jamie was the youngest of the new-recruits.

"No fair. They don't let me do _cool_ adult stuff, but they made me do the _horrible _adult things." Jamie rubbed his eyes, leaning against his multiple as they made their way clumsily down to the Danger Room. Hey, having instant clones did have its advantage, and right now he was leaning heavily on one of them. They found Sam waiting in front of the elevator, leaning against the wall attempting to sleep.  Sam had long since perfected the skill of 'sleeping in odd places', and Jamie was envious of his knack for narcolepsy. Without a word, the three of them (two and a clone, really) entered the elevator and then began to lean against the walls in there. 

That is, until Bobby came running in at the last second and smashed into Jamie. Seven copies popped out and suddenly the elevator was very squished.

"Jamie! Man, yer elbow is in mah stomach!" Sam winced, pushing a Jamie away.

"Ow! Ow, my foot! Both of them!" Bobby fidgeted, having a Jamie nearly draped over his shoulders and one standing on each foot.

"I can't breath!"

"Quit using all the air!"

"Urg! Don't touch me there!"

"Stop shoving!" The Jamies' began to squabble amongst themselves and the elevator became like a mosh pit. Jamies' were _everywhere_. There were copies stacked on copies. Copies stacked on Jamie. Copies stacked on copies, who were stacked on Bobby.

Ding! The elevator opened on the lowest level and a sea of multiples poured out. "Jamie, if I knew which was the original, I'd punch you." Sam threatened, looking rather smashed as he pulled himself out of the pile.

"No man! Don't!" Bobby crawled up. "It'd just make more of them!"

Rahne and Roberto were already waiting for the rest to show up. "Hey, lay off the Squirt." Rahne growled. 

"This place isn't big enough for the …all of him and us!" Bobby frowned.

Roberto helped the original Jamie to his feet as the copies began to disappear. "He's right… Ok Popsicle, it's been nice knowing you." He smirked at Bobby. Roberto (when he wasn't hanging out with the 'big kids') treated Jamie much like a little brother. Rahne did the same, only on a more helpful sister role. Wolfsbane would help him with schoolwork and was always up for a game of Frisbee.  But Jamie was still the youngest, smallest, and most inexperienced mutant.  He was… different.

The elevator opened again. "Alright, runts." Logan grunted, holding Jubilee and Ray in a headlock. "We're running this one without Amara. She's got royal flu."

"Lucky girl." Ray mumbled, getting free from the headlock with a case of frizzy hair. Jubilee was asleep, eyes closed and leaning against Logan.  Releasing the girl, she tumbled to the floor and awoke with a jolt. The Wolverine glared, and the young X-men quickly ran into the danger room without another word.

****************************************

                "Don't forget the part about how Bobby turned himself into floor pie!" One of the Jamies' on the bed reminded the original Multiple.  Bobby had unwittingly triggered a motion sensor during the training sessoin, which sent out a large swinging wall of metal.  Iceman was slammed into the floor, where he then proceeded to teach Jamie several new swear words that not even Logan knew.

"I know! I'm writing that!"

"And when Roberto 'sploded when he got hit with a weight." Jamie #1 didn't even look up while he spoke.  Roberto had managed to release almost all of his stored sunlight when he was hit with a beanbag weight from behind.  This resulted in Sam's 'instant tan', and sun blindness for everyone in the room.

"Yeah, I've got that too."

"And remember when Jubilee got her pants stuck in the gears and had to tear the rear out!" Multiple #3 shouted out.

Jamie, who had been tapping his pen, lost his grip on it at his Multiple's statement. "… wait… I don't remember THAT happening!!" The pen flew up and crashed down on Jamie's head, pulling another copy from him.

"Oh yeah… it didn't." Multiple #3 grinned sheepishly on the bed, and then returned to the card game. The copies gave #3 a strange look; some of them sighed and shook their heads. Jamie rubbed his head and finished writing the rather regular DR session down and then began on the next part. The copy (#4) joined the ever-growing poker game.  Some foolish multiple had bet his pants.  Sucker…

***************************************

                After another spectacle that was commonly referred to as 'breakfast', Jamie was dropped off at Elementary School. It was embarrassing. All the other new recruits went to High-school, but Jamie was only in 5th grade. His mutation had happened much earlier than normal, leaving him a very confused child (with his own softball team made up of clones). Now that he knew what it was, Jamie was wary to be in the crowed hall.

Idly humming the Mission Impossible theme song, Jamie Madrox made his way with the rest of the class to art. One of his closest human friends, a shy blond boy, joined him in the song as they walked. No one at this school knew he was a mutant. So far Jamie had been lucky. Multiple had to stay away from large crowds at lunch, he always had notes from the professor excusing him from gym on dodge-ball day, and he tried to make himself scarce against the walls at recess. But art, it was fun. You didn't _have_ to stay in your seats during class, and there was little to no physical activity to jostle him.

So while they waited for the art teacher to come in, all Jamie had to do was dodge the thrown paper balls. It wasn't as if it could bring out a multiple if he was hit by one, but… com'mon! Paper balls! Before any serious tree-bits could go flying though, the door swung open with a bang.

"Hi!" Their teacher entered the room, but she looked a bit different. And the way she was smiling, it was as if she had just pushed a long-time rival into a vat of boiling lava and was still in the rejoicing period. Wasting no time, she launched directly into her lecture and instructions for the day.

"Today, we are going to do 'splatter art'. This was inspired, believe it or not, by a chronic drunk!" The student teacher informed the class, earning confused --yet interested-- looks from the students. "Get your smocks, and start expressing." Many tiny, evil grins spread over the class's faces.

And Chaos colored the lands.

Ten minutes later, Jamie was colored like an airsick leopard (he had gotten relatively little of the paint actually _on_ his paper) and had moved on to splatter the back of the red-haired girl in front of him. She --of course-- was not thrilled by this, and dipped her paintbrush into the white paint. Swinging her brush like a sword, she sent a wave of paint out that hit Jamie… and a good deal of the rest of the class. A paint war of the worst degree broke out.

Dodging backwards, Jamie attempted to dodge an attack of yellow paint, only to collide with another desk. Jamie's single copy flipped over the desk and into a scrap pile of paper, wood fragments, and canvas.  The class thankfully didn't notice the extra Jamie in their battle, but their teacher was firmly taking control again and was bound to spot the extra.  The battle finally ended, and no child was left unpainted.

"NONE of you are leaving until every drop of paint is off the floor!" The teacher gritted out, sending glares out that would have made Logan shake in his boots.  Yeah, that's right.  Logan's got NOTHING on elementary school teachers. The children dully began cleaning up, but Jamie hovered near the spot where his multiple was hiding. Trying to find the energy to recall his multiple back in, he gently dabbed at a puddle near the scrap pile. 

The multiple looked panicked. Jamie edged closer.

'Just a little bit more. I've almost got you back…' Jamie bit his lower lip, concentrating on rejoining when--

"Who is hiding in that pile? I can see you over there!" The teacher made her way over quickly. Jamie gulped in fear. Oh, the professor was going to be disappointed. He'd have to erase her memory of this.

But fate seemed to favor Jamie… Much like a lame horse favors a bum leg… but still…

"I'm Jamie's long-lost twin brother, Jimmy!" The multiple sprang up, thrusting his arms outwards in a dramatic fashion. The class's jaws dropped. The teacher froze and tried to blink through bug eyes. "Jamie!  I've found you!" The multiple cried, launching himself forward and pulling his 'brother' into a hug. 

"J-jimmy!?" Jamie choked. The class was still looking at him. He had to think fast. "I… have brother?" The words became garbled. Okay. Jamie wasn't the fastest thinking X-recruit. He was having trouble thinking up something to say.

Fortunately for Jamie, the class had no problem assuming. "Aww! It's like that movie when the identical twins meet again!" Girls suddenly swarmed the two Jamies', asking if they were alike in _every_ way (this causing blushing on their behalf). The boys, while intrigued by an identical twin finding a long lost brother in the middle of class, wanted no part of the forming soap opera and stayed on the outside of the swarm.

Jamie blushed and 'Jimmy' fumbled for words. The teacher quickly pulled Jamie out of the mess, a strange combination of smiling and slaw jawed confusion dancing across her face. Jamie's multiple managed to croak out a half-assed excuse of them needing to go to meet with their parents and bolted down the hall, rounded the corner, and dashed into the bathroom. It took nearly a half hour of hiding before Jamie felt brave enough to show his face (his 'brother' rejoined with him) and told the class Jimmy went home.

***********************************************

                "Ya know, we could have done some really cool stuff with Jimmy." Multiple #2 remarked, folding from the game. "And we could have brought up more brothers! Like Jason, John and Jake!" Multiple #3 and #4 looked up from their card game to grin cheekily.

"The J-squad! YES!" One of them cheered. 

"Yeah! Check your pocket, Jamie." Mulitple #1 smirked. Jamie dipped his hand into his pocket and found two crumpled pieces of paper. 

#1 winked and returned to the game as Jamie began to read them. "Phone numbers." Jamie's eyes widened and the copy's all smirked. "The Betson twin's numbers?!"

The copies loomed over Jamie's shoulder to look over the notes, smirking identically. "Yep! They slipped it into our pockets after 'Jimmy' introduced himself."

"They think we're hot!"

"Double dates!"

"We've got a Jamie dating service!"

The original stared goggled eyed at the paper, then up at one of his copies, and then back down. It was like an eyeball yoyo. "WE'VE got DATES!" He cheered. The Jamies' began dancing. When five people, all whom look identical, begin dancing and smirking and praising themselves, it's actually a frightening sight. 

"Twin city! Twin-licious!"

The door vibrated in the frame from three heavy blows. The group of multiples fell silent. There was only one person who knocked that hard… Logan. The door swung open and the Canadian entered with a frown. "Squirt, I think you have some explainin'. The school got a call from your art teacher, asking how yer brother, 'Jimmy' was doing."

"Oh… uh."

Rahne's head popped into the doorway and she was holding a phone with her palm held over the mouthpiece. "Hey, Squirt. Two girls are on the phone for you and… your twin…. They say their names are Renee and Roxy Betson…"  One of the multiples twitched.

"Really? Umm… see…"

Logan had now managed to piece everything together and shot Jamie a dark look. "And your little song and dance seemed to catch everyone's attention. Kitty has them half-phased through the ceiling to listen. Care to spell it out, for our audience?" Logan pointed up, and Jamie spotted Kitty, Kurt, Rogue, and Evan looking through the ceiling at him.

"Busted!" Even hissed and they all pulled back. Jamie's jaw was hinged open and the multiples were trying to edge out of the room… towards the phones. Logan's attention quickly shifted to the copies, unsure which was the real Jamie anyway. This gave the original enough time to creep towards the journal and write one last line.

                _'Well, today I learned that I'm an unstoppable stud machine. I also learned that I'm going to need more identical twin brothers' to bail me out of trouble._

_ From the private diary of Jamie Madrox'_

"Squirt!!!" And this was the cue for the Jamie group to scatter and run for cover.


	2. Run Jamie! Run!

It's so much fun to write about Jamie! It's like writing in the most screwed up writing style that I like to call, "Third-person-copy-omniscient". It's almost as fun as referring to yourself in third person! (I.E: Kit managed to take over the Empire State Building, and Kit wishes Myriis luck in conquering the White House with a file. Kit does think a cuticle pusher would be more effective though…)

I actually have a few more chapters planned for this. I decided to show just what Jamie should be able to do. Personally, I like this chapter the least out of all the ones I have planned. But hey, in theory, Jamie should be able to conquer the world with his copy, minion, army. GO JAMIE, GO JAMIE, GO!

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

**7/14/03 (Version 2.0!)**

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Jamie's journal had a few dog-eared pages from where the boy would flip back and reread what he had written. On bad days, he's read the good entries. On sad days, he'd read an entry where funny Kurt did. On … boring days, he's just read the whole thing. One particular page had been dog-eared badly. It had chip grease stains on it from when he'd eat potato chips under the blankets while writing late at night. The ink was smearing and halfway through changed from black ink to blue.

'_July 14th. 2002 2003. It was a normal morning today. Which was pretty strange. I guess I should have expected something from how good everything was going. I NEVER would have expected to end up mopping the Danger Room for the next week. See, first, it started like this…'_

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Breakfast was a common display on this day. There were no strange uses of mutant abilities, and to the outside world, it appeared to be a school of perfectly normal children sitting down to eat. Logan was keeping one eye on the students while he perused the newspaper. Scott and Evan were still arguing over the Hockey Stanley cup; an argument, which was getting old in a hurry. It was a completely pointless argument, and it went something like this:

"Would you pass the milk? … And you are SO wrong. The New Jersey Devils sucks this year."

"Here you go. … But I suppose you are _still _rooting for Detroit still? They're missing an important part of their team this year… the GOOD part."

"Thanks. … Oh sure, just because they lost one game 10-1, it means they can't play. It was a bad day. But I haven't seen New Jersey do anything but sit in the timeout box. … Are those muffins?"

"Ah, don't eat the muffins. Kitty burnt them. … You're still miffed that Philadelphia whipped them so badly, aren't you?"

The conversation got only weirder, seeming to develop two sides: One about hockey, and one about breakfast… at the same time. Jamie, uninterested in hockey, was paying attention to Rahne's impression of Amara. The Nova Roman was finally over the flu, but was complaining everything tasted funny. Rahne, sitting beside Amara, was waving her arms just as dramatically and rolling her eyes as if she was going into epileptic fits. Roberto was biting his lip, trying to keep from laughing out loud. Ray had given up the battle and was snickering softly into his waffles.

In mid arm wave, Amara suddenly turned around, "~don't you think so too, Rahne?" Amara asked. Rahne had frozen when the other girl turned, her upper lip curled, eyes crossed, and arms held in the air in what seemed to be a universal pose for 'VICTORY' or 'GOAL' or possibly 'MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!'. Lifting one dark eyebrow, Amara began to glare at the Scottish girl.

Until Rahne thought up a way out, that is. "Pass it over 'ere, Jamie! Throw it!" She waved her arms, like a football player waiting to intercept, trying to pretend that was her goal all along. Jamie was holding one of Kitty's muffins, wondering just how inedible it was. At Rahne's words, he lifted the muffin in confusion, looked at it briefly, and then chucked it to her. This brought Roberto and Sam into an impromptu game of football with the overly hardened muffin. The four of them were running around the room, throwing the dried breakfast food while everyone else either ignored them (after all, this WAS a common occurrence) or rooted for their favorite 'teams'.

Ray threw himself over Professor McCoy's head in an inverted hurdle, snagging the muffin before it collided with the older mutant's head. Hank raised a furry eyebrow and returned to breakfast, keeping a wary eye on the event. Usually, he'd be beaned in the head by a flying _something_ (ice ball, silverware, flying multiple… he'd seen it all). Ray tried to pass to Rahne, who was in half-wolf form. Roberto intercepted though, leaping an empty chair and falling into a defensive position over the muffin.

"Go long, Squirt!" Roberto pushed Jamie into Ray, causing two multiples to stumble out. "Do a 'running-V' pattern!" Jamie (flanked by Jamie and Jamie) bolted out of the kitchen to catch the muffin. As the burnt bread product approached, Jamie reached up to grab it,…

… only to have a large wolf snatch it before his fingers could touch the muffin. Rahne loped up the hall, muffin in her mouth. She only made it three steps when her feet skidded to a halt and her wolfish eyes widened. The fur on her haunches began to rise and frizz backwards.

"Rahne? Rahne, are you ok?" Jamie shook the wolf's shoulder, his two multiples vanishing.

"Gaa-HACK!" The wolf spat the muffin on the floor and began gagging. 

"Hey! They, aren't, like, _that_ bad!" Kitty protested. She had been watching the scene with amusement until her cooking was unintentionally insulted.

A stray muffin had been lobbed across the room and met with Rogue's head. "OW! Kitty, these thangs are lahke bricks." Rogue pressed her hand to her head, rubbing where the muffin had hit. "Not even Kurt could eat these." And to prove a point, Kurt tried to use his fangs to scrape away at the muffin. He only succeeded in giving himself a toothache. 

**************************************

Upon here, a picture is pressed between the pages of Jamie's journal. It's a Polaroid of Kurt nursing a sore jaw while his tail coiled about the chair legs. Behind him, Ray and Roberto are laughing hysterically and Rogue is patting her brother on the head. Bobby is providing himself as a living ice pack. Only the top of Jamie's head and Rahne's tail can be spotted in the lower corner as Hank took the picture. A large blue finger is accidentally obscuring the area where Sam and Jubilee were making faces at the camera. Like the rest of the pages in the journal, the picture has dents from small fingers in the emulsion and a brief description of the scene writing on it in red ink.

A few pictures are scattered throughout the journal, but this is one of Jamie's favorites. The next page had nearly been folded in half and roughly smoothed back out. This is where the ink switches color, and small comments (from multiples) appear in the margin.

***********************************************************

It wasn't until after dinner when anything strange happened. Jamie was shadowing Logan, firing a volley of questions at him. Or rather, a volley of the same question _over and over and over._

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?!" 

"Because."

"But WHY!?"

Logan turned slightly. SNICKT. Claws came out. "Be_cause_." He glared. It was effective. "You are too young. If you break a bone out there, it could stunt your growth, Squirt." The older of the new mutants were doing outdoor training, which was like an obstacle course. It included everything from long jumps from pillars, crawling under fences, and dodging heavy falling objects. In Danger Room terms, this ranked a 5 (which is not an easy feat for the new mutants). It was dangerous. It was difficult… It was cool beyond all belief, and Jamie wasn't allowed in there.

Jamie knew Logan's excuse was poor, at best. "It's because I have a lame mutation, isn't it?" He pouted. "I can't shoot eye beams or iceballs or throw things with my mind. All I can do is… " Jamie lifted one hand and punched himself in his shoulder, pushing out a half dozen sad looking multiples.

Growling, Logan turned Jamie around and began herd the Jamie-flock back into the mansion. "Squirt, I know people that would love to have your mutation. If yer in a brawl, every time you get punched, you practically have an army to beat the shit out of the other guy." Jamie's feet stopped for a second as he looked up at Logan in shock and confusion. "Or ya could be your own decoy."

"I… didn't think I could use it like that." Jamie looked at his multiples, who looked equally as thunderstruck.

"'Suppose that's a good thing. Last thing we need is a Jamie brute force runnin' around." Wolverine gave the Jamies one last push towards the mansion, ruffling the boy's hair into a rugged mess and patting a copy on the shoulder. "Hank pro'lly has something you could do, if you are that bored."

Multiple smiled. "Nope! I'm not bored anymore!" He turned and ran back to the mansion, his copies following him. The gang of Jamie's didn't go into the building though. He led his copy force around to the beginning of the obstacle course.

"Ok, you all know my plan." He said. All the other Jamie's nodded and then scattered about. Jamie shared something like telepathy with is copies… but not really. Since all his copies were all him, they shared the same brain waves. He could tell them to do something and then they would. But since his copies were freethinking beings too, they were equally able to screw it up.

The original Multiple hid in the bushes, waiting for the signal. He had about ten minutes before the new recruits were out, and that was plenty of time to give the obstacle course one go. Sure, Logan told him not to, but he wanted to try! After all, his mutation wasn't _that_ bad, he deserved a try.

A shrill scream broke the air of Xavier's Institute. "JAMIE! YOU LITTLE RAT!" Jubilee ran out of the building, chasing one of Jamie's copies for all she was worth and shooting off more fireworks than the Fourth of July. In the multiple's hand was a small book. "Give me back my diary!" 

"Nya nya! Can't catch me, Jubes!" The copy smirked, running around the mansion. A crowd of students, and a few of the teachers, was coming out to see what the racket was all about. Multiple #1 dove into some bushes, and Multiple #2 burst out the other side with the diary. But since none of the others could tell one Jamie from another, all they saw was Jamie running through bushes. Jamie's copies had hidden themselves all around the mansion so when one Jamie got tired of running he'd just have to dive into another Jamie's hiding place and switch with him. 

The original took this as a sign to go at it. Running around the edge of the barrier, Jamie entered the training course. He paused for just a second and gawked. It looked like someone had dismantled the Danger Room and brought most of it outside. There were turrets that shot projectiles, the strange whip-like snares were set up, and there appeared to be pits and rope ladders over cement barriers strategically placed.

"Wicked!" Jamie grinned, then ran into the gauntlet. His first few steps were fine, but once he passed a motion sensor, he began to see why it was rated a '5'. 

Iron lances shot out of one of the turrets, causing Jamie to yelp and roll forwards. The boy barely dodged a few of the spikes, and then jumped to his feet to clear a small cement wall, which he used to hide behind. Biting his lower lip, Jamie thought up a plan. Teamwork! …So he made his own team.

Three more Jamies were now sitting beside him. One jumped back over the wall, distracting the motion sensor. The rest of the Jamies' followed the original down the path. When a spike fired at the decoy-Jamie, he simply faded away. The four boys ran down a path, one in the front watching for approaching traps, and Multiple himself was in the back and preparing to clap his hands to bring out more copies if needed.

"Ack! Jump!" The first multiple gasped, and they all jumped barely in time to clear a whip-snare. The tail of the snare captured one of the copies on the way back though, and with a single thought he managed to fade back into Jamie. The Jamie-army advanced relentlessly. Then Jamie clapped and dumped a few more multiples out and they managed to make a human ladder to climb up the pillars and they began to jump from platform to platform. Once Jamie nearly fell, but was saved by another. Some copies were called back, some faded away when they got trapped.

BLAM! A lone Jamie was almost knocked off the pillar by something that had just been fired. To the Jamie-Army's left was another motion sensor turret, only this one was firing some nasty metal blades. They tried dodging, attracting the attention from the original while Jamie produced more copies. One incredibly brave multiple dove at a turret that was firing metal blades, which spawned a mass riot of Jamie's clones swamping the device. Under the weight of at least ten Jamies', the turret broke and fell to the ground. The ten multiples disappeared within seconds. Another group of copies managed to drop down onto a snare trap, and with several well-placed kicks, disabled that as well.

Finally, the end was in sight! Jamie had almost made it through! "Ok, all that's left is the crawling part. We have to crawl under the barb wire fence, and avoid the sand traps." The other Jamies' nodded at this information. Multiple dropped to his belly and began to crawl on his elbows. The sand bogged Jamie down.

"Oh, bummer. I have sand in my underpants." One of the copies confessed. This caused another to laugh. And THAT brought the attention of the security system on the Jamies' trying to sneak by the last second of the course.

"Aww, nuts." All the Jamies' said in stereo. The copies quickly tried to distract the turrets as the primary Jamie crawled on. One Jamie was netted and faded away. Two more got trapped in the sand and nearly were hit with lead weights before they managed to vanish. One by one, Jamie's team of … Jamie … was reduced down to him.

'Just a few more feet!' Jamie panted, pulling himself to the last bit of the course. 'Just… a bit more…' He ran the mantra through his head, and with a tuck and flip Jamie rolled free from the course. The turret's last shot missed as him as he cleared the course.

"YES! Multiple wins! By himself! … And with I, me and my helping!" He cheered, leaping up in victory. But as his arm flailed out, it caught onto the barbwire and there was a 'rip' as fabric was torn. There was also a muffled cry of pain as the sharp bits of metal dug into his skin. Jamie looked down and winced at the sight of red blood beginning to seep through the cut. Holding his injury with his other arm, Jamie quickly left the course before he was notice, his victory buzz dissolving. 

Of course, someone had begun to suspect the way Jamie's copies ran about and never seemed to get tired. Their opinion was, it was as if Jamie was _trying_ to keep everyone's attention. That someone was waiting for Jamie at the end of the course. 

"Ok, Squirt, what did I tell you about the gauntlet?" A grating voice greeted Jamie. Wolverine had his arms held akimbo and was leaning against the outer wall of the course. Jamie jumped, holding his arm behind his back. Logan suddenly caught scent of something and sniffed the air suspiciously. His eyes shot to the arm the boy was trying to hide. In a few steps, Logan had the arm twisted out and was looking at the gash. "I knew I smelt blood." He growled, frowning at the trails of red the cut left.

Jamie knew he should apologize. But, "At least I didn't break a bone."… he didn't. Logan sighed heavily, rubbing his head. Jamie pressed his free hand back into his injury, trying to stop the bleeding. Several of the new recruits peeked around the corner into the obstacle course.

"Oooh, Jamie is in trouble!" Roberto whispered to the rest, who were out of sight behind the wall.

"What? But we were chasing him for the past ten minutes!" Bobby pointed back to the mansion, only in time to see the last Jamie fade away and Jubilee's book fall to the ground. "Okay. That kid is getting waaaay too smart."

Rahne was peeking around the corner in shock. "'e ran tha' course all on his own! … OH! He's hurt!" This was said at slightly louder levels, getting everyone's attention, including Logan and Jamie's.

Casting a fierce glare back at the new mutants, Logan growled. "Everyone is to wait here until I return from the med-lab. Anyone who tries to run the course will be punished by a week of waxing the X-jet." The students all blanched, but nodded. "Come on, Squirt. You need to see Hank about that scrape."

"I'm okay though. It doesn't hurt much." Jamie protested for the benefit of all the other kids watching him. He didn't want them to think he was a baby. It did hurt though. The cut burned slightly, and he just wanted a band-aid.

Snarling in frustration, Logan grabbed Jamie by the scruff of his X-suit and began dragging him along. "That wire is nasty stuff. You'll have to get a tetanus shot from doc." Jamie's eyes widened and his jaw fell open.

"NOOOOOOO!" The boy twisted out of Logan's grip and fell onto the ground. This drove three more Jamies' from him. In one move, they scattered to the four winds, each screaming wildly. "I don't want a shot!" They howled in stereo.

"Get back here, you runt!" Logan ran after one Jamie, then changed directions and tried to catch a different one.

"Go Logan, Go Logan! Go, Go Logan! GO!" The new mutants began chanting, big grins on their faces as they watched the Canadian mountain man chase their smallest teammate. He stopped in front of the X-recruits, "Don't just stand there gawkin'! Catch one of 'em!" Ray and Sam smirked, and then ran off to catch their screaming little friend. Rahne sighed in embarrassment, then transformed into her wolf form and ran off to catch a Jamie. Roberto had turned to head one off one the other side of the building.

The night was filled with sounds of Jamie screeching, Logan bellowing, and a couple of X-recruits laughing their heads off as Logan falls into the pool after chasing a copy.

**************************************************

The writing in the journal at this point took a drop in penmanship and Jamie's injured arm began smarting as he ended the page.

_'After that, I got sentenced to a week of cleaning the Danger Room. Professor X said I have to clean the DR because I took Jubilee's diary without permission, Logan says it's because I broke a few of the obstacle course's machines, and Evan says it's because I'm too cool for my own good. But they won't let me use my multiples to help me clean. Mr. McCoy got all worried that my gash would get infected and Miss Munroe had to help him give me a shot. I hate needles. They are too… pointy and scary. But I finished the obstacle course! I ran the entire thing on my own! Kitty told me that none of the other new mutants made it through, though Bobby did get to the sand traps before he got stopped. Multiple is the best!_

_It just proves, there is no better teamwork, than Jamie-work. And with that note… I gotta go clean some more. Jamie does a lot of work…_

_ From the private diary of Jamie Madrox'_


	3. The Brotherhood of Monopoly

                Kit has decided to go out and adopt Jamie for a brother. She is on a quest! A quest for the legendary uncursed +5 brother of copying. And once I find him… I'm going to give him a bag of candy. Of course, I'll have to wrestle the candy away from the holy +3 Kurt of teleporting… and maybe the -7 Freddy of invincibility.

… Okay… too many RPG games for Kit …

Todd fan, thanks for clarifying about Rahne. Kit's brain goes "WEEEE… duh" quite a bit.

And Myriis, you say ALL senate members' have to have pink hair? ::rubs head:: HORRAY! I'm in the senate! Purely by accident, I assure you … I was shooting for red. ,;;;

Girl Number 1… please stop reading my mind. I have no clue how you managed to guess the plot (or lack thereof), but you must be telepathic. ::puts bucket on head and hides under rug::

And to PantherDragon: … DRINK YER DAMN MILK!!!!  
~Kit~

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

**7/19/03  (Now revised!)**

**************************************************************

                Roberto entered Jamie's room, looking for something. "Come on, I know it's in here somewhere. Squirt can't hide it from me forever." He frowned, looking in the closet. A few minutes passed, and Roberto still hadn't found what he was looking for. "Dang it, Jamie, where did you hide it?" Lifting up the mattress, Roberto found nothing. … until a small book became untucked from the lining of the sheets and fell onto the bed frame.

"Hello? What is this?" Sunspot's hand closed on the book and dragged it out, flipping open to a page somewhere in the middle. "_July 19, 2003. Today, I learned something. I'm not quite sure what it was, but I sure learned good." _

The Brazilian boy paused in reading. "Jamie has a diary?!" Of course, like any 'big brother', Roberto then dove back into the book.  Potential blackmail material on the smallest mutant didn't pop along everyday, and after the havoc Jamie created with Jubilee's diary, Roberto speculated this one would be pure gold.

*******************************************************

The day began --like most days do-- with breakfast. This time, Kitty had been kept as far away from the kitchen as possible as Storm and Beast cooked.  And for that, all the students were thankful.  Her muffins were developing more and more dangerous tastes (or heaviness) every day.  Evan was calling them 'Battle Muffins'.

If the Institute held true to schedule on a Saturday, immediately after breakfast there would be a rush to the couch to watch cartoons.  Kurt and Jamie would watch them all day if Logan would let them.  Sometimes, they'd watch cartoons in their pajamas while the girls watched them.  It was tradition.  Jamie wore a felt-like pink, pair of bunny-footie pajamas while Kurt put on duck-feet slippers and a yellow bathrobe over his sleepwear.  The girls would hover behind them, just out of sight (or so they thought) and go 'awww' whenever one of them moved or spoke.  So Kurt and Jamie would turn on the charm and act in a way that would have most self-respecting mutant shaking their head in dismay.  Cartoons, however, came after breakfast.

Xavier sat on one end of the table, carefully sipping from a cup of warm tea as he browsed the newspaper. Logan sat beside him, sorting through the paper for something good to read himself.  A mug of coffee was nearly tipped when the wild man located the section he was searching for.  The sports page was pulled out of the pile, and quickly was raised above Logan's face, hiding him from the students. A few seats down, Bobby whined for the comics.  Instead of comics, he got a wedge of orange stuffed down his shirt by Jubilee.

"Oh. The Yankees won?" The professor glanced over at the headlines on the page Logan was reading.

"Yeah?"

"… didn't see that one coming." Logan chuckled at Charles comment, trying to smother his laughter from the children by taking a large drink of very hot coffee. Ow. Burnt tongue. Logan grimaced, but his burnt mouth soon recovered due to his healing mutation.

A loud commotion broke out on the other side of the table. No, Kurt had not tried to take Evan's milk…  that usually resulted in the kitchen table turning into holey swiss cheese and the smell of brimstone.  "HEY! That's my poptart!" Jamie chased Jamie through the kitchen, under the table, and then out the door where a noisy wrestling match broke out. Xavier picked up his cup from the table without glancing down. Logan followed suit and lifted his coffee cup from the table as a third Jamie followed them.  However, this Jamie ended up banging his head on the underside and sending most of the cups rattling on the tabletop.

At this point, no one knew how many Jamies' they'd see under the table.  They were afraid to look.

Jean sighed, putting down a half-eaten piece of toast. "Only in a house like this…" She watched as one of the Multiples quickly jumped out from under the table. He began loading up his plate and eating before any of the other Jamies' noticed. Jean was unsure whether that was the original Jamie or not, but judging by the way he was almost entirely left alone by the multiples she was probably correct.

Kitty was phasing through Scott to reach the bagels, leaving their 'fearless leader' rather bewildered as her head stuck out from his chest. "Do you mind?" Scott raised an eyebrow, trying to move out of Kitty's area.  "Ask Jamie or someone to pass them!"  The bagels were just at Jamie's elbow.

"Hey! That was my chair, Squirt!" Roberto had returned from the bathroom to find his chair occupied by Jamie.

Evan was looking over at Rogue, "Are you going to fin--,"

"Don't even ask it, Board-boy." Rogue hovered over her milk protectively, holding a bagel in her other hand. Her entire posture read 'touch my milk, and I touch you…gloves off'.  Giving up, Evan questioned his aunt if she wanted all of her milk. Ororo pushed him the milk, then tried to coax the Jamies' out from under the table. The real Jamie was stuffing his face full of eggs.

"Eww! Grow up, Jamie! Stop eating like Kurt!" Amara flinched away from the young boy. Kurt thought it was a compliment. Jamie, however, saw this slightly differently.

"Jamie, like, take your elbows off the table… and your copies out from under it." Kitty jumped when someone… either one of the Jamies' or Kurt's tail… pinched her. 

Evan was leaning towards Jamie, eyeing his glass. "Hey, Squirt? You gonna drink your moo juice?"

"Jamie? Are you feeling all right? You aren't eating anymore?" Henry "Hank" McCoy ambled into the room and began to examine the boy, checking his newly unwrapped arm for any signs of infection.

Another conversation was going on at the same time as the Jamie-oriented one. "Hey Ray, wanna come with us tonight to see a movie?" Rahne asked Ray in a loud voice, trying to be heard over the din. Ray wasn't the only one who heard it. Jamie hadn't been invited to the movies with them. Rouge was giving Jamie a sympathetic look, but blinked in puzzlement when she saw the emotion that was running through his eyes. Anger.

Closing his eyes, Jamie balled up his fists, and then slammed them onto the table, causing a dozen copies to split off and form a barrier of duplicates around him. "You are always telling me what to do! Just because I'm younger, doesn't mean I'm stupid!  Just leave me alone!" He snapped. Then he turned and ran out of the room. The duplicates kept everyone away by simply being in the way.

"Oh dear. This does not bode well." Professor Xavier sighed. That tickling feeling in the back of his mind had returned.

****************************************************

Roberto winced. He remembered that day. Everyone had thought Jamie ran away.  "Man, James, I spent four hours looking for you that day, and we found nothing."  He murmured, growing morose.  According to the journal, Jamie didn't run off. For a fifth grader's writing, he had very good grammar. His story telling methods were pretty cut and dry, as expected, but the comments from the multiples in the margins put a true sense of emotion back into the writing.  Well, mostly.  That game of tic-tac-toe in the corner was pretty useless.

"Squirt, you should have told us before it got to you." Roberto sighed, flipping the page. No one knew where Jamie had gone that day. All they knew was he vanished in the morning, and came back late in the night. And for some reason, all of Jamie's worries and upset emotions were gone. It was like he had gone on a quest and found inner peace. The young boy also seemed to have a closer relationship with Rogue after that as well, whether the older girl noticed or not.  Jamie seemed to idolize Rogue now.  He also seemed to goof off twice as much and act more childish.  Roberto could recall for weeks Jamie was trying to 'grow up' so Ray and Bobby would take him on one of their 'trips'.  Now, however, the young mutant could really care less about 'borrowing' the X-Van or even becoming an X-man.

It was as if Jamie's personality took a 180 flip.  But where in Bayville does one go to achieve such an effect?  Well it's not the mall, or else Kitty would be a Zen-master. Roberto read on, brushing his thumb over a few of the comments in the margin.

**************************************************

Jamie should have gone to back home.  He should have even gone to a friend's house.  But he was in too much of a temper to go back or find his human friends in the city. Instead, Jamie ran. He didn't even know where he was going. All he knew was he didn't want to be surrounded by people anymore. They seemed to think they could live his life better than he could.

"Lets see any of THEM try to live like me. No playing for Jamie, he might duplicate." Jamie sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, but found no tears. Good. That meant he wasn't crying. 

Yet.

 Jamie headed into the town, but still didn't go to the school grounds he was so familiar with. Instead, Jamie went to the park and hunkered down under a small grove of trees. It was empty at this time. No one to run into him because they 'didn't see him down there'. No one to tell him to 'keep your multiples to yourself'. There was no one pull him back before trouble hit. And no one to ruffle his hair and help him with his history homework. No one to help him play pranks on Bobby. No one.

Jamie whimpered again blinking back heated tears. This time he clapped his hands once and pulled out a multiple. It was better than no one. "They don't understand. They all tell me what to do." The copy nodded and hugged him. Neither was crying, but both looked close to tears. Multiple found himself tired. With his copy as a guard, he slid down and fell asleep, both of the Jamies' leaning against each other. To any passing human, it would simply look like a pair of twins.

A strange gust of wind blew through the park, ruffling Jamie's hair. The copy was staring into space and looking forlorn while the original napped. The wind blew all the way out of the park before pausing, and returning. Like I said. It was a strange wind.

"Hey!"

It also appeared to be a talking wind.

The copy jerked in surprise and squeezed Jamie. This woke the real Jamie woke up in a flash. He quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes and blinking blearily. 

"Awww, lookit! It's a little baby X-geek!" The voice didn't really ring any bells, but it seemed to know him, and this got Jamie on full alert. "What's-a-little-X-geek-like-you-doingOutHere." The strange silver-haired teen looked at his watch. His duplicate faded away as panic rose.  This person knew about the X-men; usually not a good sign. "And at eight in the morning?  Don't you kids ever sleep-in?! What would that bald slave-driver say if he knew you were out here?"

Jamie bristled at the comment about the professor, but he still couldn't place the face. Silver hair. Fast talking. Appeared in a gust of… 

"PIETRO!"

"Wow. He even knows my name. And loudly." Pietro Maximoff stuck a finger in his ear and attempted to regain his hearing. Jamie remembered him now. After Tabby left (Jamie liked Tabby. She was fun), he could remember seeing her hanging out with Pietro and Kitty's boyfriend, Lance. "So what's are you doing in the park all by yourself? Running away?" Pietro sneered. He was almost guaranteed that ribbing on an X-man on would usually result in: Whining, complaining, petty threats, or possibly a combination of all three.

But this wasn't a usual incident. "Maybe." Pietro's jaw dropped. He had been joking around. He hadn't expected the X-men to lose a kid so young. Seeing no other way around this, the speedy mutant took a seat by Jamie. Plotting the downfall of humanity they might do, but leaving small mutants defenseless?  That was outright evil!  At least, it was for the Brotherhood. "I didn't like everyone telling me what to do." The boy was distrustful. He had heard things from Scott and Evan (well, a lot of things from Evan… he REALLY disliked this guy). This guy was trouble. He worked for … some… magnet dude.

Draping his arm around Jamie (who leaned away) Pietro began speaking in conspiratorial tones. "If you need a place to stay, the Brotherhood of Mutants is always recruiting… uh… whats-yer-name?"

"Jamie. Jamie Madrox." This caught Pietro's attention. 

"Ah, you're that 'carbon copy' kid Tabby keeps talking about. Well, com'mon. We've got better things to do than hang out in a park.  Too… wholesome.  I'll give you a lift." And with that, Pietro hoisted Jamie onto his back. Jamie didn't even have a chance to protest before the world seem to blur away. The next thing he knew, his stomach felt like it was trying to perform mutiny and they were standing in front of a rundown old house. "Home, smelly, home!" Pietro set Jamie down and then began dragging the motion-sick kid inside. Once inside, Jamie's stomach regretted it. The boarding house smelled of mildew, old socks, and … something odd.  Odd as in 'Kitty-surprise-casserole' odd.

An incredibly huge teen noticed Jamie enter with Pietro, trying to hide behind him. Freddy Dukes pointed at Jamie. "Hey! It's a little dude!"

"Not everyone can measure up to your greatness, Blob." Pietro said dryly. Jamie peeked out at Freddy. The large mutant stared back, equally as curious. 

The scared, and confused tension that had engulfed the room was broken, not by Pietro, but by Freddy.  "Want a cookie?" A large bag of animal crackers was held out. Jamie paused for just a second. He couldn't remember a single time where someone had offered to share cookies at the Institute. Usually you would have to get your own before they vanished and fights broke out over them (or fights broke out to_ force _people to eat them, if they were Kitty's). Taking a seat beside the Blob, Jamie reached for a few cookies.  Something rapped him on the back of the head and a multiple fell out, almost landing in the bag of animal-shaped crackers. 

Standing behind him, and tapping him on the head, was Tabitha. "Jamie!" Tabby lifted the original into a bear hug. "I thought it was you! Pietro came runnin' into my room, speed-blabbin' out something about carbon copies and little geeks." Swinging the boy about, Tabby cuddled Multiple Man. Jamie's copy was helping himself to a very surprised Freddy's cookies. Fred only managed a rather confused sounding 'hey' at the theft of his cookies.

Lance and Todd entered the room at the commotion, but neither looked very surprised to see Tabitha swinging around a small X-man while a clone of the little guy was eating Freddy's cookies. And anyone who was hungry enough to eat Freddy's food, no matter how small and cute, was just _asking _for trouble. "Alright. I'll get the snacks, yo." Todd leapt into the kitchen. Jamie was completely and utterly befuddled. THIS was the Brotherhood of Mutants? It was more like a very strange "Seinfeld" done with mutants.  It was like Mystery Science Theater3000… without the robots.  It was… a situation Jamie had never been in before.  He almost liked it, but attentiveness kept him from enjoying himself.

"Wha?" Jamie was escorted to a rather threadbare --but oddly bouncy-- couch. Tabby kept one hand on his head, mottling his hair into a mess.

"So… you probably ran away?" Tabby sighed, casting a glance into the direction the mansion stood. Jamie nodded. "And you don't want to go back because they… what, is it they nag you, or there are too many rules, or they don't understand you?"  Tabby knew just how damn frustrating it could be over there.  Those were the reasons she left the institute, along with 'near death by Canadian' and 'wax-ation without representation'.  The X-jet always seemed shinier when Tabby was there.

"All three." Jamie sighed, leaning back into the couch. Lance had taken another seat across the room and was listening. Freddy was now trying to take the cookies back from Jamie's copy.  The copy dangled feebly from one of Freddy's meaty fists, unable to reach the cookies while being held by his pants.  "They treat me like a little kid."

Pietro's fast-paced voice broke in. "Well, you kinda are." Tabby shot him a glare telling him that wasn't the right thing to say. He held his hands up in a surrender gesture at the warning.

Jamie continued as if he hadn't heard Pietro.  "I don't know what to do. Everyone complains about my multiples. I can't even play with the other kids there, because it gets too crowded if I get bumped. Everyone stays away from… me." Jamie looked over at his copy, who had given up on taking the bag from Freddy and was now listening to the conversation. Todd jumped back into the room, tossing a tin of something at Jamie. The mutant missed and it hit him in the head, knocking four copies out of him. The Brotherhood gawked.

"Hey! Gingerbread dudes!" One of the Jamies' opened the tin, delving into the cookies mass. All the multiples took one, but Freddy stared at the cookies in distrust. 

"He's afraid of gingerbread. It's one of the few snacks we can have that he won't eat." Tabby whispered, sniggering.

Looking at the floor for a bit, Jamie spoke up, "Can I stay here? For a little? Please?" He looked up. Everyone gave Lance a quick look, giving him their opinion. Lance then leaned forward and proceeded to ruffle Jamie's hair as well.

"Sorry, kid.  You're too young to really do any fighting or dirty work.  But…..you can stay.  Only for a game and a talk though. Then you go back." He said. Jamie was disappointed for some reason, but nodded. Not many people had played games with him before.

******************************************************

Diabolic laugher echoed in the Brotherhood house.  It was EEEEEVIL.  It was coming from the den. "MWAHAHAA! Now I have Boardwalk AND Parkplace!" It was Jamie.

"Damn, yo. Go easy. Us little people don't have a chance." Todd complained, looking at the dangerous amount of hotels and houses forming on the board. Todd was playing as the hat piece. Tabby had the boot and also took the role of banker and 'deed wench'. Pietro had an iron ("cause I'm so hot!" he claimed. Then Tabby smacked him). Jamie had the dog piece and Lance took the iron car (which had been in jail for the past three turns.  Hey, they're the Brotherhood.  Monopoly rules don't always apply.). Freddy had a mangled …something, that became unidentifiable after he stepped on it.

The Brotherhood had several board games lying around, along with a deck of cards.  Originally, they had been planning on a nice game of poker, but Pietro would zip out of his chair and peek at cards.  Jamie wasn't much better.  He'd have multiples looming behind everyone and keep his 'spy network' far enough back that they didn't suspect anything until one of the multiples burst out laughing at Lance's bluff.  They also ruled out battleship (again, Jamie and Pietro were cheating) and Pictionary (they had the artistic talent of a flattened salmon… drawing skills _combined_.)  Besides, who can say 'no' to a rousing game of 'capital-market-global-domination'?  

Pietro's iron advanced passed Go, but he landed on Income Tax. "I don't suppose I can roll for tax evasion?" Tabby rolled her eyes and tossed his 'Go' money into the center. "Ok, Squirt… you mind if I call you 'Squirt'?" Jamie snapped to attention, realize Pietro was speaking to him.

"Uh, no. Everyone else does." He leaned back, taking another gingerbread man from the tin…. AND BITING HIS HEAD OFF! BWHAHAAAA… sorry. Freddy looked disturbed at the sight of the tiny bread man losing his head. Lance rolled. Nope. Still in jail.  Curse the Brotherhood rules of Monopoly.

"Alright. Squirt, have you ever wondered why Rogue left here? I mean, I couldn't have been our _wonderful_ company. So what does the institute have that we don't?"

"A working air conditioner." Tabby remarked dryly, rolling her dice.

"A pool." Lance was leaning back on his hands, watching the game with an amused expression.

"A suicide, torture room." Todd winced at the memory.

"The world's most paranoid Canadian guard." Jamie offered. Tabitha laughed.

Pietro's jaw worked for a second as he was speechless (a feat which is rarely accomplished) and then he snorted. "Traitors. All of you. Oh, except for you, Blob." Freddy shrugged and took his turn rolling. "I mean, you're not all the different from Rogue now, are you? You can't go into crowds, and there's no rough-housing with either of you (less you-are-really-really-careful-about-the-skin-thing)." Pietro mumbled the last part under his breath at a fast-paced ramble.  Todd had been Jamie's 'Pietro-to-English' translator when the speedy-mutant talked to fast.

Jamie thought for a moment, rolling the dice before thinking up an answer. "Yeah. I guess we're kinda the same. But why did Rogue leave here?"  Jamie's iron dog was pushed five squares, and landed in free parking.  There was a collective moan from everyone else as Jamie gathered the large pile of money from the middle of the board.  Then, taking a leaf out of Pietro's book, he stuffed a monopoly $100 bill down Tabby's shirt.  The girl gave a screech and dove to pull it out.  The brotherhood watched with amazement as she actually hugged the little guy (she would have decked the guys if any of them tried!).  Whatever it was Jamie had with the ladies, they wanted it! __

"The whole Team thing, yo." Todd was slightly green at Jamie's talent with the ladies.  Wait… no… he was _always_ green. "We do what we want, when we want. But Rogue, yo, she wanted all that buddy-buddy stuff. An probably a little revenge too. Little revenge never hurt nobody." Todd was obviously referring to Mystique. "Nothin' like that buddy stuff over there with you, Squirt?"

Todd landed on one of Lance's utilities and rolled badly. Jamie watched him grudgingly hand over the money. "Well, Rahne and Roberto usually do stuff with me when they aren't out dancing or at parties or something. And sometimes I get to go with Jubilee, Sam, Ray and Bobby. They _really_ do crazy stuff. And Mr. McCoy got a playstation in the lab for me to play when there's nothing else to do. But all the older kids… It's like I'm not grown-up enough to hang with them." The boy sighed. Lance finally rolled doubles and Jamie gave a weak sounding 'whoo-hoo' at his freedom from jail.

"Don't be in any rush to grow up there, Jamie." Lance said smoothly, wincing as Pietro bought yet another hotel for the side of the board that was known as 'death row (unless your name is Pietro)'.

"Yeah. You don't get kiddy meals at Burger Bomb if you do, yo." Todd gave him a yellow-toothed grin.

Giving Todd an exasperated glare, Lance clarified, "NO, I mean they'll stuff you in the X-men army and then you'll actually have to fight us and every other 'bad guy' out there." Jamie's brow wrinkled. He really didn't want to fight the Brotherhood now. 

Jamie smiled weakly at them. "So, you're telling me to go back, act immature, goof-off, and wait years and years to be an X-man?"

"Yes." Everyone said at once (only Pietro managed to say 'yes' three times in succession before everyone else finished). Jamie laughed as Tabby leaned over to tickle a few multiples out of him.

"Be a slacker! Take things that aren't yours and hide them. Play pranks. Eat food that doesn't belong to you. And all that fun stuff. You know, just be yourself." Tabby pulled back, letting Jamie regain his breath from the tickling. The Jamie and his multiples looked up at the older mutants, all smiles.  The game of Monopoly continued, this time with the intention of 'global' Jamie-domination of the board.

"Gingerbread man?" Pietro offered another cookie to one of Jamie's multiples. The duplicate took one of them, but Pietro kept one for himself. "Run! Run! Run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" Pietro danced the cookie up the tray. "But then Pietro-the-mighty said, 'OH YEAH?!' Well, when-I-catch-you, I'm-gonna-rip-off-your-legs-and-stuff-them-into-that-sugar-smile!" The speedy mutant snarled, lifting the small cookie up and then delivering a fast paced, self-narration on how the amazing Pietro not only caught the gingerbread man but also fed him to Freddy. Jamie's mouth was hanging open and he was worried. Actually, so was Freddy's jaw. Gingerbread! The Blob shuddered in disgust.

The game finished up quickly after that when the clock struck 11 PM. Pietro and Jamie were squabbling over the last deed, B&O railroad (which Todd owned, mortgaged, and sold and had nicknamed the 'Body Odor Rails'). Both Lance and Freddy had crashed out of the game early, leaving Tabby barely hanging in. Getting sick of the game entirely, Lance declared Jamie and Pietro both 'Monopoly Gods' and threw all the pieces back into the box with a slight tremor shaking the house.

"Hey. When you go back… Tell Rogue we miss her over here. Without Goth angst, all we have it Pietro angst… and that's all about hair gel." Lance lifted Jamie to his feet, leading him to the door. The rest of the Brotherhood followed, watching Jamie leave. "Oh… and … Tell Kitty, uhh… yes and 8 pm. She'll understand." Was it the light, or did Lance just blush? 

Tabby swept Jamie into a hug ruffling his hair into a fuzzy mess.  "Squirt, make sure you keep teasing Blue for me.  Someone has to keep him humble, and you're cute enough to do it!"  She nuzzled him, causing Jamie to squirm and giggle, trying to protect his neck from any 'vampires bites' she may or may not feel the need to inflict.

Todd hopped up and leaned against Jamie's head. "Yo, if you ever need to come back, don't hesitate to call us. We'll send Speedy running to get you." Freddy waved, smiling broadly.

Quicksilver lifted Jamie onto his back in a piggyback and ran the kid back to the mansion before he even had finished his good-byes. The large, metal gate loomed in from of them. "Squirt! Keep me posted on those Betson twins! Two for one! You go kid!" Pietro set Multiple down, slapping Jamie on the back and then wincing as two duplicates popped out and phased back in. Pietro gave a jaunty salute and then vanished in a whirlwind. Turning, Jamie ran through the gates and back to the Institute. Jamie had some talking to do…

********************************************

Roberto's jaw had been hanging open for the last page as he read. The Brotherhood? Being CIVIL?! True, Tabby had liked Jamie and spoiled him with attention when she was at the Institute, but the rest of the gang treating Jamie like a brother was almost inconceivable. 

"Wait… I remember." Roberto's forehead wrinkled and he ran a hand through his dark hair. "Jamie came back all grins." He murmured. Everyone was in turmoil at the mansion, unable to find Jamie. The new recruits had even called off their movie to look for Jamie on foot, but with no success. Logan had gone out and caught scent of the boy in the park, but it simply vanished by way of strangely familiar scent. They had just persuaded the professor to use Cerebro when the small boy returned and waltzed through the front door. Smelling faintly of gingerbread too, Roberto recalled. The first thing he did was walk right up to Rogue, and hug her (carefully, so as not to touch her, and not to knock out any copies). Then he whispered something to Rogue, and … it was rumored that she smiled -- but as Roberto saw, her expression merely softened and she ruffled a gloved hand over his hair. Then the little Multiple whispered something to Kitty quickly before Scott entered the room, and the girl giggled and blushed.

When Scott set foot in the room, he instantly launched into lecture-mode. 'We were worried', 'you could have been hurt', and 'it was irresponsible' were all repeated multiple times until the Professor came by. But even Scott's loud speech couldn't shake the smile off Jamie's face. Xavier had dismissed Cyclopes and telling the other students it was time for bed before talking to Jamie in private. It was only hours later, at breakfast the next day that anyone got to talk to Jamie. Even then, he smiled at everything.

No one knew what had happened. And Jamie never told. Chuckling deeply, Roberto closed the journal. "Well, it looks like we all owe the BoM a thanks for giving Jamie back… but I'M sure not telling them." He slid the book back under the bed. "Now… where did Jamie hide…" 

But the sun-ray soaking mutant was interrupted by a dog pile. A dog pile of Jamie. "Roberto! You're not going to find your stuff in my room!" Jamie giggled, clinging to Roberto's neck while his multiples threw themselves over his arms and legs. Growling, Roberto tried to throw off the kids, but Jamie simply made more whenever Sunspot made any progress. 

"Just tell me where you hid all my underpants, Squirt!" Roberto thrashed uselessly. "I know you know where they are."

Jamie grinned cheekily. "Ok! Sam took 'em, and hid them all in the freezer! He told me not to tell." He confessed, smirking.

"I already checked there." Roberto said, his face muffled by the blankets.

"I'm not done yet!" Jamie sang out. "Then he took them all and when they were as stiff as a board, slipped one under every bedroom in the institute… two under the door if there were doubles in a room!"

And somewhere down the hall, Rahne and Jubilee burst into laughter as they found a pair of heart and lightning bolt boxers as flat as a board slid under their door. There was a bout of silence. Jamie released Roberto and recalled all his duplicates. "… Hey Squirt. Are you up for a little revenge?" Jamie's smile became evil and full of mischief. The two of them leapt off the bed and ran out to find Sam and exact their revenge.

Unnoticed, the journal tumbled out from its wedged position and fell open to the last page.

_'Ok, so I guess I learned that bad guys aren't that bad. And like that song goes, 'you don't know what you got til it's gone'… everyone over here missed me. It feels good to be part of a group. I'm home._

_                                                                                                From the private diary of Jamie Madrox'_


	4. All is fair in love and germ warfare

                A great irony has struck while I was writing this chapter.  My beloved beta and one of my muses (the one wearing the funky hat and babbling about Legolas) fell ill with the flu right after I finished this chapter.  Jamie, you are contagious!  CONTAGIOUS!  … probably with cuteness, but contagious nonetheless.  And be warned, Kit is not _nearly_ done with this fic!  And due to the amount of comments, I'm going to write a pre-quel on the Brotherhood and WHY Blob is afraid of gingerbread… WHOA HAHAHAAAA!

                And I have yet to find a way to adopt Jamie as my brother.  Lawyers seem to have a natural inborn fear of me and run screaming at my name.  So, to by pass the whole lawyer problem, I'll need to build something.  My theory is: first… I'll need a time machine… second: I'll need a really big toaster… third: I'll need Forge to put them both together.  FORGE!? I need your help again! ::runs off::

Faeryeyes: You want me to your wedding? In Australia? OK! But… is the tranquilizer gun for sedating any wild animals that may hop by, or for the groom?  It doesn't seem fair.  O.o!  RUN PYRO!  RUN!  … ::lifts tranq gun and fires:: BWAHAHAA… NOW it's fair.

Nyaa?  Todd Fan likes me?  WEEE!  I thank you, queen of parody.  And I'm doing fan art for yoouuu!

You want more Multiple-goodness?  Then you want to go to Imhotep Ardeth Bey's webpage!!  It's a Jamie fan site, and a very good one at that.  We love Multiple, don't we?  So… GO THERE!  Imhotep Ardeth Bey and I command!  ARG! 

Oh, and Pantherdragon.  Yer a wonderful beta.  I give you much fan art.  Oh, PS. DRINK YER STINKIN MILK!

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

**(Now with revise-y goodness!)******

*************************************

                Jamie curled onto his bed, holding his journal over his head. He was trying to think up something good to write without sounding like he belonged in a loony bin. It had been 12:00 for the past two days. Jamie wondered if any time had passed at all or if he was stuck in some bizarre Twilight Zone.  Welcome to a realm where time does not exist.

Or maybe the clock on the VCR never got programmed.

Tucking the book under his pillow, Jamie decided to get a little attention first. "I feel siiiick!" Jamie whined. This brought the desired result. Rogue stuck her head in the room and looked down at the pile of blankets on the bed where Jamie was camped. The older girl leaned over him for a moment, brushing his damp hair back with her glove.  Jamie was pale, and a fine layer of cold sweat was covering his pallid face.  Rogue frowned sadly, fluffing Jamie's blankets up.

"Ah'll get Doc McCoy, Squirt. Ya gonna be al'igh?" Being unable to press her palm into Jamie's forehead to test for a temperature, Rogue would have to settle for finding the doc. Multiple nodded, leaning into Rogue's cool glove. 

"Ya. Can you pass Max up here?" Jamie pointed to a fluffy dog toy sitting at the foot of the bed. 

Rogue smiled, picking up the soft toy. "Only 'cause yer cute, sugah." She ruffled the soft fabric of the dog against Jamie's face for a second, tickling his nose. Once Rogue left the room, Jamie pulled out his journal and clapped his hands together firmly. Only one multiple, instead of the usual half dozen, was produced, but he looked completely healthy.  Jamie's ability would produce unharmed multiples if he were hurt in battle, and likewise, healthy multiples when he is sick.  Injured or unwell multiples would do him no good, but it took more energy to make 'perfect' copies if he wasn't at his best.

"Can you write while I talk? I can't do both." Jamie cleared his throat as his multiple took the book and pushed some of the blankets out of the way.

"We writing about the 'before' incident first?"

"No. Before the 'before' incident." Jamie sipped his orange juice, envying his multiple at the moment.   The cool liquid burned down his throat and formed an uncomfortable lump in his stomach.  Stupid, non-sick multiple.  Jamie was envious of his own copy… how stupid.  That's like your right hand being jealous of your left. "Start before the party.  July 24th."

**********************************************************

                It wasn't so much a 'party' as it was a 'giant competition'. It was Professor Xavier's own version of the X-games, only this one was entirely for his students. All powers were allowed, it was a mutant spin on the human activities. There were challenges, games, and awards. Some of the events weren't even sport related, like billiards, video game olympics, and bocce ball. Everyone was looking forward to it. 

                Everyone, except Rogue

"This is sooo unfaih!" Rogue cried out. A deep fit of coughing shook her frame as she pressed her hands to her face. Kurt quickly teleported into her room, holding a cup of orange juice for his sister. Jamie had been making his way to the room and put his ear to the door as he heard the tell-tale 'bamf'.

"Ja, schwester. But you aren't vell enough to be out yet." Kurt held out a thermometer to Rogue's mouth. It remained firmly closed. "We all vant you to get better first, Vogue.  _Then_ we vant to see you go down there and kick Ray's ass at pool." A smile threatened Rogue's lips, but she allowed Kurt to take her temperature. He left the room for a moment with a 'bamf' as he went to find a cold cloth.

Jamie pushed the door open a little, leaning in more. "Rogue?" He didn't know if her brother's visit had made her any less temperamental.

"Mmff?"

Taking this as a sign to come in, Jamie took a few tentative steps in. "I… I though you'd be lonely by yourself, so I brought someone to keep you company." Holding out a soft, fuzzy puppy toy, he marched to Rogue's bed. "His… his name is Max. I always wanted a dog named Max.  I got him from Logan at Christmas." Jamie rambled. 

Unable to answer with the thermometer in her mouth, Rogue merely looked down at him. Jamie flushed under her stare. "Max always makes me feel better, when I get left behind. I didn't think you have many toys in here." The boy was right. The only toys were on Kitty's side of the room, and were sentimental things like old teddy bears or decorative plushies.  Rogue had posters, large pillows, books, and mesh scarves lying about.

The thermometer beeped for a second and Rogue removed it from her mouth and placed it on the bedspread. "That's nice, Jamie." She rasped, trying to clear her throat. "But won't ya miss 'em?" Even while sick, Rogue was still wearing gloves, but now she only had on her sleeveless top, the mesh fabric gone.  She was too hot to wear the protective layer of clothes.

Jamie sat on the edge of her bed, putting Max in her lap. "Well, yeah. But once you're better, you can give him back."  Rogue shifted on the bed, stretching her legs.  The soft toy toppled over slightly, its head tipping to the side and the black eyes looking up at Rogue.

Silence swirled about the room. Jamie would have done anything for 'white noise' at that point, but he felt too awkward to move. Perhaps Rogue saw him as an annoying kid too, despite their mutation similarities. The Brotherhood had actually got him to strengthen his bond with her and Kitty (purely by accident with Kitty. The girl thought he was Lance's messenger), and helped him to --

Then a blanket was thrown over Jamie's head. 

Jamie felt someone grab him and the blankety mass in a pair of arms. Then it hit him. Rogue was hugging him. Since much of her skin was bare, she was trying to hug him through the sheet. The jumble of Jamie and  --the blanket tangled around-- him managed to find Rogue and hug her back while blind. "Squirt, yer such an angel." Her voice was muffled, and sounded thicker than usual. Jamie giggled, one arm flailing about until it met with Rogue's back and clung.

BAMF. Rogue quickly let go of Jamie, but the kid was still trapped under the large blanket. "Ack! Was ist das? Vogue! Are you hiding someone from me?" Kurt teased, grabbing the edge of the blanket and pulling it off. Jamie sat on the bed grinning ear to ear. Actually, Jamie's grin only threatened to reach his ears, but any larger and it would take over the world next.

"Hi!" Multiple waved to the teleporter. 

"Yeah. Ah'm hidin' Jamie. Everyone wants him. I have four of them." She said in a monotone and gently whacked him in the arm, pulling out three multiples. Jamie thought it was the gothic mutant's way of teasing without resorting to biting sarcasm. Jumping from the bed and running to the door, Jamie turned around before he left and said, "Don't worry, Rogue. I'll beat Ray for you!"

"And Roberto! He's got a hold on the dart game."  Multiple #3 gave a jump over a pile of clothes.

"We'll keep you updated!"  Copy #2 smiled.  Then they ran out the door and down the hall.

Rogue looked over at her brother, sipping the orange juice idly. "Does he even know how ta play pool? Or throw sharp objects?"

"No. I zhink he's going to need help." Kurt looked at the thermometer discarded on the bed. "But your temper'ture is still high. All you can do now is sleep." A cool cloth was pressed into Rogue's head, protecting Kurt's hand from her bare skin. "Hey, where did zhis little guy come from?" Rogue had one glove off and was letting the soft fur of the puppy toy run through her fingers. Rogue smiled.

****************************************************

                There were actually times and sign-ups posted for each event.  They were scattered through the mansion, everywhere from sublevel 2 to the attic.  Some took place at the same time. Such as the pool game and a biking race. Jamie had accidentally signed up for both.

"Aww man! I wanted to do biking, but I told Rogue I'd beat Ray at pool…" Jamie trailed off, looking at the schedule.

"Hey Jamie!" One of the multiples called out to him. When the original turned to look, all three copies went, "DUH!" and rolled their eyes. Jamie felt his cheeks grow pink in embarrassment. Duh! He had duplicates of himself! Slapping his palm into his head for being foolish (it pulled out two more multiples), Jamie sent several of the multiples to the bike race, and then took off for the pool tournament. The remaining Jamies' were sent out to monitor the X-games and report information back to the original.

The pool hall didn't have many people in it, but Logan seemed to be both overseeing this tournament and acting as a kind of referee. When he caught sight of Jamie, he sighed and pressed his fingers into his sinuses. "Squirt. What are you doing here?"

"Playing pool." Jamie said, in glaringly obvious tones.

Logan snorted. "Do you even know HOW to play nine-ball?" Jamie was silent at this. 

"Can't be _that_ hard, right?" Jamie picked up a pool cue, almost poking one of Amara's eyes out. Magma gave a yowl and backed into Logan. Sighing, Logan pointed Jamie to the table. 

Jamie wasn't playing Ray straight off. They had been divided into a tournament, winners of the group playing the other winners. Jamie was to play Kurt first. The fuzzy German had entered late as well, but gave Jamie winning smiles whenever the boy looked up at him. After a moment's thought, Jamie decided he was playing in the X-games because Rogue kicked him out of her room. All that 'mothering' probably had gotten to her.

"Hey, Jamie! I thought you were in the bike race!" Bobby twirled a cue with expertise. Ray glared at him, barely ducking in time. A nearby wall got a bright blue chalk streak on it.

"I am!"

************************************************

                "Jamie? …err… Jamies. You are ALL biking?" Hank blinked down at the boy, holding the clipboard in his massive blue hand.

"No, just me!" One of the multiples leapt up. The others fell back into 'cheering squad' position. By all means, Jamie wasn't a bad biker. In fact, he could peddle like a bat out of Hades. But being the youngest mutant (and one of the better computer programmers), they had expected him to take on the events that weren't so physical.

One of the multiples handed the biking multiple a helmet. It was almost unnecessary, since when a duplicate got hit hard, it usually faded out. But it was better to play by the rules. Besides, everyone thought _this_ was the real Jamie … so… let's call him Copy-Jamie. Copy-Jamie gave the multiples two thumbs up and climbed on the bike. At the start line were Evan, Sam, Scott, and Rahne. There was a large crowd watching this event, as opposed to the billiards game.

"Ok. Rules. No knocking other riders off their bikes. But any abilities to speed up your ride are acceptable. Bikers ready?" Hank shouted, his voice projecting very well over the open flat of the yard. There was a cheer from the crowd and the racers. "On your marks, get set. GO!" And the race began.

Copy-Jamie took off. He and Rahne were the lightest, and they got the fastest start. Sam had put too much force in the start, causing wheels to spin uselessly for a bit. The riders quickly fell into the course. The race wouldn't be long, not more than a few minutes. But it was obvious that Copy and Rahne were out of their league after one cycle of the track. They didn't have the same muscle mass that Scott or Evan did. But Sam….

"WOOO! CANNONBALL!" The crowd cheered. Sam had used his mutation and caused himself and the bike to rocket past the finish line. All he had to do was cling to the bike as he shot they through the air. No one could catch up, and no one else's mutation would come in useful. For all his trying, Copy-Jamie came in second to last, just ahead of Rahne by a few feet.

"Bummer. Well, lets go see how Jamie is doing." Copy-Jamie said to the Jamie cheering section. The duplicates nodded and a few vanished away, bringing with them the knowledge of the outcome of the race.

************************************************

                The pool tournament was going along as well. Jamie and Kurt had gone second in the trials. During the first game had Kurt explained what Ray and Roberto were doing as they sunk their shots. Jamie quickly learned that whoever broke and sunk a ball, took either the stripes or solid color balls. After that, Jamie saw it was simply a matter of geometry. Yeah… this kid is a dork.

As Logan racked up the balls for Jamie's turn, Kurt gave him a thumbs up and one last pointer. "Don't hold zee cue like a spear. It's supposed to be able to move." Jamie wrinkled his brow and loosened his hold on the stick with a sheepish grin. Wolverine flipped a coin, and declared Jamie the first to break. And the game began with Jamie immediately sinking a solid 5 ball. 

Kurt could only stare with open-mouthed shock as Jamie sunk ball after ball, sometimes two in one hit! "I didn't know he had it in him!" He blinked, watching as Jamie banked the white ball off the side, and caused it to jump a striped ball. Sadly, his fancy move missed the ball he was aiming for badly and then scratched. It was Kurt's turn, but the blue mutant didn't do very well at all. He sunk only one shot. The eight-ball.

"Ah, well. Pool isn't really mein game." Kurt shrugged. "But, if you watch Ray, he always puts a backspin on ze ball. Try it." Kurt winked, then set his cue down and left with a 'bamf'.

Logan waved his hand to clear out the smell of brimstone. "The Elf took one for the team, apparently."

"Huh?"

"He's a pool shark. Probably could have given Ray a good run for his money. Not saying Fuzzy could have beaten him… but he should have been able to miss the eight-ball." Logan began to set up the next game. Jamie sat in his chair and wondered if Kurt threw the game just to teach him. It did sound like the Elf's tactics. But why did he help him?

Jamie didn't have to wait long. The next couple of games were quick as Ray cleaned Bobby out of the game. Jamie was going up against Ray. "Hi, Ray!" Jamie held his cue, almost larger than him, and rested the blunt end against the ground.

"What are you doing here, Squirt?"

"I'm takin' you down for Rogue!" At Jamie's statement, Logan's eyebrow rose. No one saw the coin toss results, but Logan declared Jamie had won and gave Jamie a half-smirk when no one else was looking. Jamie then began. First he sunk two striped balls on the break, causing everyone to stare at the newly discovered pool shark with amazement. Then he bounced the eight-ball over his striped ball and wedged it in the corner, making it impossible for Ray to sink an easy shot. 

Growling, Ray was forced to sink one of Jamie's stripes in order to make any kind of shot at all. Jamie's next turn didn't go out too well and the boy scratched when he accidentally jerked the tip of the cue into the felt tabletop. And that was all Ray needed to clear out the rest of his balls in rapid succession.

"Eight-ball, side pocket." Ray mumbled, his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth as he made the shot. The ball fell neatly into the hole. Jamie's face fell as he saw Ray's victory. 

Beserker ruffled Jamie's hair, tossing his cue back to the rack. "Where did you learn to shoot like that, Pool Shark?"

"Kurt. Two minutes before the game." Jamie sighed. Ray looked up at Logan in disbelief. The Canadian chuckled and made a mark on the clipboard. Jamie was pat on the back by quite a few stunned spectators, which knocked two multiples out. Multiple Man and his copies made their way into the hall to the schedule board. On the way, they ran into (literally) the rest of Jamie's copies. The older copies melted away back into Jamie as the boy looked over the events.

The next events were swimming, Nintendo Olympics, and darts. Once again, the Jamies' exchanged a mischievous look. Sending one Jamie to each event, they began the procedure over.

*************************************

                "Did we win the Nintendo thing?" The Jamie writing asked the original.

"No. Came in third. Fell victim to Bobby's superior gaming skills…. And Kurt's."

"A dude with three fingers beat us?"

Rubbing his head, Jamie leaned back into the pillows.  "Yeah. *sniff sniff*. You wouldn't believe the button mashing that guy can do." Jamie reached for the Kleenex. Jamie's copy was how holding Max, running his fingers over the toy's soft fur.

"Well, we royally stunk it up at darts." The multiple sighed, writing in the margin of the journal.

"Stop that. I hate it when you guys do that before the entry is done." Jamie sat up, snatching the pencil from his copy. The multiple dove forward and grabbed the pencil back, pinning the sick Jamie back to the bed.

Unable to get off the bed again, Jamie crossed his arms over Max and glowered. "We didn't win swimming either. Sam got first in that one too."

Jamie broke into another fit of coughs. The duplicate quickly pulled Jamie to a sitting position and began patting him on the back. Multiple's face was becoming flushed. "Just… finish writing before Rogue gets back." He wheezed. The duplicate nodded, pressing the pencil into the paper and casting worried glances at Jamie.

****************************************

                So far, Jamie had gone through biking, billiards, darts, video games, and swimming. The next events he did were running, climbing, skateboarding, hurdles, shotput, and a timed gauntlet. Rahne took first in running, morphing into her agile wolf form. Kurt got first place in climbing and didn't use his feet. Evan, as if it were a question, got first in skateboarding. Phasing through the hurdles, Kitty took first, but it was kind of cheating. Telekinetic abilities scored Jean first in the shotput. Scott made it through the gauntlet course the fastest, blasting anything that threatened to slow him down.

Jamie had even tried things like weight lifting (even if he knew he didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of winning) and freestyle fighting and everything in-between. As a shock, Jamie had done rather well in freestyle fighting, coping a small army of himself and overwhelming many of the other competitors. But he had been knocked down and trapped by Bobby's ice wall in the middle of the tournament.

The list of events got shorter and shorter as the day wore on. Amara had scored a win. Bobby had at least four. Rahne had two, while Roberto had four for his name as well. Ray wasn't interested in many wins, and he kept his billiards triumph as he resigned to spectator level. Everyone else had won at least once. Except for Jamie. And now, with only one event left, Jamie was now more determined than ever to win. The last event was a team-style scavenger hunt.

"Alright, runts! Listen up!" Logan shouted over the murmuring, getting the student's attention. Ororo winced at the volume, but smiled graciously anyway.

Ororo cleared her throat and glanced down at her clipboard. "This is your basic scavenger hunt. Find the items on the list and return here first. All powers are allowed for this. You can steal from others, but it won't do you much good. Every list is different." Logan had his arms folded as Ororo handed out the lists. "You may pick your own teams."

To everyone's surprise, Jamie punched himself in the arm and dumped out at least a dozen copies. "I got my team!" The X-men had grown so used to Jamie tagging along, that by now they thought he was ill.

"Jamie-man? You feelin' ok?" Evan looked over the copies, and then patted the original on the back. Jamie nodded. "You sure? You can join us." Roberto, Evan, and Juliblee were a team.

"We're good." One of the multiples answered. "Besides, Logan didn't say how many I could have on my team." Clapping his hands again, Jamie dumped out a few more multiples. At this point, most of the mutants were really wishing they had grabbed him first.

Kurt, mostly late (with Kurt, you weren't late until everyone else was gone), came into the room wearing a pair of headphones and humming. Logan glared at the late-coming elf and began to pass out the lists. "Everything on here must be found. And please, no raiding rooms and takin' things that aren't yers without permission." This last part was glared at the Jamies'. The boy always would have the blame of taking Jubilee's diary hanging over his head. "Ok, are there any ques~" Logan tried to ask, but something cut him off.

It sounded like someone was skinning a cat. "All zee little chicks vith zhe crimson lips, singin', Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Livin' in zin vith a safety pin!" Kurt was now singing to the music. A little dance followed.  It is true, you can't hear how incredibly bad you are singing when you wear headphones. Jamie giggled. Jean began to rub her head, as if it could ward off the incoming headache.  Scott looked mortified.

"Elf, if you don't turn off those damn headphones, I'm going to tie them in a knot with yer tail." Logan growled, but kept a straight, unthreatening face. Since Kurt couldn't hear him, and there was no 'physical' change (like a glare or a raised fist), he kept singing.

"Ha ha! Logan's gonna kick Kurt's a~" Copy #2 laughed, but was cut off by the original Jamie diving to cover his mouth.

Amara and Kitty sighed.  Then both of them grabbed one of Kurt's ears and tugged. The blue, fuzzy boy yowled. With order once again restored, Ororo gave the signal and they all set out.

First item: Toothpaste, a non-mint flavor. Jamie sent a copy up to the bathroom that he shared with some of the new recruits. He knew there was a disgusting, almost orange-flavored tube of toothpaste in there, but he didn't know who it belonged to.  It had been there for months.

Second item: Red shoelaces. This belonged to Kitty. A pair of Kitty's shoes had bright red laces. One of the Multiples set off to borrow her laces while another ran off to ask her for permission.

Third Item: A book by Robert Frost. Jamie scattered two multiples out for this one. The library was a big place, but with two duplicates working in tandem, he could get it done faster.

Fourth Item: A four-leaf clover.  For this one, Jamie sent a small hoard of multiples into the unmowed part of the yard.  With at least a dozen multiples combing through the grass, there had to be at least ONE four-leaf clover hidden out there.

Fifth Item: Spam. 

"Spam?"

"Eeeww!"

"I don't like Spam!"

"Is a half-eaten can ok?" This got the Jamie who asked it some very strange looks and several responses of 'gross!' and one 'who?' from a Jamie who wasn't paying attention. "What?! I didn't eat it! I saw Kurt throw it away." The Jamie who had asked was now sent to retrieve the can of spam from the garbage.

The list went on for about twenty items. The Jamie team scattered about, rushing to complete the list. There were only two items left now. One: plastic fruit and Two: a stuffed animal. Jamie couldn't produce any more multiples.  He could feel his limits taxed, and control over any others would be impossible.  Jamie himself ran off to the professor's study. This was the ONLY place he knew to find wax fruit. The scavenger hunt had been going on for about two minutes now.

Jamie skidded to a halt outside the professor's door. Xavier had been out and watching the events earlier with an expression akin to fatherly pride, but had since retired to his study. Usually the students were called here if they were in trouble.  Jamie had seen this room _often_.  But not as often as Bobby.  Jamie hesitated before knocking lightly on the door. 

"Come in, Jamie." Charles muffled voice came from behind the heavy door. No matter how many times he did it, Jamie was always slightly bewildered how the man knew who it was. Jamie popped into the room, looking around at the ornate decorations. "Well, how can I help you then?"

For a man who was telepathic, you'd think he'd know. "Um, sir? Can I borrow a wax fruit? I need it for the… uh.. .the… oh. Shoot." Jamie had forgotten the word.

"Scavenger hunt?" Prompted Xavier.

"Yeah!" The boy brightened, and then pointed at the bowl of fake fruit sitting on a rather old, and probably priceless table. Charles nodded and allowed him to pick a fake fruit. Jamie selected a wax banana, grinning happily. Only one more item to go.

"Jamie." The professor's voice stopped the boy short of the door. "Have you been participating in _all_ of the X-games?" Jamie hesitated again, and then nodded sheepishly. "Aren't you tired?" Jamie shook his head. "Why are you competing in all these events? Some of them were far beyond your level of training."

Jamie fiddled with the banana, fidgeting. "Cause… I wanted to win one for Rogue." One of the professor's eyebrows rose, and he steepled his fingers against his chin.

"I see. Well, you may wish to go quickly. The rest of your…. 'team'… is waiting for you… and the last item on your list." Professor Xavier gestured to the list, and Jamie looked down. He still had one item left. "And I believe Kurt and Kitty's team is almost done too."

Jamie made a strangled noise of shock and then ran nell-pell from the room. He tripped over the carpet and dumped out several copies of himself. The copies helped him to his feet before fading away. Strange… Jamie didn't think he had called them back… but right now his head was spinning.  Jamie continued to run to the meeting point with the wax banana, planning on telling his multiples to run up the stairs and retrieve a stuffed animal from his room.

When Jamie got to the den, however, he was entirely winded. None of his copies were in sight either, though a carefully collected pile of stuff waited for him. All the items were here, except the toy, but none of his copies were out. Had they faded away too? Jamie's knees buckled for a moment, but he didn't fall. Dropping the banana in the pile, Jamie turned to run upstairs for the final object. That is, until he ran into a flannel wall.

Jamie lost his balance and fell over, his head throbbing. Standing in front of him was Rogue. She was still in her pajamas, but now with a large flannel that could only be Logan's shirt wrapped about her shoulders. Jamie jumped to his feet, swaying for a bit.

"Rogue! I … I need to get something… from my room." Everything was spinning. "I need a toy. Almost done." He coughed. His chest felt all… thick.

"Jamie. Ah think yer sick too." Rogue leaned down, looking him in the face. Jamie was flushed and sweat was beading on his forehead. "Squirt, Ah think the game is over."

"Noo! I… I have to win one. For you." Jamie coughed again, leaning into Rogue as he feet faltered.

Someone pat him roughly on the back. For some reason, though, a multiple didn't appear. "You already did, kid." Logan rumbled, pointing at Rogue. In her hand was Max, the fluffy dog toy. "Jamie wins the team-scavenger hunt, on his own."

"Ya said ta give it back when Ah'm better. Well, Ah'm better, but it looks lahke yer sick now." Rogue tossed Jamie the toy. "Thanks for winnin' fer meh." Jamie smiled, and then everything grew dark.

**************************************************

                Jamie's copy stopped writing as the leading Jamie blew his nose. "Almost done. Should I finish it up?"

"No. Pass it here." Jamie reached out his hand, passing a used kleenex to his copy. The copy made a face and tossed it in the trash.

Jamie's pencil slowly scratched out the last few lines. Rogue had been watching out for him after she accidentally passed her fever and flu onto him. No one blamed Rogue for getting Jamie sick, but her big sister instinct kicked in when she saw Jamie hunched over and coughing. The X-games ended while Jamie was sleeping through the beginning of the flu.

"Someone is coming!" Jamie's copy said, snatching the journal from the original's hands and stuffing it under the mattress. The multiple then disappeared. 

Rogue and Hank entered the room, each carrying something. Hank was holding a thermometer and a hot water bottle. "Alright. Let's see how you're feeling." Hank slid the thermometer under Jamie's tongue while he fluffed the bed spread. Rogue was holding something smaller and she took a seat beside him.

"MMmff?" Jamie croaked, trying to keep his mouth pressed shut.  He eyed the things in Rogue's hands and pointed.

Rather than wait for the thermometer to finish its work, Rogue began to talk.  "This stuff? Well, after all the games and everythin' was done, the profess'r called us all in for an endin' ceremony. He gave out some more awards.  Sorry Ah didn't give 'em to ya sooner.  But ya were so cute sleepin', we couldn't wake ya." A smile twitched on Rogue's dark painted lips.  Jamie rolled his eyes in response.  She then lifted a medallion out of her hands. "This one is for 'Best New Player' for yer pool game." She handed it to Jamie.

"Nrrrh?" Jamie's eyes widened. A medal?

"And this 'uns fer 'Most Improved Time', in the bike race." Another medal. "And this… this one is jus' weird. It's 'Loudest Game of Darts Ever'. … Apparently you and Sam were singin' bad country songs as ya lost?" Jamie blushed.  Sam, in utter disgust at his losing, began to sing country songs with a thick, southern twang.  Jamie had joined in when he noticed Roberto's hand twitched whenever they hit a twang. "They said ya were the loudest, though." Hank was trying to smother a smile at that one.

Another medal was drawn up. This one was pretty large. "The Professor said this was the one ya deserved the most, though. 'Most Determined Player'. He said somethin' about ya had entered EVERY event, tryin' ta win." Rogue was smiling.

Jamie opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly scolded by Mr. McCoy and pressed his lips into a thin line over the thermometer. "One last thang. 'Most Selfless Win'. … this one didn't come with an award."  Rogue set all the medallions on the bed.  The thermometer finally beeped and Hank pulled it out to examine it.

"What did I get for that one?" Jamie's voice rasped out.

"This." Rogue swept the boy into a hug. "Thanks Squirt." She ruffled Jamie's sweat-dampened hair with her gloved hands.

Hank cleared his throat. "Well. Jamie's temperature is still high. In the hundreds still. So you are going to have to take these." Several small pills were presented and Jamie swallowed them with difficulty. "Now, champ, you should get some sleep. I hear Ray has challenged you to a game of billiards when you get better. Wouldn't want him to wait too long, eh?" With one last ruffle of his hair, the two visitors left Jamie for a nap.

Reaching under his bed, Jamie pulled out the journal and blinked blearily at is at the medicine kicked in. Writing quickly, Jamie finished up the last sentences. 

                _'Well… I thought I only won one award, but I ended up getting six. Six! That's more than Scott or Bobby got! Well, technically I only got five. I gave my scavenger hunt win to Rogue. And I got her to smile. Maybe I should get sick more often…_

_                                                                                The Private Journal of Jamie Madrox'_

As Jamie fell asleep, the soft puppy toy known as Max tumbled down from its perch on the pillows and fell against Jamie's cheek. Jamie had sweet dreams all night.


	5. Madrox of the Mosquitoes

Another chapter of Jamie!  I apologize for the delay.  I now have a full time job on top of my part time one.  So most days, I work 10-7, and THEN I go to my other job and work weekends too.  There is no mercy, just like there is no Tooth Fairy (I'm sorry… there isn't).  Now I need multiples of myself to help me with work!  WHY couldn't I have Jamie's powers?!  The next chapter is an 'interlude' and if you've read my other fic 'Touch Tones', you'd know Interlude = insanity.  Err… more so than usual.  

Girl Number 1 has another idea?  Giving Jamie 'the talk'?  … That would scar the cute little guy for life.  How about I compromise, daa?  I'll worry him for a week….

Leevee of Team Socket: … I have no clue why… but your name makes me want to burst into dance……

Please Stretch~!  Don't throttle the monkey!  Kit-monkey has got at least two more chapters planned!  … And fan art!  ::hides::

Pantherdragon: Once again, I applaud your skills at being my beta.  There is no better and  … DRINK YER MILK, OR I BREAK YER HIP!  As simple as that.

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

**7/30/03 (Struck by the Revision bug!)**

********************************************************************* 

                Jamie was now in possession of a very waterlogged journal. One of his multiples was passing paper towels while another had retrieved Kitty's blow drier. The boy in question was trying to blot the pages without creating wrinkles. Sad to say, Jamie was failing.

"No! It's not working!" Jamie cried out. The blow drier caused all the pages to warp into ripples.

One of his multiples returned with a large plank of wood. "Here! Put the book under here. And then we'll all jump on this, and the water will come leaking out!" The multiple took the book from Jamie and put it on the floor. 

"Hey, that's a good idea." Jamie clapped his hands a few more times, pulling out a baker's dozen of duplicates. Thirteen Jamies' then jumped onto the board, exerting some 1100 pounds of force downwards. Or 10791 neutons of Jamie (HA! PHYSICS!).

"I'm going to push Bobby into a volcano one of these days." A Jamie sighed. "Hey! Who's touching me?!"

Another Jamie wiggled in discomfort. "This board is too small for all of us. I'm going to fall off."

"No! Not until all the water is out." So they stood there for a bit in awkward Jamie-silence.

One of the multiples sighed. "Do we at least know how we are going to write about this?" The original Jamie nodded, nearly upsetting another duplicate off the plank. They began to retell their weekend as one large group… in tandem.  

*****************************************************

                "We're goin' on a triiii~p! We're goin' on a triiii~p!" This song, rather toneless, was being sung over and over by a squeaky voice. Jamie was swinging a large duffel bag as he stood by the door. Rahne was standing beside him, staring down at him in confusion. Up the hall, Roberto and Sam were trying to find their swimming trunks with the maximum amount of noise.

"Where are my trunks?!"

"I didn't take it!"

"I know you didn't take it, Jubes! I just need to find them!"

"HEY! These are pink! Mine were white! … Oh mah gawd! What happened ta my trunks!!" Sam had now just discovered why most X-men don't let Kitty do laundry.  Do laundry, cook, drive cars…. Etc, etc.

Kurt entered the room, carrying Amara's bag. It was, by far, the most monstrous bag Jamie had ever seen. It looked like it was trying to eat the furry teleporter. "You can set it right here. Thank you." Amara said in clipped tones. Obviously she had somehow guilted Kurt into lugging the bag for her, probably with her princess attitude. Kurt's eyes were about bugging from his head as he dropped the bag with a sigh. 

"Vat did you pack? Bricks?" Kurt rolled his arm, rubbing his sore shoulder.

"No. Just the things I need if I'm to make due in the wild." Amara seemed perfectly justified in bringing so much. But then again, she wasn't the only one.

"Jubilee! What did YOU pack? The bathroom?" Ray was laughing quietly. 

Jubilation had packed a few… aww hell… A DOZEN rolls of toilet paper. They were hanging out of her bag. It also looked like she had raided the fridge. Her bag --while not as large as Amara's-- looked as if it was going to explode. The overstuffed bag was dropped beside Amara's. Kurt was laughing out loud as well, but earning some very steamed glares from the two girls.

"What? What's so funny? Did I miss something?" Kitty and Rogue entered the room. Jamie waved. They both smiled back. "Jamie! You ready for your trip?"

Jamie nodded, dropping his bag and throwing himself at Rogue for a goodbye hug. "I'll miss you guys!" He proclaimed, earning an 'awww' from Kitty. The gothic mutant squeezed him for a moment before dropping him back to his feet. Kitty leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Bobby and Sam were in shock. When the girls turn their backs to him, he smirked at the two boys.  HA!

Kurt fluffed in indignation for a moment. "Hey, vhy does _he_ get a kiss?!"

"Because, he's actually leaving. You're just going outside to help them load the van!" Kitty rolled her eyes. Jamie gloated another second before picking up his bag (and Rahne's, which earned another 'awww' and some hair ruffling) and running them to the van. Logan was stuffing everything in to the van as what was known male version of packing: the dreaded 'jumble o' stuff' method. As Logan tossed the bags into the van, Storm pulled them back out, and then carefully fit them in the back neatly.  The X-van was to seat all the new recruits for their camping trip. After seeing the size of Amara and Jubilee's bags, Hank had managed to get a car topper for the van.

Leaning over the blue, furry mutant, Logan began to read the instructions for the luggage carrier over his shoulder. "Attach nut to socket B? What the hell is socket B?" Logan glared at the plastic box. Hank sighed and returned to carefully screwing it together.

Ten minutes later, the van was packed, the luggage carrier was secured to the roof and stuffed full, and all the kids were lined up. Logan was pacing in front of them, barking orders. "Ok! This is a learning retreat, as Chuck says. You're going into the woods to learn… Ah dunno… stuff about yourselves." Listening in, Storm shook her head and returned inside the mansion. "So lets go, before anyone remembers they forgot anything."   The students exchanged a confused look, then shrugged.

Jamie got jostled in the rush for the car and they ended up running out of seats. Four Jamies' were sitting on the floor, waiting to either be reabsorbed or to help out. "WAIT! I forgot something!" Jubilee cried out. Logan snarled and let her run back inside.  Minutes passed.  People got jittery.  Logan began to grit his teeth.  

"Dude, did I pack underwear?" Bobby wondered out loud.  Logan looked like he wanted to flee the van and hide in the trees.

Jubilee returned, and Amara then began wondering if she had everything. Logan didn't wait for her to remember. He jammed his foot into the gas pedal and the van roared out of the Institute. It would be a thirty-minute drive to reach the woods, and then probably another ten minutes over the terrain before they reached the campsite.

Sam remembered he had to go to the bathroom.

"Go Logan, Go Logan! Go, Go Logan!  GO!" The Jamie cheering squad chanted. The car actually sped up, probably not due to the cheering, but more like the fact that the five Jamies were quickly driving him crazy.  Wow, Bobby didn't know the X-van could go that fast.  He logged this knowledge away for future reference.  

********************************************

                "It's not dry yet!" One Jamie had jumped off the board and was looking at the pressed journal underneath. "I don't think it's working."

The crowd of Jamies was reabsorbed and the original lifted the plank. The book was no longer warped, but now the pages looked as if they were sticking and melding together. In another attempt to rescue it, Jamie began to press paper towels between each page.

"Maybe Roberto can help dry it off." Jamie conceded, looking at the near-ruined diary.

"Yeaaah, but then we'd have to tell him we have a 'diary', like Jubilee, and she got teased about it a lot." The copy placed the board back over the book, "One last try. THEN we can ask Roberto."

Jamie nodded and summoned his baker's dozen of multiples back. "Ok, can anyone remember what happened next? We got the woods... Logan drove through a small tree,..."

*******************************************

                The new recruits were all huddled on the forest floor, staring at Logan with wide, frightened eyes. The man had gone through a group of shrubs, nearly hit a couple of deer (which made Jubilee cry), ran over the world's smallest mountain and almost drown everyone going through a creek. The X-van was covered in mud, leaves, and … chipmunks.

"I think they are scarred for life." Bobby pointed to one of the clinging creatures. The hoard of chipmunks squeaked in terror, and then fled.  Rahne had to repress her natural instinct to visit every tree in the woods.  That would have been both embarrassing AND exhausting.  Instead, she settled for chasing the fleeing rodents, barking with glee.

Storming out of the car, Logan loomed in front of the new mutants. "Alright. Your job is to set up camp and get everything ready without help. Do your... bond-y thing." He rumbled. Then Wolverine turned and stomped into the woods. The wild man needed some well-deserved 'alone' time.  Teenagers tended to do that to you.  They gray your hair, eat your food, take your cars, and strain your mental sanity.  Yep, Teenagers are almost army-weapon caliber.  

Jamie looked down at his pile of survival gear. He had a few bars of dehydrated food, a flashlight, spare clothes, a stuffed animal, his journal (hidden in the bottom of his bag), bug spray, and one small pup tent. Everyone else had their own pup tents too, except for Jubilee and Amara, who were sharing a double; in Rahne's case it wasn't a 'pup' tent as much as it was a 'Wolf' tent. Leafing through the instructions, the mutants realized just how much like rocket science this was going to be.

"Why didn't we bring Forge? He'd already have the tents up, and have built us a toilet." Jubilee moaned, she had the tent canvas tangled around her.

Little Madrox wasn't having any easier time. He tried bracing pole A against his knee while putting pole C into it. The whole thing fell over in a noisy 'clang'. The whole mess fell against his leg, knocking out two other Jamie's who clutched their shin in pain. And idea struck. Each Jamie took a piece, and then they _forced_ them together. Piece D is supposed to bend at socket 1? Feh! Who cares! MASH 'EM TOGETHER! WHOAOHAHAHAAA!

Ray was giving Jamie funny looks. "What? I … It's a tent!" Jamie pointed to the mangled pile of iron and canvas. Yeah… it stood, and it looked water-proof and wind-impervious, but it also looked like a tiny Logan attacked the poles. Two of his multiples were currently inside the tent, trying to figure how to get out.

"Where is the zipper?!"

"Why is it on the outside?"

"OW! Mosquitoes! Mosquitoes are in the tent!" Then the tent began to do what looked like a modern version of the Electric Slide as Jamie's dupes tried to escape. Still it was better than Bobby's tent.

"Bobby? Why is your tent in the lake?"

***********************************************

                "Ah'm hungry." Sam sighed. He looked at the lake. Jamie was fishing. But nothing was biting. Except perhaps the killer mosquito swarm. Rahne had taken to her wolf form and was lounging in the sun beside him. Bobby had failed to fish his tent out of the lake and was trying to convince Roberto to share with him.  Giving up on convincing Roberto, Bobby decided to go swimming and left for the sandy part of the lake just down the walking path.

"I can't catch anything." Jamie sighed.  "No bites at all."

"Then yer doing it wrong." Sam crouched down at the edge of the lake, looking into the water. "Ah can see some catfish out there… those should be easy to get."

"But they _aren't _biting!" Jamie said again.

Sam smirked. "Who said anythin' about bitin'?" Cannonball launched himself into the lake, dousing Jamie and Rahne in a tidal wave. The southern mutant flailed about a bit before slogging to shore. A giant catfish was flopping about in his arms. "THIS is how mutants' fish!" Rahne shook the water off, growling.

"That is so uncivilized! Not even my peasants fish like that!" Amara scoffed.  Sam ignored her, dumping the fish ashore.

There was a loud 'ker-splash' and some first rate swearing down the lake.  Something floated into view from around the rocky bend of the shoreline.  "Bobby?  Why are yee swim trunks in the lake?"  Rahne whimpered, afraid to look over at Bobby.  "Without yee?"  Rahne quickly transformed herself into wolf form and placed her paws over her eyes.

Jubilee said nothing the whole time, but dug into her bag of jellybeans. Rahne moved over to the Asian girl and began giving her the most effective puppy-dog eyes she could muster. It was a success, and they split the candy into two piles. Across the campsite, Jamie was squirming uncomfortably as Roberto and Sam gutted the fish. The young boy seemed to be getting rather nauseous. 

Ray looked over the other new recruits, sighing. He was elected the unofficial leader, because even if Bobby didn't always listen to him, he flat out refused to listen to Bobby. "Hey. We're in the woods. There aren't any adults around. We have no way to leave yet. So we can either get eaten by bugs here until Logan comes back, or see if we can go and find him first."  The odds that they were actually going to find Logan though were about the same of them finding out Magneto's middle name.  The small, hairy, and usually angry Canadian was harder to find than Bobby's homework.

"Like a hike?" Jamie was looking up at Ray.

"… close enough." He shrugged. "Personally, I'm doing this because I want to sneak up on the girls and dump a fish into their tent." He whispered to the brunette boy. Jamie giggled, covering his mouth with his hands. Sam and Roberto, deciding fish guts were actually incredibly disgusting, volunteered to go with.  Bobby managed to find some pants, gave up on his swim trunks, and quickly followed the group.  Rahne went with them as well, only because the contents of Jubilee's bag would put her into pancreatic shock if she stayed. So, as it was, only Amara and Jubilation were left at the campsite, and Ray was carrying the fish guts in a plastic bag.

Rahne lead the way in lupine form, sniffing the ground slightly. Ray was just behind her, the bag dangling from his thumb and forefinger in disgust. Bobby was shooting a spray of frost at Roberto and the Brazilian boy retaliated by igniting in a blaze of golden sunlight. Sam was still wet and tried to walk briskly. This left Jamie at the back of the group. And Multiple was quickly lost in thought.

The professor would never send them on a trip unless it had a purpose. A 'learning' trip had an obvious purpose, it was so certain members would gain control of their powers or so they would act more like a team. It made sense to put them in the woods. In the forest, Jamie could run into every single tree, drawing out his multiples, and no one would notice. Rahne could shift happily from wolf to human and no one would bat an eye. They were free to use their abilities, but what were they supposed to be learning?

A sudden sound hit Jamie's ears. Or perhaps it was the sudden _lack_ of sound. "Guys? Hey, where are you?" Jamie looked around. He had been so far behind the group, and so deep in thought, he hadn't noticed when he lost the others. "GUYS!?" There was no response. Panic set in.  The group had been traveling along the weathered paths that branched off the main trail.  Jamie had no way of searching the well-worn trail for the tracks of his teammates. He didn't even know HOW to search for tracks.

In his panic, Jamie slipped on some damp leaves and fell over. One multiple popped out, but rolled down the ravine sides. Jamie slid down the steep bank into a muddy gorge. "Ok, calm down. All I have to do is set up camp and wait for Logan to find me. Logan can find me. I'll just light a really big fire." Jamie quickly jumped up. He didn't want to be alone for long out here. Clapping his hands, he quickly pulled out some multiples. The duplicates looked towards the original expectantly.

Jamie took the role of leader rather reluctantly. "Well…. A fire first." Jamie inhaled, running a hand through his brown hair. "Then we should get a shelter ready…. or… something." He led off, indecisively.  Behold! The great leader that is Jamie Arthur Madrox!

                                                One Hour later.

                Jamie had stripped down to his skivvies, painted black and red marks all over his body and the bodies of six dupes, and they were dancing around a raging inferno. "Kill the pig! Kill the piggy!" He chanted in stereo. They were mashing around in mud in the ravine still, and the fire was located on a rock platform in the mucky gorge. They had taken one step forward in lighting a fire, but about a dozen back in their maddened state. They boys were acting like the US stock exchange… only with less clothes…

The firewood had been easy to find, but the lighting of fire was a bit harder. Jamie was forced to destroy his watch in order to use the glass face to light the kindling. Once it got started, the Jamies' quickly lost all focus and threw mounts of wood into the fire pit. Little Jamie Madrox now seemed to be a boarder-line schizophrenic (well… not really, but with all those multiples, it worked out nicely), and a part-time pyro.

"THE EXHAULTED ONE SPEAKS!" Jamie shouted, lording over his multiples.

The original Jamie was not only wearing mud and berry juice decorating his limbs, but had found feathers of several birds and had stuck them in his wild brown hair. His shirt had been torn to form a ragged cloak. He held his hands up for silence, and of course, his multiples obeyed. Well… except for one, who kept dancing like a savage.

Jamie lifted a spiral-shaped pod that had fallen from a tree, letting the seeds rattle. "WE, The MADROX, require food! What provisions have we?" When Jamie said 'the Madrox', he raised his arms in victory, and then made bunny ears on his own head…. It was strange.

One copy jumped up and began going through a pile of stuff. It was the assembled Jamies' collection of unworn clothes, pocket change, and the few edible things they had found. "We have a pile of berries, two mushrooms (probably poisonous), a stick of gum, and Jubilee's bag of jellybeans." At the mention of Jubilee's name, several of the multiples waved their arm in the 'whatever' position.  "The gum is Juicy Fruit."  All the multiples then made disgusted faces.

"Then it is decided!" Jamie crossed his arms. "We save the jellybeans of Jubilee…" More wild hand motions followed, "…and eat berries! The Madrox--," The strange victory-bunny pose was struck again at the mention of 'Madrox', "--must save our resourc--HEY! What are you doing?!" One of the Jamie's decided he was hungry _now_ and was eating the jellybeans. A fight then broke out for the candy. A single duplicate was still dancing like a savage around the squalling mass of Jamies.

Lifting his hand up for silence, Jamie summoned a few more multiples simply by stamping his foot. Two dupes were produced, and they had the exact same plan as him (unlike the rest of the multiples who were still fighting). "CEASE AND DESIST!" Jamie roared. His two multiples, flanking his sides, glowered as menacingly as a cute little mutant can glower. Jamie's powers had grown. Before, his multiples were usually popped out from him slightly confused and free-spirited. Now his two copies were perfectly in sync with him. As one, the three Jamies' pulled apart the multiples, but he didn't have the trouble-making copies rejoin with him. He then launched into a lecture that would have made Scott squirm in discomfort.

It was a lecture that was shouted in full surround sound.

Finally, Jamie finished scolding the other Jamies. The sky was turning a deep red, tinting purple and blue in the east. Light was now solely reliant on the fire.

"Think Logan…" Upon saying this name, the Jamie's all made hand gestures for claws, "…will find us?"

"Only if Bobby," the original Jamie made the universal 'duh' signal, "didn't convince him that he threw us in the lake."

Silence reigned for a bit. A few of the multiples were reabsorbed, and a few more were created to keep the illusion of a large group. "So… what do the Madrox do now?" The entire group did the triumph-rabbit thing.  Awwww, isn't it cute?

"WE DANCE!" And dance they did. Dancing like little pyro-monkey-pogo-sticks, the Jamies' leapt around the fire pit. Some were yowling. Some were doing more inane gestures. One Jamie was picking his nose… but let us not concentrate on him. Let us concentrate on the large, bulky figure looming over the gully of the Jamies'.

"Squirt?" Logan was standing above the ravine, watching the group with shock and horror. The Jamies seemed to realize what they had been doing and had a mix of reactions. Some blushed. Some tried to pretend they had been being stung by bees and threw themselves in the mud.  A few tried blaming other multiples.  One confused Jamie had no clue Logan was there and returned to dancing like a savage. Jamie now suspected that this multiple just liked dancing. The original faked ill and fell to the ground with a phony stomachache from eating 'bad berries'.  Logan, however was not fooled.  He could smell sugar on the boy, even from that distance.  

Logan climbed down the embankment, looking at the rough campsite Jamie had erected in the ravine. "Ok kid, how many of Jubilee's jellybeans did you eat?" Jamie had the decency to look ashamed. "Well… are you ready to go back? The others have been combing the forest looking for you after their 'fish-thing' backfired. … Somethin' about puttin' the fish in their own tent by mistake."

Jamie reassembled into one, causing all the multiples to vanish. "So… The Madrox…err…I'm not in trouble?" Jamie had barely held back the reflex to wave his arms in signal on the Madrox.

Logan snorted. "No. But Squirt, the next time you go wanderin' 'round in the woods… fer God's sake, at least wear your pants." Jamie looked down, finding himself only in his underwear and paint. The boy turned shade that was a fair impression of Jean's hair.

*************************************************

                The journal was nearly dry! Jamie pulled out a dupe and hugged him. All it had taken was Kitty's blow drier, thirty minutes of standing on it, a trip in the microwave, a roll of paper towels, and followed by another thirty minutes of compression.

"You shouldn't write in it right away, though. In case the ink leaks." Jamie's multiple sat down next to him, looking at the journal.

"Yeah. Okay. You know, I still have that piece of paper all you multiples wrote your comments on while we were going over the story again. Do you want me to write them in the margins?" Jamie asked his multiple.

The shaggy-haired duplicate smiled and then hugged the original. "Awww! You like us so much! Even if you claim to hate those comments, you'd put them in for us."  The copy draped himself over Jamie, grinning happily.  "Me love I!"  He declared.  Geeze…Jamie had some screwed up pronoun usage…  The original wondered for a second if he was a narcissus.

Jamie tried to pry his multiple off, covering a smile. "Only because if I don't, you dorks play tic-tac-toe in the margins!" Thus began a tickle war. Jamie was trying to tickle Copy-Jamie, but mostly failing to tickle him and getting a rug burn on his forehead.

**************************************************

                Logan had left the group alone again, wandering back into the dark woods. Jamie was smothered with hugs from the girls when he returned. They claimed him to be their favorite boy out of all the boys, because he was the least disgusting. Jamie gloated as Rahne and Amara sat on either side of him, causing Bobby to growl from afar.  Jubilee pouted because she couldn't sit next to Jamie.  So in a compromise, Jamie pulled up a stump and sat just in front of Jubilee with the other girls on his sides, flanked by female mutants from every direction.  Bobby looked like he wanted to throw Jamie into the lake.

Dinner consisted of candy, freeze-dried ramen, and marshmallows. Most decided to forgo the ramen (boil water? How do you do that?!), and ate candy and marshmallows. Jubilee had started a fire with her 'pafs' and the blaze --while not as big as Jamie's raging inferno-- tended to give off small firework explosions every minute or so.  Amara used her fire mutation to keep several smaller blazes surrounded the campsite going, the fire acting as 'protection' from animals.  Roberto had found several sticks and they managed to spear marshmallows onto them. 

Then, deciding that they weren't cooking the marshmallows fast enough, Jamie and Roberto got an idea.  The youngest mutant was holding a stick with so many prongs, it would have made a deer jealous.  It took two multiples to hold the large stick, and Jamie propping the end up out of the fire.  Every prong held a marshmallow; nearly half of the bag was skewered on the stick. The marshmallows on the underside were turning black, the way Ray liked them. The ones on the top were barely toasting, which was how Rahne liked them. And in the middle ranged marshmallows from 'melted slag' to 'golden brown'. And then one of the 'pafs' from the fire got a little too close to the marshmallows…

"Fire fire! It's on fire!" One of the Jamies' screamed. Two multiples were holding the massive flaming stick of marshmallows. A duplicate suddenly --and inexplicably-- burst into dancing, like a savage…

Trying to blow out the inferno was like throwing toothpicks at a moose; it did nothing. So they tried to wave it out. That caused glowing embers to rain down upon them. Screaming in terror, the Jamie's chucked the sticks, marshmallows and all, into the lake.

*BLOOSH!* "Bobby! Bobby, come back here! They're just marshmallows!"

                It didn't take long for everyone to clean up. The candy wrappers and garbage were packed up tightly from scavengers. Ray proposed that they take turns standing guard, 'just in case'. Everyone agreed, mostly because it would be prime pranking time on the sleeping mutants. Sometime during the night, Logan returned. He looked much calmer, but all his clothes had scratches and rips in them. The students on watch (Bobby and Jamie) gave him a wide berth. 

"Well? Learn anything." Logan would be surprised if they did.

"Yeah… tents don't float." Bobby growled. Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Um… yeah. The girls like me!" Jamie grinned. Bobby frowned at the boy. "All the girls! I don't even have to do anything! They just like me!  I'm da man!"

Logan chuckled. "Ah, that's a nice trick. You might want to teach Popsicle though, before he explodes with green envy." Bobby retorted back with a weak, 'I'm not jealous', but pouted. With their watch drawing to an end, Bobby and Jamie began to retreat to their tent (Jamie had drawn the short straw and had to share with Iceman).

                "Bobby? Why is the car in the lake?" Logan suddenly growled. Bobby ran into the woods and hid.  Logan gave him a three second head start.

****************************************************************

                Jamie was dozing against his multiple. The multiple was holding a pen and scribbling fiercely in the dry journal. The notes in the margin began to span the spine of the book. The entire story was transcribed into the slightly warped book.  The multiple paused to read the last paragraph over.

                _'Actually, I lied. I did learn something on the trip that I didn't tell Logan. I learned that even if I'm the youngest, and everyone tells me what to do, they all look out for me. With my multiples, I would have been fine on my own, but no one wanted me to leave. I made silly mistakes, like staking my tent the wrong way, and no one got mad._

                _I also learned that Bobby is not to be trusted when my journal is hidden in the X-van… and the van is submerged under four feet of water. That dork._

                                                                                                                                _From the private journal of Jamie Madrox'_

Copy-Jamie smirked dangerously, his brown eyes glinting in the low light. "Oh, you'll get yours, Bobby. Yoooou'll get yooooours! WHOAHAHAHAAAHAAA!" Jamie's multiple cackled.

"Shaddup!"

"Sorry Jamie."


	6. The INTERLUDE: From the many perspective...

Think of this chapter as the 'insanity interlude'.  It's going to be telling two stories at once.  One is a X-men reenactment, and the other is the reading of a _slightly different journal.  I know this took forever to get out, but blame Cananda…err… I mean, my work.  I had this finished a few days ago, but work (and a hoard of marauders) kept me from posting this.  AH'M SORRY!  Ah'm sorry!  BUT, I digress.  I suddenly remembered Rahne should have an accent, *being Scottish, ya know*, and I am revising all chapters to date.  Thought they were missin' something.  Some I can fix… some not even Grammer-Forge could fix…_

And now, for some random comment'er's comments being commented on… *man, I love being repetitive*.

Akai Kah'ghe: In response to 'may the fics be with you'… I can only say… "AND ALSO WITH YOU!"

To faeryeyes… well, if it's more guests for da weddin' ya need…. We can always slug Jamie in the arm and dress all his multiples differently.  Jamie is his own crowd….

Turtleclarinet: Your dog stares at you while you laugh?  That's ok.  I have three ferrets 'poinging' around my feet and attempting to steal my shoes while I write this, a parrot upstairs claiming to be my little sister, a bulemic cat shedding on me, and somewhere in the other room there is an angry chinchilla making noises…. Don't make me list all my pets that think I'm weird.  I'm sure my piranha would call me weird if he weren't terrified of me.

And to Girl Number 1: FINE!  Due to your incessant whining, I shall write Gambit into this fic… but probably not as you planned.  ::laughs evilly, idly setting things on fire::

Myriis!  You went to Ireland?!  You didn't take me?!?  … did you at least bag a sheep or something?  Take someone's kilt?  … developed an accent?  And if your roomie tries to have you dragged away, suddenly develop an urge to sing 80's music atonally.  It worked for me!  My roommate moved out and left the entire room for myself!  HEHE!

Leevee of Team Socket: WHY!  Why must you threaten the Monkey?!  But beating me does no good.  I'm a fencer!  I get my jollies out of being hit with a piece of steel!  Runs in the family, yo.  (the fencing, not the masochism)

Panther -  As my beta, you are entitled to 20% of my milk… SO DRINK IT!!!!

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

**8/15/03  (Now in revis-o-vision)**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jamie sits in his chair, idly kicking his legs back and forth.  His journal is sitting on the edge of the table in front of him.  It's seen better days.  It's been stained with chocolate, bent at the corners, and there are watermarks that ripple the pages.  The mutant with the ability to make multiples of himself is waiting for someone.

"I'm HEEEERRE!"  The door bursts open and someone jumps into the room in a 'taa-daa' fashion.  You feel inspired to stuff money down her pants.  She has short-cropped hair with longer bangs that nearly touch her collarbone.  Streaks of red dye and bleach rip through her brown hair, leaving a very confusing mix.  She is short.  Jamie stands almost as tall as this stranger.  A fanged grin greets the world, making everyone she meets think that she's going to eat your brain when you aren't looking.  She's wearing an outfit that look like she must have fallen through the closet causing clothes to stick to her in a nell-pell fashion.

Oh, and she has a tail.  She's like a multi-colored monkey…

"Kit!  It's about time.  I thought you got lost."  Jamie grins, jumping up from his chair.

"I did."  Kit frowns, brushing invisible dust from her shirt.  "Took a wrong turn down the hall and ended up in Bobby's room.  THESE… are Bobby's pants!"  She smirks at the Five Iron Frenzy-ish phrase and holds up the pants she nicked.  "Then I over-corrected and ended up in Kurt's room.  THIS… is Kurt's book."  She tosses a thick book onto the table.

Kurt's journal lay on table nearly begging to be read.  "Really, who leaves a journal in plain sight!?"  Kit announced as Jamie looked over it.  The German teleporter's book was labeled in English, and with a rather odd title.  'Weird Places I've Teleported To - By Kurt Wagner'.  …. Ok, so it seemed the mutant was planning a book release, but hey, Jamie was going to read it anyway... right after he asked an important question.

"How are poptarts made?"

THAT'S NOT THE QUESTION!!!

"Oh yeah!  Hey, Kit, why aren't we doing another chapter of my journal?"  Jamie pouted.

Kit quickly nabbed him in a hug.  "Because, this is the interlude and if I don't do something different and utterly insane, I will explode in a mass o' monkey."  Jamie nodded sagely.  Kit exploded sometimes.

*********************************************************

This is a tour of the Xavier mansion as per Jamie's point of view.  Some things appear larger than they really are.  Some people look a bit different.  Some foods, such as Spam, taste a bit worse.  Sometimes, things appear in stereovision, like when Jamie splits copies of himself.  A few things are over-glorified.  A few objects are hardly noticed in Jamie-vision.  But this is the world of Madrox.  Stuff happens.  Deal with it.

                              : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : 

I went down the stairs, grinning stupidly as everything whipped by in a wild tango of colors.  Well… I didn't go down the stairs in the normal fashion.  I was riding the top of a garbage can lid and making a horrible racket.  What?!  It's both fun _and has a purpose, you know.  Reaching the bottom of the steps, I turned and ran back up them, repeating the noisy procedure.  In the background, the stereo system was belting out the Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyrie' at full blast._

DUNDUN dun-dun DUN dun!  Clank clank crash!  DunDun dun-dun duun duunn!  SMASH!  Crash crash!  DUN dun-dun DUUUN dun, dun-dun-duuuuun!  WEEEEEEEEEE!  BAH BAHBAH BAAH BAAAAAAAAH!  CR-THUNK!!!   Yeah… that's about what it sounded like.

It was 5:57 AM.

I'm wearing a colander on my head.

The walls are shaking, either from the volume of the music… or Lance is stuck in a closet.

If this were a normal house, one may ask WHY I'm is wearing a bucket on my head, going down the stairs on a metal garbage can lid, and playing classical music at the crack of dawn.  But since this is most obviously not a normal house, one can assume I'm is trying to wake someone (or possibly everyone).

"JAMIE!"  And judging by that angry sounding scream, I've succeeded.  At the top of the stairs was Scott.  His room is closest to the stairs.  Scott looked tired, cranky, and not very threatening in his flannel jammie-jams.  Teehee!  Jammie-jams…

I smile up at the bespectacled leader, lifting the garbage can lid as a shield and shouting, "LOOOOOOGAN!  He's up!"  Before Scott could react, a short Canadian knocked out his legs under him.  Cyclopes was dragged along the ground towards the Danger Room.

"Come on, Cyces'.  Git yer troops up."

"Can't you ever do this the SANE way?!"  Scott whined as he was dragged away.  Yeah, Scott wasn't a morning person.  It had taken years of conditioning before he stopped sleeping until noon.  Fortunately for him, his team would never know otherwise.  On the few days he did sleep-in, I --the mighty Multiple Man!-- would wake him up with loud noises or buckets of water, Wolverine would 'menace' him into the leader everyone knew, and he would rouse the rest of the X-men.  Why am I up?  Early morning cartoons, of course!

Now that my job was complete, I dive onto the sofa, leaving the colander on my head.  Even though the sofa was soft and cushy, it still knocked one multiple out.  Let me tell you, _that is a weird sensation.  It's almost like that dream you have where you are falling and suddenly wake up.  But reabsorbing them feels different, like I'm being caught in a giant vacuum cleaner.  The multiple was wearing a matching colander on his head as well.  Fighting for a bit over the remote, we managed to get the TV onto cartoons without too much trouble._

"YA!  Inspector Gadget!"  I cheered.  I have faint memories of sitting in front of a TV watching this show when my family lived in the middle of the desert.  Yeah.  Middle of the desert.  It was close to my parents work, some kind of nuclear generator or something.  Supposedly, the second I was born I had my mutant abilities.  When the doctor spanked me, mom thought she gave birth to twins for a moment… but that could just be dad pullin' my leg.  He's goofy like that.

"Hey… doesn't he remind you of a honky version of Forge."  My duplicate asked.  I look closer at the TV. 

"What?  NO!  Forge is cooler!  And he's only got his fake arm thingy.  Gadget is one big … thingy.  Besides, Forge is way smarter that him.  Inspector Gadget forgets how to make toast."  I crinkle my nose.  My multiples are freethinking too, but … like Bobby once said, they don't think very often.  Urg!  What a dumb question!

As the cartoon rolled on, I argued some more with my duplicate.  He tried to convince me that _he _was the original and to merge with him.  I disproved his theory by punching myself, pulling out four more copies and then tickling him into submission.  Okay, so I don't have perfect control over my multiples yet.  But fortunately, none of them have thought to mutiny yet.  Or in my terms, 'mutant-y'.  OW!

I glare at myself… err… my duplicate, rubbing my shoulder in pain.  "Why'd you hit me?"  I look at the twenty-some other multiples looming behind me in confusion.

"That was a reeaaaally bad pun, Jamie."  He frowns.  "You've been hanging around Lance too much.  His horrible puns are rubbing off on me… err… us."  Man… my personal pronoun usage is all screwed up when I have to refer to my multiples…

"His puns aren't bad!"  Someone behind us protested shrilly.  It was Kitty.  "…Well… ok, so that fish pun he made was, like, totally old-school, but he's got good ones!"

"Kitty.  There is no such thang as a 'good pun'."  Rogue growled, stalking through the den towards the kitchen.  It looks like Scott had managed to rouse the rest of the X-men.  Before Rogue left the room, she flashed me a quick grin and then vanished through the doorway.  Yeah, Rogue really is a morning person, but she tries to keep it a secret.

See, once, I was up at 4 AM looking for cartoons, but there are no cartoons on that early.  So I was flipping through the TV, and Rogue comes down the stairs.  Surprised a copy right outta me.  But then she sits down and was talk until the cartoons come on.  Rogue told me she'd been sneaking around Kitty so she could enjoy the quiet of the early morning.  Not a bad idea, considering how noisy Kitty can be sometimes.  By the time the cartoons were in full swing, Rogue snuck back up stairs to 'sleep' until someone came to wake her up.  And no one the wiser… well… except for maybe Professor X.  He seems to know _everything.  Well, everything excluding the 'flying monkey' incident.  Don't ask.  It's not worth the trouble._

***********************************************************

"… Kit?  … This story worries me."  Jamie shuddered.  He was leaning against Kit as she read the story.

"Deal wit' it, bro.  I ran out of ideas at this point and mashed about a billion 'shorts' together to make a fic."  Kit sighed, flopping over on the table.  "Boy, my blender is going to get a work out today."

"Well, this story stinks."  Pouted Jamie.  

Kit took this as a direct insult to her reading/writing skills.  "Hey!  Who is telling this story, you or me?"

"Well, since it's MY story, it should be me."

"Daa, should be … but it ain't."  Kit grinned toothily.

"…. Can I trade you for a pair of roller blades?"  Jamie asked, causing Kit to growl.  He was confusing Kit for a toy again.  

"I'll tell ya what, Squirt.  I'll let you write a story with me in it sometime."

"REALLY?!  DUDE!  WHOAHAHAHAA!"  While Jamie laughed, Kit's tail developed a spastic case of the twitches.  She began to worry.

"Sounds like you already have a plot to stick me in."

"HAHAHAA  … I got nothing."

*********************************************

Breakfast!  Oh boy oh boy oh boy!  Logan was cooking, which meant one thing: meat.  We had bacon.  We had sausage.  We had some kind of meat pancake… I really have no clue.  I think we have spam… but it might have been the world's most minced ham.  I'm pretty sure it wasn't kosher though.  And by then Ororo kicked him out of the kitchen and made 'healthy' food (much to Kitty's delight).  After the meat courses, came some kind of mashed chickpea thingy, pancakes, and some sort of 'breakfast burrito', as Kurt called them.  

After Kurt called them that, we all moved away from him a few seats when he ate. 

"Jean!  Can you please pass the thingy!"  I called, pointing to the…thingy.

"You mean a napkin?"  She raised one eyebrow, looking down at me.

"Oh yeah!  Can you please pass the napkin-thingy?"  I smiled winningly.  Several of the guys snorted in amusement, but the girls all began to coo and passed me many napkins.  This got all of the guys to choke and stare.  HAHA!  Taste the cute wrath of Jamie Madrox!  Jean passed me a napkin with her TK, and I felt an unseen hand ruffle my hair.  To rub in it, I then smiled back shamelessly.  Yeah, all those lessons with Pietro were paying off… though probably not in the way he expected.  

Ok, I'm not really a ladies man, or even a ladies-boy.  The only reason I do this is to rub it in to Bobby's face.  He said I was too young to 'pick up chicks'.  Taking a bit of advice from Kurt and Pietro both, I combined being sickeningly cute with suspiciously nice.  The girls don't quite see it as anything other than me being sweet, but all the guys know.  Oh, they _know.  WHOAHAHAHAHAHAAA!_

"Jamie, ye spillin' yur juice."  Rahne pointed out.  Oops.  More drinking, less evil laughter in my head.  I lunged away from the table, trying to save my pants from getting a pink stain.  Tumbling out of my chair, I had that strange sensation of doubling and when I looked up I was being stared at by three me's.  Three me's… wearing colanders?  Oh yeah!  I'm still wearing that pot on my head!  

This, of course, brings about questions.  "Jamie?  Experimenting in new helmets?"  Roberto leaned over and took a piece of toast, rapping the colander.  I pulled the colander off and my copies repeated the gesture as well.  Once their kitchen utensil touched the table though, it vanished into thin air.  I may be able to duplicate myself and things I'm wearing or carrying, but that doesn't mean they are really real.  It's like… my kinetic strength is so strong, I can make the things I wear (so I'm not naked… good thing), but once the kinetic power is up it all vanishes again.

For example… Evan's milk.  I can pick up his glass, punch a dozen copies out, and drink it.  When I reabsorb them, it would only be as if I drank one cup of milk… a dozen different times.  But if I were to hit myself, produce a dozen copies, and have Evan try to drink his milk… hey… wait, I don't actually know what will happen!  Food can be digested, maybe even quick enough to digest it before my kinetic strength runs out.

This requires… testing….

"Hey Evan!  Need more milk?"  I ask.

Evan Daniels looked at his half full cup of milk (as opposed to half empty.  I'm an optimist).  "Sure, Squirt.  I could use a topper."  He shrugged.  I jumped over and picked up his glass.  Filling it to the top, I marched back to him. 

"BEHOLD THE POWER OF MADROX!"  I shouted, holding the milk carefully in one hand while I smacked my other palm to my forehead.  Ew.  Weird sensation.  And now I'm surrounded by seven multiples holding milk.  "Here's your milk!"  One of my duplicates hands him a cup.  Evan is starting at shock at the many glasses of milk surrounding him.

"Uh… thanks Squirt."  He looks bewildered.  Am I smiling evilly again?  One of my multiples checks and shakes his head.  Nope… must just be an over abundance of milk-shock.  Spyke drinks one glass quickly, finishing off his bacon.  My copies are passing milk out to the table now in restlessness.

Logan looks at the glass of milk in front of him.  I don't think I've ever seen Logan drink milk… or eat _anything_ healthy for that matter.  Still, one determined copy tries to get him to drink the milk.  Logan refuses.  

My copy whines.  Logan still refuses, but now he looks irritated.

The multiple reasons.  Logan refuses, looks irritated, and now is shooting Scott death glares for his own use of 'nagging reason'. 

Copy-Jamie tries begging and crying.  Logan refuses, still looks irritated, but also like he wants to comfort the copy at the same time.  My copy is inconsolable.  Finally, as a last ditch effort to shut myself up (strange that, ya know?), Logan drinks the milk in one gulp.  Copy-Jamie silences instantly, the fake tears stopping, and smiles winningly at Wolverine.

Oooooh, he's good.  Must log that behavior for future note.  'Logan crumbles easily to crying'.  Check.  Next time he pounces an early morning DR session on us, I'm going to hit my head and bring out four bawling multiples.

"Hey, Squirt.  Can you do that 'feeding the many with few' thing again?  We're almost out of bacon."  Ray waves the plate of bacon at me.  Why not!  There is nothing Jamie can't do!  Picking up the tray, I hit myself and produce five multiples wielding five plates of bacon.  Five plates quickly turn into one plate again as the Institute eats.  Logan refuses to cook anymore, and Ororo is out of the kitchen right now, so it's deemed handy to just have me multiply food.

"Jamie, you should cook every day!"  Kurt's tail palms a duplicate-apple while Logan isn't looking.  Strange, but I really didn't expect the food to _last.  I thought it would just fade away after a bit, like right before they chew.  But it seems my power is stronger than we thought.  … WOW, I ROCK!_

Not much time passes before everyone finishes eating.  The people who are still at the table are finishing up conversations, or too full to move.  Ororo reentered the room in surprise to see many more dishes than she brought out.  "Kurt?  Did you get any extra plates from the kitchen?"  She asked, confused.

"Nein!"  Kurt grinned, his tail 'thumbing' towards me.

"Our own personal Jesus did it!"  Bobby remarked.

"Hey!  Don't dis zhe holy one!"  Kurt smacked Bobby upside the head.  

The young ice mutant yelped and grabbed my old 'helmet' and put it on his own head.  "Ow!  Kurt, go easy on my skull!  Not everyone here has reinforced adamantium plating."  The colander on Bobby's head was tilted rakishly.  Logan growled at the amazing, pranking Drake and turning his back to everyone in the kitchen to read his paper in silence.  A slight squabble broke out over who was going to take the dishes back.  The room began to clear out, everyone full and finished with breakfast.  I finished off a pancake by rolling it up and stuffing it into my mouth.  I chew with my mouth open in Bobby's general direction.

Storm approached me while I was listening to the strangely funny argument.  "Jamie?  How on earth did you get all these plates?"  Her eyes flickered down to the stack of plates, and my multiples looming about.  

Many multiples.  I haven't retracted ANY yet.  And one of them is dancing like a savage… but pay no attention to him.

Might as well give it a shot, eh?  Can't have these guys following me around forever, waiting to see how long 'copy' food takes to digest.

"I copied it.  Here, I'll take my copies back."  I stood up, and pressed my hands together.  Concentrating, I absorbed about thirty-two copies.  The maximum amount of copies I've ever produced is forty.  I don't seem to be able to go above that.  But with one psychic thought, I absorbed all of them back into me.  

WHOOOOAA!  That's a WEIRD sensation!  It's not quite like my hand stuck in a vacuum, but my arm, leg, head, and parts that _shouldn't _be stuck in a vacuum… stuck in the vacuum.  The room is almost empty now, excluding a bickering Kurt and Bobby, Logan in the corner, and Ororo.  But I sense something is wrong immediately after I absorb my copies.

I'm hungry.

                Again.

                                Oh no… Kurt is looking at me funny.  He's holding one blue hand to his stomach.  His stomach is growling.  Actually, so is Kurt.  He eats just about everything, and if he skips a meal, he gets kinda cranky.  Roberto told me once that Kurt threw Scott out of his own car and then drove it to Burger Bomb when he missed lunch at school.  Somehow, I doubt that is the truth, but I HAVE seen the 'Crawler 'porting through the kitchen and eating on the run from Logan.

I can hear a squawk of shock from the hallway.  Looks like I had my question answered.  Copy food is _not permanent.  Everyone is coming back into the kitchen.  The desire to hide in the closet is overwhelming.  Now I really wish I could turn invisdi…inivisar…see-through._

"Jamie?"  Someone calls my name out.  Oooh, I'm in big trouble if they actually call me 'Jamie' instead of 'Squirt', or 'J-man', or even 'James'.  It means they'll start calling me some names that probably aren't repeatable.

*****************************************

"Kit!  Now I'm in trouble!"  Jamie blanched.  "What kinda story are you runnin' here?!"

Kit was still waxing dramatic about something or other.  "Fate!  Oh Fate!  WHY!?  Why was I cursed to have two sisters and no brothers?!  For Christmas, every year, I asked for a brother!"  Kit wailed, her tail furling about her waist as she mock-sobbed.  "All I got were toys!  WHYYYYY!?"  It seemed Kit was not going to calm down and continue the story until she was placated.

"Ok!  I'm your brother then!"  Jamie smiled nervously.  Kit was probably going to explode…

"Wooo! I always wanted a little brother!"  Kit smiled, hugging Jamie.  "I have a little brother."  And with that, she punched in the arm.  Jamie multiplied four times.  "Now I have five little brothers!"  Kit looked as happy as could be.

The Jamies' wiggled uncomfortably.  "Can we continue the story please?  Writing in my own point of view is hard."

"Considering we have so many." Jamie #3 mumbled.

"And the fact that one of us, at all times, seems to be dancing like an idiot."  Looking over to the corner, one of Jamie's copies was dancing like a savage…  "What da deal with dat!"  

Kit rubbed her temple, sighing.  "You know, I'm not quite sure.  Repressed urge to break into boogy, I guess."  She shrugged.  Forge was such a bad influence on Kit….

********************************************

"Uhg!  Zhis is vorse zhan Chinese food!  I'm hungry again!"  Kurt complains, one hand clamped over his stomach as he takes his chair at the table…again.  "Jamie, your food may taste gut, but… it's not very filling, ja?"  

Kitty took her seat again as well.  "Hey, Storm?  You think everything I ate before… you know… like, counts?  Did I actually eat all those calories?"  I can see Rogue rolling her eyes and grabbing a banana before leaving the room.  She wasn't about to sit down for a second breakfast apparently, and my puppy-dog eyes don't work when their back is turned.  Drat.

Ororo folded her arms, looking down at the table as everyone returned, hungry.  "Well, I hope you learned not to exploit Jamie's abilities.  Having him duplicate you food -- do you think this is a cartoon or something?"  I blinked.  Cartoon…. Wouldn't that be fun?

"Auntie O?  Can you pass the milk?"  Evan sighed.  "Actually, I'm going to be late.  Just pass the carton."  Spyke picked up the half-gallon carton of milk and chugged it.  Wiping the milk mustache from his lip, he flipped his board up to his hands and made for the door.  "I'll eat on the fly!" And with that, the skater left.  If only I had the balance to skateboard, I'd be skating everywhere too.  As it is, I barely have the balance to chew gum and walk at the same time.

Kitty was looking at the spot where the milk once stood.  "See Kurt!  There is someone in here who can drink _that _much milk!"  She announced.  I have no clue what she means, but Kurt looked bewildered at how the milk vanished in a few seconds.  Everyone else looked bewildered at what Kitty was babbling about.

The rest of breakfast progressed …again… with much Jamie-glaring.  Well, ok, so only Bobby and Ray glared, but everyone else gave me funny looks the whole time.  What?!  It wasn't like I MADE their food disappear deliberately.  …but it does sound like a great revenge prank.  WHOAHAHAAA!  Look out Bobby and Ray, Multiple Man is out for revenge!  But I digress, breakfast was over (again), and Rahne and I were on dish duty.  Picking up the dishes, we made for the kitchen.

Moving all those dirty dishes is actually real work!  Heavy work!  Thirsty work!  And Rahne was thirsty.  Rahne stuck her head under the tap, lapping at the water.  I gawked.  "We… do have cups…"  Bobby entered the room for some paper towels, but ended up staring at Rahne as she lapped the water straight from the tap.

"Yeah, but tha' takes too long.  Aye'm thirsty now."  She wiped her mouth, and smiled sheepishly.  "Ol' habits die hard, I guess."

Of course, Bobby had to speak.  "Yeah, well at least it's not a toilet."  Bobby winced as Rahne punched him in the back.  "Ow!  Rahne!  I didn't mean it!"  He tried to rub his back, bending his arm at a funny angle.  The werewolf-girl continued to pummel Iceman, giving him one final slap to the head for his remark.  Wow.  Rahne can really kick tail.

I exit the kitchen, heading for the den for more early morning cartoons.  Wait.  Looking at the clock I realize it's no longer 'early morning' and more into the 'strangely quiet afternoon' period.  Awww, I missed my favorite cartoon.  Flopping over onto the sofa, I channel surf anyway.  Click click click.  An add for spray on hair.  A trimmer attachment for your vacuum.  A fishing lure guaranteed to work.  Air powered crayons.  Geeze.  I whine to myself (since there is no one around to hear me).  What's with all the infomercials?  Isn't there anything good on?  Where are the 'toons?!

"Where are the 'toons?!"  Oh wait… I guess I actually said that aloud.

"I don't know, Squirt.  Where _are_ all the 'toons?"  Uh-oh.  I turn around oh-so-slowly.  It's Ray.  Ray is holding a bucket.  Ray is holding a bucket of what is most likely jello.

I laugh nervously.  "Ray, hi!  Umm… I think we missed all the 'toons because, ya know, second breakfast."

Sam enters the room carrying a large watergun.  "'Second Breakfast'?  Makes ya sound lahke a hobbit."  He smirks, pumping the gun.  Oh no.  I know what's coming next.

"Sure.  You know how girls can't resist those little hobbity ears."  That would be Bobby.  I'm too worried to turn around, but I think he's holding cold spaghetti noodles.  Looks like I was so wrapped up in plotting my revenge, I entirely forgot about theirs.

Much like I woke Scott up this morning, I also woke the three of them up the same way a week ago.  NEARLY the same way.  Instead of playing 'Ride of the Valkyrie', I put their hands in warm water, covered them in jello, and dumped cold spaghetti noodles down their pants.  Then I summoned about twenty copies to help me jump on the bed while singing the 'trampoline song'.  You know how that goes…. '**J** my name is **Jamie, I'm gonna marry **J**enny.  I'm gonna be a ****Jet Pilot and live in **J**ersey!'… yeah, that song.  Shortly after doing all that, the three of them chased me and my copies around the institute screaming bloody murder.  They swore revenge, and actually, they swore a lot of other words I'm not allowed to repeat too.**

Ray held the bucket over my head as Sam pinned me to the couch.  _Carefully_ pinned me.  That cannonball-headed jerk pinned me so I can't make multiples, the couch is too squishy for me to bang my head against.  Oh, I'm gonna be slimed!  Can't watch!  I clench my eyes shut.

"Hey!  Why do you get to go first!  Let's stuff the noodles down his pants first, THEN jello him!  That way he's gotta deal with green, jello stained noodles."  Bobby nudged Ray.

"No way!  I've been waiting for this!  I'm going first!"  Ray growled.

Sam snorted, still keeping me squashed against the sofa.  "Wit' all yer arguin', sounds lahke Ah don' have a choice either?  Ah say we drag the lil' Squirt outside, douse 'im, and THEN ya do all yer stuff."  His water gun sloshed menacingly.  Oh, I'm so gonna be… well… soaked.  At worst I suppose I'll catch a cold.  

Strange, but after Sam joined in, Ray and Bobby seemed to forget all about me.  They kept arguing over the 'virtue of squish' versus 'noodle pants' and something Sam was calling 'shrinkage'.  In fact, they became so distracted, Sam let go of me and Ray put down his bucket o' jello.  In confusion, I sat on the floor and listened just to figure out how long they could keep this up.

This continued on for quiet some time. 

The cows came home. . . 

Waldo was found. . . 

Someone learned how many licks it took to get to the center of a tootsie pop. . . 

. . .then forgot it. . . 

Hell had yet to freeze over, but it was starting to get a bit chilly (probably Bobby's fault). . . 

Kurt managed to eat an entire pack of ding dongs and spin himself dizzy on a swivel chair without spewing…

A point was made. . .

"Ok, so we hold him down, and administer all three at once.  In EQUAL amounts!  That means no garden hose, Sam."  Bobby reasoned.

The three of them turned towards me.  Or rather, turned towards 'us'.  "Hey… what's Jamie doing with the watergun, a bucket of Jello, and a pot of cold noodles?"  I had produced a veritable army of copies, all of them wielding waterguns, Jello, cold noodles, and one strange multiple who was holding a can of whipped cream and dancing like a savage…. I still haven't figured him out yet….

"AAATTTAAAAAACK!"  I shouted at Me.  Me gave the hand signal, and then We did a mass bombing on the three guys.  "BLITZKRIEG!"  As quickly as possible, Ray was now green, red, and blue from jello (it made his hair a very interesting color when applied).  Bobby was pinned under a hoard of my multiples and being stuffed with cold, wet noodles like a scarecrow.  And Sam… Sam was running from a pack of copies, all wielding super soakers and laughing.  

"VICTORY!"  I announced, standing on the couch with my hands on my hips.  My one remaining free multiple began dancing around me like…. you've probably guessed… a savage.  "Now for the final stroke!  WHOAA~OOHAAHAHAHAAA!"  Moving a few multiples around, they retrieved a roll of toilet paper and I had them wrap me up like a mummy.  Then I sat on the floor and began to cry.  My multiples vanished into thin air, leaving a bewildered Ray, Bobby, and Sam.

Bobby pulled himself up, "What's he doing?"  He shuddered as the noodles in his pants shifted.

There was a loud stomping noise approaching fast.  I increased my volume and wailed louder.  "WHAT IS GOING ON!?!"  Logan growled, claws unsheathed.  Jean was just behind him, ready to strike out with her TK.

Crying, I wiggled about in my toilet paper cocoon.  "Loooogan!  They're be-eing mean!"  I sniffled, hiccupping slightly.  I could see Ray's jaw drop from the corner of my eye.

"Wha!  We weren't doing~,"  Bobby tried to protest, but the glare Logan gave him told him to shut up if he valued his skin.  Logan's claws would have been overkill on the soft toilet paper, so he used his hands to rip me free (not that I needed help.  It WAS toilet paper, mind you).

"I have prooooof!"  Lifting one tangled hand from behind my back.  A small tape recorder was pressed into the palm of my hand.  Right after Sam let go of me, I found it stuck in the cushions of the sofa.  It had probably fallen out of Evan's bag earlier.  Their entire 'Jamie revenge' argument was recorded.  Oooh, I'm soooo evil.  The trio of students gawked at the tape recorder, then at Logan, then at me.  Then they did it in reverse order: Me, Logan, tape recorder.  All three of them were wearing the 'oh shit' expression.

Jean was trying to pull chunks of wet toilet paper out of my hair that some overzealous multiples had put in.  She promptly glared at Ray, Bobby and Sam.  Wow!  Revenge is great!  Now I even have Jean on my side!  Oops, better keep these thoughts to myself… wouldn't want her to hear them.  I know!  I'll think of the time Kurt got a hairbrush glued to his fur!  Fuzzy blue dude with a hairbrush firmly glued to his chest, laalalala lalalaa!

"And fur-th…er…"  In mid-lecture, Jean's eyes glaze over and she fixes a confused stare upon me.  "... Ok… Not going to ask.  And you're projecting, Squirt."  Ah… I … knew that.  I was just practicing!  "Yeah, but why were you practicing sending something so… strange?  Who glued the brush to Kurt?"  Do'h!  Forgot she's _still_ able to read minds.  Man, I have a short-term memory.

"Bwhaaaa?  Bobby's fault?"  I point.  Apparently, I'm so cute, Jean believes that!  HA!  Now Bobby is in double trouble!  WHOAHAHAHAAA!

Taking me from the messed up room, Jean lets Logan chew the wanna-be-revengers out all he wants.  They'll probably be stuffed in the Danger Room for a week!  Me?  Jean is making me chocolate chip cookies!  It's a good day to be Jamie Madrox.  

****************************************************       

Jamie stares at Kit.

Kit stares at Jamie.  Her tail twitches.  

"Um… it's over, daa."  Kit says.

Jamie stares at Kit.

"There …there is no more.  You can go home?"  Then Kit remembers that this IS Jamie's home.

Jamie stares at Kit.

He's been staring at Kit for the past ten minutes without speaking.  The silence is oppressive.  Kit's mental prowess is cracking under the stress.  Yet, the silent treatment continues.   Fidgeting, Kit blinks in confusion.  "I … sorry?  How was I to know that you've got a revenge S.W.A.T. team after you?!  Dude, Squirt!  You've got a rep!"  

Jamie glares at Kit.

"Cookie?"  She offers timidly, holding up a small gingerbread man.

Jamie takes the cookie from Kit, leaning against her arm and munching.  "I'm still mad.  But I can't be mad and eat cookies at the same time.  Gets crumbs all over."

"Yeah.  And then Ororo has to dust-bust the floor.  Well… until next Interlude, Squirt."  Kit stands.  Jamie throws her a pleading look.  "Oh!  Not the 'puppy' expression!  I swear, the next time I come by… I'll bring you cookies."  The puppy expression intensifies.  Rahne has taught him well.  Maybe she's taught him a little _too_ well.  "And… your own personal megaphone and air horn?"  Jamie smiles, nodding in satisfaction.  "You're such a prima-donna."  Kit sighs.  Jamie then beams ear to ear.  Next time indeed!

"HEY!  Who's been in my room!"  Bobby's voice echoed down the hall.  Kit's tail stiffened as she looked over at Bobby's pants which got tossed onto the floor.  Without wasting a second, she throws herself out the window and runs from the institute.  Jamie watches as she vanishes to where-ever-it-is that she lives.  Yep.  She's a-runnin.  No one knows where she goes, and no one knows where she comes from, but whenever she shows up, Trouble (with a capital T) follows.

The door slams open and a pant-less Robert Drake storms into the room.  He's glaring about for something.  As his eyes fall on the pair of pants, he begins to glare.  And glare, at Jamie, he does. "Uhh, wait! It's not what you think!"  Jamie protests.  But Bobby is not to be deterred.  He's an Iceman on the edge, pushed too far…and pant-less.  "It was a… weird monkey-thing!  With weird hair!  She was telling me weird stories!  Really!  She just jumped out the window!"  Jamie shrinks into the corner, wondering how much 'revenge' he'll be getting for this.  "Wait for me, Kit!"  Jamie hollers, leaping out the window and running after her with at least a dozen multiples.


	7. Have you seen this boy?

I wrote this based on a little theory.  If Jean and Rogue's powers get stronger when they hit stressful periods or a hormone change… Why shouldn't Jamie's ability change too?  Only this poor little guy doesn't change quite like you think…and my angst factor was warring against my insanity interlude.

Now stop all your whining or I'm releasing the Britney Spears bots.  You have ten seconds to live…  BLARG!  WORK MAKES KIT GO ARG!  At this point I'd love to have Jamie's ability… then maybe I'd actually get all my work done!

Adjusts Jamie's tie, bow tie, collar, scarf… you get the point….  "Now Jamie.  You have to look nice for faeryeyes wedding.  Be good, lil bro.  Now I have an Australian to wrangle."  The Jamies blink.  Kit loads a tranquilizer gun and runs off.  WHOAHAHAAA! 

Streak 2: Sorry.  Not handing out free milk unless you are my milk-phobic beta.  In which case, I'll be cramming milk down yer throat.

Kiki Cabou: GASP!  Someone who got my Lord of the Flies reference! ::dances like savage around Kiki::  And Jamie is 'da baby'.  Everyone, whether they know it or not, falls victim to his charm.

Ok Stretch, I'll seek help.  ::uses stapler to beat Morse code onto wall, asking for help.  Someone upstairs tells Kit to 'shaddup, monkey!'::  My request for help was denied.  Guess I'll just have to continue to threaten your bladder control with my fic, daa.

Nacla: But it was such GOOOOOD coffee!  And sure, coffee stunts your growth…::stares flatly:: but face it, I'm not growing anymore.  I'll just have to cope with running into everyone's shoulders with my face.  That's why I have fangs… ::bites people::

For all of you screaming fans… LOOOK!  LOOK WHO I'M WRITING IN TO THIS CHAPTER!!  There goes my remaining sanity… so pretty.  _LOL  Teh sparkleeles!!!1! TEEHEHEE!…_ ::is violently ill at the imitation::

Pantherdragon:  ALL HAIL TO MILK!  And milk in yer breakfast cereal doesn't count… I once put Coca Cola in my Wheaties… and THAT sure as hell wasn't milk!

"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"  
8/20/03 (Redone, Recycled, Reused!) 

******************************************************************

The boy known as Multiple Man (a name he was assured he'd 'grow into') was staring down at a blank piece of paper in surprise and confusion.  Turning his head slightly, he looked at his old journal.  The journal, which had come camping, swam in chocolate milk, survived the cataclysmic destruction of the mansion, and had followed him all the way from his home in the New Mexican deserts.

Then he looked to the new book.  It was ornate, but without garnish.  Pressed leather with old world designs burned into the tanned material gave it a two toned appearance.  A heavy metal latch was imbedded in the cover, locking the pages from anyone without the correct number combination.  Unlike his childishly blue bound book, this one looked as if it were made for an adult who had secrets they needed to keep from the world.

"A new page."  Jamie mumbled, running his fingers over the silky texture of the paper.  "I don't know how to start a new page now."  He flipped back to the cover page, blinking down at the black in message in black scrawled into the paper.

_'James.  _

_You have to turn over a new leaf with the seasons.  With that said, sorry about the whole kidnapping thing.  You were a good sport about it.  Firefly and Ironman miss you already.  If you ever need to be kidnapped again, just contact Speedy and we'll have another go.  You also need to learn to hide your diary better, kid._

_                                                                Venom Lack'_

Young Jamie snorted.  "You're such a over-dramatic dork!" he announced to the paper.  But then he picked his pen up and began the scrawl the tip across the sheet.  The ink seeped into the fine paper quickly and didn't smear.

*********************************************************

"JAMIE!"  Kitty yelled across the foyer.  Jamie was trying to tie his shoes on the stairs.  "Hurry up!  They're leaving!  Scott, like, isn't waiting!"  She warned, then ran through the door for the car.

"I'm trying!  I'm trying!"  Jamie grit his teeth, gather his shoelaces up.  Over.  Around.  Under.  And thr--- ARG!  Dropped the lace again!  His fingers were just too jumpy today!  He had hit an overnight growth spurt.  Literally.  His shins and arms hurt with deep pain at the bones.  Now he knew how Evan felt…

Giving up and tying his shoes in a double knot, Jamie bolted down the stairs and out the door.  But on the last step of the stone stairs leading up to the institute, Jamie tripped.  The ground met with his palms and knees, causing a burning itch to form.  Tears quickly welled up in Jamie's eyes.

"Jamie!"  Someone shouted in alarm.  Jean carefully lifted the boy from the ground.  Scott's car was no where in sight.  "Ohh, you've hurt yourself."  She fussed, her forehead wrinkling in empathy at the skin sheered off his hands.

"_Wh_ere… is Sc-OTT?"  Jamie's voice cracked slightly.  He frowned.  The voice change that had hit most of the other new recruits was catching up to him.  Jamie Madrox was in the middle of puberty and was embarrassed beyond all belief about it.

Helping Jamie back into the Institution, Jean led Jamie to the Medlab.  "He left with some of the others.  Everyone can't fit into one car, so we decided to take mine as well."  Jamie felt his leg becoming damp with blood.  "We were going to wait longer for you, since Scott was in a rush."  The rush had been to get the passengers of the car to the museum so Scott could get to the airport.  He had to make his flight to heading west.  Cerebro had detected a new mutant and Scott was going with Ororo to invite the person to the Xavier Institute.  The X-jet was down for a bit after Kitty accidentally phased through part of the electronics.

Whimpering, Jamie sat on the cool metal table and held both of his hands palms up.  Skin was torn from his hands, but pale slices of skin were still connected to his bleeding palms.  Jamie had to look away.  He should have been able to use his ability to absorb the damage and come out unscathed.  As a matter of fact….

Jamie looked around the room frantically.  "Where are my copies?"  He blurted.  The room was empty sans Jean.

The telepath looked down at him and then her eyes widened.  "There… were none."  She realized.  "Jamie, you didn't multiply."  It was a statement, but the words were laced with confusion.  At 10:35, on a Saturday, Jamie Madrox's mutation had stopped working.

                                                                                                                : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :

Hours later, Henry's diagnosis showed nothing that they couldn't already see.  According to the tests, Jamie was perfectly healthy.  His DNA was still intact with no tampering.  But it was as if his ability to kinetically produce copies was simply not responding.  Beast had tried gently pinching Jamie, applying a slight static charge, and even as a last idea, startling the boy with a loud noise.  Nothing worked.  Jamie, for all intents, was now a human-like mutant.

"NoooOOO_ooo_!  I'm a fr-EAK!"  He was a human-like mutant whose voice was cracking.  Jamie was crying, his bandaged hands buried into his face as he wailed.  "Now I DOn't even hAAAaave a _lam_e abilitEEE!"  It was slightly humorous to listen to Jamie's changing voice, but Jean did anything but laugh.  She carefully pulled him against her shoulder as he cried. 

He cried for everything childish.  He cried because he had lost the very thing that made him different.  He cried as Hank gave him a glass of water and then he cried into his fuzzy blue fur.  Jamie cried until everything went dark and he remembered no more.

***********************************************************

Midnight.  Jamie knew it was midnight, not because of the darkness.  There were no windows in the Medlab.  He could not hear the clock upstairs chiming the time either.  He knew it was midnight because it was silent.  Everything seemed quieter at midnight, the students were asleep in warm beds.  It was also cold at midnight, when the central heating shuts off.  It was midnight, but Jamie couldn't find the energy to move.  His shins hurt, his thighs hurt.  Along his back and shoulders a painful stab throbbed.  Muscles were heavy and his head was dizzy.

The flash of memories from the day before came rushing back.  Jamie jumped up and ran his hands along his arms.  He pinched the cool skin.  No multiples emerged.  He swung hard, catching his shoulder in a painful blow.  There wasn't even a sensation of being pulled when multiples emerge.  With a soft whimper, Jamie curled back on the lumpy bed where he hand spent most of the day.

"I'm still a mutant.  They hate me.  But I can't do anything."  Jamie choked out.  Mutants were constantly being segregated.  Even if he no longer had an ability, he was still a mutant by DNA.

Jamie was lonely.  If he were this upset, he would pull out a multiple and cry everything out to him.  Now there was no one to listen.  Sniffling softly, Jamie curled his injured hands against his chest and tried to let sleep overtake him again.  Fear was beginning to tickle on the fringes of his mind.  Would Xavier send him home, now that he had no ability to learn to control?  Would the anti-mutant crowds still single him out, even if he looked normal?  What would his parents say?  Stress, pain, and fear compacted into a powerful tranquilizer and Jamie passed out again.

This time when he woke up, someone had rested a hand on his brown hair.  He was reminded that he needed a shower.  Choking back a whimper of pain, Jamie turned to see who it was.  To his utter surprise, it was Charles Xavier.  Jamie stared up at him with large brown eyes, too shocked to say anything.  

"How are your hands?"  Charles asked.  Jamie blinked in confusion for a second before looking down at the bandaged hands he had tucked under his chin.  Jamie shrugged in response.  "There isn't any need to be scared, Jamie.  We won't send you away because your powers are latent."

A deep sniffle cleared Jamie's airways.  "Bu_t_… I cAN_'t_ train anymOO_oore with THee oth-ERS."  He winced, his voice cracking from emotion.  "I can't dOO any'__thin'."  The bandages covered his eyes and he fought back tears._

Again, the professor's hand rested on his head.  There was no mental probing or psychic comforting.  Charles was relying solely on personal comfort.  "It could be a simple phase in your growth.  For the period of change, your mutant ability may have turned off to dedicate energy to maturing.  It is highly likely, when you have finished your growth spurt your abilities will return, and stronger than before."  Jamie lifted the bandaged hands from his eyes, staring dully ahead.  He took deep, rattling breaths, shivering every few seconds.  The professor kept his spot beside the bed, waiting for the boy to say something.

"Then… can AYE," his voice cracked again, "Can _I go TO the muse-UM tOO-day?"  Good lord!  This voice changing this was embarrassing.  He looked over at the telepathic mutant.  Smiling, Charles mentally called Rogue and Kitty down to take him out.  The two girls had visited the Medlab after Jamie had fallen asleep, their museum trip canceled.  In fact, almost everyone had stayed home, in utter surprise that a mutation could vanish._

"Indeed.  Kitty and Rogue will take you out if you wish to go.  But think of this as a learning experience.  Being bumped or kinetic energy will no longer cause you to multiply.  For all outside appearances, you are a human now."  Pulling his wheelchair back, the Professor, folded his hands under his chin as he spoke.  "You no longer have to worry about being discovered.  At this time, you could also learn just how the crowds move, and remember the pattern for when your mutation returns."  The logic made sense to even Jamie's sluggish mind.  Go out and run into people.

Returning to his room to get changed, Jamie found Rogue and Kitty waiting for him outside his door.  "Hey, Squirt."  Rogue smiled.  But Jamie noticed a sad smile emerging where her secretive one would be.  "Heard 'bout yer powahs.  It's not so bad, ya know."  She held out her arms.  Jamie bowed his head, but stepped into her hug, burring his head into her covered arm.  A stray thought struck Jamie about how much Rogue probably wished the same thing happened to her powers and go dormant.  He sniffled again, closing his eyes.    He could feel Kitty ruffling his hair.

"Well, before we drive out there, you might wanna take, like, a quick shower.  Today we're gonna have fun!"  Kitty tugged gently on a bit of his brown hair that seemed to have a gold highlight.  "We'll go to some place totally fun, too."  Jamie had to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't crying.  He pulled back from Rogue and smiled weakly.

"Oh-KAY."  His voice cracked again, causing a small smile to flicker on Rogue's face for a second.

"Cute, munchikin.  Now git, before ya grown another inch in the showah."  Rogue gave him a push towards the bathroom.  Jamie looked down at his shins while he walked.  He supposed it was possible for him to have grown an inch over the past two days.  Slowly, his mind began to change gears, and for just a second, 'old Jamie' returned.

'Wow!  At this rate, I'll be taller than Bobby!  I may even get as tall as Scott.'  He thought, rubbing his aching arms.  Showering quickly, Jamie hand to change the bandages when he was done.  The bandages Hank had put on him had bright blue, waterproof, self-adhesive coverings over the gauze.  While the coverings were perfectly fine, he was almost afraid to look beneath.  So keeping his eyes closed, Jamie dumped some Neosporin on new gauze and pressed it to his skin.  The cool, get slimy sensation made Jamie shudder.

"I'm REA-dy!"  Jamie left the bathroom, clean and smiling at the girls.  They seemed to be getting used to his voice's inability to stay on one pitch.  His elbow knocked on the wall and he yelped.  A numbing sensation vibrated through his arm, putting all the nerves to sleep.  He had knocked his 'funny bone' before, but when copies are pulled out the feeling his dulled to a gentle tingle.  A different sensation was pulled from the boy as the painful prickling ran through him… Jamie missed his copies.

Kitty linked arms with him, dragging him to the car and talking animatedly about the museum, hoping to distract the boy's thoughts.  "Like, the diamond exhibit is soooo cooool.  They have different colors and cuts from around the world visiting this week.  I, like, totally love diamonds."  She sighed.

"They're just shiny rocks."  Rogue mumbled.  As they got in the car, Rogue shoved Kitty to the passenger seat, saying, "We dun need ta scar mah lil bro anymore wit' yer drivin'.  I'M drivin'."  Jamie sat in the back seat, a faint smile on his face for Rogue.  Under the care of the two mutants, Jamie was driven to the museum in Bayville's closest neighboring city.  It takes an hour to drive there… Kitty is choosing the music….

*******************************************************

Jamie stretched, popping his spine.  The growing pains had long since stopped, but he still felt all stiff.  Stiff and incredibly gangly.  His pants were now too small.  "Maybe I did need some stuff to grow into."  He rapped his pen on the lid of the book.  He had heard Roberto running down the hall and quickly snapped it shut.  Now it sounded like Roberto and Rahne were talking animatedly just outside his door.

"Aye, Squirt!  Ye wan' ta come to suppa now?"  Rahne's voice had a growling tone to it.  She was probably in a 'half' form.  Half girl, half wolf.  She looked like a werewolf that stood on two legs and had a very long muzzle.  Her half form was harder to control, and the Scottish girl had been practicing.

"No.  I'm ok!  I ate already."  Jamie called out, pressing his hand to the journal in case he needed to quickly hide it.

"Alright, but there will be ice cream later!"  Roberto said through the thick oak door.  Two sets of footsteps faded softer as they went down the hall.  Jamie would join them for dessert, but right now he was stuffed.  Sighing, he flipped his book open again.  Even when the pages were slammed quickly, the ink didn't smear or leak to the other pages.  It was an awfully nice journal.

********************************************************

Kitty went everywhere with Jamie's hand in her own.  The professor had instructed the girls to watch out for him, seeing as how his mutant ability would no longer be able to help him.  Kitty interpreted this as being a guard dog and keeping him in hands reach at every second.  Rogue had wandered away from the group a few times, but seemed to be taking her time looking at everything.

Sensing Kitty was distracted, Jamie wiggled free and slid over to Rogue.  The southern girl smiled down at him, then shoved him behind her to keep the boy from Kitty.  "Just stay quiet and she'll forgit ya."  Whispered Rogue.  Jamie nodded, closing his hand over the mesh shirtsleeve.  So far, Kitty had plowed through the crowds with Jamie in tow and he had his first experience of bodily collision without everyone jumping away in shock.  It was…. Almost nice.  Kinda fun.  But the sensation got old quickly.  Retreating to Rogue's side, he was now guaranteed that no one would run into him.  Rogue could navigate through crowds like Kitty phases through walls.

"Oh!  Oh wow!"  Kitty breathed, pulling their attention from a collection of Indian artifacts.  Ahead was the diamond exhibit.  It sparkled like a million raindrops under a blazing sun.  The whole room looked like it was been doused with diamonds.  Not even Rogue could keep from staring at wonder at the showcases.

Jamie pressed himself through the crowd, getting to the very front of one of the crowded cases.  "Attention patrons.  The museum will close in five minutes.  Please head to the exits, and have a nice day."  A voice echoed.  They had taken longer than expected to get to the city, and then the three of them had eaten at a diner first.  Another quick stop to an arcade and then a mini-mall took place before they even got close to the museum.  The boy barely got to glance at the rocks in the case before he felt Kitty catch his hand again.  She was the last one out of the room, with Jamie in tow.

On the way out, Jamie thought he heard something clank in the exhibit room, but assumed it was the guards locking up the diamonds.  Cameras and laser sensor ports had been placed all about the room, as well as a guard near the entrance.    

"_Ha_Y, Rog-UUE."  Jamie's voice wavered.  Kitty hid a snicker beneath her hand.

"Yeah, Squirt?"  Green eyes peered down at him.  

"Did_n't_ you h_ave a BAg, thing-EE?"  Jamie pointed to her covered arm.  Rogue had a small backpack style handbag with her earlier, but now it was missing.  The normally distant mutant suddenly began turning in circles trying to find it.  _

"Shit.  Musta dropped it somewhere.  There wasn't no money in it though.  Ah'll see if anyone brought it ta the front desk."  She mumbled, but her eyes claimed that probably didn't happen.  Jamie changed hands, clinging to Rogue instead.  "Git the car, Kitty.  We're gonna be raght there."  Kitty nearly squealed in happiness and made her way to the exit.  Heading to the front desk, Jamie noticed just how quiet it was.  He became nervous.

The front desk, like the rest of the museum, was empty.  "HEY!  Isn't there any'un here?  Hallo?"  Rogue's calls were unanswered and she swore under her breath again.  "Dang it.  Ah don't wanna leave that behind.  It's got all mah stuff."  Jamie tugged on her hand as he looked into the shadows.  The empty museum was creeping him out.

"Rogue!  Com'mon!  Let's go!"  He squeaked, a full octave higher than his normal pitch.  Clearing his throat, he looked back to the now terrifying sabertooth tiger skull in the center of the foyer.  When did the bright lights illuminating it turn off?

Rogue sighed.  "Guess Ah'll have ta check tomorrah if they found it.  Let's go…" She paused, tugging her hand away from Jamie.  The boy froze when he saw her muscles tense and one black glove slid off her hand.  "Jamie.  Git to the car.  Now."  She hissed, eyes narrowing.  The boy didn't even ask why.  Dancing from one foot to the other for a moment, he bolted to the front doors and into the dying sunlight.  If Rogue thought something was wrong, he had every initiative to listen to her.  He'd just run to the car, tell Kitty, and sit where no one could hurt him…

A black van was parked in front of the steps.  The side door was open, but there was no driver.  Jamie peered around the emptying parking lot as the last of the patrons drove off.  He could see Kitty approaching their car in the back of the parking lot.  Jamie began to run down the steps.

A flash of red caught his eye.  The boy stopped, clutching one injured fist to his chest, and looked at the obnoxious red color.  In the dark van, sitting among a pile of bags, was Rogue's bag.  There was no mistake.  It had the anarchy patch sewn onto the side, and the same row of safety pins holding one of the straps together.  Jamie paused again.  Looking from the museum to the car in the back of the parking lot.  He didn't want to go back into that creepy place to tell Rogue, and Kitty was too far away.  Which meant one thing…

Creeping forward on the tips of his tennis shoes, Jamie peeked into the van.  There were no passengers at all in the vehicle but it was littered with garbage and fast food containers.  Jamie jumped in and crawled to the back, reaching for Rogue's bag.  He held his breath as he lifted the bag, feeling the cloth sacks he was kneeling on shift.  Strange, they felt painfully lumpy, like they were full of gravel.  Curiosity overrode his common sense to run and he began to peel back one of the openings of the bag.  

"Oh…no."  His eyes bugged open.  Littering the bag were the diamonds, which had been displayed proudly in the museum minutes before.  Jamie froze in fear, his hands clutching at the scratchy fabric of the bag.  Someone was robbing the museum!

'Do something!  Do something!  You can do it!  You've been trained by Logan and Scott!  DO IT!'  A determined voice screamed in his head. Balling up his fists, Jamie seized the heavy bags and quickly ran them out of the van and to the pillars in front of the museum.  He pressed them against the wall, mostly out of sight, and then bolted back into the van.  He dropped Rogue's bag on the way, breathing in shallow whimpers.

"A decoy!  I'll just stuff something in the other bags to make it look like they still have their loot."  He hissed.  His voice didn't crack, but he wasn't actually speaking in anything louder than a whisper.  Stuffing the bags full of empty paper cups, fast food wrappers, and finally his own shoes, he decided the decoy was good enough.  He threw the bags back into place and began to crawl to the door.

KABOOM!  An explosion rocked the van, throwing him against the wall.  Something near or possibly _in_ the museum had just blown up!  Jamie tried to scramble to his feet and shuffled to the door.  Someone was running towards the van!  Someone very, very big!  Not Rogue!  Jamie yelped and dove into an empty sack in the back, cowering.  Oh, if he only had his mutation, he could produce a dozen multiples and run!  As it was, if he ran they would see him and he _would_ be caught.

'And hiding in the van WON'T get you caught?!  RUN!'  That voice panicked.  Jamie curled into a ball, shell-shocked and confused.  Situations began to run through his head.  He'd escape when they stopped for gas.  Or he'd pop up when they were driving and club them over the head.  Possibly, he'd make a break for it right as they started the car… too late!  The car started, roared to life, and screeched off, throwing the boy in the bags against the wall.

'Rogue!'  His mind cried out, but then everything faded to darkness.

******************************************************

Jamie was jolted away by the sound of the engine gunning.

"Ya maniac!  Who taught you to drive?  My ruddy gran'pa can stay in the lanes better than you, mate!  An' he's as blind as a bat and has no legs!"  This person had a thick Australian accent, and was obviously male.  The driver –apparently weaving badly—chuckled, but said nothing.

"He is racing the man in that yellow car."  A deeper, but softer voice said.  Jamie felt his bones shake with the deep bass it was said in.  "If you do not look, his driving is not that bad, comrade."  The panic-stricken Australian sat down heavily, dangerously close to Jamie's bag.  Jamie fought the urge to squirm.  He had thought only _one robber would be returning, but by the sounds of it, he had at _least_ three in the car!  Jamie was now regretting his decision not to run and be seen._

The man closest to him was making something click repetitively.  He would make a small, but fast click, something would make a grinding and hissing noise, and then there would be a sharp snap.  Jamie quickly began to rack his brains.  It sounded familiar.  What made those noises?

"If y'don' stop tha', f'refly, Remy gonna stuff da lighte' down de t'roat."  Someone menaced with a thick French accent.  Or at least, Jamie thought it sounded French.  Apparently the Australian dude didn't take the threat seriously though and snapped the lighter one last time.  In retaliation, the car swerved a bit more wildly, causing the man-with-fire-on-the-brains (as Jamie was now calling him) to yelp.

"John, don't provoke him."  That same rumbling voice warned.  Jamie got the idea that he was the voice of reason.  Or at least, he was the voice who was probably carrying a really, really big gun.  Inhaling sharply, Jamie tried to keep from shivering.  The bag didn't smell very good, it had the scent of smothered cigarettes and burnt things.  That thought made Jamie shudder.  A very small part of him was glad he didn't have his multiplication mutation.  If it he did, ever bump of the van would have driven a multiple out, causing the bag and then the van to overflow with Jamies.

The radio was flicked on, muting the voices.  The skin of his palms was throbbing and felt strangely hot.  'Infection', he thought.  Unsure of how late it was, Jamie had a feeling it was night.  The sun had been setting when he had been kidnapped, it was surely dark by now.  Wait… kidnapped.

'I've been kidnapped!'  Alarm bells went off in Jamie's head.  He was a mutant, kidnapped, and injured!  What the hell had he been thinking?!  Was he thinking?!  Oh!  Oh no!  What happened to Rogue!  The explosion, and those men didn't sound nice, so what if they…

Jamie Madrox --the Multiple Man of the institute—was one of the few who Logan gave special lessons in self-defense to.  He had been the one who single- (yet at the same time, multi-) handedly pranked every person in the institute on the same day and then managed to blame it on Bobby.  He was the boy who got the Brotherhood of Mutants to play Monopoly without cheating!  He could not be caught!  He was JAMIE!  Courage and bravery bubbling along his heart, Jamie rolled free from the bag and dove screaming like a maniac at the Australian fire-on-the-brains man.

"Bloody 'ell!"  The man shrieked as he was tackled.  He had bright red hair, almost as red as Jean's, but with orange highlights.  In his hand had been a metal zippo lighter, but when Jamie ran into him it went flying.  Jamie then punched the Australian in the stomach.  Tunnel vision made him only see his 'target', but he was peripherally aware of the two in the front of the vehicle.  The van began to swerve dangerously as the driver turned to see who the 'screaming bastard' in the back was.

"Remy!  Piotr!  Help get this li'l screamin' maniACK!"  The lighter-man then curled into a ball whimpering as Jamie's foot connected with… well, Jamie hadn't been looking, but he was pretty sure it wasn't his shins he kicked.  

Jamie leapt forwards, trying to grab the driver.  "YOU JERKS!" he squeaked, but didn't notice his embarrassing voice change.  "You hurt Ro-OGUE!."  His voice cracked as he swung a bandaged fist.  Without seeing his target clearly, Jamie was surprised to make contact with him.  The drive grunted and the car swerved dangerously.  Jamie gave a panicked squeak, his feet slipped on a wrapper and his head collided with the wall.  Stars danced through his vision as it faded to black, and he could feel the van slowing.  Someone grabbed his shirt and held him down.  Jamie was too dizzy to move.

"Jerks.  Gotta…help… Rogue."  Jamie's voice was fading out, becoming a whisper as his eyes slid shut.  There was a buzzing in his ears as the men began talking.  Apparently his hearing was following the path of his vision and shutting off from shock.  The person pinning him suddenly wasn't pinning him to the metal floor anymore.  Jamie felt himself lifted and wrapped in something.  It was warm and familiar.  His mind dance about in his world of flashing lights and spots before he realized it was leather, like Rogue's gloves.  Jamie whimpered again.

The car is stopped, but everything is moving again.  It takes Jamie a second to realize he's being picked up.  He beings to struggle, but the leather wrapped around him keeps him immobile.  "Careful, small one, you are hurt."  Jamie stops struggling at the deep, rumbling voice.  It sounds like the voice of an older brother.  Sounds like someone who knows how to look out for children and protect.  Strange to hear that as the voice of a robber.  "Can I see your hand?"

Jamie wiggled about as he felt the leather jacket he was wrapped in opens slightly.  His vision is returning now, the world is bathed in grays.  As his hand came free, he noticed the bandage is gone.  He also noticed how incredibly huge the man holding him is.  He looks as if he could throw the very van they were in, actually.  He has an accent, like the other two do as well, only his seems to be Russian.  

Twisting about slightly as the Russian examines his hand, Jamie looks for the other two.  He spots them sitting against the wall near the decoy bags.  'Uh-oh'.  Inhaling sharply at pressure to his hand, he turned back to face his helper… or potential torturer.  The man was pulling the bandage back onto his hand, trying to secure the tape back to his skin.

"So, garcon got t' de diamonds b'for we got back, heine?  Clever, mon ami."  That smooth French voice made Jamie twitch.  "Doesn' 'splain why he be hidin' here."  Jamie froze.  His eyes.  They were pure black with red circles.  A strange poem Hank McCoy had once told him comes to mind:

Red touch yellow, kill a fellow 

_Red touch black, venom lack._

The man with the strange eyes cocked an eyebrow.  Jamie suddenly realized he had just said that aloud.  The Australian chuckled, covering his mouth to hide the laughter.

"Nice poem t'ere, chil'.  Vemon lack?  Be t'inkin' ol' Remy is harmless, non?  Are y'sure?"  The man with the demon eyes leaned in, smiling widely.

"Duh!  You got a goatee!  Rogue says guys with goatees are coffee-shop dorks!  And all coffee-dorks are wimps!"  Jamie retorted, his free hand still being gently prodded.  The Frenchy-guy pulled back, looking surprise.  The Australian collapsed with laughter.  Even the Russian man looked like he was about to laugh.  Jamie kept his face straight, excluding the small pout that trembled his lower lip.

"What do we do with the boy?  He must be one of the X-men, if he was with the girl, da."  The Russian pressed Jamie's arm back into the coat, trapping him again.  Strange, but Jamie felt more like he was in a hug rather than trapped.

There was a sigh, and in the van it amplified.  "We keep 'im.  Garćon, we're de Acolytes.  A pleasure t'meet ya."  At 11:32 PM, Jamie Madrox had formally been kidnapped by the Acolytes.

**************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED!   BWHAHAHAAA!  Bet you NEVER thought you'd see that from ME, eh?  Well… I DID!  Instead of writing one-shots, I needed to write something longer.  Don't worry.  This will still be in 'journal' format, but it's going to have more plot and action.

Jamie: Does this mean you got an 'attention span'?

Kit: No.  It means I'm drinking less soda.  And my French-speaking, valley-girl little sister is singing strange songs again… someone pass me a brick…  
Jamie: I don't have a brick?  How about my gym shoe?  It _is_ smelly.  
Kit: *sigh*  I suffer for my art….


	8. The ill fated excape of Jamie Madrox

Well, I kinda claimed this chapter was going to be out yesterday, so I either lied to you all, or I got caught in a trans-dimensional time warp and therefore caused a paradox… I'll let you decide.  

This chapter was a pain in the tail to write.  I had no ideas.  And the fact remains I had very little time to write it.  So either my next update, or a close-to-the-future update will be rewriting several of these chapters.  Give da' monkey a break.  And I think we all agreed (or at least most of us), we liked the coffee-dork comment about Gambit's goatee, and he is a dork.  W00t!

P.S: If my French is off, you have my permission to throw fruit at me.  I speak GERMAN, not French. 

And now, a word to our potentially-insane commenters:

Stretch: DA SUGA' COAT'D BUNNIES?!   Well… I like sugar as much as the next person (if not a hell of a lot more), so I don't think they are much of a threat.  Next time try penguins.

And to Luna Fox… I gave the Acolytes nicknames because I give EVERYONE I meet nicknames.  I never ever use real names.  Therefore, I picked out some new, more embarrassing names for them.  Yep.  That's my explanation and I'm stickin' to it.

To Kiki Cabou (hey, that kinda rhymed), well, if I write the Acolytes well, that's because, burning inside of me (literally) is a pyromaniac screaming to be free… check out my webpage pictures on the 'flaming barbie' stuff we did on the Fourth of july.  My inner Pyro wishes to explode things.  And I give you the Savage Dance of W00t. ::dances::

Faeryeyes – You give me milk?!  I LOVE YOU!  WOOOOOOO!  ::causes the northern part of the US to undergo milk shortages::  I love da moo-juice.

Evilcarlita: I like Colossus too!  Or at least, I like comic-verse Colossus.  Therefore, he will get quite a large part in the NEXT chapter.

Pantherdragon:  Thank you for your inspiration and your beta skills.  And I have only one thing to say…  QUAFF THY COW-LACATATE!  … ehem, that is all.

**The Private Life of Jamie Madrox**

**8/29/03 (Revised, with less French next time)**

**********************************************************

                (Previously, on The Private Life of Jamie Madrox…)

                "What do we do with the boy?  He must be one of the X-men if he was with the girl." 

                "We keep 'im.  Garćon, we're de Acolytes.  A pleasure t'meet ya."  At 11:32 PM, Jamie Madrox had formally been kidnapped by the Acolytes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                "Have I been kidnapped yet?"

"… yah.  We told ya that five minutes ago, boyo."  The Australian raised a confused eyebrow at the young mutant wrapped in 'Frenchy's' leather jacket.  The Russian had tied the long sleeves around the boy's small figure, like a very large, leather straitjacket.  Jamie was wiggling uncomfortably.  It wasn't that the jacket was tied too tightly.  It was his bladder was beginning to feel the effects of the soda he had drank at the diner earlier that day.  

  Jamie had been formally introduced to the Acolytes seconds after he was informed of his 'kidnapping'.  The giant man who kept a close eye on his injuries was Piotr Rasputin; codename Colossus, and for good reason.  The Russian barely fit into the car, even as hunched over as he was.  The man spoke softly and with soothing tones to the dazed Jamie.  For such a large person, Piotr's movements were careful and deft.  He put an antibiotic cream from a well-used first aid kit onto Jamie's torn hands, cooling the inflamed injury on his palms.   His English was rather patchy, pronouncing a few words wrong or having grammatical errors.  Jamie wasn't quite sure what Piotr's power was, but he was positive it was a 'no-no' to ask these guys.  The one good thing about not having his mutation right now was he couldn't tell them him own either.  It kept Jamie rather anonymous.  

  On the other hand, St John Allerdyce –the fire-headed Australian-- happily showed off his mutation the second his name was mentioned, causing the small flame on his lighter to break into dance.  More specifically, the 'Running Man' dance.  Even though he was light-headed, Jamie figured out rather quickly why they called him 'Pyro'.  He quickly told Jamie to call him 'Johnny' or 'St. John', for no other reason than it made him sound funny, he claimed.  The red-head gave the distinct personality of a slacker _and_ a nutcase.  The insanity from Pyro was threatening his remaining bladder control.  He was too funny for his own good.

Leaning against the wall was Gambit, whom Jamie had proclaimed 'coffee-dork'.  He was ruffling through a deck of cards.  With a rough Cajun accent (or so the man claimed) he introduced himself as Remy LaBeau, the 'Deuce of d'boys', or something to that effect.  To Jamie, it sounded like he said, 'Do's of DuBois.'… which made no sense what so ever… unless you lived in DuBois.  Something about Remy caused Jamie to hear Rogue's voice snorting in his head and mocking the red-eyed man.  The cards dancing about his nimble fingers also gave the impression that perhaps Gambit was the shadiest of all of the Acolytes.  Jamie, however, didn't bother to give his name to the men.  They were bad guys, and you don't act all nice to bad guys!

Wait!  Everyone was staring at Jamie, as if expecting a response.  Jamie quickly remembered… "Oh yeah, you did."  Jamie squeaked, realizing he _was told of his kidnapping…kinda, but not exactly why they were sitting in the stopped car.  "Well the le-_ast _you could do was tell it _to_ my f-ACE.  The way Gum-butt said it, I thought I WAS invited TOO a tea partEE."  His voice cracked twice as he lost control of his volume and he hollered out a few words._

"Who 'chu callin' 'Gum-butt'!?  De name is Remy LaBeau, ya tapis-rat[1].  Or if dat t'much for ya t'say, call m'Gambit."  The card-toting 'coffee-dork' was still sitting in the back, with the rest of them.  

"So why we siTTIN' here?"  Jamie asked.

"'til de p'tit accepts he been ki'napped, we ain't going nowhere."  Gambit said firmly.  Jamie glared and then made a noise of dismissal and began ignoring him.

So they sat.

And sat.

For a change, Jamie sat on Piotr, frowning down at his shoeless feet.

John gave up on his lighter and began to flip through a discarded magazine.

Remy started a game of Solitaire.

"Have you guys ev_eeer kidnapped someone be-FORE?"  Curse that voice change!_

Piotr looked down at the small boy.  "… human or mutant?"

"Either?"

"Ok.  No."  Colossus answered truthfully.

"Don't tell him dat, mon ami!  Tell him we be da scourge o' de earth!  We grind de bone t'make de bread!"  Remy tossed a three of clubs down onto the pile.

"Now you just sound l-_ike pirates."  Jamie tipped his head to the side to peer at them all.  "And only Mr. Goat__ee looks scruffEE 'nuff to be a PIRate." St. John snickered at Jamie's statement.  Or perhaps he was laughing at the way Jamie's voice had just dropped from a high-pitched squeal to a deep bass.  It's wasn't _that_ funny!  What, didn't the fire-boy ever go through puberty?!_

Gambit said nothing, but he continued to stare at Jamie.  Red on black.  Red on black.  Red on black.  Geez!  It was creeping Madrox out!  But he could take the strain!  After all, if he was able to out-stare Logan while pouting and whining, this guy was no problem, right?  

Drip.  

Drip-Drip.  What was that?  Jamie turned to see a mostly-empty soda can on the dashboard leaking onto the armrest of the seat.  Drip.  Jamie then remembered he had to use the bathroom.  Drip.  Drip.  And his bladder seemed to be shrinking.  Drip.  Drip.  Drip.  Sweat broke out on Jamie's forehead as he watched the dark drops fall through the air and shatter into tiny flecks of fluid as it hit the chair.  Oh, he really had to _go.  Drip.  Jamie turned quickly to try again to stare down Gambit.  Drip  Driiiiiiip._

"OK!  OK!  I'M KIDNAPPED!"  Jamie screamed, wobbling to his knees.  Fortunately the thick bandages on his knees padded the abrasion well enough for him to kneel.  "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM NOW!"  He clenched his knees together and began to squirm.  "Drive!  Drive the like wind!"  Jamie then did the universal 'bathroom dance' as he ground his teeth together. 

Remy's eyes widened as Jamie jumped about.  "Non!  Not in de coat!"  He lunged to the front of the car, gunning the engine.  "Hold it, garcon!  Gas station up ahead!"  [2]  Stamping on the gas pedal, all the passengers in the back were thrown against the wall.  Piotr managed to get his arms around Jamie to prevent the boy from being knocked silly again.  One of Jamie's stray shoes hit Johnny in the head and he lost a hold of his lighter in the confusion.  Jamie wasn't entirely sure, but it felt like Remy was driving backwards down the interstate to the song 'Flight of the Bumblebee'…  Still, compared to Kitty, Remy was driving like an old fuddy duddy… (Ah geez, thanks a _lot_ for that strange slang, Forge…).  

When the van leveled out, Jamie was released from Piotr's hold.  "Thanks, Pit…piio…can I just call you 'Peter'?"  Jamie craned his neck to look up at the Russian.

Colossus gave a sigh of self-suffering.  "Da.  But when ve are return to base, I teach you how to say my name in Russian."

"Cool!  Can you teach me how to swear and stuff too!?"  Jamie's brown eyes widened in delight.  Piotr's jaw probably would have been hanging open if it weren't so terribly cliché.  Instead, he sat perfectly rigid, one massive hand covering his face.

"Ah, isn't that why we learn foreign languages?  Those amazing cuss words."  St John smirked.  "Remy can swear if four different languages, you know.  So far, he hasn't started repeating himself… or at least… I don't think he has.  I suppose he _could_ be talkin' about dishware and I wouldn't even notice."  This got the pyromaniac thinking… what if Remy _was just talking about dishes?_

The black van lurched to a stop a few seconds later.  Gambit leapt out of the car, threw the door open and heaved Jamie to his feet.  The boy dashed to the gas station, still tied up in the jacket.  He got to the door and rammed into the glass with his shoulder.  BAM!  Slightly stunned, the boy bounced off.  No multiples appeared… and Jamie felt depressed they hadn't.  In red print right above the handle, it read, 'pull'.  The boy gave a frustrated yell and increased the intensity of his 'bathroom dance'.

"Hol' on!"  Gambit lurched from the van and yanked open the door, shoving the boy inside.  The woman at the cash register looked bewildered.  "Bonjour, chere.  De boy here needs de facilities."  Remy bowed slightly to the woman and she blushed.

"No I don't!  I just need the bathroom!"  Jamie jumped about.

Remy sighed.  "Dat what it mean, tapis."  The woman quickly pulled out a key on a large piece of wood and handed it to Remy, smiling fetchingly.  Gambit, sensing an easy mark, thrust the key to Jamie and prepared to turn the charm on full blast.  Who was Gambit to turn down a woman?  Especially if she was the only thing between him and a drawer full of money?

Jamie stared blankly at the key being held towards him.  "Hey, Harmless, what do you want me to do with this?  Pick my teeth?"  'Tapis' seemed every strange nickname for Jamie, so he retaliated by giving Remy a nickname of his own.  As far as Jamie knew, Gambit was calling him 'dishware' or something equally strange that Johnny suggested.  Gambit suddenly realized Jamie was tied up in his coat, missing his shoes, and looked very suspicious.  It was as if someone had taped a giant sign on him that said, 'LOOK AT ME' in red flashing letters.

"Playing a game with your little brother?"  The woman asked, smiling with admiration.

Gambit began freeing Jamie from his leather prison.  "Oui.  Petit frere always playin' games wit Remy."[3]  The French was a common tactic Gambit used.  Toss in enough foreign words and it confuses people.  Kind of like speaking in l33t to some old person, or using 70's lingo to kids.  Who the hell understands those hippies anyway?

"Yeah, like War!"  Jamie tried to kick Gambit in the knees.  The metal plating covering his shins protected him from the sharp kick, but he winced for show.  Jamie, however, yelped as his bare foot banged into the metal and jumped about in pain.  Add to the list of injuries now, Jamie had injured hands, injured knees, and now an injured toe.  Things were not going his way… oh, and he got kidnapped by the mutant equivalent of the Three Stooges.  This was the bad day to end all bad days.

"Dat hurt, frere.  Dat hurt righ' 'ere."  Remy pointed to his chest.  "Y'don't need any help in dere, garcon?  Remy show y'how ta use d'soap."  The diamond thief teased.  Jamie pulled at face at him and then ran into the bathroom.  

The place was empty, and since there was only one toilet in the tiny bathroom there was no one to ask for help.  However, that was the last thing on Jamie's mind .  _First, he took a much needed bathroom break.  Sighing in relief, Jamie then began to look about the bathroom for his escape.  Air vent?  No, too small.  Sewers?  EEWW!  No way.  After the Morlocks, Jamie didn't want to go back into the poo-smelling sewers again.  Morlocks were nice.  Sewers weren't._

Window… Jamie jumped onto the sink fixture and shook the window.  It felt too jammed to ever open a single inch.  Pounding on the window with his fist, Jamie whimpered.  He was still barefoot, tired, dizzy, and far _far _from home without any sort of mutation advantage!  Jumping down from the sink, Jamie slid down the wall to the gritty floor with his bandaged hands pressed into his head.  

He began pleading for the Professor to hear him or be able to find him with Cerebro or something!  But the odds weren't in Jamie's favors.  The Professor was far out of range to be able to randomly hear Jamie's mental cries for help.  And without his mutation working, Cerebro wouldn't be able to find him.  So it was up to Jamie to either find a way to contact home himself, or get his mutation to start working.  Short of smacking himself in the head with a two-by-four continuously, Jamie had no clue how to get his mutation to work either.

Even while at his lowest point, Jamie didn't give up.  Young Madrox began to plot, trying to decide the best way to escape from the bathroom prison he was held in.  Deciding on trying to go back out the window, Jamie dragged a trashcan along the floor.  There was a knock at the door.  "Ya okay in dere, d'accord?"  Gambit's voice came from outside.  Jamie froze.  Then he decided to practice a skill Bobby had long since mastered.  The bluff.

"I'm …. Urg!"  Jamie grabbed a roll of toilet paper and dropped it into the toilet from four feet up.  SPLOOSH!  "Oooooh!  Must have been that… sushi I ate!"  He moaned, trying to sound violently ill.  The vomiting noises were fairly convincing.  "EWW!  It's GREEN!"

Especially convincing to Gambit too.  "Too much information dere, petit!  Jus'… empty t'all up."  Jamie could almost hear the wince in his voice.  The bluff worked!  Wait… no it didn't.  Jamie could still hear Gambit right outside the door.  Tapping his fingers against his knee, Jamie looked around the room for any more ideas.  

A faint idea hit.  "Gam_bit._"  Jamie squeaked pathetically, putting his best 'Wolverine begging' trick to the test.  He put his cutest voice (which was 'under construction') and cutest phrases to the limit.  "Can you get me… tummy medicine?"  A tiny quaver was in his voice as he was unable to hit the same high notes he used to be able to.  It worked better than he originally thought it would sound.

"Ouais.  Stay put.  Remy will be righ' back, frere.  He jus' gonna go t'da counter." [4]  Gambit tapped his fingers on the door before he left.  Jamie began Part II of his plan.  Jamie remembered something from elementary school.  Wet toilet paper would stick to the ceilings… for a while… before falling.  Pulling a large chunk of the toilet paper off of the soaked roll, Jamie chucked it at the ceiling.  Squeltch!  The wet paper clung to the ceiling with a sticky sucking noise.  He had placed the wad of mushy paper right above the toilet.  When the 'stickiness' ran out of the paper, it would land in the toilet with a 'sploosh'.  That same sick noise that seemed to fool Gambit so much anyway.

And speaking of Gambit… Jamie cracked open the door and peaked out.  The thief had his back to the boy, at the register with a pink bottle of medicine.  With his attention held on the woman, Jamie dove out of the bathroom and rolled behind a display shelf of cookies.  Holding is breath, Jamie watched as Gambit turned and headed towards the bathroom.  Jamie could only creep slowly towards the door in a crouch.  His bandaged hands made no noise on the floor, and while barefoot, his feet absorbed any sounds of squeaking plastic.  

"Y'dere, garcon?  Remy got de medicine.  Wit' extra pep'o'mint taste."  He read from the bottle, tapping on the door with is fingers again.  Jamie froze.  His mind begged.  If he had any latent telekinetic ability, please _please _let it form now!  Gambit's hand reached for the doorknob to the bathroom.  Toilet paper fall now!  Faaaaaalll!

"Oi?  Y'want Remy should co-," But Gambit was interrupted by a wet sounding splash.  "Ehh!  How 'bout a courtesy flush der, garcon."  Jamie cheered silently.  It worked!  Remy was now trying to talk the 'Jamie' in the bathroom down from his most recent session of vomiting.  Jamie rose up to his hands and knees and crawled quickly to the door.  No one noticed the small boy run outside.

Jamie looked around.  The van's open door was facing away from the gas station, but Piotr was back in the passenger seat and would be able to see him if he looked out the window.  Jamie rolled into the shadows again.  A pay phone was under a bright streetlight, and it was far enough away that the occupants of the van couldn't see it.  If he could get there.

Remembering a lesson from Kurt, Jamie suddenly had another idea.  Kurt Lecture: Stealth 101.

                1.) Stay low to the ground or over their heads.  People rarely look anywhere except eye level.  

                2.) Move only when there is cover sound.  

                3.) Don't run -- motion attracts the eye.    

                4.) Never have open sky behind you from your 'stalk-ees' view.  

                5.) Use the shadows whenever possible.  

Taking the 'Crawlers advice, Jamie slid through the darkness, edging closer to the phone.  Using the shadows as his shield, Jamie would press himself into the darkness.  He waited for the sound of semi's on the interstate to roar by before moving.  Jamie crouched low in the corners when sounds and shadows were in shortage.  Finally, deciding he was far enough away, Jamie walked as calmly as he could manage to the phone.

Jamie only had a few coins in his pockets, enough for a soda in a vending machine or a few phone calls.  If he recalled correctly, this was the loose change he found in-between the cushions of the X-Van.  And now would be a good time to make a call.  Jamie quickly fed a quarter into the phone and dialed the Institute.  He cast a wary glance back to the van.  There was no movement from the van, and the door to the gas station was still closed.

The phone rang.

"Come on.  Com'mon!"  Jamie breathed, becoming frightened suddenly.  The phone rang again.  *CLICK*.  Ah!  Someone picked up!

"'Ello?"  It was Evan's sleepy voice.  Jamie had never been so happy to hear Spyke's voice.

"Evan!  Evan, it's me!  Jamie!"  He hissed into the phone.  "Ya _gott_a help!  I've been _kid-napped!"  Jamie's voice squeaked.  "The Acol__ites got me!"  There was a swift gasp on the other end of the line and then some muffled yelling._

Ororo's voice could be heard clearly.  "It's Jamie?!  Where is he calling from?"  She was probably at the top of the stairs or the other end of the room, but Jamie could hear her yelling.  There was more shouting and the phone began to make crackling noises.

"Where are you at, kid?"  Logan's voice rumbled the earpiece.  Jamie had never seen Logan worried, but the burly man _sounded_ worried.  

But Jamie never had a chance to answer.  "Collect call.  Gotta pay.  Too bad, runt."  A coarse voice growled, and the line suddenly went dead.  Looming over the back of the pay phone was a man with long blond hair and feral eyes.  This man Jamie actually knew.  It was Sabertooth.  He was holding the ripped cord, which had once connected Jamie to home.

Big feral man verses small un-mutant boy.  Jamie didn't like the odds.  So he cried.  "GAAAAAAAAM-BIIIIIIIT!"  He howled, wailing like a baby banshee.  Sabertooth actually jerked back in surprise before grabbing the boy's shirt and hoisting him off the ground.

"Shut up!  Do you want me to rip yer head off, runt?"  Sabertooth growled, flashing his fangs.  Jamie whimpered.

"Pussy-cat, put de boy down.  Before he empty his bladder on ya."  Gambit's smooth voice saved Jamie from risking screaming again.  The young boy was dropped roughly to the ground in disgust.  Jamie was hyperventilating and backpedaled on all fours until he reached Gambit's legs.  Then he clung like a koala.

Piotr heard Jamie's scream too and exited the van quickly.  Jamie did a double take when he saw the Russian.  He seemed to be plated with metal.  EVERYWHERE.  Even his eyes looked metal!  And the way his feet made dents in the blacktop, Jamie decided that starting a fight with Colossus in metal-form was asking to be made into a meat pancake.  Releasing Gambit's leg, Jamie rolled to his feet and clung to Colossus' hand, hiding from Sabertooth behind the metal mutant 'wall'.  Out of all of these homicidal maniacs, he trusted Piotr the most.

"Victor, you are late."  The way Piotr said 'Victor' accented on his Russian dialect.  He made 'c' sound more like a 'h' and rolled the 'r' slightly.  'Veehktorrr', or so Jamie thought.  Jamie looked up at Piotr for a second before he realized that he had been addressing Sabertooth.

"His name is 'Victor'?"  Jamie whispered, snickering.  

Jamie had forgotten Sabertooth's senses were just as good as Wolverine's, if not better.  The man heard Jamie giggling and growled, the tone promising a painful death if he continued.  The boy gave a frightened squeak and ducked behind Piotr again.  "Was held up.  The Rogue got a grip on me."  He growled.  "The time I got out, Cajun was already drivin' away."  This was accented by a glare at Remy and cracking his knuckles.

"Remy knows.  But d'boss said if anyone fell b'hind, jus' t'go.  We didn' even get de rocks in the end."  He shrugged, casting Jamie a sharp look.  Jamie shrank behind Piotr a little more.  He had managed to save all the diamonds, and possibly Rogue and Kitty, but it had cost him his freedom.  "It was a bonus t'see mon cher so far from da nest.  Shame we didn' have da time t'chat." [5]

The conversation caught Jamie's attention, reminding him sharply of the explosion that shook the van back at the museum.  Jamie sprang out from behind Colossus and kicked Gambit in the leg, this time hitting the unarmored part.  "YOU JE_RKS!"  His yell ended up squeaking.  "What did you __do to Rogue?!"  Colossus grabbed Jamie and hoisted him into the air, tossing him over his shoulder.  Gambit was rubbing his newly bruised leg.  Sabertooth sneered at him, snorting something about 'wimps'.  Jamie was tempted to kick him too, just to be spiteful.  But the fact Sabertooth could kick him like a football rather put the boy off._

"Nothin'!  Remy didn' lay a hand on de lady!"  Gambit protested, leaning away from Jamie's flailing limbs.  De explosion was m'cards takin' care of de door for us, not at de Rogue.  Mon Dieu, y'kick like a horse, garcon!"  He rubbed his leg again before straightening up.

The feral mutant had been watching Jamie with mild interest, much like a cat watches a mouse.  After Piotr had the small boy restrained, he growled out, "The Rogue was hairy and snarlin' when I left."  Sabertooth, or 'Victor', frowned.  "And yer friend that goes through walls nearly hit me with her car."  The feral man idly scratched along his arm, as if remembering phantom pain.

"That's how Kitty normally drives."  Jamie mumbled.  There was a pause.  "Can… I _go_ ho_me now?  If your__ done?"  He asked.  It was a long shot, but the kidnapping was less confusing and more frightening with the appearance of Sabertooth._

"Non."  Gambit replied.  They all loaded back into the van after that.  Well… first they had to put out a magazine fire that St. John started.  THEN they all got into the van.

************************************************************

                Jamie looked down at his aching hands at he wrote.  The bandages had been replaced with small band-aids.  It was easier to write, but the scar tissue didn't bend very easily.  Professor McCoy had promised the scarring would be barely visible when he was fully healed.  The bandages made writing easier, but the pen kept slipping from his fingers.

"Now I wish I had Logan's healing ability."  Jamie sighed.  His voice had deepened; the squeak that plagued him was gone.  It was much deeper than Bobby's voice was, but it bore the same softness that Piotr's did.

Toying with the pen, Jamie began to doodle in the margins.  "Well… as long as I'm wishing…  I wish I had a million bucks and a new car."  Nothing appeared… not that Jamie really expected it tom, though.  Jerking his attention back to the journal, Jamie began to scribble more words onto the page.

*********************************************************

                "I'm bliiiiind!"  Jamie wailed, rolling around on the van floor.  The leather 'straitjacket' back on him.  As well as his shoes.  Now Jamie could kick Gambit all he wanted without hurting his feet.  THAT was why he was back in the jacket…

Piotr stared down at the thrashing boy.  "It's just a blindvold."  His accent became stronger as he became confused.

"I wanna see what his evil twin acts like.  He'd be downright crazy!"  St. John sitting near Jamie, nudging him with his foot whenever the boy rolled too close to the wall.  Piotr sat on the opposite side of the van, doing the same thing.  Jamie was more or less boxed in by two Acolytes.  

Jamie remained silent at John's words.  His multiples were his twins in his mind.  And there was only one 'twin' who would be the evil twin.  That was the multiple who would burst into dance at the drop of a hat.  Jamie missed him, *or rather, himself*.

"Johnny?"  Jamie rolled to a sitting position.  "Why'd you put _the blindfold on me?"  His voice was leveling out after he began trying a trick Piotr taught him.  Jamie was speaking at the very bottom of his voice in calm tones.  The squeaking was down to a minimum, and the new bass of his voice was actually so different to hear Jamie sounded like a different person._

The pyromaniac sounded smug.  "So you can't lead your little X-buddies back to our base should you make a brake for it, boyo."  There was a pause.  "Hey!  We still don't know your name!"  Jamie paused, thinking quickly.

"I'm Thor, the conqueror!"  Madrox announced, keeping his name hidden.  He didn't want these people going after his family. 

"Ya, and Remy is a nun."  Remy snorted, bringing the van to a halt at a streetlight.  Sabertooth had taken Piotr's spot in the front of the car and was completely silent.  Jamie forgot he was up there for a moment until he heard him growling at a comment by John.

"THAT, would be a sight, Swampy, in that fetching black and white dress, woo!"  St. John snickered.  "You'd be more likely to be Boy Scout than a nun, mate."

Jamie rolled on the floor to Piotr's feet before stopping.  "I was a boy scout."  He says.  "Actually… I was several boy scouts… but that a weird story."  Jamie sighs, remembering fondly the days when his mutation was still unexplainable.  Jamie's parents began telling everyone that Jamie had a twin so when the boy's multiples showed up, it would be passed off as 'normal'.  Boy scouts was the only activity Jamie did that made it likely for a multiple to pop into existence while in public.  The troop eventually accepted the fact that Jamie had a twin,.. and his twin would 'run away' from time to time.

"Really?  A boy scout?  Didja start fires, mate?"  St. John looked interested now.  "Wait!  I remember what we were talking about!  Your name!  You aren't Thor!"

Jamie snorted in exasperation.  "Call me Ishmael."

"I do not think so."  Piotr rested his elbows on his legs.

"I am the very modern image of a major general?"  Jamie tried again, singing the song from Pirates Penzance softly.

"NO!"  Remy jerked the wheel slightly.  "Not de song!"

Jamie made a confused noise.  St. John began to snigger.  "He hates musicals.  Deathly afraid of all of them."  The Australian smiled widely, his orange sunglasses sliding down his nose.  "Once, Pete' and me were watching the Sounds of Music,… for the edu-tainment purposes … and he walks in there and starts yelling his French and then runs from the room."  St John is laughing so hard, he has dropped his lighter.

Remy frowns deeply, his goatee shifting to brush against his lip as he pouts.  "Remy'll get you for dat, Luciole." [6]  Sabertooth looked over at Remy with an expression of disbelief and possibly amusement, but returned to staring out the window with a cranky glare.

There was silence in the van.  Jamie was rolling around on the floor again, and the bandana began to slip from his head.  Just a bit longer and he'd be able to see.  Actually, if he had a distraction, he'd probably be able to get a good look at where they were headed.  So… "Do!  A dear!  A female dear!  RAAAAY!"  Jamie began to sing.  "A drop of golden sun!  ME!  A name!  I call myselves..err…self!"  Jamie had to correct himself.  He had seen that movie many years before, and his multiples loved the song.  They would burst into rounds of singing, screwing up all the lyrics as they went.  At least they stopped trying to sing Monty Python songs all the time.  Jamie now knew the Spam song by heart and in round form.  And some other of Monty Python songs that Ororo would faint if she heard Jamie singing them.

"NON!  Quiet!  Quiet!"  Gambit caused the van to swerve again, but it was too late.  By this time, St. John had joined Jamie in the taunting song and was weaving around in a strange dance.  No… wait… that was the van swerving as Gambit tried to cover his ears and drive.

"Fa!  A long, long way to ruuuun!  So!  A needling pulling thread.  La!  A note to follow so!  Ti!  A drink of bread and JAAAM!  Which brings us back do DOOOOOO!"  The boys were extremely energetic in their song.  St. John didn't have all that bad of a singing voice either.  When Piotr joined in, the van was a mass of screaming and singing.

Jamie rubbed his face against his shoulder a bit, pulling the bandana over one eye.  He could see!  Jamie looked around through one eye.  They were (obviously) still in the van, but the van was now heading away from the city.  Further away from the city.  Before, Jamie had guessed he was about ten minutes outside of Bayville's neighboring city.  By now, they were at least an hour away.  And the van was heading into the woods.

                "If y'don't stop sinin'… Remy driving the van off the firs' cliff he come to!"  Gambit threatened.

                "Dude… this is New York.  There ARE no cliffs in our neck o' the woods."  St. John was now amused, grinning up at Gambit from his seat on the floor.

"Den Gambit gonna make one."  The steering wheel of the car began to glow a vibrant orange.  The car quickly silenced, but not before Jamie used the noise and thrashing to look out of the window.  They were heading towards a small cabin in the middle of the woods.  A cabin that had no out-standing, distinguishing marks, no signs, and no way to identify from any of the other dozens of houses that may be in these woods.  In other words, Jamie Madrox, age 14, was lost… with a car full of Magneto's Acolytes, no mutation, and a really bad feeling about the whole thing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TRANSLATION… from the German-speaking monkey (God, my French makes me violently ill) 

Mon Dieu = my god

Oui = yes

Non = no

Chere = dear  

mon ami= my friend (And if you didn't know those… you REALLY don't read any fics with Remy in it, do ya?)

[1] Tapis-rat = rug-rat

[2] garcon = boy

[3] Petit frere =  little brother

[4] Ouais = yeah

[5] mon cher= my dear

[6] Luciole =  firefly


	9. Saving Private Madrox

                Some people have been asking 'what time are these chapters set at?'. Well, at first, this story was set at the very beginning when the New Mutants first showed up. But since this is written in a 'journal' style… and young kids are prone to forgetting about their diaries, a lot of time skipped by. Now the story is taking place right before Evan leaves and when the Institute had just been rebuilt. THAT'S RIGHT, Board boy! Beat it and let ME have all the milk! WHOAHAHAHAAA!

Evan: 0.o;;;

                Errm. But I digress. The Acolytes personally aren't well known of with the students, excluding Sabertooth. So only the Professor, and maybe Logan (and of COURSE Rogue knows Remy. The idiot tried to blow her up) would know of them. None of the other students would have a clue what the hell an 'acolyte' is. Kurt probably would think it's a kind a of soda…  And now, random comments; A Kit moment.

Luna Fox: Let me ask you this.  If you had to go camping with all the New Mutants, Logan, and your forty-some odd multiples, would YOU ever be the same?  No!  Um, I'm assuming the 'savage dancing' Jamie represents some part of his psyche.  It's probably the part that likes cookies.

And Stretch!  This is for you! ::punches Jamie in the arm, puts a bow, some random ribbons, and gift wrap on the multiple::  Here you are!  Keep in mind, they don't last long.  Like balloon animals.

Faeryeyes.  Um.  Sounds like Pyro is… uh… really happy.  Really.  I'm just gonna give him this _INCONSPICOUS AND HARMLESS CAKE.  _Yep.  No lighters in there… Uh... I mean… The sky is falling!  Ahhhh!!

To Nacla … MOMMA!  SHE'S THREATENING ME!! ::Runs off::

Todd Fan, sorry.  No Mags in this chapter.  I have the greatest urge to write him so badly OC, … well… it's bad.  And thanks for all those Forge idea.  Forge at Halloween comic, coming up… eventually.

Kiki Cabou: You get ten (not real) Kit dollars!  Jamie DOES escape!  Jamie DOES charm them all!  … just… not quite like you probably imagine.

Nine Bucks!  No choking on ice cream!  If that happens, just drink some REALLY hot water.  Fixes that problem up in a hurry.  And you feel bad for the Acolytes now… wait until the end of the chapter.  WHOAHAHAHAAA!

And Pantherdragon:  … do I even have to tell you to drink your milk at this point? …

(NOTE: Due to my usage of foreign language, and my mild case of lazy-ass, all words or slang you do not understand have definitions at the bottom of the chapter.)

                **"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

                **9/09/03**

********************************************************************

                (Previously on "The Private Life of Jamie Madrox")

                "'til de p'tit accepts he been ki'napped, we ain't going nowhere."  

                They were heading towards a small cabin in the middle of the woods.  A cabin that had no out-standing, distinguishing marks, no signs, and no way to identify from any of the other dozens of houses that may be in these woods.  In other words, Jamie Madrox, age 14, was lost… with a car full of Magneto's Acolytes, no mutation, and a really bad feeling about the whole thing.

*****************************************************************

                Jamie was lifted by Piotr and carried persuasively into the small cabin. After all, when a man who can walk through walls ('through' as in 'knocking them down like cards') picks you up, you really have no say in it. Dread permeated his small frame as the door was pushed open. Jamie half-expected to be instantly struck down by a death ray or something. Instead, he was greeted by a silent cabin.

The wooden cabin was only slightly bigger than a single story house. It had a very short hallway, and a very cluttered den. Magazines, cards, books, various 'pointy' objects, and dirty dishes lay scattered over the floor. There were fire alarms in every room --some rooms had two -- and extinguishers wedged into all the corners. Burn marks from fires and explosions scorched the floorboards. "Man, not even us teenagers are _this_ messy." Jamie wrinkled his nose. He was perched on Piotr Rasputin's shoulder like a large and highly talkative parrot. A parrot who had no hands to use, and when Piotr skidded on a stray magazine, Madrox went flying.

Shrieking in fear, Jamie rolled into a ball to brace himself for impact with the floor. The boy never hit the floor though. Instead, he was caught and cushioned by something meaty. Jamie figured either he landed on the world's largest hamburger or someone very large caught him. Cracking open one chocolate-colored eye, Jamie found himself looking to a pair of russet-tinted eyes. The eyes were glaring. 

Sabertooth had caught Jamie.

Jamie thought he was going to faint. "Nice catch, mate! Didja ever think about the big leagues?" Pyro kicked a few of the magazines out of the way.

"NEVER let this pup hit something, or you'll _have_ a big league." Victor snarled, dropping Jamie, but making sure the boy landed on his feet. "Li'l punk copies himself if he's hit." The cat-like mutant then staked claim on one of the chairs of the room, a very plush leather chair.

Straightening uncomfortably, Jamie glanced over at the other Acolytes. Remy looked suspicious. "Dat's not right. Remy saw de boy run into a wall, de car, a door, ma' leg… and no other boys appeared."

Jamie looked down at his feet in shame. "My…" He lead off. He didn't need to look up to tell everyone was staring at him. "My mutation… stopped work-i-n-g." He said the final word very slowly, swallowing the thick sensation in his throat down. "I can't get it to work, anymore." Jamie's voice wavered.

Heavy footfalls and the tip of a silver boot alerted Jamie to Piotr's close presence. Strangely, the large mutant began to undo the knots in the jacket holding his arms down. "I am sorry for stumbling with you. And for your problem, friend." The deep tone to Piotr's voice made Jamie's bones vibrates down to his toes. "It is being unfair for you without mutation." The English he spoke with became rather broken.

"She'll be apples, Billy lid. Maybe… you just misplaced 'em?" St. John shrugged awkwardly.

"Apples?" Jamie blinked in confusion. What the heck did apples have to do with his mutation, and who was this 'she' he was referring to?

"Garcon has no powers now, yet he still kicks 'n' fights us the whole way? Why?" Remy sprawled himself out in a chair, relaxing as Jamie shook his arms free from his jacket. Piotr took a seat near the wall, nearly taking an entire sofa with his massive size.

"You were stealing! And diamonds are special and pretty. You can't _take_ them." Jamie's voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "You're bad guys. Well… except for him. He's a weird guy." Jamie pointed at St. John. The fire-headed Australian was trying to stomp out what looked like Riverdance on the floor.

St. John Allerdyce smiled sheepishly. "Spider on the floor. Gnarly legs. Horrible bugs." The young man shuddered. 

"Where did you find him anyway? He's like an extra from the Croc Hunter show!" Jamie raised an eyebrow in bewilderment.

"Oh, com'mon, mate! No one's THAT insane! … I call Good Chair!" And with that, St. John shoved Victor out of the chair and onto the floor. Sabertooth began snarling furiously at Pyro, threatening him with dismemberment and a muttered promise to stuff him into a mailbox. Swiping half-heartedly at the insane John, Victor took another chair and growled threats under his breath.

"Not sure, but Remy t'ink he come from a cereal box." Pulling on the bottoms of his gloves, Gambit adjusted the leather. "He was d'prize at de bott'm, d'Fruit Loop."

St. John sat up rigidly in his chair. "I am not! I'm from Cap'n Crunch! They have better prizes. Oooh! Or Lucky Charms. Magically delish'." Jamie tried not to laugh, pressing his hands over his mouth. Pyro then jumped up and broke into an Irish jig while singing the commercial jingle. And if his 'spider stomping' dance were any testament to his dancing skills, this white boy could not dance at all.

Shortly after this, a large, flaming crocodile, or perhaps an alligator (Jamie wasn't sure which) went gently gliding around the ceiling and turned a loop-de-loop. The Acolytes looked towards the pyro in question who had stopped dancing to watch the show.

"Hey! It wasn't me, mates!" Pyro held his hands up in a gesture for surrender.

As if all their heads were on a string, they Acolytes looked to the other side of the room. Sitting in a darkened corner was an old man with the fuzziest eyebrows Jamie Madrox had ever seen in his life. It was as if the eyebrows were trying to eat the man…

"Mastermind,… back from d'vacation, eh?" Remy rested his arms on his legs, leaning forward to stare at the man. The burning 'gator vanished without so much as a puff of smoke. It dawned on Jamie that Mastermind had the ability of illusions. "Ya like our new house-pet?" Gambit thumbed a gloved hand at Jamie. The boy snarled and snapped his teeth for show. From his own darkened corner across the room, Sabertooth made a ruffled grunting noise and flashed his red eyes over at the group.

"A hostage?" The dusty gray eyes focused on Jamie. Spooky.

"No. House guest." Piotr said in a monotone.

"I still maintain, he'd taste excellent in a barbie, with duck sauce and-- OW!" St. John had been gazing into space, imagining _something_, which worried Jamie. Remy kicked the fire-starter in the leg. Sabertooth, again, chose to ignore them all, but looked a bit more persuaded to stuff them all in a large oven and trying out John's idea.

Ignoring Jamie (which made the boy sigh in relief) Mastermind's hand pulled something out from under his cloak and he stepped into the light of the room. "My mission… was a bit more successful than yours, I'd assume." Masterind's hand opened and a dark blue gem suddenly appeared. "The switch was never noticed. Not even by you, Gambit." His voice was ancient. It sounded like Mastermind had lived his entire life in a dusty attic. Remy's eyes narrowed at the diamond, then his hand went to a pocket inside his coat. A piece of gravel was pulled out.

"Why'd you need the diamond?" Jamie asked. Mastermind stared at Jamie, and the boy felt the urge to suddenly shut up. Dang telepaths!

"Nice job, mon ami. Fool d'best, and ya fool d'rest." Gambit flipped the rock over his shoulder. "Was just gonna give Mag d'rock when he get back." The crimson eyes followed the diamond all the way back to Mastermind's pocket.

John snorted, throwing his hands over his head and sprawled in the Good Chair. "Yeah. And _then_ he was going to take the rock for a walk. Honestly!" John's hands balled into fists and he pressed them under his chin, batting his eyes and trying to pull off the 'innocent' look. He failed miserably and looked like he had something in his eye. Jamie choked back a laugh at John's bad impression, mashing his hands to his mouth again. Hot breath and repressed sniggers warmed his cool hands, but also dampened the dressing over the torn hands. His palms began to tingle again and he scratched at them through the thick bandages. With every scratch, Jamie winced, but the itching didn't stop.

Jamie nearly jumped when Piotr stood up suddenly. "I take the boy to be healed. His hands have much damage." The Russian gently caught Jamie's arm at the elbow and led him through the cramped cabin to a bathroom. Bandages, gauze, aloe gel, and bottles of peroxide were strewed about the room. It looked as if the Acolytes trained _very_ hard… or were incredibly clumsy. Jamie was willing to believe either.

"Give me your hand, nyehmnogo voeen." Piotr beckoned. Jamie looked up at him in confusion as his hand was cleaned and treated.

"Peter? Wh_Y_ are you… nice?" Jamie didn't know how to phrase the question and it came out blunt and child-like. In his curiosity, his voice rose back to a squeak.

A pair of cool blue eyes looked down at him, but Piotr said nothing. A layer of fine gauze was pressed into the pads of Jamie's palms and covered with clean dressing. Finally, Piotr replied. "Because… it is what I was taught. I have family back in Russia. I have small sister, much like you." The faintest smile touched his face before vanishing back into his expressionless features. Jamie's other hand was being unwrapped.

"You miss your sister then?" Jamie said softly. Family was always a very touchy subject around mutants. Most didn't have a family, or perhaps were on their own due to a family disaster. The few lucky enough to still have a caring family --Jamie included-- didn't see them often.

"Da. Illyana… was very close to." Piotr's voice became incomprehensibly soft and a few words were incomprehensible. "Some day, she will come to America. If she is a mutant too, she will need guidance." Jamie watched in silence as the mighty Colossus tucked the loose ends of his bandage into neat folds.

"Peter? My name is Jamie Madrox."

"It is nice to meet you, Jamie Madrox." Jamie's small fingers were enclosed by a massive paw.

*****************************************************

                Looking back, Jamie realized it was foolish to tell his name to someone so readily. It was a routine of Good Cop-Bad Cop, with Piotr as the Good cop. But Jamie was alone, scared, and sent utterly reeling at the situation. And there was Piotr Rasputin, acting as his surrogate big brother. For all Jamie knew, Piotr could have been some master at manipulation or something.

Still, Jamie would have done it all again had he the chance. He _needed_ that person to support him. "Ok, let's try it one more time. Peetor." Jamie said aloud, trying to pronounce the Russian's name with the same inflection that he was taught. "No… Piiteer. Ack, too much." His pen was drawing spirals along the margin of the journal. "Pii-tor. … close enough, I think. There! I got his name!" Jamie scrawled the correct pronunciation in the journal. 

"Now if only I could understand what the heck, 'nyehmnogo voeen' means?"

****************************************************

                "Hit me!" Jamie challenged.

"Ok, mon frere. Y'asked for it." Gambit rolled up his sleeve, his demon eyes narrowing. 

A card went flying face down on the table in front of Jamie. The boy peeked at it, lifting the waxy paper from the table only a single inch. A large shit-eating grin spread over his face.

"Oooh! I don't like that smile!" St. John leaned away from Jamie. "Holy dooley. Well, hit me too." A card slid to the pyro-kinetic. Lifting the card to the other two he was holding, Pyro held up his free hand and began counting on his fingers.

"Do not strain yourself." Piotr warned. Jamie smiled even wider.

"Shaddup! Ok, twelve, sixteen, twenty-thre….DOH! I bust." Johnny groaned, throwing his cards to the table. "Wipe that smile off your face, James!" 

Piotr had told the rest of the Acolytes Jamie's first name, but only after consulting the boy. St. John had thrown an arm around Jamie's shoulders and taken immediately to calling him 'James' and 'Prongs'. Why Prongs? Because St. John had the entire collection of Harry Potter books resting on one of the shelves. 

In his utter boredom, Jamie actually squealed with joy when he spotted his favorite series of books.  Remy looked horribly embarrassed to even have those books in the house.  When he had pointed to the hard-bound volumes and asking if anyone had read them, Johnny's answer was:

"Too right! Almost finished the very last book, so _no spoilers._" A large firebird was summoned up to accent the fire-starter's point. John --it seemed-- had been bitten by the Harry Potter bug as well. A large three-headed Fluffy toy menaced Sabertooth until the older mutant stalked out of the cabin. Cats and dogs don't mix; and as John claimed, this toy was bound to be shred into stuffing like the last four toys were. Victor had a spiteful streak a mile wide, and enjoyed seeing John bawling at the loss of his toys.

With everyone now calling Jamie by name, it also put the boy on guard. Having near-strangers call out your name is rather unsettling. Particularly if they were strangers as spooky as the Acolytes. Mastermind seemed full interested in studying Jamie and his mutation problem, and voiced his opinion that Magneto would as well. THAT idea didn't go over very well with anyone. Especially Jamie, for obvious reasons.  The other Acolytes seemed to pity Jamie just enough to not want to see him involved in any experiments.

The Acolytes were strangely attentive in making sure nothing happened to Jamie. Piotr was constantly keeping the young boy in arm's reach from danger and Victor. But Victor didn't have any of the urges to rip the kid a new navel like he normally did with people and simply ignored him. Jamie was able to make faces at him without being instantly killed. Remy was also keeping an eye on Jamie; insistent upon filling Jamie's head full of knowledge of stealth, self-defense, and teaching the boy how to be his own powerhouse. And John was the goofy big-brother type, teasing and pulling pranks on the younger boy. It felt almost like being at home with the X-men, but with an added level of danger.

"So, when does static-cling man return?" Jamie asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"Magneto." Jamie was corrected by a very irritable sounding Mastermind. And Mastermind was, in turn, ignored.

"He'll be back tomorrow." Piotr was reading a classic literature book. The book, 'Faust', was an English translation. Jamie had tried to read the first few lines, but found it so amazingly boring that he joined Remy and John at cards. Mastermind kept his seat in the darkened corner, his eyes boring into Jamie's head. The boy was almost positive the old man was trying to read his mind, so he pulled out his deuce he used for mind readers.

_'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how is gooooes! Da dada da daa. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and …'_ I think you get the point. Jamie kept singing the song over and over, watching in idle amusement as Mastermind's fuzzy eyebrows began to twitch spastically. Now the song was stuck in his head, Whoahahahahah!

Even if Jamie was in the middle of the Acolyte base, his mind was still running situations for his escape. So far, his plan was for the cabin to be hit by a meteor, flooded by a tidal wave, or spontaneously swamped by a very angry force cows. Of course, the odds any of those things happening was a little better than John winning at cards.

"You're cheating, mate! I know you are!" St. John pointed an accusing finger at Remy. He had lost his 34th consecutive game in a row.

"That's what happens in life. People cheat." Remy shrugged, not denying the accusation. "'Course, when dey cheat, dey usually win…" Red on black eyes flashed over to Jamie. The small boy was hoarding a large pile of poker chips and counting his wins. Perhaps it was best that they had not decided to play 'strip blackjack' after all.

"Oh yeah?  … It's the HARD KNOCK LIFE for us!  It's the hard knock life FOR US!  'Stead of treated, we get tricked!"  Allerdyce jumped to his feet, singing in his loudest possible voice.  Remy gasped, and clapped his hands over his ears.  "'Stead of kisses, we get kicks!"  Remy jumped to his feat, hands pressed to the sides of his head and howling out what might have been French cusses.  A chair was quickly overturned and Johnny ran through the room hollering out the rest of the words as Gambit tried to stuff exploding cards in the pyro's ears.  Jamie took the time to peek at Gambit's abandoned hand, and then doubled his bet. 

A few minutes later, John stopped singing and sat back down at the table.  Remy was rubbing his ears violently, as if trying to scrub the song out.  Without a word, Jamie flipped his hand up to reveal a perfect blackjack to Remy's three card twenty-one.  "That… I swear, is impossible." John snapped his lighter twice. "People just don't win that much in real life. You need to adjust better to reality, Prongs. Com'mon! Let's go throw stuff at other stuff." John snagged Jamie's arm and dragged him to the kitchen. Jamie was forced to follow, bewildered and more than a little hungry. He had been putting off eating any food from the Acolytes base in fear of it being drugged. Paranoia via Scott's teaching, ain't it great?

Inside the kitchen was Victor, looming over the refrigerator. When John pulled Jamie into the room, Victor glared at them and growled. The Australian unconsciously clung to Jamie at the sight of his much hairier and _much_ larger teammate snarling fiercely. "Whoa mate! We're not touching yer meat! Just… going to throw pots at pans and see if we can give Remy a migraine." John's hobbies included fire (duh), Harry Potter, reading Harlequin novels, bad 80's bands, and giving Gambit headaches.

"We are?" Jamie mumbled from under John's arm. Victor grabbed a package of frozen meat out of the freezer and threw it roughly onto the open flame of the stove. Then he held up his index finger and stalked outside.

"Yeah yeah, one minute, high flame. I know." John snorted. Seconds later the small blue flame on the gas stove became a massive, orange and red flaming inferno. Jamie squeaked in fear, hiding under the table and the flame formed into the shape of a cow and began stamping all over the meat. It mooed and stomped. It flicked its fiery tail. It chewed its fire cud. Yep, cows --fire form or otherwise-- were pretty boring to watch. A sudden idea hit Jamie. While Pyro was busy 'cooking', why not make a break for the back door in the kitchen? It was only feet away from the very spot Jamie was cowering. The door was obviously unlocked, as Victor had walked right through. Once free, Jamie would only have to follow the road back to a town and then he'd try calling home again.

Creeping along the floor on all fours, Jamie looked back at Pyro for a second. He had a massively homicidal grin on his face and was waving his arms like some kind of nutcase conductor. Jamie increased his speed, edging towards the door. Carefully, ever so carefully, the boy levered open the heavy door leading outside. It was dark, nearly without any light at all. The moon glistened off the pine trees just enough to give the hint of shadows and outlines. Looking back at John one more time, Jamie steeled his courage and jumped outside.

WHAM! Jamie's head rammed into the very door he swore he had just opened. Rubbing his neck and looking up, Jamie realized just where his plan went wrong. Sabertooth. The wild mutant was standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, and a smug smirk on his face. Reaching down and seizing Jamie by the collar, he dragged him back inside like a bag of cement. Jamie flailed helplessly as he was dragged back into captivity. John still noticed nothing. At this point, Jamie was pretty sure a herd of flying pigs could have come through the house and he wouldn't have noticed. Sabertooth kept Jamie held under one arm, so the boy dangled several feet off the ground. 'I feel like a piñata.' Jamie thought. 'Just as long as no one starts beating me… I can live with being a piñata.' One minute later, the cow vanished back to a controlled blue flame and the chunk of meat was a darkened red color. 

"Wooot! Flash fried to perfection!" St. John cracked his knuckles and stretched out, as if cooling down from a long work out.

Victor stalked over to the stove, grabbing his food and dropping Jamie on the floor. "If you make a racket, I'll rip off yer arms and smack you 'round with 'em." He growled around a bite of the cooked meat. Jamie gave another frightened peep and froze in panic. Apparently the threat was so plausible, even John paled. The two younger mutants stood there in fear long after Sabertooth left and Piotr came in.

The Russian took one look at Jamie and frowned at the dark rings under the youngster's eyes. "Jamie. You are hungry, da? We make something before you fall asleep where you stand." Piotr rummaged through the fridge, pulling out the makings for sandwiches. Jamie pulled himself up to the table, sitting in one of the oversized chairs. St. John decided to help and pulled out hot sauce, wasabi, and bell peppers. Jamie began to think he had a fetish.

"I could eat a horse and chase the jockey! Want a sanger? It's goooooo~od!" St. John offered, holding up his 'creation' and dancing it across the table. Jamie refused as politely as he could with one hand clamped over his nose. He could feel his nostrils burning at the smell of the sandwich.

Several ham sandwiches were made and consumed by the boy. 'Several' as in 'half a dozen' kind of several. Jamie's appetite seemed to match his growth spurts. John put away two of the sandwiches, but slathered them in mustard, hot sauce, pepper, and jalapeno peppers. Piotr didn't seem to eat anything, but the large plate of extra sandwiches did vanish when Jamie had his back turned. 

Stomach full and injuries cared for, Jamie's head felt rather heavy. The cottage was very warm; a result of Pyro's 24 hour fireplace display running (currently, it was 'fire celebrities'). In the den, Remy was singing "Que Sara, Sara", but every other word seemed to be a mumbled swear.  It still sounded very soohing. It was all Jamie could do just to keep sitting straight at the table.

Jamie yawned, his jaw popping and eyes tearing as he fights the inevitable. He doesn't feel anything as Colossus lifts him from his chair, and by the time his head touches a pillow, he was already asleep.

*******************************************************

                Actually, sleep didn't sound too bad to Jamie right now. Stretching, he put his pen on the journal and began to loosen up his muscles. Logan had put Jamie through his own gauntlet earlier that day, testing his new abilities. With his growth spurt, Jamie was now stumbling over his longer legs and knocking his elbows into everything, be it table tops or people. He was even more clumsy than usual!

Outside in the hall, sounds of several of the students running were heard. The new student Scott had picked up ended up bunking with Rahne. The young girl was only a year older than Jamie, and had the ability to create and destroy electric fields. She was currently learning now _not_ to destroy electronic appliances. So far, though, she'd gone through two lamps, a alarm clock, the big TV in the den, and accidentally shorted out the main generator three times.

*****************************************************

                Sitting in the middle of the floor, Jamie Madrox looked over his shoulder at the Acolytes. They were all distracted at the time, juggling fire or cards or food. It was time. Jamie made a break for the door, and before anyone could reach him, threw himself out into the woods. The trees choked the sky from view as he ran. Jamie didn't dare turn around to see if he was being followed. He was almost free! If he just had help, or a distraction, he could go home! 

A figure was cutting through the thick brush ahead. Jamie skidded to a halt, his breath choking in his throat. It… couldn't be.

"LOGAN!" Jamie cheered, leaping at him for a hug. He was saved! Logan had found him after all! Logan always showed up to save the New Mutants, like their own personal bodyguard. All the tension of being kidnapped faded away as Jamie clung to the brawny man. "I'm so glad you're here I was worried that no one was coming and my mutation still isn't back," Jamie babbled, sniffling into the thick flannel of Logan's shirt.

Covering Logan from behind was Nightcrawler, Iceman, and Cannonball, all looking about the forest warily. "It's ok, Squirt. Now that we've got you, we can sing."

"…wha?" Jamie pulled back, looking up at Logan in confusion. He must have something in his ears, because that _really_ didn't sound right.

Suddenly, it seemed like they were standing on a very picturesque setting. Tall trees loomed overhead while mountains rose from the distance. Jamie was now positive he heard music playing in the background. What the…? Was all this behind the cabin the whole time?

"I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok! I sleep all night and I work all day!" Logan sang, his coarse voice hitting the notes all wrong. In the background, Kurt, Bobby and Sam echoed his song with the refrain.

"I cut down trees! I eat my lunch! I go to the…lavatory (whatever the hell that is). On Wednesdays I go shoppin' and have butter scones for tea!" He began to dance. Jamie was now terrified. The trio of background singers echoed him, standing around in Canadian Mounty uniforms.

"Cut cuts down trees! He eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory! One Wednesdays he goes shopping and has butter scones for tea! He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!" Kurt, Bobby, and Sam linked arms and did the can-can. Logan still singing. Jamie cowered.

Suddenly Sabertooth began to sing, stepping into the spotlight. "I cut down trees! I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers! I put on woman's clothing, and hangs around in bars!" Wolverine's foe was wearing a cocktail dress and stiletto heels. 

The background singers looked a little confused at Sabertooth's confession, but continued to sing. "He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!"

"I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra! I wish I'd been a girly, just like my dear papa!" The two savage men were prancing about, wearing very pastel colors. Jamie could feel his gag reflex triggering.

                Suddenly Jamie wakes from his dream. "PETER!!!! I had a nightmare!" He shouts, clutching at the blankets. In the background, someone was playing Monty Python, and it happened to be on the Lumberjack song. It was daylight outside now. The pale light was filling the room and dust motes danced in the air. The golden particles went soaring when Piotr hurried over to the sofa where Jamie had been sleeping. A table was kicked indifferently out of the way as he reached Jamie's side.

Colossus sat quietly next to Jamie, placing one large hand over the boy's head. Jamie was shuddering in disgust from the dream. Angry, hairy men should _never_ be stuffed into dresses!

Still in his corner (Jamie was now convinced Mastermind was glued to his head), the telepath suddenly stiffened and then broke into fit of coughing. Did that jerk just read his mind? 'Hey! Leave my head along, Caterpillar Eyebrow-guy!' Jamie thought. Now Mastermind's eyes jerked up to stare at Jamie in flat out shock. 'Yeah! Yer eyebrows look like a couple of wooly 'pillars! Caterpillar-guy!' As most 14-year-old are habituated to do, Jamie than began taunting Mastermind's eyebrows.

"Jamie… you alright, there?" Piotr noticed the way Jamie seemed to be glaring into space, as if he were thinking about something really hard.

"Uh… yeah. I'm fine." Jamie stretched. He paused in mid-stretch. "Hey! It doesn't hurt anymore!" He suddenly announced.

"Pouqoui? What doesn't hurt no more?" Gambit leaned into the room.

Jamie jumped to his feet, stretching his arms and back. "Me! All my aches and stuff are gone! Those… growing pain thingys." Jamie began to jump, testing out his legs. "WHOA! I'm tall!" Jamie suddenly noticed just how tall he was. The sofa, which was almost the exact same one in the den of the institute, was now very small looking.

The rest of the Acolytes entered the room at the racket and spotted the not-quite-so-small boy jumping around, waving his arms, and cheering. Sabertooth walked in, and immediately walked back out without stopping. Mastermind followed immediately after him, grumbling something about caterpillars under his breath.

Piotr checked Jamie's hands quickly before going to retrieve the first aid kit. As for John, he went back in to the kitchen, where all the things that could potentially explode were located. Remy was the only other one in the room. He was leaning against the wall, one hand in his pocket. Jamie fidgeted uncomfortably in the silence that followed.

"Uh.. I … should find Peter." Jamie jumped to his feet, heading towards the bathroom after the silence became intolerable. 

"Day 1. Moral is low, but due to that pile of candy I found, I'm sugar-high." Remy began to read from a torn piece of newsprint. Red crayon marked all over the page in childish print. Jamie froze in place as Gambit read. "At first, I thought I was kidnapped by a 3-ring circus, but there are actually five of them. Add one more Acolyte and it would be like Jamie Madrox and the seven dwarfs. I definitely don't want to be here when angry-electric 'dwarf #6' comes home. Unless my mutation comes back I don't think I want to be around when the bad guy comes back." 

Gambit looked away from the paper to the slack jawed expression on the boy's face. "Ya spelled 'electric' wrong, garcon, and ya need t'hide yer diary pages better." The thief smirked, his darkened crimson eyes narrowing in amusement.

"Givitback!" Jamie jumped for the paper. Gambit held it above his head.

"Ah ah. It's not bad, tapis. Kinda… fun. F'Remy t'read, that is." Gambit lowered the paper just a bit, and then jerked it back up as Jamie jumped.

Jamie widened his stance, pouting. "How'd you find that? I put it where no one would think to look!" Jamie had hidden the 'journal entry' wedged between the last pages of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. At the rate John was reading, he wouldn't find it for quite a while, and no one else showed even the slightest desire to read them.

A lightbulb flickered on in Jamie's head. "You were reading it... _You _were reading Harry Potter!" The not-currently-multiplying-mutant began to raise his voice. "So you finished already? What did you think? Did you like it too?!" 

Remy's eyes widened in horror. Quickly he thrust the page back at Jamie and then clamped one gloved hand over the brunettes mouth. "Not a word, garcon. Remy keep your secr't, you keep Remy's, oui?"

Jamie smirked.

Gambit frowned and removed his hand

"Ok. Deal!" Jamie held his bandaged arm out. Remy shook his hand. "No more reading my journal, and I won't tell anyone you're a closet fan."

"Swampy is a what?" John leaned into the room, smirking. Remy charged a single card until it was a blinding gold. "Uh… I… heard nothing." St. John said mechanically and pulled back out of the room. 

Jamie took the sofa over by force, sprawling out on the leather. "So… how'd ya find your mutation. Fo' that matter, what IS de mutation?" Remy began to flip a single card about in his long fingers.

Figuring Gambit already knew about his mutation (Jamie had the sinking suspicion that Magneto had been keeping tabs on all the students at the institute), he decided to tell the his story. Couldn't hurt anymore than them already knowing his name, Jamie reasoned. "Well, I was up in the attic back at home, and I was looking for a box. The attic was _really_ dust and gross, and this BIG ugly spider dropped down the back of my shirt. So I started jumped around yelling and rammed my head into a rafter. The next thing I know, there are three other me's all running an' screaming an' jumping around. For a moment, I thought I was seeing double or mom had mirrors hidden up in the attic."

Gambit chuckled softly. "Bet your 'mother' was shocked t'hell to see she had four dusty li'l boys." Jamie laughed too.

"Yeah, when I first started multiplying, my copies were filling the whole house. It was like that Star Wars 'Attack of the Clones''!" Remy dropped his card trying to keep from laughing any harder. An army of small, cute boys was almost as ridiculous as the fire zoo that John started behind the cabin.

The afternoon began to tick onwards. Mastermind received a telepathic signal from Magneto, and informed everyone he'd be over within an hour. Jamie suddenly felt all his courage drop down to his shoes. Clutching his eyes shut, Jamie waited for his doom. He would have curled into a fetal position, but he wanted to be brave. He wanted to show his friends back home he wasn't scared of anything, even when he should be. Piotr cleaned Jamie's dressings one final time, and then gave the boy a sympathetic pat on the back. But at that moment, Jamie felt something… 'click'.

"Kak! Skol'ko… so many!" Piotr's English became nothing more than broken fragments. Jamie felt odd. His eyes were still pressed closed, but it was as if he could see everyone gawking at him. How was that even…

Jamie's eyes suddenly snapped open, his mouth hanging open. Sitting around him, looking confused, were two copies. The duplicates had no bandages on their hands, and seemed horribly confused about their arms and legs for some reason.

"Hey! We're all tall!"

"Dude! We don't have to use a chair to get cups anymore!"

"Wow, the floor is a long ways a way now."

"Dance boogy! Dance dance dance!" (You probably guessed it… Savage dancing).

"WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN?" This was the original Jamie. He jumped forward and grabbed his two multiples in a hug,

Remy and John were staring at Jamie in utter shock. "Mon Dieu! De boy is like a photo copier!" Gambit blinked a few times, wondering if his brain were being manipulated by Mastermind for a second. Mastermind was wondering if his brain was being manipulated by that ham, salsa, and mustard sandwich John had smuggled into his lunch.

St. John, on the other hand, "WOW! Ace! That's bloody wicked, Prongs," was orbiting the Jamies like an electron and firing off question at an astonishing rate. "Can you copy things too? Do you know what your copies are thinkin'? Which is the evil one? How many of 'em can you make there?"

"Muhwa?" Was all three Jamie's answer. Their brains had been fried. Jamie #3, naturally, burst into dance without the head-Jamie to tell him to stop. Sabertooth walked into the room, spotted three Jamies (one of which was dancing like a spaz) and immediately left the room again. He wasn't paid enough to deal with multiple little kids. Hell, he wasn't paid enough to deal with Johnny.

Jamie's thoughts quickly collected. He had his mutation back and there was only one thing he wanted to do (well, besides go to Disneyland). "RUUUUN!" Jamie howled, punching himself in the chest. Five more duplicates popped out, and they all scattered. It was like an infestation of Jamies in the small cabin. Several Jamies began leaping over the furniture while Remy tried to grab them. One ran over to the fireplace and inevitably started dancing in front of the flames, which distracted St. John. A few ran around Mastermind in a circle, calling him 'fuzzy head'. One clung to each of Piotr's legs like Jamie-leg-weights. 

Even _more_ multiples were added to the mix. No one knew who the real Jamie was. There were multiples raiding the fridge. Multiples watching TV. Multiples opening and slamming doors. Multiples throwing things. Multiples everywhere! Mastermind had long since pulled his mind inwards to his 'quiet place' and was sitting in the middle of the den staring blankly into space. Sabertooth had vanished deep into the woods and climbed a tree, snarling at anything that came near. Remy and John became entangled in a toilet paper and duct tape web that the multiples wove over the bathroom doorway.

"Kid has kangaroos loose in the top paddock. I swear." John said, suspended upside down. All the blood was rushing to his head, and his lighter was laying on the floor, mere inches from his fingers.

Piotr, however, had not budged a single inch. Ten Jamies were pulling on his arms, and more were trying to push him from behind. "Jamie, I know _this_ is you." Piotr's hand gently nudged one of the many Jamies milling about. The boy froze in fear.

"How… can you tell? We all look alike." His voice quavered. His escaping-via-driving-everyone-insane plan wasn't working!

Reaching down, Piotr tugged on the clean, white bandages on Jamie's hands. "Your brothers look like you, but they do not have these. Jamie's red shirt almost covered the bandages, but Piotr was more perceptive than the boy thought.

Jamie's head sagged to his chest in dismay and his multiples stopped trying to push Colossus. "Are you going to lock me up?"

"Nyet." 

Brown eyes bugged open. "What? You aren't? I thought… you…" The young mutant became confused. Several of the multiples began to vanish as he lost concentration.

"You have nothing we need, and we can gain nothing with you. You are young. Go home. We will not tell Magneto of you." Piotr gently pulled the multiples off his legs, setting them on the ground beside the original Jamie.

"Go home?" Jamie echoed.

"You are now my brother, nyehmnogo voeen. Go home." Colossus stood firm, waiting for Jamie to move. The multiples faded away to only Jamie and his psycho dancing copy. The boy was staring up at Colossus, tears burning at his eyes.

"Tha_aank_ y_ou_, Peter." He choked, his voice cracking. Stepping forward, he hugged the Acolyte and stifled a sniffle. 

"Alright Precious, I'm here!" A new voice called out.

Jamie froze and pulled away from Piotr. "I know that voice…" He mulled. A wild blew through the cabin, sending magazines and garbage flying. The wind was laughing at Remy and John in their sticky web.

"...PIETRO!" Jamie shouted. 

The speed mutant stopped abruptly and lifted his hands to his ears. "We've got to stop meeting with you screaming in my ear, Squirt." Pietro winced. Then he did a double take. "SQUIRT?! What are you doing _here?!"_

"I got kidnapped, but Peter says I can go home now." Jamie's voice was carefully kept at a low hum to prevent squeaking. It would be embarrassing if Pietro heard his voice crack. Jamie dashed down the hall to say goodbye to the captive Remy and St. John. Maybe Piotr would let them out… after he had a moment's peace. Jamie actually hugged John (from his sticky trap) and then warned Remy to 'stay away from my Rogue'. The Cajun stared down at the boy with a slack jaw before trying to struggle free again, muttering words in French.  That was when Jamie broke into song…

"So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night!"  Jamie waved.  Remy broke into a coughing fit.  "I hate to go and leave this pretty sight!  So long!  Farewell!  Auf Wiedersehen!  Adieu!  Adieu!  ADIEU!  To you and you and YOOOOU!"  Crooning, Jamie jumped out of the hallway and quickly mugged Mastermind, leaving a Remy in a musically-induced coma and John trying to 'air-applaud' his singing.  Remy soon broke out of his silence and began swearing even louder.

"Oooh! Dishware!" St. John looked over at Remy, appalled. "I'm onto you, Swampy!" Remy, however, was now confused. He began charging the sticky tape as Jamie ran back into the den.

"Bye Peter! I'll miss you." Jamie waved, stepping next to entryway of the cabin.

Colossus kept his arms folded and had not moved an inch since Pietro's arrival. "You are still saying my name wrong. 'Piotr', not 'Peter'." The giant corrected.

Pietro, of course, saw this as 'cannon fodder'. "Be right back, Petey. I'll just take the little guy home then, before _dad_ gets here." Pietro shuddered. Lifting Jamie onto his back, Pietro stumbled a bit. "Hey kid? Did you grow or something? You seem heavier." Jamie snorted. He didn't know the _half_ of it. There was a silver, green, and red (this was Jamie's shirt) blur as they smoked out of the cabin. Piotr was waving.

"Wait! Go back, Pietro! There is something I have to do first." Jamie turned about in Pietro's arms, trying to see back to the cabin. And suddenly they were there. Remy and St. John appeared to have gotten free from the tape trap and were leaving the house veeerry sloooowly. Or at least, it seemed that way to Pietro. 

"HEY JOHNNY! Here's a spoiler for you, … SIRIUS DIES! WHOAHAHAAA!"

St. John was silent for a bit. "… Wha… Oh my god. YOU LITTLE PUNK!" A giant firebird exploded from the house in the woods as Pietro sped away with Jamie Madrox. Remy's favorite pair of socks on the line was quickly incinerated. 

"Merde. Remy liked those socks, too."

***********************************************************

                Pietro had dropped Jamie off at the gates of the Institute, warning the boy that the whole place had been in an uproar over his kidnapping. Ruffling Jamie's hair, he made Multiple promise to tell him the whole story before zipping back to the cabin.

                That was nearly three days ago.

Jamie looked out the window at the bright sunlight streaming into his room. It seemed strange to grow. One minute he was the smallest of all of the mutants in the institute, and the next he was towering over half of them and sounded like he had swallowed a brick. 

While Jamie had been missing, the students and teachers had gone on search and rescue missions all day long. They managed to track Jamie's trail as far as the phone booth in the gas station where he took a bathroom break. But the trail went cold before they could go any further. Upon Jamie's return, everyone had gone frantic with relief and coddled him. Kitty was opening crying, promising over and over to never leave him behind again. The new mutants were simultaneously amazed he had gotten back all on his own (Pietro's help remained a secret), and vowing that if he ever got kidnapped again that they would find him and kick _his_ butt after they kicked around the bad guy. Logan was visibly relieved and spent a good deal of time teaching Jamie new martial art maneuvers. The Professors looked as if the weight of the world had been removed off his shoulders. But it was Rogue who was the most changed at his arrival.

Rogue was constantly keeping an eye on him in the Danger Room, even if they had a 5 AM session. She never asked a single question about his whole trip, but Jamie could see the intrigue lighting eyes whenever Jamie spoke in his new voice. Before, Rogue would listen when he spoke. Now, she would do the speaking and he would listen. She would take him into town and he would watch as she taught him to skirt around giant crowds. And early in the morning, before anyone else got up, Rogue would tell him secrets that she had told no one else.  She had found the bag of diamonds Jamie had tossed out of the bags and the authorities had recovered all of the precious stones, save for one.  The one Mastermind had gotten.  The same one Jamie gave to the Professor the second he came home.  During the wild pandemonium of his escape, Jamie mugged Mastermind and grabbed the diamond off of him while the man was in his own private 'lala-land'.  Now the museum had their entire collection back, thanks to Jamie Madrox.

Charles Xavier had called Jamie straight to the Medlab when the boy returned, pulling him from the crowed of students.  Hank had run a full diagnosis on Jamie, looking over old injuries and checking him for new ones.. The damage to his hands was actually healing very well, thanks to Piotr's care. Jamie's mutation had also returned in full and was just as it had been. Still, the few days that his mutation had gone dormant rose many questions about how it had been possible.

One idea was that Jamie's skin had somehow formed an 'anti-kinetic suit' of sorts, keeping him from copying. With his growth spurt came new levels of testosterone and adrenaline, which acted as a buffer for his mutation. Once his hormones leveled out again, his skin regained his old ability to absorb kinetic energy. Or might have been that his mutation evolved _around_ the chemical change and got used to the surge of hormones. It was like a teen getting oily skin during a growth spurt; Jamie got a mutant-repressed ability.

_'I learned many secrets from this. While I can't remember where the Acolytes base is hidden, I learned Rogue's real name is Marie. I learned Piotr is homesick. I actually have pity for Sabertooth now. I learned more about my mutation than I'd ever care to know.  Remy is terrified of musicals.  And Johnny talks about Oprah in his sleep.  But most of all, I learned how much I miss myself.'_ The penmanship was still as messy in the new, leather-bound book as it was in Jamie's old one. 

"Looks like I'll _still_ be getting nagged about my sloppy handwriting." Jamie grinned.

BAMF! Jamie jumped, knocking his leg on the underside of his desk. Knowing he had only two seconds before utter embarrassment, Jamie grabbed his leather book and sat on it. A multiple behind him stared up at the ceiling in confusion, waving his arms as a distraction.

"Kurt?"

"Jamie." Came the reply.

"Why are you hanging on our lights?"

"… Um… you know that big plant Storm had in the hall?"

Jamie #2 thought for a bit. "You mean that big Century plant?"

"Ja… that one." Kurt's voice wavered slightly. "Um… well, Storm now has a big plant…"

"KUUUURT!" The sky began to darken and lighting ripped through the atmosphere.

"…all over the dinning room floor…" He finished, voice laden with horror.

Multiple Man surveyed the raging storm outside, and his blue friend hanging from the light fixture. "You can hide in my closet! I'll sneak you food at stuff! It'll be like having a roommate!"

"HEY! I'm your roommate though!" Jamie's multiple interjected.

"No you aren't! You're like an evil voice in my head who comes out and blames everything on me!"

"No I'm not! You do that!"

"No I don't!"

"Yu-huh!"

"Uh-uh!" 

"Yu-huh!!!" Jamie shoved Jamie. Another multiple appeared.

"Uh-uh!" For a change, Jamie pushed Jamie. Yet another multiple appeared.

Kurt joined the two multiples on the floor, munching on a bag of chips and watching the soap opera unfurl. The pushing and shoving became the focus so much, Kurt missed it when Jamie began to cuss in French and Russian and using Australian slang…

One of the many multiples filling the room broke away from the even and picked up the fallen journal. Finding the black pen, he scrawled along the margin in loopy print, finishing the entry.

                _'I'm still waiting for the day I can use all this knowledge as blackmail information. I can even blackmail myself! WHOAAHAHAHAA!_

                                                _Jamie Madrox (#14)'_

***********************************************************************

And now, the great and collective DICTIONARY!

                Australian word-age! Gotta get around to thanking my great aunt. She's wiggi.

Ace = very good! Excellent!  
Billy lid - little kid  
Holy dooley! = Good heavens!  
Sanger = sandwich  
She'll be apples = it'll turn out ok. (A/N: confuses the hell outta me too)  
Too right! = definitely!

                Russian Vocab! (GOD, MY NON-EXISTENT RUSSIAN SKILLS!!)

Nyehmnogo voeen = little warrior   
Kak = what  
Skol'ko = how  
nyet = no

                And French (,)

Pourquoi = why?  
Garcon = boy  
merde =  shit


	10. ANOTHER Interlude: To stump, or not to s...

You expect a monkey with a computer to understand and write romance?!  Hell, I'm lucky to understand Shakespeare!  It would take an infinite amount of Kit's, writing on an infinite amount of computers for an infinite amount of time before Kit writes a romance fic, yo.  Which brings us to today's chapter…. THE INTERLUDE! ::dramatic music cues:: … KURT!  Turn that off!  Anyway, this is another interlude, therefore it had nothing to do with the actual story.  In fact, I'm writing this so you can skip over the interludes if you find them too insane.  

I DO have an idea for the next chapter.  But it will _finally_ be back in old 'journal' style.  No more extended chapter or 'to-be-continued's.  Normalcy will return!  It will return two seconds before the Armageddon hits, but that's another story.  So, from the cramped, carpel-tunnel-ridden hand of Kit, to you, I give you … MAIL BAG!!

Hey!  You can't ground me, TowardsZero!… well… you could TRY, but I'd break myself out.  House arrest doesn't work to well on me.  I really do tend to leap out windows, slide down gutters, and drop from the second story.  I'm a loony.

GASP!  RIAH-CHAN!  You have thus inspired me!  A fellow…uh… Madrox-ian!  Well, I can tell you, Peter David probably didn't picture Jamie Madrox _quite_ like this, eh?

Gyakutenno Megumi1:  Seeing as how one cannot hurt Freddy the Blob from the outside, my idea would be to feed him toxic sludge in disguise of food.  HAHA!  I defeated the Blob! … aw great.  Now I have the "Balloon Battle" game for Nintendo stuck in my head… ::wishes to go around popping balloon off of birds::

Oooo-oh Streeee-etch!  I actually need to thank you.  My beta wasn't around when I did my final review of the last chapter.  Thanks for pointed out the tense-switches.  And I'm an HP fan… a big, horrible, Fluffy fan.  I love that puppy.

Faeryeyes:  Ok, so Johnny is happy.  And incredibly delusional from pixie stix.  I'd now suggest padding the walls of your closet and making the whole room burn-proof.  And never giving ANY of them sugar ever again.

Grand High Priest (you know who you are) Cypher: Eventually, if I EVER attempt a romance fic, you'll be the first I let know.  That way, I can scream how it's all your fault.

ARG!  PANTHERDRAGON!  GOT MILK?!  No?  Then got a funnel, cause I'm going to force you to drink it!!!

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox… INTERLUDE MADNESS … X2!"**

**9/14/03**

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                Jamie Madrox was sitting on his bed, gazing out the window with disappointment.  He was grounded, again.  It wasn't his fault this time either!  He had only been trying to cook something in the kitchen.  How was he to know the melting point of copper pots!?  The damage to the kitchen wasn't as bad as they claimed.  He only burned one spatula and caused the oven door to solder shut.

"I'm booooored!"  Burying his head into his pillow, Jamie sighed.

"Someone call?"  A voice asked.  Jamie yelped and jumped up, his hand hitting the headboard and a lone multiple splitting off.  Leaning out from under his bed was a girl with tri-colored hair, blindingly orange clothes, and a horribly familiar grin.  And a tail.  It couldn't be!  But… IT WAS!!!

"Kit?"  Jamie leaned over the edge of his bed to watch as she wiggled out.  "… how'd you fit under there?"

Kit sighed, dusting off a layer of dust from her clothes.  "I'm a bloody midget.  What, you were expecting magic?"  Kit sneezed.  "Man, clean your room more often, Squirt!  I'm covered in dust bunnies."

"Ok, so why are you wearing all orange?  You look like a prison escapee."  Jamie asked.  

Kit looked down at herself, examining her blindingly orange shirt and her shiny orange pants.  Even her shoes were a yellow-orange plastic.  "What's wrong with orange?"  At this, Jamie said nothing.

With the hassle of greeting out of the way, Jamie sat on his bed, lower lip pouting and arms crossed.  Kit began to fidget under his stare.  "What?"  She became concerned.

Jamie pouted more, looking up at Kit with big, brown eyes.  Those big, brown, vulnerable eyes that plead for attention and… uh… sorry, got distracted.

"… oh no!  The Puppy-look!"  Kit jerked back.  "Ok!  Give me a second!  Let me search my pockets!"  She waved her hands in submission, then jammed them into her pockets.  "Lessee, twine, a yo-yo, my lighter, a box of pocky… uhh… pencil… a plastic army man, bottle rocket… nope… the cap of a marker, change, a sponge, more change, lint, sparklers, MORE change.  I guess that's why my pants are so heavy."  Kit smiled sheepishly.  Jamie waited.  "Ah HA!  Here, ya whiner."  Kit pulled out a full sized air horn and a megaphone.  "Go knock yourself out, Squirt."

"Yee hooo!"  Jamie grinned widely at his new 'toys'.  "So, what's our story today?  Random scenes in a blender again?  Or have you a plot?"

"Plot?!  From KIT?!  Yer joking, right?"  Kit's tail waved indignantly at even the _thought of a plot.  "No.  Today, we are doing Q and A."_

There was a silence.  Kit became suspicious.  Jamie was thinking of something.  And judging by the leer on his little face, it was something perverted.  "Don't you even _think it, kid.  Man, hormones make you little guys all weird."  She shied away from him, taking a seat on his bed.  Jamie's leer vanished instantly._

"So, what kind of questions can I ask?"  Jamie began examining the buttons on the megaphone.  COOL!  There was a button for 'megamix'!

"Any question.  Random interviews with characters.  If you stump them… I dunno… give you something cool."  Kit shrugged.

"But I can't leave the house," sighing, Jamie flopped over on the bed that Kit had just invaded.  This lead to brainstorming.  Two brains, a whoopie cushion, a savage dancing multiple, an air horn, a megaphone, and a pair of Shadowcat's socks were their entire inventory.  Perhaps it was Pryde's socks that gave them the idea.  Jamie began plotting.

**************************************************

                Wearing a gray trench coat, slacks, and one of those film-noir hats, Jamie Madrox left him room with a pad of paper and a pen.  "Ok, I'm taking all the peoples in the Institute, and Copy n' Monkey are taking all the ones out of it… cause, I'M GROUNDED!"  Jamie shouted, hoping someone would hear him and take pity on him.

Someone did hear him, but they had noooo pity.  "Hey!  Be quiet!  Some of us are doing important things!"  Ray shouted, leaning out of his room.  Ray shared a room with Roberto, and it was probably not a good idea putting a morning person in with a typical teen (I'll let you guess who the morning person is).

"Ray!  Ray, can I ask you some questions?"  Jamie waved his hand, the overly large coat dangling from his arms.

"You just did."

"RAY!"  Jamie yelled, his voice squeaking to a very painful note.  

Beserker winced, shoving his door open all the way.  "Fine!  Just stop with the squeaking."  

Jamie entered the room and then whirled around to face the older teen.  "Where were you on the morning of the 12th?  What is your alibi?"

"… what…"  Ray stared at Jamie, looking bewildered.

"Ah HA!  So you have no alibi!"  Jamie began to jot notes down on his paper.  

"Huh…"  Ray was even more bewildered, and now 75% suspicious.

"So, if I were to tell you, 'the striped bandicoot flies at midnight', how would you respond?!"  Jamie's question was so incredibly insane, Ray Crispin could think of nothing to say.  Was it some sort of airborn sickness, or had all the strange adventures Jamie gone on given him temporary insanity?  Hell… _permanent insanity, maybe!  Jamie jumped onto a desk chair when Ray didn't answer, the force of the jump pulling a single multiple out.  "When I turn off the lights, the guilty party will leave!"  Jamie's multiple then hit the light_

                Click …. .WHUMP   "OW!" …. tp tp tp… CRACK!  "Who just touched meee?!"  Creeeeee… SHATTER!  Zzzzzap!  Slam!  Sound of one hand clapping!  Click.

As the lights came on, the room was revealed to be full of Jamies (one was dancing, one was breaking things, and the rest were blinded by the light), Ray was locked in his own closet, and a very confused looking Scott Summers was standing next to the light switch.

"I've decided I don't want to know."  Scott said in a monotone, flicking the lights back out.  Then he flipped then back on, just to double check.  Seeing as the room was still filled with Jamies, ransacked, and Ray locked in a closet, he turned the lights back out.  However, the constant on-off-on flicker of the light got every single one of Jamie's multiples breaking to a light switch rave dance.  

                This… may continue on for a while.  Let's check up on our other Jamie.

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                "For the last time, I'M NOT SELLING COOKIES!"  Jamie's multiple shouted, pinned to the wall via hex bolt.  While the original Jamie stayed in the house (thereby following the Professor's instructions to not leave), Copy-Jamie waltzed right out of the Institute.  Well… maybe 'waltzed' is too strong of a word.  It was more like, 'jumped out the window, ran to the gate, squeezed through, and then sashayed away'.  Jamie's multiple was wearing one of Kitty Pride's dresses.  It was a disguise, you know.

"You can't fool ME, Girl Scout!  Where'd ya hide the cookies?"  Pietro grilled.

"Do I _look_ like a Girl Scout to you, Zippy?"  Copy-Jamie wished he could kick his legs, but then thought better of it.  Kitty's skirt was pretty short, and even as a guy, he didn't want to flash everyone.

"I dunno.  She could be one of those 'navy seal's of the Girl Scouts.  You know, the Girl Scout that goes around and takes YOUR cookies, yo."  Todd was clinging to the wall nearby, ironically also searching for cookies.  Copy-Jamie stopped struggling long enough to give Todd a very odd and dreadfully frightened look.  Navy Seal Scouts?  He NEVER want to run into one of those in a dark alley.

"Hey!  Here's a cookie!"  Freddy had found a cookie in the handbag Kit had leant Jamie (for 'the character' she claimed).  And it wasn't gingerbread.

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you."  Jamie warned.

"Why?"  Freddy ate it.

"It fell on the floor, you know."

"So?"  Chew chew chew.

"In Scott's room."

Chew chew… pause… BLAAAARG!

"Eww!  Blob, that's gross!  Couldn't you have least leaned into Toad's room?"  Pietro was shuddering madly, trying to open the windows.  Of course, this was mostly pointless since the glass had been broken out long ago.

"Can I get off the wall now?"  Copy-Jamie asked.  Wanda looked over at the familiar-yet-not stranger, then silently shook her head.  "Then can I ask you all some questions since I'm just hanging around?"  

"Questions?  What kind of questions?"  Lance was instantly suspicious.  Suspicious of the semi-good/bad pun, more like it.  'hanging around'… have to remember that one for later…

There was a pause.  "I can't remember."  Copy-Jamie fell to the ground with a WHUMP as the witch lost concentration on her hex.  "OW!  I wrote them all down for a reason!  Jamie has weird questions… err… 'I' have weird, no wait… 'we' have weird?"  Copy-Jamie then became confused at the pronoun usage.

"Jamie?  Why didn't you tell us that's you!"  Tabby pulled Jamie off the floor, nearly jerking the not-so-small boy's arm out.  She pulled the little tan berretta off his head and ruffled his brown hair.  Copy-Jamie was then dragged by his skirt to the nearest chair.

Todd hopped to the ground, looked the boy over, and then raised an eyebrow.  "Can I just ask… what's with the dress, yo?  Cause as much as brown is your color, dawg…"  Todd winced.

"It was the monkey's idea.  I'm just a multiple though, Tabby, since Jamie got grounded.  But I have questions to ask.  I'm doing undercover journalism!"  Copy-Jamie reached into Kit's large handbag and pulled out a spare set of clothes.  Pulling the clothes over the dress (he was too embarrassed to change in front of everyone), Copy sighed in relief when he was wearing pants again.

 "Well?  What are you waiting for?  Interview us!"  Tabby scared Copy.  Perhaps it was the fact that one of the multiples was finally getting a taste of their own medicine.  Or maybe it was the fact that Pietro had drawn little doodles and clown faces on her face while she was napping.  Yeah… it was probably the second one…

Retrieving the spiral notebook from the bag, Copy-Jamie began to read from the list. "Ok, if you could be any kind of cookie, what kind would you be?"  He sighed, reading the question with the utmost of embarrassment.  Jamie was trying to kill him.  Wait… would that be murder, or suicide?…

The Brotherhood sighed in frustration.  Yep.  These were Jamie's questions.  

"Tabby, you go first."  Lance flopped himself over in an easy-chair.

The blond Explo-member of the Brotherhood began to think.  "Well.  I suppose I'd be, OOOOH!  A chocolate-chocolate chunk cookie!  You know, the entirely chocolate cookie with big pieces of chocolate?"  Jamie did know about that.  Those were his favorite.  Whenever he ate them, he could almost _feel his body going into pancreatic shock._

"I know!  I know!  I'd be a gingerbread cookie!"  Pietro announced.  Freddy gave him a look of horror.  "You know, the 'run run run, as fast as you can' thing… that, and they are the only cookies shaped like _men."_

Freddy, in retaliation to Pietro's claim of cookie, chose his own.  "I like those Girl Scout cookies.  Those, 'Thin Mints'."  Todd rammed his face into the sofa to prevent himself from laughing out loud.  Nothing about Fred was 'thin'.  And also, Todd didn't want to be a floor pie when one of Freddy's meaty fists crushed him for laughing.

Copy-Jamie began to jot down the answers, mildly disappointed this question hadn't stumped anyone yet.  Todd was still silently snickering into the pillow when Lance elbowed him.  He made a little noise in his throat, not at all unlike 'ribbit'.  "Well, I guess I like the peanut butter cookies.  It's the closest you can get without actually having nuts in your cookie, and it's plain, yo."  It did make sense.  The Chocolate-chocolate chunk was almost too sweet, but a normal peanut butter… it was _allll_ good.

With four down, two to go, Lance went next.  "If I HAD to be a cookie, I'd be a anchovy and salsa cookie."  Freddy returned to retching at this and Tabby looked scandalized that cookies could be utterly disgusting.  "Hey, Kitty made that cookie, you know!  And that way, no one in their right mind would eat me."  

"Wow Lance!  That's the best idea ever!"  Copy-Jamie babbled.  Everyone so far listed cookies they would like to eat, therefore they'd have short cookie-lives.  But Lance would live forever and ever as a cookie.  Scribbling out the last of the answers, Copy realized there was still one person left who did not answer.

Everyone was looking towards Wanda.  Wanda looked back.  This caused most everyone to shudder in fear.  "Oreo."  She said simply, her darkened eyes warning everyone not to say a thing.  Everyone began to jabber incoherent agreements to her decision.   

Individual questions were next.  One of them _had_ to at least get the Brotherhood to be stumped.  "Ok, this question is for Pietro."

"Ask me anything!  I have no secrets!  Errm, as long as you don't ask about any of Magneto's plans… or that time I got drunk and ran to Grand Central Station…"  At this, Pietro actually looked embarrassed.

Copy blinked in confusion.  "Uh. Pietro, why are you so evil?"  Copy-Jamie read from the notebook.  This question was actually from Kit and scribbled in her print.  Man, Kit had some horrible handwriting… and she wrote with her tail.

"I'm not evil, just misunder ~ … well, ok, I'm evil."  Pietro confessed.  "But only when it's fashionably acceptable."  The blank look returned to Copy-Jamie as he tried to contemplate his answer.  Sadly, he failed this task, and then read the next question.

"This one is for Freddy.  Hey Freddy!  How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"  This was said at an incredibly fast speed as Jamie asked the rhetorical question.  It was the goal to stump someone with a question.  Rhetorical questions, or really _really_ embarrassing ones seemed his only hope.

Freddy pondered for a moment.  Copy-Jamie waited.

                Freddy scratched his chin in contemplation.  Copy-Jamie waited.

                Freddy began to hum in thought, sounding like a transformer in overdrive.  Copy-Jamie waited.

                Pietro, however, did not.  "JUST ANSWER!  Any answer!"  The speed-freak was nearly jumping out of his skin in his impatience.  Todd thought Jamie was either still waiting or had fallen asleep with his eyes open and standing up.

"Fifty-seven and… uhh… half?"  Freddy looked baffled.

The multiple looked down at his pad of paper.  "… sure.  That works."  He shrugged, scribbling on the pad.  Lance was trying to look over the little guy's shoulder.  Copy-Jamie shot Lance one of Rogue's patented Death Glares™, and then returned to writing.  The earth-shaker stumbled back, holding his shoulder as if he received a flesh wound.  The young adolescent was finally developing the 'leave me alone/talk to MEEEEEE' complex that most teenagers have.  After a full minute of writing (which, for that short answer, made no sense), he looked up at Lance.

"Ok… Lance.  Your question is 'why?'."  The duplicate wasn't even sure if that was a real question, but he asked it regardless.  It was an inside joke anyway.  This question is so 'inside', you'd need an endoscope to understand it.  And if you don't know what an 'endoscope' is… uh… don't ask.

"BE-cause."  Lance emphasized.  When he said no more, Copy-Jamie raised an eyebrow and continued to write.  The original Jamie asked weird questions.

To Tabby he asked, 'Who is the president of the United States of America?', but he got a question in return. 'You mean, that band?'.  Copy gave up, marked it as a 'stump?', and moved to the next question.

"Todd.  What is your… good lord, I can't believe I'm asking this…"  Copy-Jamie jerked the paper away, as if burned.  Pietro's anticipation blossomed into full-fledged anxiety and he snatched the notebook from the multiple.  Jamie gave whine and tried to take it back.  He got all of two steps before tripping over his large pants.

Pietro took over the role of interviewer, tucking the pen behind his ear.  "What is your favorite Christmas toy? … that's the question you couldn't ask?"  Pietro nudged the fallen boy with his foot.  Copy rolled to his rear, sitting on the warped floorboards.

"Christmas?!  I thought it said… er… something else."  The multiple flushed, smacking himself in the head.  "Dangit, Kit was right.  Too many hormones."

Todd hopped up the stairs, leaving the group in the living room.  Wanda was tempted to hex his ass up to the top landing, but decided that Todd would take that as some kind of compliment.  There was the sound of several things being knocked over before Todd returned, and carrying a long metal wire.  It nearly poked Freddy's eye out.

"THAT is your favorite toy?  Man, you got problems, Hoppy."  Tabby flicked the end of the wire.

"No, this _was_ my favorite toy, yo.  Use ta be a slinky."  Tolansky shook the metal cable. "Man, Pietro, your dad can really take all the fun outta a slinky."  Dropping the metal wire that in a previous life had been a slinky, Todd looked like he was pouting.

Tabby snatched the pad of paper from Pietro's hands, reading over the last question on the list.  "Oh, Wanda, it's for you."  Tabby popped her gum.  "Squirt wants to know, 'if you could stuff Pietro into any object, what would it be?'  Give the kid credit, _that_ is a fun question."

"Traitor!"  Pietro hollered.

Wanda's painted lips curled up into a sort of smile.  "Well… first I'd stuff him into a box.  Then I'd stuff that box into a cannon.  Then I'd aim that cannon at a tank full of hungry piranhas."  The room fell silent.

"Wa…WANDA!"  Pietro looked stricken and horrified.

"But since that involves more than one object, I'd just put him in a closet filled Toad's clothes and Tabby's shoes."  Wanda leaned against the wall, trying to imagine her wonderful revenge.  Pietro was trying to imagine his 'happy place'.

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                Not too far away from the Brotherhood boarding house, Kit was exploring on her own, searching out the Acolytes.  Truly, only an idiot would search them out, but then again, Kit has been called worse.  Spotting a suspicious-looking black van, Kit has a strange feeling of déjà vu.  The van had no windows, save for the windshield and the driver and passenger-side windows.  So she leaned in through the passenger window.

"Hi!"

Something that sounded an awful lot like, "Chere!  Save m'from d'feat!", was shouted by one of the people in the van.  Remy seized Kit by her orange shirt and shook her.  "Oi, you not mon Rogue."  Kit was dizzy, abused, and pretty sure he was speaking French to her.  Nothing ticks Kit off quite like French.  So she punched him in the stomach.

"Defeat?  Dude, can't you take a loss like a man?"  Kit's tail fluffed.

Remy rubbed his abused stomach.  "It's not d'loss.  It's THE FEET.  Johnny took his shoes off, and dey smell.  Dey smell _bad."  The entire group of the Acolytes were holding their noses and Kit winced in sympathy.  Sabertooth looked inches away from being ill.  Curse his heightened senses.  Mastermind was, once again, in his 'happy place', his body limp as his mind tried to escape the stench._

"Wait!  Yer Remy!"  Kit pointed… out the _obvious._

"Oui, and you are a _singe._"  Gambit pointed right back at Kit, using the French word for 'monkey'.  Since the entirety of Kit's French vocabulary was 'voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir', it was a good bet that Gambit confused her with his random French lesson of the day.  So, of course, Kit could care less and ignored it.

"W33t!  I got a question for you from Jamie.  He's grounded ya know.  Umm, it's…  'Parler vous français?'" [Do you speak French?]  She squinted at the page, trying to read both bad writing and a foreign language.

"Y'pronunciation sucks, mon ami."  Remy rubbed his head with his finger-less gloves.  "Oui. Je parle français." [yes, I speak French.]

"Hey!  I'm just the messenger! … and I don't speak French anyway.  Full o' cheese, that country."  Kit pulled out a notepad from her pocket and scratched the answer down.  Remy was almost positive she had just insulted the country, but then again, she had weirder slang that St. John.  

In the driver's seat, Colossus was wondering if it was appropriate to start driving really fast with that weird blond hanging in through the window.  Sabertooth was wondering if she was a monkey-person, or a person-like-monkey.  John was wondering why everyone had their noses covered.

"Kiiiiii~iit!"  This was shouted very loud, by with a voice that ranged from gravely to 'choir-boy soprano'.  Jamie (perhaps Copy-Jamie #2… they all look alike), was running along the sidewalk and heading straight for Kit.  She turned just in time to be tackled and they both went failing into the black van through via the passenger's window.  Remy was temporarily squashed as they tumbled over him and landed on the floor.  "Thanks for finding them for me!  Now I'll ask the questions!"  

Kit was mumbling 'The Lion and the Unicorn' poem, sprawled dizzily on the van floor.  Jamie, still seated on her back, took the pad of paper from her and began to breeze through the list of questions.  Finding where Kit left off, he turned to face Piotr.

"Hey, Peter, can you fit into a Yugo?"  Jamie asked, resting the pad of paper on his knees.

Everyone looked over at the massive Russian, trying to figure it out on their own.  "No.  If the car has a top, I cannot fit into Yugo.  Nor a Volkswagen."

St. John raised an eyebrow.  "Ya sound like you've tried, mate."

"Da. When I was a boy, I was trying to help a man get his automobile running again.  I had to get inside to try to start the car.  … It was very hard to get out again."  Colossus could have been blushing.  Or it could have been the red/orange reflection from Kit's clothes on his face.  

Kit's tail flicked, thwapping Jamie in the back of the head.  "Ow!  … Oh, right."  Jamie shuffled over to Mastermind.  "Hey, Caterpiller-head!  Hey, Fuzzy-Wuzzy!"  He prodded the illusionist in the arm.  There was no response.  "Darn, I'll have to skip him."  Jamie pouted, looking back down at the list.

"Johnny, your question!"  Jamie announced.  St. John spun around to sit in indian-style, awaiting his question eagerly.

Instead of a question though, Jamie reached into Kit's pocket and pulled out a sparkler and her lighter.  Applying the two of them together, Jamie held the glittering sparkler up for all to see.  John was staring, drool escaping at the corner of his mouth.  "FETCH!"  Jamie yelled, throwing the sparkler out of the window.  Remy was stepped on as St. John Allerdyce dove out the window.  "Responds easily to flame.  Seems to relax after having set fire.  Enjoys seeing others put out flam…er…flaming pants.  Rated code five pyromaniac."  Jamie winced, watching as an elderly man tried to put out his slacks.  John was laughing hysterically, rolling on the cement.

"Remy coulda told you it'd be more than a code three."  Gambit was rubbing his new injury.  He decided that shotgun wasn't all it was cracked up to be.  Opening the door, he reached out and dragged St. John back into the van.  The pyro looked very satisfied, like the cat who ate the canary with gray poupon.

Jamie looked over the pad of paper, then out the window.  Then he did a double take.  "Well, my mission here is done!"  He announced, climbing back to his feet.  Gambit looked around, and his eyes widened in surprise as he saw Rogue standing at the window, glowering in at him.

"Mon Dieu!  What is it wit dis seat?  D'you want t'come in t'rough dis window too, chere?"  Gambit recovered nicely, waggling his eyebrows at Rogue.

"Only if ya don't give meh Jamie back."  Rogue's arms were folded firmly and her fingers twitched to pull her gloves off.

Inside the van, Jamie winced.  "Rogue!  I'm just a copy!  I swear, I'm not breaking my grounding!"  He whined.  "I'm doing interviews for the original!"

Remy smirked as Rogue leaned into the van to look at the multiple.  "Chere.  Y'intrested in a kiss from Remy?"

"That depends.  Ya interested in a coma?" Gambit had to think about this.  While he was thinking, Rogue pulled back and spoke to Madrox.  "Com'mon Jamie.  Or Copy-Jamie.  Or Jamie's identical, twin evil brothah… we're goin' home."

"Ok.  My interview is done anway."  Jamie, once again, stepped on Gambit and dove out the window.  Remy gave a yelp and shot the boy glares.  

"What about Sabertooth?  You didn't ask him anything."  John asked.  Jamie looked back into the van at the feral mutant.

"I think he has had enough…"  The multiple of Madrox grimaced.

"You don't need your coat AND boots!  Give me one!  They be cool, daaaa."  Kit was clinging to the center of Sabertooth's back in that 'un-itchable' spot.  "Com'mon, Catman!"  Claws passed right over her, unable to reach where she was hanging.

"Git off!  I'll kill you!"  Victor snarled.

Copy-Jamie began to worry for the safety of his 'monkey'.  After all, she showed up in his room first!  His monkey!  "Kit!  Drop and roll!"  Jamie said.  Kit fell off Sabertooth's back, rolled in a ball to the front of the van, and sprang out the window with a happy sounding 'daaa'.  Remy gave another squeak as Kit's foot just barely missed 'a very sensitive spot'.  Remy LaBeau swore to never ride shotgun again.  "Thanks guys!  See ya!"  Copy waved to the Acolytes.

"No you won't Squirt."  Rogue sighed, taking his small hand with her soft gloves.

"Wait!  One more question for Colossus!"  Jamie reached into Kit's pocket (which cause her to yelp in panic), pulling out a magnet that read, 'I Love Tofu'.  Leaning into the driver's side window, he then jabbed it onto Colossus' forehead.  "We have received an answer!"  The magnet stuck.

"Coulda just asked, billy lid.  We did that the first week he joined up."  St. John said.  Jamie was scribbling on the pad of paper hastily.  Kit looked torn between taking the magnet back and leaving it there.  Colossus remained unmoving, much like a refrigerator. 

"Yer goin' ta be in big trouble back home, Squirt.  Laundry 'as gone missin', pranks were trapped all ovah, and ya locked Ray in the closet."  Rogue glanced around, wondering where the tailed-girl had just vanished too.  Copy-Jamie gave her a pleading look.  "No, not the puppy-look."  Rogue winced.  But before she could beg Jamie not to look at her like that, the multiple faded out.  The southern mutant looked around, and seeing only the Acolytes, decided to high-tail it back home.

"Remy will see y'later, Chere."  A half-gloved hand waved from the window.  Rogue gave a finger of her own in salute before heading home.  Unknown to Rogue, a card with a phone number written on it was hiding in her back pocket.  Oh, she'd have quite a surprise later…

********************************************************

                Upon Copy-Jamie's 'return' to the manor, the original Jamie was grabbed by Logan and dragged into the Sitting Room for a little 'talk'.  Probably to do with the way the entire Institute was booby-trapped in under an hour.  The room was silent.  Logan was staring at Jamie.  The young boy had his head bowed so his noir-style hat hid his eyes, and was sitting in the middle of the couch.  Kurt, Bobby, and Ray were watching from the doorway.  Bobby was eating frozen twinkies… don't ask.  Better than the deep-fried variety…

"So, exactly WHAT was it you saw again?"  Logan growled.

"I _told_ you!  This girl with weird hair and a monkey tail comes into my room from under my bed and tells me stories!"  Jamie rolled his eyes.  "She was the one who booby- trapped the house, before she left to find my …eh… find someone."  

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, Squirt!  You're still in trouble for taking Fuzzy's book and Popsicle's… pants, from before."  Logan kept his arms crossed, staring down at the boy in interrogation style.

Ray frowned.  "Don't forget he locked me in my own closet!  AND he made off with my hair dye after that."

"But I didn't do that!  I'm telling you the truth!  The Monke--eeEEAAARRGG!"  This disturbance was caused by the strange, tailed girl sitting on the end table, and eating someone's frozen Twinkies while they weren't looking.  Kit was trying to gnaw through the yellow, preservative-enriched sweets.  Jamie had no clue where she came from and was even more baffled how she ended up on the table.  As everyone turned to see what Jamie was flailing about at, Kit fell off the table and rolled ungracefully behind a chair.

Kurt saw nothing.  "Ok, I'm zhinking Jamie is going crazy now."

"She was just there!  She ate Bobby's snack!"  Jamie pointed behind the chair.  

Bobby looked at the table where his frozen dessert had been resting and gasped.  "Dang it, Jamie!  It was funny when you thought you were seeing things, but you have to draw the line at eating my desert!"  

Jamie gave Bobby a flat stare.  "How could I have eaten your snack if I'm way over here, doof."  Jamie folded his arms in his 'victory'.

"Multiples."  Everyone said.  Jamie frowned.  Oh yeah, he forgot about them.  But this wasn't his multiples!  This was that Kit-person!  Seeing no other choice, Jamie threw himself off the sofa and over the chair in a kamikaze attack.

WHUD!  "OW!  My tail!"  Direct hit.  About a dozen Jamie's were sitting on a very squashed looking Kit.  "And my spine and head and internal organs…that Twinkie I just ate… erk."

"Holy Moley!  Jamie vas right!  Zhere _is a monkey-person running around here!"  Kurt stepped back in panic.  Usually, this is proper behavior when meeting Kit.  That and keeping your hands firmly over your wallet and spare change.  But when said monkey-person is being squashed under a dozen 14-year-olds, your wallet is pretty well safe._

"Lungs… compressing."  Kit wheezed.  Jamie suddenly realized that breathing was probably important and began to command his copies to get off the dog pile.  Logan scratched his chin in confusion on how Jamie's 'imaginary weird friend' got into the institute.  And also pondering why she was holding a pair of what appeared to be Evan's pants.

"Sure, you can take my pants.  And you can take Kurt's pants.  And you can even take Evan's pants.  But when you take my Twinkies, there is NO MERCY!"  Iceman slammed his fist onto the table that once held his snacks.  "We have to keep the Institute safe for both pant and snack!  WHO'S WITH ME!"  

                The room was dead silent.  Utterly.

"Uh… sorry.  Guess I went overboard there."

                More silence.  Utter silence.  If your brain hasn't exploded, it has by now.  Feel free to run around screaming.

Kit raised her hand.  "Can I go home now?" 

"No." Wolverine was still standing close enough to the girl to grab her if she should make a break for it.  In other words, he was _looming over her shoulder._

"Gee, doesn't _this _sound familiar."  Kit mumbled.

"What was that, monkey?"  Logan leaned in, growling.

"Eep!  I… uh… I said… ESCAPE PLAN BETA!"  Kit shouted on the top of her lungs, which is actually surprisingly loud.  Logan was temporarily deafened.  In response to her yell, all of Jamie's multiples broke into the savage dance.  Kit jumped from the chair, ran across the room and threw herself out the window while waving Evan's pants like a flag.  No one could get across the room to stop her with all of the multiples in the way, but the real question was, did the _want to stop that miniature maniac?  Could anything stop her?!_

"Hey!  A penny!"  Kit skid to a stop, spotting change on the ground.  Ok, let us rephrase that.  Could anything thing _besides money stop her?!  After grabbing the penny, Kit resumed her flight to freedom.  Well, she wasn't __actually flying.  It's metaphorical, people!  As Kit jumped the final gate to the school's ground, Jamie began to softly sing 'Born Free', wiping an imaginary tear from his eyes._

Kurt was staring out the window with a look of perplexity.  "Jamie, vhere does she go after she leaves?"

Jamie watched for a bit, thinking.  "I dunno.  I asked once and she told me she lived in a parallel dimension with an alternative anthropocentric society.  I think she means Cleveland or something…"  Bobby nodded.  Cleveland… it was so strange.

Logan turned and left the room while the boys were still pondering.  This was too weird to tell Chuck.  He'd just tell the man they had an infestation of really big rats or something. "We're gonna need bigger rat traps."  The man rumbled.

********************************************************

                His journal pulled out, Jamie was writing a few notes in today's section.  Mostly about the questions and answers he received from his investigative undercover interviews.  He wondered if Kit accepted any of his 'stumps' he scored.  Therefore, Kit owed him… something cool.  There was a knock at the door.  Jamie stuffed the journal under his blankets and pulled out his megaphone.  "COME IN!!"  He whispered into the microphone.  His voice was amplified and he barely made out a yelp from the other side of the door.

"Sheez, Jamie, vhere did you get zhat microphone?"  Kurt winced, rubbing his ears.

Jamie clicked the device back off, setting it down.  "Kit gave it too me!"  At the name, Kurt shuddered.  "What?  You don't like her?"

"Aaah,  Sie ist serh, guhh… She is certainly…"  Kurt stammered.  Judging by what Jamie said, Kit had the tendency to show up when she felt like it, WHERE she felt like it.

"Insane?"

"Ja."

"Get used to it."  Jamie pulled out the airhorn, grinning widely.  Kurt's gold eyes widened at the sight.  "Now if you'll excuse me, I have revenge to plan.  WHOAHAHAHAAAAA!"  BAMF, and Kurt was gone.  "Wow, that was fast."  Pulling the leather book back out, Jamie flipped to the page he left off at.  Preparing to write, Madrox pauses as he sees a strange script at the bottom of the page.

                'So, if Jamie is reading this, THIS IS A MESSAGE OF JOY!  If anyone else is reading this, THIS IS A DOOOOOM MESSAGE!  Hey, Squirt.  Sorry to run like that.  Call it my 'irrational fear of Canadians'.  I found your notebook from the interviews, too.  Sorry, but I don't accept Mastermind's lack of answer as a 'stump'.  And Tabby DID know the names of the Presidents of the United States of America… just not THE president.  Ya shoulda been specific.  No stump for you!'

"Awww!  No fair."  Jamie whined.  Then he continued to read.

                'But your work with Ray, GENIUS!  I give you a gold 'stump' award!  Check under your bed for your prize, my brother!'  Giving a cheer, Jamie dropped the book and looked under his bed.  A shoebox was shoved under his blankets.  Levering the box out, Jamie opened it carefully.  

Wedged in the box were six cans of silly string, a spare garage door opener, a fake rubber rat, and a note to 'go nuts, Squirt'.  Jamie began laughing.  "BWHAHAHAHAAAA-HAHAHAAA!"  Jamie was laughing hysterically.  In the girl's wing, Amara yelled for 'SILENCE', and in the boy's wing, Kurt shuddered.  From the den, Rahne began to howl, much like a dog when it hears the emergency broadcast alarms wailing.

                At the very bottom of the page, Kit finished up the entry earlier.  'And then, let the mischief of Madrox be unleashed upon the world!  And it was good.  HAHAHAHHAAA!  XD

                                                                                                                                Jamie Madrox's keeper (KIT)'


	11. Author Notes and Rejected Plots

                **Welcome to 'The Excuse for Not Having this Chapter Done'.  I'm your host, the one who does nothing, yet seemingly never has time, Kit!   Who is writing this instead of trying to cram together another chapter.**

KIT: I AM writing the next actual chapter.  Eventually, this insanity will end, and the old insanity will begin over, but until then… ARG!  Well, once again, I'll be gone over the weekend.  I'm going to the renaissance fair.  Yep.  I'll be surrounded by Ye Olde Englishe speaking-e folke.  So, I get to have a weekend of fun in freezing Minnesota, you guys get to wander around aimlessly.  FUN!

JAMIE: That doesn't sound like fun…

KIT: Yeah, well neither did stuffing John in a fire-proof closet, but look how fun that was!  Anyway, I'll tell you what I'm up to.  I am devising a plot!  Two plots even!  One for the Brotherhood *it's where Blob gets his fear of Gingerbread* and one for the Acolytes (mostly Pyro oriented) because JB and Faeryeyes are out there… with pointy sticks.  They never sleep… always watching me, my precious… ::breaks into twitching fit and falls over::

::Beast steps in, takes Kit's blood pressure and winces:: 

BEAST: It's 142 beats a minute… in CONGA rhythm?!  My stars and garters!  Get this monkey to the medlab, stat! … I've always wanted to say that.  ::Hoists Kit up, and shuffles off::

JAMIE: … not again!  I don't like telling the readers there is no update!  They get all angry!  ::Kit renters the room, looking much more sane.::  Wow!  That's the fastest recovery from a mental break down I've ever seen!

KIT: And now… for something completely random… rejected plot ideas.

**************************************************************************

                ::Scene opens, Kit's crouched in the director's chair, flipping through the script with distaste.::

KIT: QUIET ON THE SET!  Pietro!  ON SCENE!  

                ::Pietro zips onto the set::

KIT: Ok, in this scene, Magneto falls off the building after a sentinel nearly steps on him.  Pietro, you are horribly distraught.

PIETRO: I can do distraught in my sleep! No problem!  A-hem.  

                ::Lights dim, Magneto dodges the sentinel's leg, but falls off the building.::

PIETRO: GAAAAAAANDAAAAA~LF!

KIT: O.o …. Uh… cut?

                ::Magneto hovers back up to the stage, giving Pietro his own strange look::

PIETRO: Oh, did I mess that up?

KIT: Well… let's try that falling scene again.  One more time Gand-err… Magneto, from the top.

MAGNETO: I swear, you take a roll in a literary classic… the arts!  And you are forever known as 'Gandalf'. ::Grumbles::

(For obvious reasons, I did not use this.  As you all know, Ian Mckellen plays Gandalf and the X-men movie's Magneto… he also looks like my Grandpa when he doesn't sleep…)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                ::YET ANOTHER scene::

KIT: Set… SEEEET… SHADDUP! ::the room quiets::  John!  Your turn!  Get up here!

                ::John jumps onto the stage, and immediately belts out the lyrics to 'Janie's got a gun', replacing the word 'Janie' with 'Jamie'.  The small boy the song is now about looked bewildered.:: 

KIT: JOHN!  Can't you shut up so we can film!!?

REMY: Non.  We lucky we can get homme t'shut up in his sleep.

KIT: That's it, JOHN!  Yer fired!  Bring in the stunt double!

JOHN: You can't fire me!  Who else can do my fire stuff!

KIT: Amara or Mastermind.

JOHN: ::pouting:: But who can do my scintillating wit?

KIT: Bobby … standing on his head… while being hit with wiffle bats.

BOBBY: Not the wiffle bats!  Have mercy!

JOHN: ::disheartened:: But no one looks like me!

                ::Mystique enters the room, looking disgruntled.  John pouts in his monogrammed chair::

KIT: Quiet on the set!  Mystique!  In this scene, 'John' is supposed to give an upset Jamie a hug.  Be supportive.  … and is that my milk?!  ::Kit snatches her milk from Evan::

                ::Mystique morphs into John's form and steps up to Jamie, hugging the small boy.  Jamie is quite for a moment.::

MYSTIQUE/JOHN: There, there, tot.  Would you rather we and find ice cream or something?

JAMIE: …. BOOBIES!  JOHN HAS BOOBIES!

KIT: Gah!  …. ,  WHY!  What did I do to deserve this?!  CUT!!

JOHN: Well, sheila, looks like I'm needed.  Hire me back at double my rate and I'll do it.

KIT:  Fine.  Your rate is double.  …. ::hands John nothing:: HAHA!  Now do you realize your folly of multiplying by zero!  Yer working for free!  WHOAHAHAAAAA!

MYSTIQUE: So does that mean I go back to the staff lounge?

MAGNETO: They just added a self-serve ice cream machine!

JAMIE: …Boobies!  
HANK: Med staff on set!  We've had another break-down!

KIT: … I need a vacation…

(This was for TowardsZero.  SEE!  This is why I can't put Mystique in yet!  Jamie's now scarred for life.  Don't worry, she's coming in… when you least expect it!  PS: Rolled newspaper no longer threatens me.  I've been upgraded to 'folded paper fan'.  And 'Kit Treats' are synonymous with 'Cheez Itz'.  MMmmmm CHEEZ.)

*********************************************************************************

And now, for comments!  Ignore ME!  IGNORE MEEEEE!

JB: Askth, and thou shall receive… as long as it is goofy.  See, ya got a fic coming your way… eventually.

Kiki Cabou:  Yes, I am horribly addicted to Harry Potter and Monty Python… which is actually a hilarious mix!

Black Arache: HEY!  Someone who actually LIKES my interludes! …. I like you.

ASGT:  Weird that you mention it, but I just inked a henna design on the top of my foot!  It's like were cosmically connected! … or henna is good.

Tasmanian Devil: Yes, laughing seems to be a serious side effect of reading my fics.  If people cried, I might think something is wrong with me … or possibly them.

TowardsZero: THE SHEEP?! …. Wait… I digress, I like Cheez Itz.  The End

Marian: Ya wanna touch Jamie?  Well, only if you promise not to use his powers for the dark-side of pranking.

Animeluvr1: NOOO!  I have Evan's pants!  I'm a very selfish monkey.  Only milk and lots of cheesy crackers my persuade me otherwise.

Imhotep Ardeth Bey:  ACK!  You mean all this time Jamie's eyes are BLUE!?  Well, thanks for the correction, 'oh mighty one'.  I'll revise it later.  And then I'll only draw fan art where Jamie has BLUE eyes, daaa.

Stretch: Kit IS the alter Ego, and she DID take over a while ago.  And if you start running now, you may catch up to Remy.  He left screaming about a minute ago.

Lonley Poet: I'm a bad pun-ster as well.  A BAAAAD punster.

Todd Fan: My brain is run by a lazy hamster in a wheel.  It COULD get more insane, but the question is, are you afraid of cheese and sock puppets?


	12. Happy Something or Other, Jamie

                NEW CHAPTER, with new stuff.  This is kinda marvel-verse stuff a bit, daa.  If you look closely at 'X-Treme Measures', you'll see a very small Morlock who is pink with funny 'lumps' on him.  That is Arthur "Artie" Maddicks.  And any X-man fan knows, you can't have Artie without Leech.  Those two are pranking lords!  Therefore, once again, I jam MORE characters in!  WOOOO!  And of course, the semi-triumphant return of Evan.  Hey, he's nifty!

And I am sorry this chapter took so long to get out!  But that was because: A) No ideas!  B) My other evo-fic "Gimme a Day Off" C) My BIRTHDAY!  I'M 21! WEEEEEE~!  And D) … wait… I forget.  But I'm sorry!  … COMMENTS!

BRAWN!  I would be honored to lead the freaks.  But first I must teach them how to eat large amounts of pixie stix, and Mountain Dew at once.  After that, I'll teach you all how to take over Seattle.

To STRETCH: I ALWAYS find myself wishing I could have Jamie's power. Then I'd be able to type three fics at once, go to work, AND get 12 hours of sleep.  Mmmm, sleep.

GYAKTENNO MEGUMI: Yer a loony.  All of you.  

And yes, YENSIDR, I AM a curve-wrecker.  I raise the bar of insanity and fanfiction! … I also break stuff, but that's just me being clumsy.

WOOOO!  BLACK ARACHNE gave me cheez-itz!  ::evil grin:: There shall now be Armageddon for every man, woman and child!  YAHAHHAHAAAA! … meh, later. ::sits down and eats Cheez-Itz::

AGST and KAT MAXIMOFF:  Wooo!  I love John Cleese!  But I dislike coconuts.  Therefore, John Cleese carrying coconuts would negate the disgusting-ness of the coconut and made them both 'Simply Ok'.  … what was I talking about again?

Ah, NACLA has given me my daily 'bodily harm' threat.  My day is now complete.

TOWARDSZERO: Mystique is in the next chapter. … AND I LIKE GARLIC!

OK, ANIMELUVR1, in exchange for this copious amounts of milk and Cheez-like-products, I give you the title to Evan's pants.  Enjoy.  I sure am! ::drinks milk::

… ALSYN: I shall free you from your paper prison… with MORE PAPER!  And I did write part of the Pyro fic… and there will also be socks in the next chapter.  OK!  That's all!

And TODDFAN.  I couldn't figure out that 'little girl with abnormally large hands's name.  I'm using the one you have in your fic, "While the Adults are Away"… because I'm lazy, uncreative,… and potentially evil.  Thanks (Even thought you had no clue you were helping me to begin with!)

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"  (Co-written with PantherDragon… who should drink more milk)  
10/17/03  (revised, due to idiocy)**

********************************************************************

The breakfast table was almost utterly deserted.  Jamie was eating a large bowl of cereal by himself, wondering just why the kitchen was forsaken.  Never mind it was 7:00 AM on a weekend, there _still_ should be people up and about.  Kurt was usually making his first meal of the day at this time, his second at about 3:45 and the third coming sometime after the mandatory lights out.  Logan was _always_ up, turning on the coffee machine.  Jean occasionally made an appearance into the kitchen.  Often, Rogue would be up with Jamie as well.  

But there was no one else up today.

"Did I miss a Danger Room session?"  Jamie suddenly wondered aloud.  Jumping to his feet, Jamie tossed his dishes into the sink and ran to the elevator.  If he were late, showing up in the middle of a session would be preferable to not showing up at all.  It's kind of showing up late to your own wedding… you _know_ you're screwed, but better to be screwed than have a dozen angry family members out to kill you if you don't show.

Racing out of the elevator, Jamie's feet skidded across the floor as he stopped in front of the lockers. He threw his open and hastily pulled on his clothes. Tugging on the yellow glove of his New Mutant uniform, Jamie stepped into the Danger Room control center.  It was empty.  Through the screen, he could see the Danger Room itself was also empty.  "Strange, I thought they would have been here…"  Jamie's forehead wrinkled in worry.  "Maybe I missed them outside."

Trekking back up the stairs, Jamie peeled off his gloves and dropped it in the hallway, pulling on his favorite red sweater.  He'd pick his uniform's gloves up later.  Looking out all the windows, and finally stepping out the front door, Jamie was confused when he saw no one.  The yard didn't even have training dummies in it.  Nor was Bobby outside. . . . But I repeat myself.

"Ok, they've _got to be in the upstairs rooms then."  Jamie squeaked in worry, heading up the large set of grand stairs.  He left his shoes near the top, remembering (too late) that Ms. Monroe didn't want him to track mud on the carpet.  On the upper levels there were a few classrooms.  They didn't teach math and science though (unless it was finals week, then they were the 'cramming' rooms); these rooms housed education for the young mutants powers.  The rooms were where they'd be taught on other mutations, and how to adapt to them.  The second story of the library was also at the top of the stairs.  Someone would always be tucked in the library, if only for the quiet it afforded._

Checking the library first, Jamie was surprised to find it entirely empty.  He didn't bother with the smaller classrooms.  With school on a lazy point, no one was concerned about studying and it was far too early in the day for an educational lecture on mutations.  That left only the bedrooms.  

By this point, Jamie was running down the hall at top speed to get to the guys' wing first.  Clapping his hands together several times, Jamie pulled out five multiples.  "Go check the girls' rooms!  You!  Help me check the guys' rooms."  Pointing a finger at one of his multiples, Jamie ordered them all off.  He could only hope that his face didn't look as frightened as his multiples.  Where WAS everyone?!

Well, he knew where Evan was.  Evan Daniels had left for the Morlocks, his mutation becoming too uncontrollable for him to want to stay at Xavier's.  Rahne and Jubliee had been taken home, their parents concerned about the Sentinels and the crisis with riots.  

Jamie paused before he could check the first room, as did his multiples.  "Wait… Evan!  Evan might know where everyone is!"  Even though the skater mutant had retreated to the sewers, he kept in contact with (of all people) Ray.  Beserker had some kind of connection with the underground mutants and liked to keep tabs on them.  Jamie had once overheard Ray mumbling about Spyke in the sewers and then carefully followed him.  Therefore, Jamie could remember exactly how to get to their base… sooo….

"Ok, then, we make a short trip, then."  Jamie announced.  His multiples mashed back into one being, Copy-Jamie.  Copy then began to help the original find his shoes and such for the trip.  Strange, but Copy was developing a more independent personality.  Much like Savage-dancing Jamie.  The two boys ran out of the mansion, grabbing their *identical* backpacks with *identical* journals from the entryway first.

Two minutes passed.  The Institute remained silent.

"Is he still looking?"  Someone hissed.

"Shhh!  I don't know!"  There was a soft 'thud'.  "Kitty!  Take a look-see."

Kitty's head stuck through the wall, much like a hunting trophy.  A brunette, valley-girl hunting trophy.  BOO-YA!  "Um, no one's out there, guys."  She pulled back into the wall.

"Vhere'd he go!  He vas just 'ere!"  There was a BAMF and then Kurt was standing in the hallway.  The door to Jamie's room opened and everyone, from teachers to the New Mutants, peered out.  "He left!"

Logan growled, shoving free from the mass of people in Jamie's room.  "I told ya, hidin' was a bad idea."  Sniffing the air, Logan then began to track Jamie down.  Well… he TRIED to track the boy down.  Each multiple had a scent trail identical to the original, and they lead all over.

Hank hoisted a large box from under Jamie's desk.  "I suppose I should put this back in the fridge until we find him.  Everyone, … Jamie is missing… Again."  The New Mutants kicked their rears into gears, tearing around while shouting out Jamie's name.

"ACK!"  Roberto stepped on Jamie's discarded glove and went sailing down the stairs.  All the mutants winced at the WHUD he made.  

Kitty picked up the small glove, examining it closely.  "Look!  This is Jamie's!  OhmaiGOD!  Someone kidnapped him, and left his clothes!"  The room was silent as they _didn't_ try to picture this.  "Logan, can you sniff out Jamie from this?"  Kitty held the well wore glove up to Logan.

"What do I look like, a bloodhound?"  Logan snapped, but took the glove anyway.  After sniffing for a moment, he winced.  "Squirt should lay off the onion and relish hotdogs." Someone snickered, but Logan ignored it. "This way!"  Stomping outside, Logan began to lead them on the trail.

*************************************************************

_'The Journal of Madrox._

_Taking most of my cool things, such this book, my Gameboy, a camera, a big mag-lite, $4.53, and some cookies, I'm now searching for the ever-illusive Spyke.  The trek will be long and grueling, but I resolve, I will find him, and then get the answer I seek. … Where the heck is everyone at?!'_

Jamie closed the book, looking around.  He was standing in the alley near the Morlock's most-used manhole.  Shoving the journal back into his bag, Jamie then clapped his hands several times.  With the multiples now milling around, he commanded them to help lift the manhole cover.  Five of them managed to drag it off the opening to the sewers.

Looking into the dank hole, Jamie shuddered.  "Ok, so I swore I'd never go into the sewers again.  But I also swore I'd stop booby-trapping the mayonnaise jar.  THAT didn't happen, so I guess I can go into the sewers.  Lucky me."  Jamie reasoned, feeling the need to verbalize the need to go into the sewers as a reminder.  Jumping into the city sewage system, Jamie had the multiples above ground pull the cover back over the opening.  Then all four of the boys vanished.

The sewers --as opposed to what people might think-- were mostly full of funny smells and really disgusting looking water.  It was full of rain runoff and the stuff that gets dumped down gutters.  Decomposing leaves and fertilizer stained the water black.  Contrary to popular belief, the sewers have no actual poop.  And for that, Jamie was thankful. 

Pressed against the wall, Jamie tried to inch along the small footpath that was alongside the 'trough' of water that ran down the middle of the tunnel.  One wrong step, and he'd look like he'd been rolling in that water.  The stone flooring was covered with slimy algae, and it was slippery.  Madrox could faintly recall Roberto falling on his rear after slipping on a trail of the slime during the escape from the Institute.  At the time, it wasn't very funny at all.  But now Jamie could actually laugh.  

And laugh like an idiot he did.  All the way until the Morlocks found him.

"Jamie!"  Two other boys suddenly were hurdling at Jamie as the Morlocks walked towards him.  One was a small boy with strange pink skin and white eyes.  He waved frantically from the group of Morlocks, and then a big yellow smiley face appeared above him. Artie Maddicks jumped from the group to take Jamie's hand, 3-D holograms were projected in greeting.  The other was an equally small boy, but he was covered with a thick green skin and had solid yellow eyes.  Known only as 'Leech', he had the ability to negate any mutant power in his area.

When Caliban had lead the New Mutants to the Morlock's main base several months earlier, Artie, Leech, and Jamie formed an instant friendship.  A friendship based on pranks, laughing like idiots, and the resentment on being the youngest in the group.  And the latter lead only to more pranks on the older mutants.  It was a revolving cycle of destruction and whoopie cushions.

"I heard you laughing, we knew you were coming."  Callisto had her arms crossed over her duster.  Even with one eye missing, Jamie could tell she was shooting him strange looks.  "But I didn't know you were running away." 

"Huh?!"  Jamie's own eyes widened.  The slight chaffing of his pack reminded him that he was carrying what looked to be 'runaway' gear.  "Oh!  No!  I'm just looking for Evan.  I have to ask him something."

"Leech hasn't seen Evan all day!"  Leech edged his way beside Jamie.  "Evan took board, and left Artie and Leech behind."  Yeah, the youngest mutants are _always_ left behind, Morlock or X-men, it doesn't matter.  Actually, Leech and Artie were younger than Jamie, both of them only having turned twelve this year.

Jamie frowned, looking over at Lucid.  The lizard-ish mutant was acting as Callisto's point guard, keeping an eye open (or looking through walls) for any intruders.  "Then, can I ask Caliban where Evan is?"

"No one has ssseen Caliban either."  Lucid shook his head.  "Perhaps he took Ssspyke with him."

"They shouldn't be much longer.  We gather at high sun back at the base.  You are free to wait there."  Façade, a very calm oriental mutant of the Morlocks, made a gesture back to base.  Jamie was always suspicious of Façade.  The mutant could be anywhere, camouflaged as anything, and they wouldn't know.  It tended to put a cramp in pranking when your 'prankee' is pretending to be a sofa in the same room.

"…."  Artie said, creating a hologram of the boys playing what appeared to be monopoly.

"Leech agree.  Jamie should come play until noon."  The ball cap on Leech's head bobbed as the young boy nodded.  A noseless face wrinkled in mischief for a moment.  

"…."  Projected Artie while all the adult's backs were turned.

Jamie looked down at the pink boy.  "That's down right evil!"  He clapped his hands to his face in horror.  Then his expression changed to a large grin.  "Wish I'd thought of that idea!  I give you a cookie."  Reaching into his pack, Jamie pulled out the box of cookies.  The three boys munched on the cookies as they walked along the path to the newly relocated Morlock base.  After the Power8 fiasco, the Morlocks moved their headquarters.  This time it was actually hidden through a faux wall and into an abandoned catacombs that were built as protection from a nuclear raid.  The tunnels had been sealed off, but rediscovered by Lucid and Callisto.  The new haven was hidden much better than their old base.  The Morlocks called it The Alley.

Little Arthur "Artie" Maddicks seemed to suddenly remember something.  Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small wrapped box and held it to Jamie.  An image of Jamie opening the box was formed.  Jamie hesitantly took it, looking at the blue paper in confusion.

"Oh yeah!  That for Jamie from Artie and Leech.  Don't open yet!  Save for later."  Leech nudged Jamie.  With that touch, Jamie felt his entire mutation slowing to a halt, much like it had with his growth spurt.  But a few seconds later felt a duplicate slip out when he stumbled over a loose rock.  

Jamie was baffled.  Was he supposed to give them a gift in return?  Was this some sort of a thank you present?  "Thanks, guys.  I'll… keep it for later, then."  Jamie shoved the box into his pack, keeping his journal tucked under everything else.   He didn't want his friends to tease him for it.

Trekking over a bridge that appeared to be made from stalagmites grown from the very walls, and bone spikes, the boys walked just ahead of the older Morlocks.  It had been a while since Jamie had spoken to Evan, but it looked as if Spyke had found a good way to put the bone spurs to use.  The normally dismal underground camp looked… different.

"…"  Artie projected.

"Yeah, the chalk and toilet paper do make it look kind of like Valentine's Day."  Jamie nodded.

Callisto sighed in what looked like anguish.  Lucid frowned at the mess.  "We tried to clean it up, but more just keepsss appearing!  We don't know where it'sss coming from.  This 'X' ssseemsss to be in many placesss at once."  His tongue hissed over the 's'.

Leech stifled a giggle, pounding his chest as if clearing a cough.  Artie, of course, said nothing.  Jamie looked like he was constipated while trying to hold a poker face.  Unknown to everyone else (a rather suspicious fact in itself), the three boys where known only as 'X', the shortened version of 'X-force'.  Using the letter as a calling card, they left it tucked out of sight wherever they left a prank waiting.  And they took pride in writing giant X's everywhere, like Zorro.  A very deranged, prank-happy Zorro.

A small girl with abnormally large hands waved to the boys as they headed to the series of tents and brick huts that served as houses.  Jamie waved back to Torpid, smiling widely.  Torpid giggled giddily, covering part of her face and hiding sheepishly behind Scaleface.  Leech rolled his eyes.  At least, he probably rolled his eyes.  When someone has no pupils, it is very hard to tell such things.

"So, how's stuff been going?"  Jamie sat down inside one of the lean-to huts next to Artie.  Jamie was hinting at something, but he refused to actually say aloud what he was thinking.

And Leech refused to play along.  A smug grin was covering his face.  "Leech think Jamie have giiiirlfriiiiend!"  This was said in a singsong voice as Jamie flushed red.

"No I don't!  Gross!"  Jamie jerked away from the other two boys, trying to hide his red cheeks.

Artie smirked as well.  "…."  A hologram of a baby carriage popped up, with a very small Madrox with very large hands sucking on a pacifier.    Leech promptly fell over, laughing and snorting in amusement.  Artie just kept grinning.  Jamie had turned pink all over, rivaling Artie's color, and his ears were turning a burning red.

"Stoppit!  I don't like girls!  They… like me."  Jamie's color didn't improve.  If he kept blushing, at this rate he'd match his red sweater.  "I'll prove it!  I'll do something bad, and they'll STILL like me!"  The boy said indignantly.

This got Leech to stop laughing long enough to give him a funny look.  "Leech think Jamie is bluffing.  Leech think Jamie going to get _bus_-ted!"  The boy made a pumping gesture with his arm, indicating just how 'busted' Jamie was going to get.

"Fine!  I'll prove it!"  Jumping to his feet, Multiple left the tent to prove his point.

"…."  Artie blinked.

"Yeah.  Leech think Jamie has spam-for-brains too."  Leech snickered before followed Jamie.  Whatever the older mutant was planning, it was bound to be amusing.  Besides, they had time to waste before Evan or Caliban returned.

*********************************************************

Clad in the black Danger Room outfit that he never took off, Jamie led the group with the utmost of stealth.  Until he tripped over a soda can and three more Jamies' appeared.  Then all three of him returned to sneaking quietly.  Artie --trying to get into the 'ninja' mode-- went for all black as well.  Thought sadly, the only black clothes he could find though was a Greatful Dead shirt (with a big orange bear on the back), and a pair of pants three times too large.  He did manage to find a black hat to cover his pink skull though. Leech was wearing catcher's padding and a football helmet.  Jamie wasn't sure, but he thought Leech was attempting for the 'armored, hulking-wall' persona…which really doesn't work if you are four feet tall and weigh sixty pounds.

"Ok, we all know the plan?"  Jamie whispered.

"Yes."  Leech smiled.

Artie flashed a thumbs up, his white eyes almost covered by his hat.  With that, the three boys scattered to the winds.  Artie climbed the ladder, Leech crawled through a pipe, and Jamie hunkered down and tried to lurk in the shadows.  Sneaking along, the boys began their 'search and snatch' mission with perfection.  This room was the largest in the entire Morlock complex; a walled in tunnel with slightly-better decoration that the rest of the rooms.

"Hey, Callis~"  Someone entered the hallway from the south entrance, but cut themselves off when they saw three young boys dangling from various furniture fixtures.  The boys began to panic, running for the cover of the closet.  "J-jamie?" Evan Daniels gawked at the three boys.  Still covered from neck to knee with spikes, Evan looked much larger than the last time Jamie had seen him.

"EVAN!"  Jamie came to a skidding halt, and the other two boys behind him collided with his back.  Leech accidentally nulled out Jamie's powers, causing the multiples nearby to vanish, and Artie projected a collection of random symbols when his head smashed into Leech's helmet.

"Spyke's back!"  Leech chimed, climbing to his feet.

"…."  Artie projected an image of Evan from behind.

"… Oh I get it!  It's Evan's BACK!"  Jamie pointed to the hologram.  Artie smiled and clapped his hands in agreement.

Evan was totally confused.  "J-man, what are you doing down here?  Today of all days!"  Evan strode over, pulling Jamie to his feet.

Hurt and confusion rolled over Jamie's face.  Didn't Evan even want to see him?  Why was everybody vanishing today?  "So-sorry.  I thought... uh, I should go."  Jamie backed a few steps away.

"Hold it."  A firm hand grabbed a hold of Jamie's shoulder.  "I know that look.  That's the look Artie and Leech get when they get caught pranking.  Something's eatin' you, isn't it?"  The top of Evan's hand was covered in small, boney plates, looking like gauntlets.  

Jamie tried to keep from sulking but he couldn't keep the small pout from forming.  "Evan, everyone is gone!  I couldn't find anybody back home.  I didn't know where else to go."  Tears skimmed the corners of Jamie's eyes.  A stricken look came over Evan's face as he looked down at the boys.  Artie and Leech looked apathetic.  The X-trio _were_ the ones who patented the Kicked Puppy Pout ™, after all.

"Ok, Squirt.  Listen up.  You should go home.  Everyone is over there _right now_."  There was something odd about the look Evan was giving Jamie.  Like he was trying to imply something.  "What's today, kid?"

Jamie thought for a moment.  "Uh, October…uh…Thursday?"

"What _day _in October?"  Evan pushed the question.

Jamie's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he remembered.  "Today is my birthday!!"  At this, Artie and Leech looked utterly shocked.  The boy forgot his own birthday?  Didn't Jamie wonder why they had given him that wrapped box?  Artie gave Jamie a flat 'duh' expression and projected an image of Jamie opening his present now.

"Then, what did you give me?"  Jamie pulled out the flat box from his bag.  It was only a little larger than his hand.  Looking to Leech and Artie, Jamie began to tug the wrapping paper off his a dazed sort of way.  Under the dull blue paper was a paper box covered with tape.

"Oh yeah, Leech wrapped it, didn't he?"  Evan sighed.  Leech grinned sheepishly as Jamie tried to tear duct tape from the tiny box.  "Hang on, Squirt, use this."  Holding out his forearm, Evan grew a thin spike from his arm and handed it to Jamie.  Using the spike as a letter opener, Jamie cut the tape away from the opening.  The thing in the box rattled as Jamie tipped it to the side to dump the contents out.

A small walkie-talkie fell into Jamie's waiting hand.  It was one of the long-range coms, very close in range to the ones the X-men used.  A dark red 'X' had been painted onto the backside of the plastic case.  

"Leech and Artie had Callisto go topside for it!  Leech have one too."  The green-skinned mutant reached into his catcher's padding and pulled out a matching walkie-talkie.  "Leech will talk for Artie."  The mute mutant nodded happily, projecting the image of Jamie and Leech yammering away on the intercom.  Of course, 'Jamie' and 'Leech' were little more than colored stick-figures in Artie's image, but the boy was getting better at making moving holograms.

Evan nudged Jamie with the soft part of his arm.  "I got ya something too.  But I was going to make Ray bring it to ya, Squirt.  Here," Evan gave Jamie his skateboard, "it's my old board, but it's still in good shape.  You always said you wanted to board."  Spyke would have jammed his hands in his pockets if the spikes wouldn't have ripped through the material.  The teen was obviously embarrassed by the hero-worship expression on Jamie's face.

"Thanks Evan!"  Jamie jumped forward to hug Evan, knocking his arm on the bone plates now covering Spyke's chest.  A duplicate was produced, and joined in the hugging quickly.

"Just remember to wear your helmet and pads.  We don't need _more_ Multiples running around."  Rubbing the back of his neck, Evan smiled slightly.  Jamie was hugging the skateboard to his chest and had the small walkie-talkie clutched his hand.  Trying to hide the awkwardness, Evan fired a question off.  "So…. Why are we all in Callisto's room?"

"Errr."

"Uhhh."

"….."  Jamie, Leech, and Artie exchanged looks of concern.  Jamie reached into his pocket and pulled something out to show Evan what they were doing.

"Whoa!  You yoinked Cal's clothes?!"  

"It was Jamie idea!  Jamie idea not good idea!"  Leech tried to explain.  

Evan looked down at them firmly.  "Man, you are going to be so busted when I tell Callisto."

"Noooo!"  Leech and Jamie wailed, and Artie's hologram became an image of himself yelling.  Two boys threw themselves at Evan and Leech clung to him like determined … leech… he was.  Artie grabbed a hold of one of the rows of spikes grinning.  One of Jamie's multiples began his 'Savage Dance of Doom' around the three of them while the original Multiple giggled madly.  Recoiling, Evan forgot to keep his voice down.  Someone in 'the alley' heard him.  Someone with very sharp sense…

Callisto entered the room, her duster draped over one shoulder.  Her feet halted once she saw the 'party' going on in her room.  Artie and Leech were clinging to a row of bone plates on Evan's back, each whining and kicking their legs.  Jamie was holding something rather familiar, but as he spotted her, he hung it from one of the large spikes on Evan's shoulder.  A growl worked its way from her throat as she saw what it was Evan was 'wearing', even in the darkness.

Spyke was holding Callisto's bra like a clothesline.

"You…"  One eye menaced Evan, glittering dangerously.

"BRAS'!!"  Jamie hollered, clapping his hands to his face in a move that made him look like he belonged in a Home Alone movie.  His duplicate gasped in mock-shock.

"Cal!  It's not what it looks like!"  Evan quickly held his hands up in defense, two small mutants hanging from them now.  Deciding to forgo an explanation, Evan shook the kids off and _bolted_ from the angry Callisto's room.

"Get back here, you thorny pantywaist!"  Callisto screeched, her hands balled into sharp fists.  "You can't hide from me!  I'll catch you!"  And indeed, the woman was gaining.

Leeched looked over at Artie.  "Jamie was right.  Callisto not mad at Jamie at all."

"…." Artie squinted one eye down at the floor, projecting.

"Yeah, Leech think we should never speak of this 'gain either."  And with that, the two boys ran out of Callisto's room and hide under the cover of Scaleface.  

Jamie frowned as he heard Evan trying to escape the wrath of the Morlock leader.  "I didn't want Spyke to get in trouble."  His voice wavered.

Leech leered.  "Spyke not in trouble.  Callisto like chasing Spyke!  They have fun!"  The grin on Leech's face became 'all-knowing' and the boy began to cackle.  Artie looked disgusted at this, and for a change he didn't project anything.  Jamie was left to puzzle Leech's cryptic words on his own.  But it was time to leave the Alley and head home.

"Bye Jamie!"  They waved as Jamie headed back up to the surface.

Turning to wave, Jamie smiled.  "I'll see you two later! … And we'll blame this on 'X', if Evan squeals!"  Spinning around again, Jamie ran over the Morlock's bridge and back into the main sewer stream.  He had to get home before everyone tore the town apart looking for him.

***********************************************************

Jamie entered the front door of the Institute, his bag sliding from his shoulder.  Tossing his shoes at the door, his jacket on the stairs, and stray paper from Artie and Leech's present down the hall, he made his way to his room.  His door was open slightly… strange, Jamie didn't remember leaving that open.  Figuring it must have been one of his copies, Jamie stepped in and began to dig around in his bag for his journal.  Evan's skateboard had traveled tucked under his left arm the whole way home, and the walkie-talkie was stuffed into his bag.

Flipping the journal open, Jamie begins to scribble out his entry:

_'Well, I guess I forgot my birthday.  My parents never forgot their birthdays.  Sso empty-headedness seems to be an X-gene.  But it was a simple mistake!  I mean, Rogue never talks about her birthday!'_

Heavy footsteps stomped up the hall, but Jamie's brain registered them a second too late.  The door slammed open and Wolverine was standing in the doorway.  "HEY GUYS!  I've got him cornered!  Get up here!"  He shouted down the hall.  Jamie's pen hit the floor and he pressed the journal into his chest, trying to hide the book in his arms.  Using way to much force for such a simple task, the hard-bound journal smashed to his chest managed to pull out a dupe.

More footsteps --geez, it sounded like everyone—quickly approached.  The door swung back open and revealed what was the entire school standing outside of his room.

"Just sing the damn song before he jumps out the window!"  Logan growled, folding his arms.  Jamie was backing slowly towards the wall.  Copy-Jamie hadn't moved an inch, looking every bit as bewildered as the original felt.

Hank stepped forward, holding a rather large box.  With a flip of his paw…  "Happy Birthday to you!  Happy Birthday to you!  Happy birthday dear Jamie!"  … he revealed a blue and white iced cake.  "Happy Birthday to YOOOoOOoOOoOOOOuu!"  This last part was howled out like tone-deaf monkeys.

"You, remembered…"  Jamie stared down at the cake.  It was pretty huge, but it was almost a guarantee there would be none left by the end of the day.  Kurt was staring longingly at one of the pieces that had a massive glob of icing on it.

The surprise of having everyone pounce his own overlooked birthday on him was so overwhelming, Jamie's journal danged forgotten from his fingers.  And to the boy's utter mortification, Roberto was the one who pointed it out, "Jamie!  Your diary is slipping!"  Jamie's multiple merged back into him as he squeeked in surprise.

"Aww!  That's so cute!  Squirt's got a diary," that was Amara.  Great, even his fellow New Mutants knew!

"Ya, he left it on the ki'chen table one day."  Rogue shrugged.  "Logan put it back in his room."  Jamie looked shamefaced.  Logan knew too?!  Still leaning against the wall, Logan raised one eyebrow in a 'what-**was**-I-supposed-to-do' expression.

"He left it in zee bathroom too!"  Kurt interjected.

Kitty clapped her hands.  "I love the pictures he's got in there!  They are so adorable!"  GEEZ!  Was there NO ONE who ha read his journal?

**I'm going to have to teach you new hiding places for your diary, Jamie.  Under the bed is the first place they look.**  Jamie's eyes widened as he received Jean's telepathic message.  Even Professor Xavier was smothering a smile.  It was official.  He had no secrets…except perhaps the 'X' …   Bwhahahahaa.

"Like, go on, Jamie!  We've got cake and stuff!"  Kitty stepped forward to ruffle Jamie's hair.  Blushing, Jamie flipped open his journal and wrote two sentences:

_'I am now very embarrassed.  Happy Birthday, Jamie Madrox.'_

Everyone clapped.

And while they weren't paying attention, a large slice of cake with a sizeable amount of icing disappeared…


	13. Multiple Imitation

Well, I promised an update… and it took me forever, but I have excuses! ::pulls out 'Kit's Book of 101 Excuses'::  Excuse number one!  My computer crashed after writing about half of this chapter.  I got very angry.  Excuse number two!  Work!  (as always.)  Excuse number three: Waffles.  I'm not sure why, or how, but WAFFLES!  Excuse number four!  SOME fans --screaming Mystique fan's mostly—are very demanding that I write this chapter… and it was hard!  *whine whine*

Now, to placate all you commenters who are wonderful enough to …uh… comment….

RIAH-CHAN: You are totally wonderful.  Thank you for giving me spoilers on 'those things Jamie does'.  And Twinkies!  Brain food of blue genius' everywhere!

ANIMELUVR1, …. Yes, you now have Evan's pants.  I'm going to have to write a whole chapter about his pants to make you happy though, aren't I?

To BLACK ARACHNE; yeah, Jamie's journal may be discovered, but the fic still has a few more chapters left.

And TOWARDS ZERO: … I'm going to release the robot dogs.  You have five seconds to run.  I WROTE your friggin' chapter!  SEEE!  Now leave my ass out of this…

Sorry STARFIRE.  I'm a very poor romance writer.  But I will stuff some Romy fluff in here.  … Somewhere…. Eventually.

MENDARI/PIXIE STIX/WHATEVER: Stop changing your name!  You know I'm lucky to remember my own name, so what chance do I have on remember yours!?!

I don't think I'd go to a bar, AGST.  Especially not with Logan and Remy.  Or if I did go, I'd take my ball bat, and smack Remy every time he tried to drink.  That 'french' dude can't be old enough to drink!

STRETCH:  I owe you a big thank you for pointing out that error.  My beta was unavailable when I needed her, but you make a very good beta.  I award you my 'Remy-smacking' bat.  Use it well!

And finally, PANTHERDRAGON: Yes, you are a good beta.  Despite the fact you like Dr Who and don't DRINK ENOUGH MILK.  But I'm going to hunt you down with a pointy stick now.

**The Private Life of Jamie Madrox**

**10/31/03**

------------------------------------------------------------

                Professor Xavier's private office was a lot smaller than most people expect.  There was a single desk in the rear of the room, and plush chairs in front of the desk.  The walls were almost solid bookshelves, holding ancient tomes and outstanding awards from years ago.  Several priceless heirlooms rest on pedestals, but were pushed into corners where a wheelchair or nervous teens cannot damage them.

Jamie was the epitome of a nervous teen.  His head was bowed downwards, watching as his fingers clenched his pants.  Behind him, four multiples were milling around, and a fifth was trying to bully his way into the plush chair.

"Jamie?  Could you pay attention to the matter at hand?"  Xavier was where he had been when Jamie last looked up -- sitting in front of his desk.  Sheez, it wasn't as if the man was going to get up and do the Fox Trot… 

…But apparently his multiples would.  The copies began to waltz around the room while the duplicate tried moshing the original right out of the chair.  Losing his balance, Jamie tumbled to the floor, causing two more multiples to appear.  That in itself wasn't a problem.  The problem was that none of them were disappearing.

"Another growth spurt?"  Jamie looked up again with his best puppy dog impression.

"I'm afraid so.  This time, instead of losing the ability to duplicate, you've lost total control over your copies.  Can you read any of their thoughts at all?"  Xavier was watching in thinly-veiled anxiety as one of the duplicates dance _horribly close to a 16th dynasty ming vase.  Normally Jamie was able to read the minds of his copies and give them telepathic commands.  While it wasn't true telepathy, it was enough to keep all the minds united.  Much like a good long distance service…  and currently, Jamie was 'changing carriers' for that service.  As it was, all of the multiples were now –essentially-- Jamie Madrox._

Jamie glared at the multiple that had shoved him from his chair.  The multiple was blissfully unaware, watching several birds outside the window.  "Unless he's thinking what a jerk he is, nope.  I can't read my minds."  Jamie paused, mentally shaking his fist at the messed up way he had to refer to his multiples.  

"I suspected not."  Xavier cast a suspicious eye on all of the multiples.  Each one had their own free thoughts --like the original-- but the difference was they were each personifying a different aspect of Jamie.  One was constantly scared.  Another was angry with everyone, especially the other New Mutants.  There was a jealous multiple and a shy multiple.  There was a meditative Jamie, whom remained calm.  There was even a copy that danced like some kind of disco-freak.  Xavier worried about that one.

Diving from his spot on the ground like a kamikaze lemming, Jamie tackled his dupe from the chair.  Look!  Three more Jamies!  Awww!  "I am under the conclusion that if you are to draw forth your maximum amount of copies at once, your mutation will overwhelm itself and they will all be absorbed back."  Charles carefully tapped a finger against his oak desk.

"So you want me to make myself all tired?  And … many?"  Jamie looked up, sitting firmly on himself…err… his multiple.

"Yes."  Xavier glanced quickly at the clock on the mantle.  "I am sure it isn't good for you to have all of your multiples out at once.  Beast is working on a suit to safely absorb kinetic energy before it activates your mutation.  Until then, if any multiples come out, you will have to produce as many as it takes to reabsorb them all."  Charles glanced at the clock again.  This peaked Jamie's curiosity and he turned to look as well, half expecting someone like Magneto or the Pope to be sitting next to the clock.  Perhaps reading his mind, the room full of multiples turned to stare as well; much like people do when they find someone staring at the sky for no reason.  They were sadly disappointed to find the clock reading 11:43… oh, and that there was no one interesting there.

"I'm afraid I have a meeting to attend to in France, and Logan has gone out on some private time," Xavier said, maneuvering the wheelchair around the corner of the desk.  Careful not to jostle any of the boys, he began to herd the flock of Jamies' out.  The elder man added as they reached the door, "but I will be awaiting news on your progress, Jamie."

Jamie frowned as his multiples scattered into the hallway.  "Is stuffing my dupes into a closet called progress?"

Xavier had to smother a smile with a sharp cough.  "No, I'm afraid not.  … Nor is that how you are to properly clean your room."  The professor raised one eyebrow in a knowing manner.  

"DOH!"  Looks like Jamie Madrox's 'Clean your Room in Two Minutes' plan was discovered.  It was also the same concept Bobby had for 'Let's Hide Incriminating Evidence'.  Jamie made a mental note to squeal on Bobby sometime in the near future.

Now numbering sixteen multiples, Jamie and his copies waved goodbye to Xavier before putting their heads together for a plan.  Or rather, Jamie put his head together for a plan.  Without his 'multiple telepathy', Jamie couldn't get their opinion without twice the amount of sarcasm.  And he'd already had his daily-allotted amount of sarcasm for the day, thank you very much.  Jamie needed the quickest way to draw out as many multiples as possible.  Clapping didn't work anymore due to the growth spurt.  Only large and potentially painful hits could make any copies at all.  Jamie needed a plan.  A good plan.  One that didn't involve punching himself in the stomach repeatedly.  Or letting Ray punch him in the stomach repeatedly.  Making copies was painful.

"You guys suck."  Jamie said to his dupes.  One of them broke out dancing.

*****************************************************

                Mystique smirked, looking up at Xavier's institute from her perch alongside the fountain.  Feline form really was rather inconspicuous, but if she were going to get in there, she'd need something better than a cat.  Xavier was the only real deterrent from keeping her from just waltzing in whenever she chose.  That, and Wolverine.  The small orange cat fluffed in fury at the thought of the animal-man.  Fortunately for the shapeshifter, her mutation had reached new levels, allowing her to even smell like her target.

Mystique made a note NEVER to morph into Todd.

But now, the mansion was almost left unguarded without its two most wary sentries.  All she needed to do was figure out who wasn't in the mansion at the moment and then walk in using their form.  It wouldn't do to have two of the same person running around, would it?

"OW!"  A voice from just around the estate squeaked.  

"That hurt!"  This voice was perfectly identical to the first, but it couldn't possible be the first speaker for the reason that it shouted this at the exact same time.  Not even Pietro could speak in 'double-tones'.

The speaker was revealed seconds later.  Or rather, the 'speakers'.  Two young boys, exactly the same age, height, color, and wearing the same clothes came around the corner.  Rubbing identical lumps.  It was like looking into a mirror, except they were actually leaning on each other.  A battered skateboard was clutched in one of the boys' hand.

Mystique (the cat) recalled data from Xavier's computer system that she had 'liberated'.  That had to be Jamie Madrox.  The boy with the ability to produce duplicates of himself upon contact.  Mystique could vaguely recollect Pietro saying something about grooming the boy to be his successor of seduction.  After she heard him say that, she quickly shifted into a raven and flew out the window shuddering.

"You shouldn't have tried to do that jump yet."  One Jamie said to the other.

"But Evan does them all the time!  It looked easy."  The other bantered back.  Mystique was now under the impression that while both of the boys were the same person, they had entirely different thoughts. Strange, she had originally thought that all of Jamie's multiples were extensions of himself.

An idea formed within the orange cat exterior.  Mystique had a plan.

*******************************************************

                Jamie had a plan too.  Sadly, it wasn't anywhere as neat as Mystique's was about to be.  With two dozen multiples rampaging without any sort of way to stop them, Jamie was going to have to exhaust his mutation like the professor suggested.  Jamie currently was standing on an ironing board, balancing precariously.  It was a trick Evan told him about, using household items to practice skateboarding.  "SURF'S UP, DUDE!"  And then everything went bad.  Jamie kicked off the back and sending it rocketing down the stairs (which was a really bad place to be practicing balance anyway).  The obscure idea was that Jamie was to fall off or run into something and produce many multiples with one really big blow.  This was probably going to hurt.  By some miracle (or maybe Jean's help), the board didn't tip over.  

But Jamie 'surfed' right into Mr. McCoy.  "Busted."  The now upside-down boy and his four 'friends' smiled sheepishly.

"Jamie."  Hank acknowledged, raising a furry eyebrow.

"Um… hi?"  All of Jamie's duplicates milled about, looking anything from bored to worried.

"I see you are still having trouble reabsorbing your multiples.  The suit will still be a few more hours before it is completed.  Perhaps you can take…yourselves… somewhere and do something constructive?"  Hank prodded one of the duplicates in the side.  The boy giggled and squirmed away from the finger and then faded out.  "Interesting.  They are responding to outside stimuli but not your mental command."  Hank spoke mostly to himself, proceeding to tickle the next duplicate in the side.  That copy also laughed and then vanished. 

This left just two duplicates, neither of which wanted to be tickled into non-existence.  One was tickled fiercely as vanished out with a squeal of laughter as Hank applied the 'tickle of doom'.  The other ran out the door, barely dodging his most certain tickle demise.

"I'll catch me!"  Jamie rolled to his knees, chasing his multiple out the door.  As he yanked open the glass door, he was almost sure he heard his duplicate laughing, followed by a splashing noise.  When Jamie stepped into the lawn, he spotted his multiple near the fountain, smiling strangely.  The dupe was wet and hair stuck up at funny angles.

"Hey, I thought I heard you laughing."  Jamie pointed a finger at his multiple

"I was… um, something funny happened."

"Yeah?  Was it your hair?"

The 'duplicate' was temporarily shocked, and snapped in embarrassment, "Shaddup!"  Mystique had pounced on Jamie's duplicate when she had the chance, tickling the copy until he vanished.  It was outrageously weird, but her plan worked.  Mystique had taken the copy's place with no one the wiser, not even the very original.  Of course, she first had to tackle the duplicate into the fountain before she could tickle him out, which left her very wet.  The young Madrox continued to laugh at Mystique's 'borrowed' and wet appearance.  'Was this how the duplicates and original acted?'  The shapeshifter wondered.

"I know, I'll read my own mind via osmosis!"  Jamie wiggled his fingers and then dove at the multiple.  The dupe-duplicate yelped, but wasn't fast enough to avoid being tackled.  Another copy was produced upon impact, but this one seemed to have the same idea as the original.  

And that was, 'tickle this dupe into disappearing'.

"Waaaaah!  No, NO!  Stoppit!  That tickles!"  Mystique-Jamie giggled.  She actually giggled!  That little brat knew where she was ticklish!  Normally, with every appearance she morphed into, Mystique prided herself on acting exactly like the original.  But for some reason, Jamie's boyishly mischievous personality seemed contagious.  Mystique found herself tickling Jamie back.

"Aaaaaiiee!  No fair!  You are suppose' to be disappearing!"  Jamie squirmed on the grass.  The copy faded out as Jamie lost utter control and descended into a squealing and wiggling mess.  Unnoticed, the twenty or so other copies rampaging around the mansion spontaneously vanished, to the great relief of all.  Kurt had been chased up a tree by a set of Jamies' wielding hair trimmers and Bobby had been trying to keep himself from getting pantsied by a Jamie gang.

After a few more minutes, Jamie collapsed into a panting heap while Mystique-Jamie crumbled to her knees giggling.  'Dear God, I must be drunk.'  She thought, fighting another round of giggles.  A few more minutes passed before either of them stopped giggling.

"Well… no more dupes running around anymore, Copy.  I'm all tickled out.."  Jamie said to Mystique-Jamie, flopped stomach down into the grass.  "So Mr. McCoy won't need to have all the New Mutants trying to tickle my multiples back."  A blade of grass was picked up.  "Hey!  Why didn't you disappear when I got tickled?  Or when I tickled you?"

Mystique had to think back, and fired her own question off in return, "Why didn't _you disappear?  What if I'M the original?"  At the question, Jamie looked incredibly bewildered._

"I… how would I know?  Multiples have all the same memories as the original Jamie."  Multiple Man rolled onto his rear, pulling up a handful of grass.  "I think you're the multiple and you are just really, really powered up on kinetic strength.  Or something."

At this, Mystique had no clue at all what was going on.  The boy seemed to be going a mutant hormone power surge, but she had no clue what it was all about.  She could recall her own preteen years with her power emerging.  One second she'd have her blue skin, and the next she'd look like the first person she saw.  She'd morph at the drop of a hat and was unable to hold a form for more than a few minutes.  Mystique felt bad for Jamie.  

In words she had to say while wearing Jamie's form, "Puberty sucks."  Jamie snorted properly in response.

******************************************************

                Wasting time on the grass, Jamie lounged next to his 'multiple'.  There were days when he would give anything to have any other mutation.  Any at all!  … This was one of those days.  He liked his multiples; they were like the brothers he never had, but he liked it when they listened.  When they didn't, it made him feel like the youngest all over again.  

'At least Copy is hanging with me,' Jamie thought, tossing a handful of grass at the other boy.

"Can we go in?"  

The question metaphorically ambushed Jamie, tied him up, and then taped him to the fountain.  Wha?  A copy _asking _his _permission to do something?!  What was next, Sam in a dress?  Scanning the yard quickly, Jamie found all New Mutants in the area were devoid of dresses.  That was good._

Jamie rolled to his knees and pressed his hand to Mystique-Jamie's forehead.  "Are you sick?"

"No!  Are you drunk?"  Mystique fired back.

"NO!  Are you a doofus?!"  Jamie snorted.  "Oh no!  My multiple has Summer-itus!  It's incurable!  He'll start to act just like a Summers!"  Jamie clapped his hands to his cheeks a bit too hard in his mock-horror, drawing out two copies.

"What?!!"  Recoiling back, Mystique found herself pinned to the ground anyway by two more Jamies.  The copies lost their attention span a few seconds later and Jamie began to panic as they ran off for their own purposes.

"Com'mon, Jamie, we gotta catch them."  Jamie grabbed Mystique-Jamie's hand, giving a swift tug.  Mystique gave the boy credit; he was a lot stronger than she thought.  A brief chase around the mansion ensued before the two of them managed to tackle the renegade copies and tickle them into non-existence.

Whining, Mystique in Jamie's form firmly stood ground, "Can we go inside now?" It wasn't supposed to sound that way, but Mystique felt herself flush in embarrassment as she actually whined.  Without actually planning on whining ahead of time.  It just popped out, like the boy's very personality was becoming second-hand nature.

                "Yeah.  I'm hungry.  Lets go to the kitchen," rubbing his stomach, Jamie began to head in.  But with his back to his 'multiple', he missed the smirk that spread over his stolen image.  Mystique was almost there.  All she had to do now was either break away from Jamie and find her way down to Cerebro for a little sabotage, or lure the boy down there with her.  And use him to override all the security systems.  While Mystique pondered for the moment, Jamie went rifling through the fridge.  Then through the freezer…  and the pantry…  and also the sideboard where people tried to hide the good snacks behind stacks of dishes.

"Isn't there any good food?!"  Jamie pulled open the cupboard door.  Then God sent down a beam of golden light and serenading angels.  Well… ok, it was more like an overhead lamp turned on and someone was playing techno music, but there it was!  A box of Twinkies!

Sure, they were Hank's Twinkies, and woe betide any mutant who felt the need to eat them… but Jamie would just blame it on Bobby.

"Ya know, the professor said it wasn't good to have multiples out when I don't need them."  Jamie said with his mouth full.  "You should really go back in, Copy.  We don't wanna be sick."  The boy tossed a hostess product at Mystique before trying to eat only the filling out of the yellow cake treat.  Like some kind of deranged --and horribly cute-- little vampire.

Mystique was about to copy Jamie's actions and eat the 'snack' (which was probably about 53% preservatives), when someone entered the room.  It caused her to drop the Twinkie.

"Nein!  Jamie!  You are wasting food!"  Kurt gasped, diving to snatch up the Twinkie.  "Five second rule!  It's still good!"

"No, I'm not!  That's my copy!"  Jamie announced, stuffing the rest of the Twinkie in his mouth and spraying the words out to Mystique,  "Nice job, butterfingers."  But Mystique could say nothing as she watched her son dust off the snack.  It had been a while since she had been this close to him without everyone on full alert.

Kurt and Jamie quickly devoured the box of Twinkies.  Jamie's growth spurt gave him a much larger appetite and Kurt just wanted a snack.  Mystique-Jamie sat on the tabletop and watched the two of them banter about the greatness of snack food.  She had to think up something to say.  She wanted to say something to Kurt.  After a long moment, she finally thought up something to say.

…"MUTANT-BACK RIDE!" when Jamie suddenly flung himself from his seat beside Mystique and began to jump around Kurt.  "Mr. McCoy promised to give me one earlier, but he's busy.  Can you give me one?"  Bright blue eyes batted and a playful smile bubbled up on the youngest mutant.  "Pleeeeeaseee?"  The formidable 'puppy dog look' was used here.

A voice surprised Mystique from the doorway.  "Ah though' ya were gonna help me t'day, Squirt."  Rogue was watching as Kurt nearly crumbled to Jamie's unbeatable 'puppy look'.

Mystique couldn't hold it in, she had to do it.   "Rogue!"  Jamie's personality allowed her to get away with it.  She jumped from the table and did an identical dance around Rogue.  Mystique nearly tripped when she felt Rogue's gloved hand ruffled the brown hair of her 'camouflage'.  Jealousy stabbed through the shapeshifter.  She was jealous of Jamie Madrox.  The boy had everything she wanted.  He had her son's attention, her daughter's affection, safety, and even the concern of the Brotherhood.

"Didn't ya want ta help me make those cookies?  Ya get ta eat raw sugah…"  Rogue's voice was almost singsong as she smirked.

The real Jamie jumped from foot to foot, looking from Rogue to Kurt.  On one hand, a piggy-back ride from one of the X-men!  On the other, sugar and hanging with another X-man!  "I wanna do both…" 

"I wanna do both, too!"  Mystique said too, putting her hands on her hips.  Two identical boys faced off for the right to hang out with the older X-men.  Tension filled the kitchen.  

Until Kurt broke it.  "Ohh oooh!  I vant cookies too!  I'll help, Rogue!"  Kurt raised his hand into the air, waving it like a student who wanted to be called on.  Rogue looked over her three 'students'.  Two of them were identical.  One was blue and fuzzy.  All were looking at her with shimmering, hopeful eyes.

"All riaght, but if one of ya catches fiyah and/or explodes, it's yer fault."  Rogue rubbed the spot between her eyebrows, trying to look exasperated.  Instead she looked amused; the Jamies had linked arms and began to prance around in a circle while Kurt turned a backflip in excitement.

*********************************************************

                "Ok, Ah need two cups ah sugah and four eggs."

"EGGS!"  Four eggs were juggled dangerously to the mixing bowl.

"Sugar!"  Two cups of sugar were carried by two identical persons.

"Didja get the flour?"  Rogue was pulling chocolate chips from their hiding place on top of the fridge.  Jamie made a mental note to remember to get chair if he ever wanted to get at those.  Kurt was balanced on one foot, juggling four eggs and wearing an oven mit on his tail.  Jamie's multiple was trying to lift a very large canister of sugar back into the cabinet.

Something was strange about that multiple.  Jamie knew something was up.  He was much too agreeable.  He acted just like the original Jamie, and that's where the suspicion came from.  Most of the time, Copy would be totally unagreeable or incredibly happy.  This copy was an exact replica of his current persona.  And it was suspicious.  Yet there was nothing Jamie could do.  He could only watch as his multiple threw his arms around Rogue's arm and tried to read the book from over her shoulder.

"Hey Rogue?  How many cups are there in a quart?"  Jamie looked at the milk and then waved the plastic measuring cups.

To Jamie's utter surprise, it was his 'multiple' who answered.  "Sixteen cups.  Two pints equal one quart and there are four quarts in a gallon."  Mystique-Jamie said this without thinking, instead remembering back when she and Irene and a young Rogue would bake cookies…

"When did you learn that?"  Jamie narrowed one eye in a glare, raising an eyebrow in confusion.  It gave the young boy a lopsided look. 

Mystique suddenly snapped back to attention.  She had been having fun.  With her son and daughter brushing around her, she had managed to lull herself into a state of wistful thinking.  "I … heard Kitty talking about it."  The form-stealer quickly recovered.  This wasn't going to plan at all!  She had to get to Cerebro and away from all of this, before something slipped.

"Ja, and lots of good it did Kitty.  My teeth still hurt from that muffin!"  Kurt snickered.  He didn't even question the fact that Jamie's multiple knew something that Jamie himself didn't.  But Jamie noticed.  His suspicion turned up a notch.  

"I heard that, Wagner!" Kitty's head phased through the wall above the sink.

Kurt yelped in panic.  "Oh no!  Ve're doomed!  She heard!  Let us flee, Jamie!"  Little Madrox found himself swooped up and then they both vanished in a cloud of brimstone.  Kitty wrinkled her nose for a second, and then began her hunt for what was sure to be the 'black and blue, furry elf'.  Mystique thought this was as good as time as any to sneak out.  Wearing the form of the smallest mutant in the building, she began to edge to the door.

"Ok, kid.  Spill it."  Rogue spoke suddenly, still stirring the mix milk, flour, and eggs vigorously.  "Whenevah the other copies want something, they ignore everythang Jamie says until they get it.  An' Jamie is obviously being ignored.  So what is it yer doin'?"

Mystique opened and closed her mouth for a moment.  Rogue was far more perceptive than she thought.  It was now obvious that Jamie had people looking out for him at all times.  Getting down to the sublevels unnoticed was basically impossible in this form.  A strategic retreat was the only option left for the shapeshifter.

Rogue took the silence to mean that 'Jamie' was too embarrassed to tell.  And only one thing got 'Jamie' quite this flustered.  "It's ok, Squirt.  Ya don't have ta ask."  Putting the bowl back on the counter, Rogue leaned over and pulled Mystique-Jamie into a one armed hug.  The shapeshifter froze.  "At least ya aren't the copy who acts like lord o' the dance.  He kinda worries meh."  Leaning out of the hug, Rogue then ruffled Mystique's hair again.  Mystique didn't care if Rogue thought she was Jamie, she wanted to see her adopted daughter smile like that again.

BAMF!  "Aaah!  She's vicious!  VICIOUS!"  Jamie was screaming from his spot on Kurt's back.  "What makes her so vicious?!"  Both boys were covered head to toe in talc powder, making them look like ghosts.  Scott had also appeared with the two of them, but he only got winged in the head with the powder.  His brown hair was now a stark white, bringing back that time when Scott had white hair…(upon here, Rogue had to fight a case of the giggles).  His expression clearly read, 'I have no clue why I'm here'.

"Ah blame the color pink."  Rogue smiled, picking up the bowl again.  When Rogue smiled, Mystique-Jamie smiled as well.

Professor McCoy entered the kitchen, shuffling over to the cabinets.  "A glorious morning to you all today."  He smiled (mostly in confusion) at the powdered mutants.  Jamie and Kurt began trying to beat the powder off of themselves.  "Ah, I believe a vacuum cleaner would work better for you, Kurt.  … Trust me on this."  Beast looked distantly annoyed at this, brushing invisible talc powder off his arms in memory.

"Aww.  And here all I have is a copy to use."  Kurt sighed dramatically, suddenly grabbing Mystique-Jamie by the shirt and wiping a great deal of the powder onto the material.  Mystique made a confused noise and stood there as her son used her as a towel.  Oh the humility.

Rogue passed the mixing bowl to Jamie.  "Ah'll git you boys a towel.  Just don't track that all ovah the floor or Storm'll have yer legs removed."  Jamie smiled down at the bowl full of cookie dough, and Rogue quickly added, "Jamie, there had better be dough left when Ah get back."  Jamie's smile turned into an over-sized frown.  She ruffled Jamie's hair, snickering as a plume of white powder puffed from his head.  As she left the room, Mystique felt like chasing after her and clinging like the small child she was suppose to be.

"You are up from the labs early, Mr. McCoy."  Scott removed his glasses and closed his eyes, trying to clean off the talc.

"On a routine Twinkie break, boys.  Vinni vetti jurni.  He came, he saw, he ate…"  Hank suddenly stopped rummaging through the cupboard when it became obvious he hadn't found what he was looking for.  Jamie and Kurt suddenly felt the kick of self-preservation activate.  "Booooys."  All the fur along Kurt's tail suddenly frizzed backwards.  Jamie clung to Scott's arm, using the leader as a mutant shield.  Scott had no clue what was going on and therefore looked guilty.

"This is the third time!  I am out of places to hide snack foods that is still sanitary."  Hank sighed.  "I can think of only one way to teach you kids a lesson…"  Hank suddenly ducked behind the counter.  A few seconds later, two sock puppets appeared and began to sing the 'mahna mahna' song to the Muppets while bobbing about.  Jamie was cowering in fear of the sock puppets.  Mystique-Jamie was staring with slack jawed astonishment that one of the X-men's brightest minds was reduced to this.  Kurt wanted the ground to open a whole and eat him up.  Scott wanted his socks back.

"Don't eat Mr. McCoy's snacks!"  One of the socks squeaked in a baritone.

"It is bad to eat the brilliant Mr. McCoy's snacks!"  The other waved about, squeaking in a really bad falsetto as well.

"Copy… I'm scared."  Jamie whimpered, clinging to his 'duplicate'.

"I am going to run very far away, now."  Mystique-Jamie shuddered.

*************************************************

"Ok!  I talk, you write!"  Jamie was sitting outside next to the fountain with Mystique-Jamie.  After their retreat from the kitchen, Jamie decided to write about it in his journal.  The leather book spent much of its time in better hiding spots, changing locations every day.  Today, the book was tucked under the cement lip of the fountain.

Mystique looked down at the book in her hands.  Her very small hands.  She had been in Jamie's form nearly all day, and now it was almost like second-nature to scream and dance and jump about.  Without question, she flipped the book open and lifted the pen.  While Jamie gathered his thoughts, she began a small game of 'lines and boxes'.

"All-righty.  Today I spent most of the day trying not to run into things.  Or throwing myself down the stairs; depending on the situation.  My multiples aren't listening to me now," at this, Jamie cast a quick glace up at his 'multiple' while he spoke, "but Mr. McCoy is almost done building my anti-kinetic suit.  … I hope it comes in a tux form!  Girls love tuxes."

Mystique coughed, trying to cover a laugh.  She continued writing when Jamie gave her a funny look.  "So until I finish growing again, I'm going to have to wear a body suit.  Sounds itchy.  … Ok, put this next part in a new paragraph."  Jamie rolled his fingers, gesturing to go on.  "Today, I learned several things.  I learned, when left alone, my multiples will terrorize the institute.  I also figured out Kitty knows how to trap innocent looking boxes to _explode_ with powder.  … and Scott has some pretty horrible taste in socks."

"Argyle.  Out of all the socks, he has to wear argyle!"  Mystique-Jamie announced.  Jamie made another face.

"Ok, now give me the book."  Jamie held his hands out as Mystique passed the journal.  "Now, … who are you?  Mastermind?  Is that you in there?"  Jamie leaned close to Mystique.  "Come out, Fuzzy Wuzzy!"  

"Wh-what?!"  Mystique was in shock.  No one, save a very powerful telepath, could see through her disguises!  She had been acting exactly like Jamie!  How could he possibly know?

Jamie read the shocked expression on the mirror image of himself.  "You acted too much like me.  None of my copies do that.  They all act like a certain trait more than anything."  Jamie smiled.  "Artie?  Is that you in there?  Are you projecting over someone?"  Jamie poked at Mystique, trying to see if someone was 'hiding' under an illusion.

There was no one else outside.  It was time to leave anyway.  "No, I am not."  The form began to ripple.  Jamie's form grew breasts (to his utter shock), and the brown hair began to lengthen and turn brown.  When the skin shifted to blue, Jamie was able to identify the person.  Mystique was now sitting in front of Jamie, "You know who I am."

Under his breath, Jamie gave a small squeak of 'boobies'.  Looking over at the mansion for anyone watching and finding no one, Jamie decided it was safe to talk.  "Yeah, you're Kurt and Rogue's mommy."  This was probably the last thing Mystique expected to hear and she inhaled sharply.  Jamie continued, "You miss them dodn't you?  My mommy called me and misses me."  It took everything Mystique was made of to keep her face emotionless.  If only it were as easy as picking up the phone…

Jamie remembered something else, "You're the person Pietro said would kill him if you learned what he did to your closet!"

"THAT WAS HIM!?"  Mystique's gold eyes blazed as she thought up something particularly vengeful for Magneto's son.  Mystique got to her feet and began to storm back to the Brotherhood boarding house with homicidal thoughts dancing in her head.

"Hey!  Are you going to come back to play again?"  Jamie yelled after her.  "I mean… it was fun pretending you were me.  I liked cooking with Kurt and Rogue and… not-fighting stuff."

Mystique looked over her shoulder at the small boy.  His leather bound journal lying forgotten in his lap.  White talc still mottled his hair a gray-brown.  Jamie looked hopeful.  "Maybe.  For cookies."  Mystique shifted into a feline form and began to saunter off the property.  Looking as haughty as only cats and women can.

"We can have milk, too, orange-cat!  And booby-trap the fridge!  Tell Pietro I look bad with white hair, too!"  Jamie babbled.  The cat's orange tail vanished through the bushes, waving faintly.

Jamie looked down at his journal for a second.  Lifting his pen, he added a bit more_.  'P.S.  I realized I make a very pretty chick._

_                                                                The (kinda) private journal of Jamie Madrox'_


	14. Tour de mall

It has come to my conclusion that the image of Hank McCoy, singing muppet's song and using sock puppets, is actually very cute.  I am going to have to draw that out. BUT for all you fanart nuts, I drew a picture of li'l Jamie Madrox!  It is posted on my DeviantART account (which is listed in my profile)

Read Stretch's fic, **"Insanity of the X kids: Heat Wave".**  Really!  It's great!  And so is Todd Fan's **"While the Adults are Away"**.  It may be done, but it's still hilarious.  And they've both got Savage dancing Jamie!

Hmmm, STARFIRE, you've got a good idea.  Maybe I will have to bring Magneto into this.  But Mesmero just scares me.  Much like the jello in my fridge. ::shudders::

ASGT: I give you bonus points for wearing a pirate costume into a store, but I'm a pirate 24/7! … except in the shower.  That would be embarrassing.

GYAKUTENNO MEGAMI, I have seen comic-Kurt.  Several versions of him, in fact, but NEVER naked Kurt.  WHAT COMIC ARE YOU READING (an where can I find it?!)

To ASLYN: Yes, the color pink is to blame for everything, including beanie babies and this current chapter.

RUBY MOON!  I hath converted another!  Hail to me!  One of these days, I'm going to fight Marvel for Jamie Madrox and then sell his duplicates.

And BLACK ARACHNE:  Ohh, Kit-addiction.  Kit withdrawal is a nasty thing.  There isn't a 12-step program, but rather a 22-step program to get down from that.  But of course, steps 1-20 are just eating Cheez-Its, so you should be just fine.

PANTHERDRAGON: YER FIRED!  And drink MORE milk!

The Private Life Of Jamie Madrox 

**11/06/03**

_*******************************************_

_                'Dear Journal,_

_                'A scientific discovery', by Forge and Jamie Madrox._

_                I'm not sure exactly the words Forge said anymore, but they were something like, 'flappin, jivin' turkey suit!'  And then some words Ms. Monroe told me not to repeat.  I got my new anti-copy suit today.  It worked really good!  I could run into people, and bodycheck Bobby into the girl's bathroom, and there would be no copies around!  It was great.  And then I broke it.  The professor was proud of me, though!_

_Maybe I should break more things!'_

*******************************************

Metal grating against metal created white sparks, which rained down in the large room.  Large machines hummed rhythmically as they processed data.  The sound of a circuitry-milling machine echoed through the vastness of it all.  Yet in the middle of the room on a single chair sat Jamie Madrox.

Jamie was wrapped from neck to toe in bubble wrap.  On his head was a helmet made out of pillows.  All was visible of the small boy was a pair of blue eyes and a swatch of brown hair.

Deep within the bowels of the lab, someone was singing 'In-a-Godda-da-vita'.  Badly.  Jamie twitched slightly.  Some small part of his brain wanted to get up and dance.  "No!  I can keep it all in!"  Jamie's voice was muffled under the pillow as he fought the voice in his head.  His mutation was undergoing a more severe growth spurt, as was his body.  His bones hurt again as they put on more length.  But now his skin was so sensitive that even a shower on the lowest pressure would fill the room with multiples.  Hence the reason Jamie Madrox was covered in bubble wrap.

"Almost done, James!  Give me a sec to clean the oil off myself."  Forge shouted from the milling machine.  Hank and Forge had been working together night and day to create the anti-kinetic suit.  Beast's first suit failed miserably, allowing him to create multiples, but not reabsorb them.  Professor Xavier then brought in Forge's help.  After a very strange reenactment of War of 1812 done entirely in Jamie's multiples, followed by chasing Ray and Sam with water cannons, outside help was unanimously requested.

Beast stalked out from another part of Forge's makeshift lab.  The blue jumpsuit he was wearing had protected his fur from the massive amounts of oil that was covering it.  For a moment, Jamie wondered just what the heck his suit was made of, and why oil seemed to be covering everything.  "Well, the project is complete!  Let's get you out of this padding."  Beast began to until to copious amount of duct tape that was holding the bubble wrap to the small boy.   "This… is very difficult.  Bobby went a bit overboard with the tape."  Beast grit his teeth, trying to use his claws to tear off the tape.

"He taped me to the wall!"  Jamie protested.

"Yes.  And I recall he also taped your mouth closed too."  Beast chuckled slightly, removing the pillows and bubble wrap.  "But your multiples got your revenge for you."

Jamie pouted.  "I would have done more than raised his boxers on the flag pole."

"They then proceeded to dance around it and sing a song about pants."  Hank informed the small boy.  Jamie grinned happily at the memory.  And at the photos, which were hidden in his closet.

"Ok!  I've got it this time!  Jamie, you'll never have to worry about copying unless you want to from now on."  Forge was grease-smudged, dust-covered, and wearing a tie-dye t-shirt.  He was carrying what looked like a towel in his hands.  

Jamie looked about the room for his finished outfit.  "Horray!  So where's the suit?  How does it work?  Is that wrench glued to your rear?"  This last question was directed to the back of Forge's pants with the large monkey wrench sticking to it.

Forge made a face.  "Do me a favor and don't ask about that, kid."  He tried to tug at the wrench, and only succeeded on nearly de-pantsing himself.  Deciding to leave the wrench safely where it was, Forge unrolled the anti-kinetic suit.  "Far out, isn't it?

There was silence in the lab.

"Uh, Forge?"  Jamie started to speak, but words failed.

"Basically, it works just like your ability should when fully evolved.  You will only produced multiples when you _want_ to, kid.  So you could go into a disco floor and tear the place up without a single dupe popping out, if out want.  Although, personally, an entire floor of Jamie's doing the exact same dance steps would be cosmic."  Forge passed the suit to the boy.

There was more silence.

Jamie took the suit between his index finger and thumb.  "Do I have to wear it right now?"

****************************

Jamie was wearing his new suit, but under extreme protest.  He was sitting on the couch in the den and in a righteous fury.  Two multiples were on either side of the boy, each with a face of disgust and tugging on the anti-kinetic suit they were all wearing.  

"URG!  It's … lime green!"  One of the multiples looked at the anti-kinetic suit Jamie was wearing.

"Could be worse."  Jamie shrugged.  "Could be tie-dye."  The multiples shuddered.  "I really don't wanna wear this stupid suit now."

The second multiple absolutely flew off the handle.  "DEATH TO THE SUIT!  Let us have our cake, and eat it too!  Give us cake, or give us death!  Cake or death!  Cake or death!"  This must have been the homicidal duplicate.  Or perhaps it was the Jamie who _really_ liked sugar.  Either way, Jamie and his more sane copy chose to ignore him.

Rogue and Bobby entered the room, trying to figure out what was making such a racket.  At the sight of Jamie in a full body suit –as well as his two multiples--, they both froze.  "Sugah, that's the most revoltin' thang Ah've evah seen."  Rogue blinked her eyes, making sure it wasn't some trick of the lighting.  "An' Ah share a closet with Kitty."

Bobby chuckled, trying to hold in uncontrollable laughter.  "I'd say its purpose is to look so amazingly hideous on any of the multiples, it makes them want to be reabsorbed."

"He's got a point, Jamie.  Later."  Multiple #2 said, and then vanished.  Multiple #1 looked stricken, and vanished shortly afterwards.

Jamie hung his head in embarrassment.  "Forge chose the colors.  He thought they'd be 'wicked'."  He confessed.  "I look like a chia pet."  Bobby right out laughed.  Even Rogue had to suppress a chuckle at this.

"Jus' a bit.  But does it work?"  Rogue reached out and carefully tapped Jamie on the arm.  With the boy's mutation totally out of control, she didn't want to test the full capability of the suit if it didn't work fully.  The den had already been swamped with Jamies twice, and no one was quite sure how his footprints got on the ceiling.  

No multiples were produced at Rogue's tentative tap.  Jamie looked down at himself, practically surprised.  "Hey!  Lemme try!"  Bobby pulled back, balling up his fist.  However, Jamie was prepared for something exactly like this and had a plan.  With Forge's help, they created a plan they called, 'Plan-Nark-on-Bobby'.

"MR. MCCOOOOY!"  Jamie hollered.  Bobby yelped, looking around fearfully for the large blue mutant.  "He's doing it again!"  The boy tattled.  There was a noise of someone lumbering up the hallway to the left and Bobby logically ran out the other door.

Seconds later, Forge entered the den, carrying a large case.  "Was that Bobby I heard, screaming like a sissy?"

"Yeah.  He learned not ta mess with Doc McCoy a few days ago."  Rogue leaned against the sofa.  "An' Ah think someone framed Bobby for the loss of the Twinkies."  Jamie's smile said 'it was me!  MEEEEE!' and conveyed ultimate satisfaction.  

Forge flipped the plastic latches of the large case.  "Well, Jamie, I think we're ready for a test run of your new suit."  From inside the case, Forge pulled out what appeared to be a cattle prod with extra prongs.  

Jamie squealed and hid behind Rogue.  "Whas'sat?!"  He squeaked, tugging gently on Rogue's shirt.

"This?  It's a simple harmonic distinguisher."  Forge twirled the 'cattle prod' in one hand.  "It tests for outside electric discharge from the suits circuitry."  When Rogue made no move to leave, Jamie assumed that meant it was safe and nodded.

A large club-like object was pulled out, and again Jamie gave a squeak of terror and dodged behind Rogue.  "Ok.  Then what's tha?"  Rogue gestured to the club as Jamie tugged frantically at her arm.

"Ah, this is something special."  Forge gave the 'club' a slightly twist, and an array of small 'microphones' sprang from the swiveling base.  "These things detect any surge of kinetic energy coming from Jamie and the suit and where they draw together, mainly."  Jamie looked up at Rogue's face for any sign of doubt, and when he didn't see it, he finally returned to his spot.  "It also makes a nice maraca."  Rogue looked bewildered.  Were all geniuses like this?

Forge raised one eyebrow and smirked.  Reaching into the case, he pulled out a ball bat and a cattle prod that looked like it could stun a small elephant … or Blob.  "Now THIS is a HS 36 cattle prod, and a cast aluminum, sluggerville ball bat!  Just to make sure a good pummeling and electrocuting won't cause the energy suit to short out."

"AAAAAAARRRHHHH!"  Jamie ran from the room, screaming.  Rogue began backing towards the door, and then zipped out as quickly as she could as well.

Forge sighed.  "Geez, and they think I have no sense of humor.  I was just joking!"  He shouted after the screaming boy.

*******************************************************

In the garage, Jamie and Rogue finally stopped running.  Jamie sat down on Logan's motorcycle, trying to catch his breath.  The green body suit clashed horribly with the red of the motorcycle, and Jamie screwed his face up in disgust at the color.

"Here, try this."  Rogue tossed a blue, denim jumpsuit at Jamie.  There were oil stains on the knees, and a red stripe ran from the neckline down to the leg on his left side.  A small tag that read, 'Logan' had been stitched onto the breast pocket.  The sleeves were so large that Jamie had to roll them into massive donuts to keep from stumbling over the fabric.  But it _did_ cover the ugly anti-kinetic suit, so Jamie wore it.  Rogue smiled when Jamie began fiddling with the helmet on the bike, pulling onto his head and looking generally 'multiple-proof'.  He also looked like a Mini-Wolverine, but with less homicidal urges.

"Now what?  If I go back in now, Forge will use… t-those _things_!"  Jamie looked up at Rogue, imploring her to do something.

"Lets test tha suit, ok?  Hop on."  Rogue tossed a leg over the bike to straddle it, carefully twisting her own red helmet on.  Reaching into the front pocket of Jamie's jumpsuit, she pulled out a black key. 

"What test is this?"  Jamie quickly clung to Rogue, trying to hide is shaky voice.  He had never ridden on a motorcycle before.

"Ah call it, the 'hang on ta yo' hat' test."  Leaning forward a bit, Rogue kicked the bike to life, smirking as the engine deafened Jamie.  The vibration from the motorcycle nearly shook Jamie from his seat, but the boy clung to Rogue, burying his head into her back.

"Did I pass?!"  Jamie shouted over the roar of the engine.

Rogue laughed.  "It hasn't started yet, Squirt."  Slipping Logan's motorcycle into gear, the bike lunged out of the garage with its two passengers.  

"Has is started NOW?!"  Jamie was squeaking in panic, trying to cling to Rogue as the bike tore down the driveway.  "Won't Mr. Logan be mad if you drive his bike?"

Rogue had to turn her head slightly and yell to be heard over the rush of the wind and the rumbling of the engine.  "There are perks ta being, 'Logan's Favorite', Squirt.  An' getting' away with almost anythin' is one of 'em!"  

The motorcycle drove out of the Institute's ground and onto the main road.  It swerved past the Brotherhood house (and honked, but that's because Jamie insisted on it).  There was a detour past Burger Bomb.  They raced down the docks and banked sharply just because the bike could.  And finally the bike came to a rubber screeching halt in front of the mall.

"Well, ya still ahlive back there, Squirt?"  Rogue turned in her seat, pulling the helmet off.

Even under the reflective plating of Logan's helmet, Rogue could see a huge smile.  "That was so cool!  It was all like, 'VRRRRMM', and I was going 'YAA!' and there were no copies going 'WOOT!'.  … you wouldn't believe how annoying that gets after a while."  Jamie paused his excitement long enough to look around the parking lot.  "Why are we at the mall?  I thought you hated the mall?"

"Ah do.  Especially the inhabitants who dwell deep within its fluorescent bowels."  Rogue glared at the mall.  "But it's tha best place ta practice rammin' inta people.  Lets test out yer suit, Squirt."  Leading the way, Rogue began to head towards the mall.  Jamie hesitated for a second, rolling the arms and legs of the jumpsuit back up, and then jumping after her.

The mall was a haven for the yuppy and bored.  Snot-nosed babies and cane-wielding elderly walked slowly along the cloves of stores.  Hoards of cell phone geeks were cluttering the 'inner' part of the walkway.  Jamie now wished he had borrowed Forge's cattle prod before coming here.  Now walking directly ahead of Rogue –acting as a kind of 'cow catcher' for humans—Jamie plowed into the crowds.

Rogue tapped Jamie carefully on the back.  "Head fo' the food court.  An use some elbows, kid."  She smiled as Jamie nodded vigorously and began shouldering his way through a two teens talking to each other… on their cell phones.  The food court was on a split-level, most of the restaurants on the top level, and an open-air indoor garden below with a few concessions surrounding it.  Jamie leaned over the railing to look down, searching for someplace to eat at.  Instead of finding a fast food joint, however, Jamie found something much more eye popping.

"Hey Rogue?"  Jamie blinked, idly scratching under the sleeve of the jumper.

"Ya?"  Rogue was looking at one of the coffee stands, judging how badly she wanted the caffeine.

"Do they have fire fountains here?"

"Wha?  What's a fire fountain?"  Rogue tore her attention away from the coffee cart and began to turn to Jamie.  But someone was standing between them.

"Bon jour, cherie."  Gambit smiled, his glasses sliding down his nose just enough for his red eyes to peer over the top at Rogue.

"Great.  Just when Ah think it's safe, all the weirdos start crawlin' out from undah their rocks."  Rogue snorted.  Jamie was still leaning over the railing.  "Fire fountain?  It's that crazy Pyro, isn't it?"

Jamie looked up, "Yep."  The boy looked horribly confused.  "He's doing the macarana.  It's drawing more of a crowd than the fire fountain."  The 'fire fountain' was actually St. John running tendrils of flame over a small pond, making the fire skim the surface of the water as if it were being sprayed.  The show was entirely harmless, but spectacular.   But, of course, the general public love over-all stupidity to feats of elements any day.  St. John's macarana was drawing people to laugh and point.

"Can't you stop him, VenomLack?"  Jamie was still leaning over the railing, but he spoke to Gambit.

"Oi, y'still callin' Gambit dat, tapis?  Don' make Remy use French on y'."  Gambit pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.  Jamie pulled a face at the Creole; one finger up his nose, one finger slanting each eyelid sideways and his thumbs pushing his chin forward while is tongue stuck out.  "Y'keep dat up, garcon, and it stay dat way."  He warned.

Rogue had stepped away from the bantering boys and returned a moment later.  She squeezed between the two of them (much to their delight) and stood in front of the railing.  "All raight, knock it off.  Someones gotta stop that flaming-nutcase down there before he sets somethin' on fire."  Rogue was holding a styrofoam cup in one hand as she leaned over the balcony to look below.

"Whacha got there, chere?  A cup o' water?"  Remy kept his side pressed against her shoulder.  In retaliation, Jamie leaned into Rogue as well.  Directly below them was Johnny's fire fountain, and his impromptu 'dance stage'.

"No.  Hot coffee."  Rogue smirked, dumping the steaming beverage over the balcony and onto the laughing and dancing Pyro (who soon became the screaming and rolling Pyro.)  The fire display quickly fizzled out, without the pyromaniacs control over it.

Gambit whistled.  "Remy'll haveta remember dat."  He rubbed the small bit of hair on his chin.

Crossing her arms, Rogue watched as a coffee-stained Pyro clutched the escalator as Colossus hauled him up to the second level.  Jamie copied Rogue's pose, crossing his arms and trying to scowl.  However, he was rather happy to see Piotr and the scowl came out as a tight-lipped smile.  

Finally, Jamie could scowl no more and a full-fledged grin broke out on his face.  "Piotr!"  Jamie ran towards the Russian, grabbing his arm and dangling.  Releasing St. John, Piotr gave Jamie a proper hug before setting him back down.  St. John wobbled about, swiping at his hair and trying to wipe the remaining coffee onto his sleeves.

"Lettin' this maniac run around at tha mall…?!  Ya got gumbo fer brains!"  Rogue unfolded her arms clenched her fists and glared at Remy and St. John.  "Someone coulda seen that, and then Jamie and Ah, woulda had ta 'clean up' yer mess!  Ah can't believe how reckless ya were!"  Rogue was royally steamed.  Mostly because Jamie was far too young to have to deal with anti-mutant crowds, and Rogue alone couldn't protect him.

"I wouldn't say 'reckless', shiela."  St. John ruffled his orange hair.

"I would!"  Chimed Jamie.

"Quiet you!"  St. John grabbed Jamie in a headlock and then proceeded to give him noogies.  

Now Jamie's body suit was designed to absorb all kinetic energy before it activated his mutation.  That is why –originally-- the suit was designed with a pullover hood.  But with Jamie out in public, the hood was removed, along with the protection that the hood would have afforded.  Before the three mutants' eyes, one boy became two, then four, and six…

John leaped back, watching in astonishment as four of the six copies were instantly reabsorbed.  "Sorry, mate.  It's weird how you can make more o' yourself and then take them all back."  The group of Acolytes had managed to block Jamie's little situation from view.

"Except for me!"  Copy #6 declared, and then broke into a fit of dancing.

Rubbing the back of his head, Jamie winced, "Yeah, I think the only way to make that part of my brain shut up would be to give myself a lobotomy."  Jamie snorted, reabsorbed the fifth multiple.  He had to catch his breath for a moment as the suit made a funny buzzing sound.

Crazy-dancing Jamie stopped short, suddenly looking pained.  "Suit… chaffing."  He gasped.  "Quick!  Reabsorb me, before I itch myself in public!"  Jamie made a horrified face and quickly pulled his duplicate back in.

"Ahh, so _that's_ how it works."  St. John nodded in approval.

"Now if someone would just reabsorb ME…"  Jamie scratched under the sleeve of the jumper again, itching at the green suit.

Gambit suddenly tossed an arm around Rogue's shoulders.  "Speakin' o' absorbin… why ya here, chere.  T'ought y'didn't like crowds."

Picking at Remy's arm like is was a smelly, dead animal, Rogue tossed his arm off her shoulder.  "We're testin' out Jamie's suit.  An, git yer arm offa me before…"  Rogue's threat was cut off when Remy leaned over her.

"B'for' y'show some skin?"  Gambit brightened, looking intrigued.  "Dat Remy would like t'see."  Rogue's face flushed and she pulled back her fist to prepare to hit him or grab Jamie and run.

However, Jamie was no longer by her side.  The remaining Acolytes were staring at the fight with growing interest.  From one of the concession stands, St. John had got a bag of popcorn and he was munching away while watching the unfolding scene.  Piotr had boosted Jamie onto his back and the two of them were waiting patiently for the argument to wind down.  Jamie was sipping a soda, a treat he usually wasn't allowed back at the manor (for the simple fact that a caffeinated Jamie was a hyper Jamie, and a hyper Jamie turned into MANY hyper Jamies).

"Come on, Jamie.  We gotta git back."  Rogue rested her knuckles lightly on her waist, waiting as Colossus lowered the small mutants off of his back.  Jamie gave a half-hearted wail of protest, but jumped to the floor anyway.

"But ya didn't kiss and make-up yet!"  St. John protested, waving the bag of popcorn about.  "Wouldn't do to have our chum Remy all sad when you leave."

Gambit gave Rogue a look.  It was the same look Kurt gave those triple-layer cheesecakes the professor bought.  Rogue swallowed.  

As she took a step back, trying to regain her personal space that Gambit had invaded without her notice, her foot landed on a stray wrapper on the floor.  Rogue's ankle turned on the wrapper and she slid into Jamie.  The young boy was too small to hold up Rogue on his own and went slamming into the railing of the balcony.  Rogue went toppling towards the sharp drop of the escalator.  There was a flurry of movement and a sickening head-over-heels sensation.  The next thing Jamie knew he was leaning dangerously over the railing with a large fist was clenched around the jumpsuit while another grabbed his arm.  Piotr hauled the boy back to his feet, glaring at the harmless looking banister.

Rogue seemed shocked by everything that had happened within split second of her slip.  Remy had lunged forward to catch her before she took a short trip down the escalator.  The long brown jacket that he wore got tangled in his legs and under her boots at the sudden movement and the two of them went tumbling to the ground anyway.  Only during this fall, Remy had managed to twist just enough so Rogue landed on him, as he tried to shield her from the fall.  They ended up sprawled upside-down on the escalator, one of Gambit's boots resting on the handrail of the escalator while his head was lying on one of the moving steps.

"Com'mon, chere.  We gotta get up b'for' de stair catch on m'hair."  Remy tried to sit up, but from his upside-down position, he lacked the balance.

Rogue looked shell-shocked, but she managed to get to her knees on the steps.  Holding out a gloved hand, she pulled on Remy's hand until he was sitting on the steps too.  And just in time, as well.  The escalator dumped them off at the first floor, and a crowd of people were staring at the two teens who had just ridden the escalator in such a strange position.

"Rogue!"  Jamie was running down the steps of the escalator, Piotr and St. John behind him.  "Rogue!  Are you ok?"

"Nice dat y'care, homme.  Remy fine, t'anks fo askin'."  Remy rubbed the back of his head and winced.  There would be a large knot there within an hour.

St. John laughed.  "You are like a cockroach, mate.  When the Armageddon hits, all that will be left are bugs, dust, and Remy LaBeau.  A set a' stairs ain't gonna hurt you."  Piotr chuckled as this.  Remy made a weak swipe at St. John, wincing as his head ached.

Jamie was standing beside Rogue, looking up at her.  "Jamie…"  Rogue cleared her throat, dusting herself off and looking over at her savior.  "Ah'm fine.  The Cajun made a pretty cushy landin'."  Remy waggled his eyebrows and Rogue quickly turned away from him, flushed.  

A quick light show made Rogue look down.  Jamie's green suit had been torn from neckline to almost his stomach.  The jumpsuit buttons had popped open when Colossus grabbed him, but the giant also grabbed the green suit that lay beneath.  Unable to withstand the full weight of Jamie, the suit quickly ripped and was spraying sparks as it slowly powered down.

"Ah think we bettah head home.  When that thang turns off,… there'll be a mall full o' Madrox."  Rogue quickly buttoned up the topmost button on the jumpsuit, covering the damaged anti-kinetic suit.  Jamie nodded, fastening up the rest of the open buttons.

The Acolytes watched as Rogue turned around to face them, the white streaks of her hair hanging over her face as her head bowed.  "Thanks, fer helping Jamie."  Rogue fought out, stumbling over the words.  "Um… Ah… thanks… Gambit."

"Merde.  Y'don't havta call m'that.  De name's Remy."  Still rubbing the back of his head, Gambit look down.  "Yo' foot gonna be al'ight?  Y'need a lift?"

Rogue looked indignant, preparing to refuse and leave.  But at the first step, she faltered and wobbled.  "Ah don't need a lift, Ah just have ta get ta mah bike, Cajun."

"Of course, mah chere."  Smiling widely, Gambit swept Rogue off her feet and began to carry her out of the mall.  Rogue gasped for a second, but they her painted eyes narrowed at him as he swaggered to the exit.

"Don' call meh Chere!"  Rogue fired at him.

Jamie went to follow, but barely dodged a stroller.  "I want a lift too!"  He shouted.  His suit was almost inactive, and the slightest bump at this point would quickly bring everyone's attention.

Colossus crouched slightly, quickly picking Jamie up to ride on his shoulders, safe from anyone jostling him.  Everyone gave Piotr a wide berth anyway.  Jamie wrapped his small hands over Piotr's forehead, trying to stay balanced and look over Gambit's shoulder at Rogue.  … they were fighting _again._

"Hey!  Can't I get a lift too?"  St. John whined.  A large hand clamped onto the back of St. John's shirt and began dragging him with.  "Hey, hey!  I said a 'lift', not a 'drag'!"  Whining even more, Pyro resigned himself to the fate of a piece of luggage and was dragged out of the mall by Piotr.

"Dat's a nice bike, chere."  Gambit looked over the stylized motorcycle, adjusting Rogue in his arms so she could fish out the key.

"'S'not mine.  It's Logan's."  Rogue mumbled, trying to hide her face behind the veil of hair.

Piotr looked edgy about the name.  But St. John… "Logan?  What's a Logan?" …obviously had no clue  "Is he dangerous?".

Jamie squeaked, "Worse!  He's Canadian!"  Rogue snickered, pulling out the key.  Gambit set her on the seat, stepping back.  Jamie slid down from Piotr's back, shaking his and St. John's hand before climbing onto the bike.  Jamie struggled to get his helmet on while Rogue gave the handlebar a twist.  The engine roared to life… and suddenly at least seventeen Jamie's were surrounding the bike.

"Jamie, yer gonna have ta concentrate on keepin' all yer dupes in."  Rogue pulled her helmet on.  Jamie whimpered as he forced seventeen multiples to vanish and had to quell down the urge to produce copies.  Piotr waved goodbye to Jamie and the small boy gave a weak smile as he struggled with his mutation.

It was then that Gambit stepped forward, leaning on the handlebars.  "Drive safe, Petite."  He smirked, and dropped a kiss to the helmet.  Even behind the visor, Rogue's face could be seen lighting up red.  She muttered several curses in Gambit's direction and tore out of the parking lot.  Jamie was clinging like a barnacle, eyes clenched shut, and trying his very best to keep his multiples from being turned into road pizza.

"She love Remy."  Gambit smiled.  Piotr was looking down at the phone number Jamie had tucked in his hand.  St. John was holding a matching piece of paper… only his was on fire…

********************************************

With the anti-kinetic suit shorted out and being repaired only eight hours after it was completed, Forge was in a sour mood.  Jamie was sitting in the middle of the lab again.  Beast had left to attend to Rogue's injury.  Jamie was to sit (as in STAY in one place) on the stool until his suit was repaired.  Xavier had commended Jamie on naturally repressing his mutation as long as possible for the trip home.  The drive on the motorcycle back had left Jamie extremely exhausted as he tried to force the multiples to stay inside.  Logan had loomed over Rogue and Jamie, gave them both a fierce look, and then asked if they had put gas in the bike.  When Rogue promised she would, Logan nodded and left, saving Jamie from possible dismemberment.  Thus was the result from being 'Logan's Favorite'.

"Can we make a go-kart?"  Jamie asked, for about the hundredth time.  The command for Jamie to stay was grating on Forge's remaining nerve.  It was like a formula.  The longer the boy had to stay still, the louder he got…  Perhaps the boy couldn't cause _that_ much trouble if he left…

"Listen up, mini-man.  Beat it!"  Forge held his artificial arm up from the suit.

Jamie paused for a second, and then broke into Michael Jackson's dance, while singing… you got it… 'Beat It.'  He boogied himself across the lab to stand next to Forge.  "Like this?  Like this, Forge?  Am I doing it right?"  Two multiples were produced when Jamie stomped on the ground just a bit too hard, and they broke into dancing fits as well.  Only the two multiples took the role of 'background dancers'.

Forge rubbed his forehead in exasperation.  Unfortunately he rubbed it with his robotic arm and nearly put out an eye.  But it's ok.  If he did poke his eye out, Forge would just make a better, mechanical eye!

"Can you make my suit… a different color?"  Jamie finally worked up the gall to ask.

Forge looked puzzled.  "What's wrong with the exterior of your suit?"

"I look like a cactar if I stand like this…"  Jamie then struck a pose from the final fantasy games, standing exactly like the 'walking pincushion'.  "And if I stand like this, I look the Jolly Green Giant!"  Jamie struck another pose.

It was quiet a task for Forge to keep from laughing.  "Ok, I get the point.  You could have told me sooner if it bummed you out.  How about a nice blue suit?"

Jamie thought about this.  "Ok.  Blue is good."

*************************************************

Two hours later Jamie sat on the sofa pouting, wearing his new suit, and writing in his journal.

_'I look like a smurf.'_  Jamie wrote.  _'Sure, Forge!  Blue is good, I say.  I swear, that hippie is color-blind.'_  

At this point, Rogue came limping into the den, Scott hot on her tail and mid-way through a lecture about 'fraternizing with the enemy'.  "They may not have been starting anything out there, but Magneto could have them doing anything!"  Scott was so intent on his lecture, he entirely missed the death glares shooting his way.

Rogue looked straight at Jamie, "Hey, Squirt?"

"Yeah?"  Jamie put down his journal.

"Sick 'em!"  Rogue jabbed a finger at Scott.  Jamie broke out into a rather homicidal grin and suddenly the room was filled with multiples.  

"W-wait, Jamie!"  Scott began backing away as the squad of Jamie's began cackling and wringing their hands.  Scott paused for a moment, looking down at the many Jamie's in confusion.  "Why are you dressed like a smurf?"

Jamie's check twitched.  One of the 'smurfs' jumped onto a chair and shouted, "DEATH TO GOGGLE MAN!"  The homicidal Jamie began to chant, 'kill the piggy, kill the piggy', and from there, things steadily got worse.  There was a sound like a stampede as the herd of Jamies chased Summers from the den.

Rogue scooped up Jamie's diary and flipped to the last page he had written on.  _'As Jamie is now doing my bidding, I'll finish this up before Bobby finds it.  Ok, Forge is color-blind, Scott is anal-retentive, Remy is a… goatee-coffee dork.  I have a feeling that we're not done seeing Remy just yet.  Jamie has probably done something stupid, like give the Swamp Rat our phone number.'_

_                                                Diary of Jamie (quit leaving your book in the den, Squirt!)_

"Hey Stripes!"  Logan stepped into the den, holding the phone.  "You've got a call.  Some Cajun guy."  Logan's eyes narrowed as Rogue's jaw dropped.  "Waitasec, cajun…. GAMBIT?"  *snikt*  Logan's claws came out and he began yelling into he phone, threatening 'Lil Cajun' if he continued to pester Rogue.

The original Jamie entered the den again, looking up at Rogue as she simmered in embarrassment.  "What, he called collect?"  Jamie pondered aloud.

Rogue sighed, rubbing her forehead with her gloved hand.  "Com'mon Squirt.  Lets find lots o' ice cream."

"Horray!"  Jamie picked up his journal and followed, leaving Logan threatening the phone.  The pages of the journal flipped open and Jamie quick scanned it.  "Hey!  I didn't give him our number!"  He protested, chasing after Rogue.  Rogue merely chuckled.  "I didn't!  I gave it to Colossus and Pyro!"


	15. Have you seen this boy, AGAIN?

ACK!  So late in getting this chapter out!  On a scale of 1 to 10 --, 1 being a few days since my last chapter and 10 being the next ice age… I scored a 9.5.  First I got me a new job, then my computer went through a continuous form of crashing (called Windows ME) and finally… I lost all inspiration.  Has anyone seen it?

Pantherdragon: This fic is late because of me. See, Kit-chan came to my dorm-room and left the disk containing the fic in here. Then, I had to disappear from the internet-world for about four days or so. Then, the internet exploded and I couldn't send the beta to her. So, basically, it's all my fault . . . don't tar and feather Kit, tar and feather me. ^^;;

Kit: And actually, don't tar and feather my beta.  See, we're desperately low on tar, and I need it for emergency repair jobs  … on the computer. … and fer Flum's sake!  Stop calling me Kit-chan!  … sounds like a room in a bloody house.  And on a totally different note… where the heck do you Romy fans keep coming from?  Is this a cult?  Are you after my cheese?!?  ::panics::

Pantherdragon: It's finally posted! And just so you all know, I have a pointy stick used especially for making Kit write more chapters. And Remy/Rouge scenes . . . *poke*poke* And now, for the commenters:

PERSONAGE: Wooo!  Cheez-its!  Wooo!  Twinkies!  I thank thee for the gift you have bestowed upon this small of stature monkey.  And for thy gift, I give thee… more Remy!  ::munches away::

SILVERS: I'm using your suggestion, because your idea was highly thought of, here comes … MAGNETO!  (I'll have to work in Paige later)

To the FLAMABLE one; Horray!  Power to the Madrox fans.  I have at least a few more chapters I can do before I feel the need to make a new fic. ::idly smuggles Flamable a multiple::  …Until my next chapter…

Hey… TOWARDSZERO … I am firmly set against the butt paddler of doom, you know.  And once I get past this lazy spell, I'll be working on your FLCL comic… picture… thingy.  Daaa!

This note is for KIKI CABOU: I am a very deprived monkey.  I have not yet seen that episode with Leech in it!  So Leech's speech pattern was based off the comics.  Pity me. :(

SCRATCH IT OFF: Perhaps I shouldn't have asked everyone what comic Naked Kurt was in… I didn't really want to know.  But it has scarred me for life anyway. ::twitches::

_More people than I can name_: Thank you for your comments to my insanity!  You guys are great for my already over-inflated ego.  I now believe myself to be the greatest thing since sliced cheese!

And finally …PANTHERDRAGON: … you need to be online more.  Or give me better ideas.  Drink less milk! … just kidding!

**"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"**

**12/10/03**

**************************************************

                It was a peaceful day at the X-manor.  The birds were singing.  The sun was shining.  "WEEEE!"  The students were squealing.  There was a rattling noise that grew louder and louder from around the side path.  Finally, with a burst of insane yelling, Bobby rounded the corner with Jamie sitting on Evan's skateboard, the Iceman pulling it along with a jump rope.  

"FASTER!  Faster, faster, faster!"  Jamie chanted, clinging to the skateboard as it whizzed over the ground.  "… TOO FAST!  Go slower!  SLOOOOOWER!"  The boy's eyes widened as an ancient oak tree loomed ahead.

Bobby released the jump rope, watching as Jamie went coasting towards the tree.  "It's like a toboggan!  Lean, Squirt, lean!"  Bobby shouted.  Jamie shrieked in terror.  "NO, look out!  Rrrr, fine!"  Bobby raised his hand and created an ice slide just in front of Jamie.  The skateboard went careening to the left, but Jamie went to the right.

Six Jamies went rolling along the ground.

One of the Jamies curled into a ball around his leg, whimpering.

Immediately, the other five Jamies surrounded him.  One was carefully rubbing the injured one's back.  Bobby ran up, hands still iced up and looked down at the boys in terror.

"Please tell me that isn't the … Jamie … our Jamie."  Bobby fumbled, quickly kneeling down beside the boy.  Jamie shuddered, his face pinched.  Very carefully, Bobby tugged at the Jamie's large, red shirt, revealing a sparking and malfunction anti-kinetic suit.  "Oh shit."

*************************************************

"Well.  It appears to just be a sprain."  Hank lowered the X-ray, looking over at the small boy resting on the uncomfortable medical table.  Jamie's suit had been stripped off for repairs.  But with his injury, perfect duplicates would be harder to produce so the suit wasn't needed.

"That's good, right?"  Bobby jittered from one foot to the other.  One of Jamie's dupes remained, casting Bobby very angry and homicidal looks.  The extra Jamie tried to help out, gathering things for Hank, like a nurse.

Hank rummaged around in the medical cabinet.  "Not necessarily.  If the muscle actually tore from the ligaments or bone, Jamie will require a corrective procedure."

"Surgery?"  Jamie squeaked, his blue eyes filling with tears.  The pain was dulling slowly, the painkillers Beast administered slowly numbing his leg.

"I am afraid so."  Hank rumbled.  Jamie broke into a fresh wave of tears, babbling non-stop about how he didn't want a surgery.  One massive hand soothed over Jamie's back as his hiccuped.  "But the injury appears relatively minor, unless you harm yourself greater I believe staying off your feet will do the trick.  How did this happen anyway?"  

Bobby immediately paled.

Jamie's multiple suddenly went into another fit of glaring when the real Jamie looked up.  "I… I wasn't watching were I was *hic* going."  Jamie sniffles for a moment.  "I hit a tree."

The Iceman looked shocked as Hank quickly looked Jamie over for a concussion too.  Tisking, Hank deftly began to wrap Jamie's leg in a large plastic brace.  "Well, aside from your sprain --which actually doesn't look so bad-- you were lucky enough to escape unscathed."  The brace kept Jamie from moving his ankle, and most of his knee.

"I'll, uh… get Scott."  Bobby backed out the door, casting thankful look at Jamie.

Hank heaved a sigh.  "I won't ask…"

"Then don't worry!"  Jamie piped in response.  Dr. McCoy chuckled, ruffling Jamie's hair.  Jamie was no longer the smallest New Mutant in the institute.  After several of his growth spurts and mutation surges, he was now just a bit taller than Kitty.  But even so, there were still no crutches small enough to fit the boy.  Jamie would have to rely on living 'mutant crutches', hopping around, and asking people to bring him things.  

Basically, it sounded good to Jamie.

"Hey there, Kiddo."  Scott leaned into the medlab.  "Bobby told me about your crash.  How long are you going to be in that?"  Gesturing to Jamie's blue brace, Scott swung the door of the lab closed.

"He'll be in there about two weeks."  Hank automatically answered.  "Jamie, you'll still need to ice it up whenever you sit.  … Bobby will find his new career as your personal icepack and as for an extra 'favor'…."  Jamie grinned, but it came out a pained wince.  Oh yes.  Bobby would _definitely owe Jamie some chores and manual labor._

Scott lifted Jamie to his back in a piggyback hold.  Jamie's duplicate ran just ahead of them, heading for his room.  "So does this mean no Danger Room session?"  Jamie kicked his good leg.

"Can you stand?"

"Nope!"

"Then no.  You're free from DR duty.  But not your multiple."  Scott raised an eyebrow at the duplicate.  The multiple began whining, and then tore off up the stairs.

"Jamie's lazy.  Jamie doesn't like to work."  Jamie spoke of his copy.  Scott shook his head, thinking what an incredibly horrible influence Remy had been on the boy.

They made it four more steps when there was a flash of light and the immediate stink of brimstone in front of them.  Scott yelped in panic as a blue cloud of smoke exploded just over their heads.  Jamie yelped in a different sort of panic, almost falling off his back.  "KURT!  Give us warning before you do that!"  Scott gasped, his glasses sliding slightly askew on his face.

"Sorry!  I didn't expect you to be so scared at a little 'porting."  Kurt apologized.

"What, you expect us to burst into cheer and do the wave whenever you appear?"  Scott adjusted his glasses, holding Jamie up with one hand.  Jamie then did the wave… or tried to do the wave.  It's rather hard to do the maneuver when you are one person balanced precariously on another's shoulders.  And when you're the only person doing it.  Jamie just didn't have the energy to create any duplicates.

The fuzzy mutant gave Jamie a sympathetic smile.  "I heard about your disaster.  Das foos hurts, ja?"  Kurt wiggled his long toes in empathetic pain.

Jamie's eye welled up with faux tears, preparing to milk the situation for all it was worth. "OOWWW!  It's hurts!"  His foot began to tingle.  "Ow... OW!  It really does hurt again!  I think the medicine is wearing off, Scott."  Jamie tugged on Scott's shirt, wincing.  Trying not to jostle little Jamie, Scott picked up the pace and changed directions to the nearest room.  The library was the first room they came to, and it had a few comfy leather chairs tucked in the corners.

"Is there anything you need?  More ice?  Pillows?  … any books?"  Scott brushed his hair out of his glasses, looking around the room.

Jamie brought a finger to his lips.  "Can you find some of the cookies that Rogue and me made?  I think we hid some… --," Jamie cut off, looking over at Kurt with suspicion before beckoning Scott closer, "…_we hid them taped under the table in a container."  Whispering softly, Jamie divulged the location of the last of the cookies._

"That's a good hiding spot."  Scott confessed.

"I know.  Mys--err.. My copy and I hid them there."  Just barely avoiding saying the name of Kurt's notorious mother, Jamie recovered nicely.

Kurt didn't take to well on being talked over though.  "Vas is a good hiding spot?!"  Scott simply left the room.  "Vait!  Scott, you didn't tell me yet!"  Before he could bound out of the room, Kurt came to a skidding halt just in front of the door.  "Oh ja, Professor told me to make sure you put your foos up."  Kurt pulled a table up to the chair Jamie was in, lifting the boy's injured 'foos'.  The brace was made out of a type of foam and hardly gave any sort of resistance.  Unfortunately, the durable material was also slightly itchy.

"Um, Kurt?  Can you find me a itchin' stick?  Like … a pencil!"  Jamie fidgeted, wishing he could wiggle his toes.

There was a brief search about the library as Kurt searched for something thin enough to slip between the brace and Jamie's leg.  He eventually came across a suitable substitute.  "Here is a ruler!"  A metal ruler with inches and centimeters was waved wildly about, reminding Jamie of a cranky nun for just a moment.  A big blue nun …

Jamie slumped boneless on the couch as he scratched the side of his leg with the ruler.  One never knows how good it is to itch unless you aren't allowed to.  "Now, I'm going to zhe kitchen.  If zhere are cookies hidden, I will find them!"  And a blue cloud of smoke followed as Kurt teleported off.  Personally, Jamie doubted Kurt could find a nun in a nunnery, but he wasn't about to say that aloud.  Now Ray… Ray could find _porn in a nunnery.  He was just that good._

"Hey there."  Which would be why Ray would be the first person to hunt down Bobby and drag him into the library by his ear.  "Thought you might need an icepack, Squirt."  Ray tweaked Bobby's ear and the ice mutant winced.

"Yeah, I guess…" Jamie lead off as Bobby iced his hand up and touched the swollen ankle, "YAAH!  That's cold!"

"I may be wrong, but I think that's the point."  Ray looked vaguely amused.

Wiping his eyes on the back of his hand, Jamie looked around a bit.  "Hey, where are Roberto and Sam?"  On a normal day, Roberto would be anywhere there was a crowd.  Sam had staked out a corner of the library for writing letters home, and would spend the day writing every brother and sister their own private letter.  Neither was in the library at the time.

Bobby proceeded to ice his entire arm and lean on the table.  "Well, 'berto got a Danger Den session with Wolverine."  It was an inside joke of the Iceman to mock the Danger Room whenever possible.  It was also an inside joke for Wolverine to then throw Bobby in the simulation for 'Lots O' Ninjas', pop a beer, and laugh.

"Sam's trying to 'defend the Rogue's honor' from that Cajun."  Ray snorted, pulling up a chair.  "I'm not sure who's going to get hurt more, Gambit or Sam --when Rogue pops him one in the nose for following her."

Jamie opened his mouth to defend Remy from Ray, but thought better of it.  Whenever Gambit's name was mentioned Logan would burst into the room, claws out, and growling.  Jamie rather liked the library door right where it was, and without any claw marks.  Besides, if Bobby was startled, he might ice up entirely and accidentally turn Jamie into a Popsicle.

It only took a minute for Scott to return, carrying a plastic container full of cookies and a whining 'Crawler on his back.  "Here you go.  I found them, but Kurt nearly got there first."  Jamie's duplicate showed up as well, probably wondering where his original had gotten off too.  The multiples were attracted to cookies like ants to a picnic.

"Come on, Jamie.  Share!"  Kurt disengaged himself from Scott to grovel before Jamie.

Jamie picked up the cookie container, looking at the cookie count inside.  "Well… I'll give you some IF--," Jamie jerked the cookies away as Kurt lunged for them, "you guys take me to the park today.  I wanted to go, but… " the throbbing of Jamie's foot picked up for a moment as he remembered the painful collision with the ground.  Then came the puppy expression.  Bobby felt guilty, Ray felt bad for Jamie, Scott felt it his responsibility to take Jamie to the park, and Kurt -- well… Kurt felt hungry, but that's normal.

Looking at his watch, Scott spoke.  "Ok, we can go to the park.  But only for an hour.  Ororo wants help for tonight's dinner."  Ray perked up and Kurt flat out drooled.  Tonight, they were having barbecue.  Anything that could be cooked on a grill was to be cooked.  Ribs, pork chops, burgers, hotdogs, brats, tofu (Kitty's food), and even grilled veggies.  

Jamie nodded in agreement.  One would have to be insane to miss the grill-off.  Scott once again lifted Jamie to his back as the boy munched on cookies.  Kurt remained close by Jamie, trying his own hand at the puppy expression.  The 'icepack' was dragged along by Ray, who was pseudo-amused by it all and decided to follow.  That and Jamie seemed to attract trouble like flies are attracted to big piles of poo.

**************************************************

The sun was out, the birds were chirping, there wasn't a cloud in sky, and Jamie was sitting _safely_ on the ground as far away from Bobby as he dared.  In fact, he was sitting by himself.  Everyone had since scattered, leaving Jamie on the grass with a single duplicate, his journal, and three chocolate chip cookies.  Jamie had his multiple writing while he shifted about uncomfortably.  The institute was far too packed for Jamie to find a free moment to write if he couldn't leave the library.  And he didn't dare trust his multiple to write in it without supervision.  That would lead to some crazy hijinks or something.  

"So we're just writing '_it's all Bobby's fault, and we'll get revenge'_?"  The duplicate snagged a cookie and quickly reduced it to crumbs and chocolate stains around his mouth.

"Not quite in those words, but yeah, sounds good.  Put an accent on the _revenge_ part.  WHOAHAHAAAA!"  Jamie laughed as diabolically as he could.  His multiple joined him, and for the next five minutes they laughed like the demented little boys they were.

"Whoa-hahaaaaaAAAHHHH!  BEE!"  The multiple suddenly jumped up, waving the journal at the bee.  The simple bumblebee drifted about with the breeze before doing a loop at Jamie.  The injured Madrox squealed in terror, diving to the grass and jarring his ankle.  Hissing between clenched teeth, Jamie reached into his pocket and pulled out … a ruler?  The metal ruler from the library had been tucked with him for additional 'leg itching'.  Now, the measuring device turned into a bee ball bat, and was swung wildly at the bumbling bug.

In a last-ditch attempt to smash the bee, Jamie chucked the ruler at the flying bug, missing widely.  The metal ruler sailed into the longer grass and --strangely-- landed with a loud CLANK!  Now if the ruler had hit the soft dirt, there would have been nearly no sound.  Even if it had hit something like a log or a rock, there still wouldn't be the harsh metallic noise that they heard.  So this prompted curiosity in the only way little boys know … randomly walking until they found the source and then hitting it with sticks.

"Hey, what's that?"  The multiple pointed.  Sitting just at the very edge of the park --where the overgrown grass gave way to heavy trees and shrubs-- was a strange silver sphere (with the metal ruler beside it).  It was resting there, looking very much like a giant ball bearing.  The odds that it had been forgotten of were highly unlikely, and the sphere was nearly sparkling with a high shine of wax.  The circular metal 'thing' was opened up, like an egg.

"Guys?"  Jamie looked around for any of the other X-men.  They _had to see this.  "GUYS!"  He shouted again, but no one showed up.  The multiple was making his way to the orb.  "Wait!  Help me up.  I wanna see it too."  Jamie waved a frantic hand, hopping up to his good foot.  Using his copy like a crutch, Jamie hopped over to the silver orb and peered in._

There was nothing inside.  A seat-like space suggested that the orb was some kind of vehicle.  "Hey! I can see something in there!"  Copy-Jamie pulled away from the lame original and hopped into the sphere.

"Don't go messing with it!  Something could happen.  What if someone comes back for it!"  Jamie called after his copy, picking up the ruler and smacking it on the metal orb to try to call the duplicate out.  Finally, Jamie crawled in after his copy, trying to forcefully pull him out.  This degraded into clothes pulling and cheek pinching as the boys wrestled around on the seat.

The owner never came back to discover two boys in the orb.  That is because right after Jamie crawled onto the seat, the orb sealed up, casting both of the boys into darkness.  There was a gentle roll to the orb, suggesting that it was now moving somehow.  It felt like it was moving … up.

"Told you so, you jerk." 

****************************************************

Gambit, finally having his fix of Rogue-bothering, headed back to the transport Magneto had left for him.  It didn't take much to bother Rogue, but the trick was to do it without having her zap him.  Or getting skewered by Wolverine.  Or having that 'Cannonboy' ram him into the dirt.  With his town-run complete, Gambit was ready to go back to the metal dome they called 'home'.  Magnus was waiting back at the base for the pressure gauge in the seat to go off.  It was more effective than having his boss wait for him.  And much less embarrassing too.

Except there was no sphere waiting for him.

"Did Remy 'member where he park'd?"  Gambit blinked in confusion.  The cajun decided to wait out of sight, incase the sphere returned.

A few minutes later, a strange sight congregated in the park.  It was almost every male member of the X-men, and they seemed to be very agitated.  "What do you mean, 'We lost Jamie'?!  He's GONE?!"  Scott wasn't taking this news very well.

"Oh man, the girls are going to murder us!"  Ray looked frantic, searching the area for the small brunette boy.

Bobby turned on heel, marching towards the edge of the park.  "I'm going this way!  Maybe he's just in the bathroom!"  The group of guys quickly scattered in different directions.

Sitting in a tree directly above the commotion was Gambit.  "Hnnn, De boys lose Tapis, Remy loose a ride.  Mags not going t'be happy."  The Jack of clubs was flipped over his hand.  "Rogue going to kill Remy if he don't bring back d'boy."  The thief sighed.  "D' t'ings we do f'love."  Reaching into one of his deep pockets, Gambit pulled out a cell phone and began dialing.

*Zap!*  … *WHUD!*  But Gambit failed to notice the rather irate looking Ray that had been standing below the tree.  Ray blew the branch Remy had been resting on clear off the oak, causing the broken branch to tangle in Remy's trenchcoat as they hit the ground at the same time (proving Galleeo's theory of … aww, forget it).

"Hey, guys!  I think I found some answers!"  Ray cracked his knuckles, electricity sparking from his fingertips.

"Merde, dis not Gambit's day."

*****************************************************

"Hey, our pants stopped glowing."

"That means we've been in here ten minutes.  Glow in the dark stuff only last ten minutes."

"And we are still moving?"

"How should I know!  I can't see my hand in front of my fa-OW!  You hit me!"

"You can't see MY hand in front of your face either!"  There was a pause.  "Is this a trap?"

The transport suddenly came to a jarring halt.  Both boys were thrown against the wall, which produced two more duplicates.  The original Jamie squeaked as his ankle was bumped, and immediately the duplicates tried to give him room.  But room was the one thing they were lacking.

"Are we crashing?!  Did we crash!?"

"We're gonna die!"

"Uh… guys… is someone … dancing?!"

"Abandon sphere!  Women and Multiples first!"

Light suddenly spilled into the confines of the sphere, blinding all four boys.  Jamie was in a dull haze of pain, unable to reabsorb his dupes.  One of the duplicates immediately took the front, blindly standing guard over the original.  Another duplicate toppled out of the sphere, desperate for space, the bathroom, and air (though probably not in that order).  From the pouch on Jamie's jacket, the leather bound journal toppled to the ground under the orb and slid along the rounded wall.

"What the hell --?!"  That was a very familiar voice.  It was rough like Logan's, only with more of a growl to it.

Rubbing his eyes fiercely, Jamie blinked feebly into the light.  A large dark shape began to form.  Jamie rubbed his eyes a bit more, peering into the whiteness again.  This time Jamie got colors.  Mostly browns, reds, and a bit of gold at the top of the shape.  Blond hair.  So Jamie said the name of the first blond that came to mind: 

"Tabby?"

There was a sputtering sound.  "Do I sound like a frail to you, pup?!"  The very large and obviously male snarled.  Ok, the name was right at the tip of Jamie's tongue now.  It had to be ... uh…geez, starts with an 'S'…

"Sabertooth!  What is wrong with Gambit?"  Another new voice cut in, but also ruined the spectacular mental climax Jamie was working his way to.  Multiple #3 looked horrible embarrassed to have forgotten the name.

"Nothin', just it's not Gambit."  Victor reached down and hauled a Jamie into the air.

"HA!  I'm a dupe!"  And with that, the Jamie faded out.  Victor stared at his empty hands, then reached for another boy (more carefully this time).  

The results were the same.  "I'm a dupe too!"  And the copy vanished.  With a growl of frustration, Sabertooth reached for Jamie.

"I'm a copy!  WOOO!"  That was the very first thing that came to Jamie's mind.  

And ironically, it worked.  Sabertooth pulled his hand back and snagged up the last duplicate, intent on dragging the 'original' Jamie to the speaker.  Jamie took this moment to climb out of the orb, roll under a workbench, and then will his duplicate to vanish.  There was a frustrated howl as Sabertooth was left holding nothing but air again.  Ha!  Mess with Madrox, will ya!?  Now all Jamie had to do was sneak out without being seen…

"He is under the bench along the wall."  The same calm voice spoke, causing Jamie squeak.  Jamie was under a bench.  Check.  Bench is along the wall.  Check.  … Sabertooth standing in front of the bench along the wall … oh Check.

A clawed hand fished under the bench.  "Git out here, pup!"  Victor's talons narrowly missed catching on Jamie's pants, but managed to knock something out of the boy's pocket.  A metal ruler.  … Hey, when in Rome… Jamie snatched up the ruler and gave Sabertooth's fingers one good thwack.  There was a deafening roar of pain as the fingers vanished.  Jamie knew he couldn't run for it with a bad leg, and smacking fingers was a very poor defense.

Creed grabbed again, this time picking up the entire bench with the intent of lifting it off Jamie and revealing his hiding spot.  Jamie had other ideas.  For once glad he was so small, Jamie clung to the underside of the bench and let the whole thing be lifted into the air.  

"Hey!  Where'd he go!"  Sabertooth sniffed at the air, unable to find any tracks or scents leading away from the spot.  From atop the bench, held over the older mutant's head, Jamie got a perfect bird's-eye-view of the place he had been taken too.  The room looked like a cross between a garage and a laboratory.  Two other spheres were sitting along the wall, and vast amounts of metal covered every surface.

One other person was in the room as well.  He was wearing a dark red cloak with strange armor.  And he was floating.  "Must I do _everything_?"  The man grit out, waving a hand dismissively at Jamie.  With that, the metal ruler Jamie had been planning on giving Sabertooth a 'nice to see you' whack upside the head bend around both of his wrists, binding them together.  Jamie gave a startled squawk as he felt the metal fasteners on his pants and shirt suddenly lift upwards, floating him into the air.

Magneto.  It was Magento, the leader of the Acolytes.  This was the person Jamie was almost handed over to before Pietro's 'rescue' when his mutation was on the fritz.  It was the person who had ruined the quiet and peace of the Institute.  It was the person who *WHAMP* got hit in the head by a well-aimed shoe.

"PUT ME DOWN!"  Jamie shouted, trying to twist free from the ruler, his shirt and his pants at the same time, wearing no shoes at all (his bound leg was shoe-less to begin with).  "I'm telling the Professor on you!"  Jamie threatened to nark.  But when you are threatening an all-powerful mutant who has you suspended by your pants, it is suggested to be a little more tactful.  Magneto dropped Jamie to the floor.  Five duplicates scattered out on the cold metal ground, trying to help the original to his feet.  Or rather, his foot, as he balanced on his good foot to protect his injured ankle.  

Magneto reached up and pulled his helmet off his head, silver hair mussed up from the metal hat.  Magneto began ignoring the small boy, approaching the empty sphere.  "Is there nothing else in there?"  He asked Sabertooth.  

"Nope.  Gambit musta missed the ride back."  Sabertooth rolled the sphere to the side to peer in.  The journal slid to the front of the orb, just out of the line of sight for Sabertooth.

"The seats are pressure sensitive.  The boy must have duplicated himself and managed to trip the sensors for Gambit's weight.  I brought back the wrong person.."  Magneto frowned deeply.   

"It's Harmless' ride? …" Jamie said aloud, and then gasped sharply.  "What's he doin' to Rogue!  I'll … I'll do something to him if he's hurt her!"  The threat, once again, was ineffective.  'Drat,' Jamie thought, 'I need some new curses.'

Cape settling against an invisible breeze, Magneto seemed to wear a permanent frown.  "If the youngest of Xavier's brood was in the park, there is no doubt that the rest were near by.  Gambit was probably discovered."  Swinging his hand, Jamie felt himself pulled into the air again.  "I may have to contact Xavier for a 'trade'.

"I have to go to the bathrooooom!"  Jamie whined, wiggling about in the air.

"And we may wish to do it… quickly."  Magneto sighed.

****************************

The phone was ringing at the X-mansion.  RING!  It cried desperately.

"SOMEONE GET THAT!"  Scott yelled, struggling with a roll of duct tape.

RING!  WHUD!  "Ah would, but it's lahke holdin' wet toddlers inta the bath!"  Sam was trying valiantly to subdue a large burlap sack.

RING!  The sack kicked Sam in the chest and then flipped off the couch.  Scott made a mad tackle, dropping the duct tape.  RING!  Kurt ported onto the sack and it made a muffled 'oof!'.  Ray shoved Roberto towards the phone as he picked up the duct tape and advanced on the bag.

RIN—"Hello?"  Roberto looked over his shoulder as the burlap bag punched Bobby in the stomach.  "Xavier's Institute for Gifted LOOK OUT!!  ATTACK BAG!"  Roberto dropped the phone and helped Sam pin the squirming bag down before it could club Kurt over the head.  There was the famous sound of duct tape being ripped from the roll and then the bag was finally taped to a wooden chair.

Rogue stormed down the steps, extremely angry.  First Remy followed around --just out of her slapping range-- grinning like a Cheshire cat.  Then Sam hounded her, glaring madly every time anything even resembling Remy popped up.  And NOW, now that she had finally ditched all the guys, she had to come downstairs to find all the men taping what looked like a bodybag to a chair while the phone swung from it's cord.

"I swear, if that is Jamie in that bag…" Rogue's threat led off as Bobby's look plainly told her it wasn't Jamie, thanks for asking, now go away.  Picking up the phone, Rogue cast an angry glance back at her fellow X-men.  "'Lo?"  She spoke into the receiver, hoping it wasn't for her.

"I would like Gambit back."  The voice on the phone echoed one of the many voices in her head.  And that voice in her head then began threatening to destroy lots and lots of things.  Magneto.  "And I will give you one of your own back."  Rogue dropped the phone and stormed straight into the herd of guys.  They quickly scattered when she held her hand out and pulled the bag down.  A disheveled Gambit was revealed, sporting a split lip and eyes blazing.  

That is, until he spotted Rogue standing in front of him.  "Chere!  Y'come t' save Gambit?  T'anks."  He smiled, and then winced as his lip cracked a bit further.

There was silence.  Rogue looked back towards the phone, then to Gambit, and then her eyes roved over the group of men.  A snarl formed on her face, "WHAT DID YA DO WITH JAMIE?!?"  Kurt found it wise to use Roberto as a mutant shield from his irate sister.  "AND WHY DOES THIS PERV HAVE MAH UNDERWEAR!"  Rogue quickly snatched up a black pair of panties from Remy's pocket.

*******************************************************

Jamie was bored.  He was also floating around behind Magneto.  Mostly this was because Jamie's dupes vanished from lack of energy and without them to help him around, he was forced to whine and limp.  Eric quickly grew irritated with the sound and hovered the boy into the air and off his bad foot.  The room they were in was the Acolytes den.  Magneto refused to let Jamie into his private lab, and suspected the boy could overwhelm Sabertooth if he didn't keep an eye on him.  Thus, they were sitting in perhaps the messiest room Jamie had ever laid eyes on.

Jamie was also playing a game.  "I spy, with my little eye. . . something icky."

Magneto wished, for just one second, that he had the ability to render small children unconscious with just a thought.  But NOoooo, only Xavier could do that, which would also explained how he retained his sanity in a house full of pre-pubescent teens.  "Is it Sabertooth?"

"HEY!"  The feral man didn't know whether to snarl at his employer or simply let it bounce off of him.  He decided to assimilate the two ideas and settled for snarling at Jamie.

"No!  He's just spooky." Said Jamie.  Magneto nodded in agreement.  Sabertooth idly began sharpening his nails on the iron walls.  "Keep guessing!" chirped the boy.

All the hair on Magneto's neck began to prickle.  This was bound to end badly.  And if he went down to Jamie's level, the boy was bound to beat him with experience.  Or possibly a smuggled wiffle bat.  Magneto did not trust children.  Thus the argument between powers began.

"I do not know.  I have no desire to know.  And unless you care to tell me, I will not continue this joke."  Eric clenched his fist, his power spiking and causing Jamie to nearly slam into the ceiling.

"You're not fun!  Professor Xavier guesses!"  Jamie whined.

"That is because he can read your simple mind!"  Magneto's eyes were a blazing white.

Jamie folded his arms and glared as best as he could.  "If I'm so simple, then it should be easy to guess!"  And with that, Jamie trapped Magneto in his own insult, throwing it back at him.  A feat only accomplished by Rogue, Wanda, and the suicidal.  In a singsong voice, Jamie repeated himself, "I spy, with my little eeeye, something icky!"

So it all came down to this.  Magneto gave the room a quick glance.  "Is it Pietro's shoes?" 

"Nope!"

"Sabertooth!  Remove the shoes!  I want all of these… icky things… clear!"  Eric sneered at the word 'icky'.  The shoes were picked up, revealing yet more 'icky' beneath them.  "Is it… I'm not even speaking of _those._"  A set of rather suspiciously looking magazines, belonging to Remy, were resting under the speedster's shoes.  Let's just say… Remy didn't keep the magazines for the articles…

Jamie looked horrified.  "Uh… no."  So the magazines were tossed into the garbage bag.

"That moldy sandwich?"

"I've seen worse!"  The moldy sandwich vanished into the bag, but only after Victor sniffed it to see just how moldy it was.  Yep.  Pretty moldy.

And so the list of gross things went onwards.  With each one that Jamie said it wasn't, Magneto's patience dropped that much more.  Finally the room was almost clear of 'icky' things.  In fact, it could almost be qualified as 'clean' with just a little more work.  "This room is nearly EMPTY! There are no more things!  So I suppose you'll say is… somewhere up there!"  Magneto flung his arms upwards towards the ceiling, turning in fury to face the smiling boy.

Almost instantly, Jamie's smile melted off.  "Awww, you guessed,"  He sighed.  Magneto followed his hand to where it hand ended up gesturing too.  Along the wall, actually *sticking* too the wall, was what appeared to be fur, ash, and jello.  

"My God!  What is that?!"

Sabertooth, who was toting a massive garbage bag, cleared his throat.  "That was… uh, dinner.  Pyro… damn, we aren't letting that idiot cook again."  The question wasn't quite answered, but if Pyro was in the solution, the three of them decided they didn't want to know the answer.

***************************************************

Deep in the belly of the silver sphere, which carried Jamie to the base of Magneto, a small leather-bound book wobbled and finally slid down the metal wall.  The bindings had been strained from late nights of being held open by an elbow while the other hand scribbled over the paper.  The cover flipped open and the pages flipped by to the last entry, which Jamie had nearly dented the protective binding of the book when he leaned on it.

'Hey, now that my leg is hurt, I'll bet I can get a sympathy game of battleship out of someone.  Just not Sam.  Sam always wins.  Or Jean.  Playing battleship against a telepath sounds like a bad idea.'  The finely tapered ink suddenly exploded in a blotch after this, smearing tiny fingerprints all over.  The scribbled sentence of, 'Note to self: do not tap pen against paper when the ink won't come out,' was messily dripped into the paper.

*************************************

"F … 7!"

"Miss."

Jamie made a face and placed a white peg in the slot.

"D3."

"Darn!  Hit!"  A red peg filled the last hole in a small plastic piece.  "You destroyed me!"

Magneto sighed, "…If only…"  He glanced at the clock again, now counting minutes.  The agreement between Xavier and Magneto was that Jamie and Remy were to be 'traded' at exactly 5 pm.  Just as it would be getting dark.  It did give the X-men time to plan and possibly torture Remy as well, but Magneto figured that perhaps it would teach the thief not to be caught.  And at that time, St. John, Piotr, Pietro and Wanda were due back at the base.

Any minute now…

"Best out of ten?"  Jamie had one foot braced up on a stool, keeping his weight off of his foot.  It wasn't pity that made Magneto help the boy.  It was… ok, so it was pity, but it was for Xavier having to put up with the young mutant.

"There was no way the twins were _this_ bad."  Magneto had one hand pressed into his face, trying to ward off a migraine.  Of course, Magneto's idea of parenting skills rivaled that of Mystique's.  Stick one kid in an insane asylum, and give the other ludicrous amounts of sugar… and a cell phone.  Self-explanatory why the Maximoff twins were so wacky.  "NO!  No more games!"  The decision was final, no arguments.

Of course, someone should have told Jamie that.  "But… Pietro always plays more games with me!  Logan will even play Chutes and Ladders with me!… sometimes… when he gets back from the bar."  

"Entertain yourself!"  Magneto rose to his feet, his cape nearly knocking Jamie to the floor.  The witty retort of Madrox began to fizzle at the firm tone of the elder mutant's voice.  

But Jamie has more than just pseudo-sharp wit to help him!  He also has his own minion clones and more groove than Forge himself!  "YARG!  We dance!"  Clapping his hands, Jamie produced a dance floor of duplicates and then instructed them to do the Bunny Hop.  Victor reeled back, tempted to flee the room.

The clock read 4:40.  No signs of any of the other Acolytes.  And then Magneto's patience snapped.  Using every metal object in the room to bind each Jamie, he levitated all of them into the air.  "No more dancing.  No more games.  We _leave!_"  Whirling sharply, Magneto led the entire floating force of multiples to the hanger with Sabertooth tailing them.

"Uh, boss?  I … that kid…kids… aren't gonna fit into the pods."  Victor jabbed a finger at the three spheres and then at he uncountable amount of little boys.

"I'm not gunna fiii~it!  I'm not gunna fiiiii~it!"  The Jamies began to sing.  However, one look from Magneto, and Jamie was convinced he'd fit, either on his own or in many handy pieces.  The duplicates vanished.  Victor picked up the small boy and dropped him into the sphere he rode in on (sounds like an insult… 'Screw you and the sphere you rode in on!'… ahem, I digress).  Instantly, the metal pod clamed up.  Magneto and Sabertooth entered their rides and the metal spheres quickly shot off for Westchester.  

"I STILL HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"  Jamie's voice echoed from inside his metal prison.

Victor clawed at his head.  "I swear to God.  No kids.  EVER again!"  Magneto was tempted to toss the boy's transport around a bit… but he couldn't.  The boy had done nothing to him –directly-- that made Magneto feel the need to crush him.  He was a kid.  The boy was going through his own problems, it was cruel to thrust him into the very middle of his own battle.  So he was going to do the same thing with Jamie that he did with Pietro… 

…He was going to give him twenty dollars and tell him to go away…

***********************************************

At the school, Xavier had been trying to get the X-men to watch Gambit without physically harming him.  To the surprise of all, Rogue had taken up position as Remy's guard, threatening to drain anyone who came near.  Sam was flabbergasted, Remy was flattered, and Scott (due to a well placed punch) was nearly flattened.  Of course, Rogue's idea of 'watching' was cuffing Remy upside the head if he placed one foot out of the library.  By 4:30, Gambit had bruises from a few escape plans … and… other things involving a certain southern girl's underwear drawer.  Impressive, considering the pervert was still duct taped to the wooden chair.

"I can't believe the barbecue got called off."  Bobby leaned against the wall, glaring into the library.

"Ah can't believe ya lost Jamie!"  Rogue shouted out the door.  Bobby winced, idly toying with his sleeve.  "And Cajun, if ya don't keep yer hands ta yerself, Ah'm gonna have ta hurt ya."  Remy merely smiled coyly.

Ororo and Charles watched the sky for any sign of Magneto while Hank and Logan scouted the roads incase Jamie had managed to come home on his own.  The boy had done it once before.  Escape from high security cells was possible when you dealt with the Multiple Man.

Charles suddenly stiffened, spinning his chair away from the bay window to face the double doors.  "I believe company will be arriving any moment."

"What?  But they're early!"  Scott looked at the clock.

"Dude, you expect evil to be late, not early.  What's the deal?"  Bobby blurted.  Everyone began to assemble on the lawn.  Gambit's duct tape fasteners were removed from the chair but retied around himself, like a big, gray, sticky straight-jacket.  

Three silver pods appeared from the south, glittering dully in the waning light.  The sun was about set, casting long shadows and dramatic lighting on everything.  Only Scott didn't have to squint into the blinding sparkle of the spheres.  A seem appeared in the otherwise flawless surface, splitting down the tops of the spheres.  The three pods began to open, revealing their passengers.  One of them cheered and waved.  I'll give you a hint… it wasn't Sabertooth waving at Logan… thought that would have been amusing.

Jamie popped out of his sphere like a groundhog looking for his shadow.  Seconds later, he was nabbed by Victor, who kept him from falling on his face and/or escaping.  Logan began to snarl menacingly.  Sabertooth would have flipped him off if he hadn't been trying to hold an overly-happy little boy.  Cape fluttering over the edge of the transport, Magneto stepped out.  The entire X-force --excluding the Professor—tensed as they prepared for an attack.

"I believe this is yours."  Magneto glared out at the X-men.  Sabertooth stalked forward, holding Jamie like a football.  Jamie waved sheepishly.  

Xavier sighed, smiling weakly at the boy.  "Likewise, we have someone that belongs to you."  Scott had tied Gambit up and was 'escorting' him forward.

"'Lo, Tapis."

"Hi, VenomLack."

"Knock it off."  Scott twisted his face up in disgust that now even little Jamie was 'fraternizing' with the enemy.  Jamie, for the most part, was fed up with everything.  He had been push, pulled, shoved, carried, dragged, and floated around all day long.  The small boy decided he didn't care.

"I MISSED YOOOOU!"  Jamie squirmed free from Sabertooth, throwing himself at Gambit for a big hug.  The collision of the two of them knocked out two duplicates, who also clung to the thief.  "And Magneto missed you!"

"And Sabertooth missed you."  Jamie #2 said.

"You could have called us!" This was Jamie #3.

After their greeting, there was a very strange expression on the three boy's faces, much like Wiley E Coyote when he has a plan.  "Ok, I'm done.  Bye!"  Jamie jumped back to the ground, letting his two multiples escort him back to Scott.  The leader was silently fuming, but said nothing as a rather bewildered Gambit sauntered back to his team.

Magento caused the metal transports to float up and open.  "Now we both have what we want, we are leaving."  He said firmly.  The Acolytes climbed into their spheres.

From the safety behind Scott, Jamie smirked.  "Hey, Gambit!"  Jamie shouted.  Remy looked down at the small boy from his seat.  "I got your wallet!"  A brown billfold was produced from one of Jamie's sleeves and waved about like a flag.

Remy's hand dove to his pocket beneath his trenchcoat, but found nothing.  "Pudentane!  Y'lil thief!"  Suddenly Gambit fell silent, and a smirk snuck onto his face.  "Y'can keep it.  N' Remy'll keep this."  Front the front of the orb, a very familiar journal was picked up and waved.  Jamie gave a yowl of terror as Remy jimmied the lock open and prepared to read aloud (what the rest of the X-manor already knew).

"Alright!  Take your stupid wallet!"  Jamie threw the billfold at the sphere.  Gambit snagged it out of the air with one hand, using his other to thumb through the book.  "Gambit!!!"  Jamie began thrashing about, pointing and demanding and whining.  Then Rogue fixed her green glare onto the brash thief and silently promised pain if he didn't return the book.  The fact that Rogue can convey such a meaning with just a look only reestablishes her rank as 'queen of the death glare'.

The book was thrown out of the orb as the silvery doors began to slide shut.  "Y'bettah keep yer promise, Rogue!  Remy'll keep his!"  With a wink, Remy leaned back in his chair.  The sphere clamed up and began to hover back into the air.

"Promise?"  Scott turned towards Rogue.  If his eyes had been visible, they would have been showing confusion.

"Ah'm just as confused as ya're."  Rogue shook her head, watching as the spheres vanished into pinpricks in the sky.  Perhaps now a sense of normalcy (or as normal as they could afford) would return.

As the group began to scatter back into the building, Jamie opened his journal, double-checking it for damage.  The book flipped straight to a strange lump between the pages.  Jamie gasped, throwing the book down and staring at it afar in wonder.  "What you got there, kid?"  Logan loomed over the small boy's shoulder, looking down at the journal.

Logan stared.

Bobby joined them.  Then he went googly eyed as well.

Rogue turned to glare at the three guys who were staring at the book.  "Are ya just gonna stand there all …That's mah bra!"  Tucked between the pages was one black bra belonging to one Rogue.  Under the black bra was quickly scrawled, 'now you have to catch mine!' in what was definitely Gambit's handwriting.  Jamie and Rogue remembered that split second where Gambit opened Jamie's book to 'read it', but neither noticed his other hand pull a slight of hand and slip from his coat to the book.  "THAT DAMN CAJUN!"  Rogue began to rant, her fists clenching.  All the men wisely took one step back from her.  Rogue growled out things she was going to do to Gambit's underpants.  Evil things, but it _was_ kind of what Remy had in mind… the 'thinking about his underwear' not the 'doing of evil things', that is.

"Hey Mr. Logan?"  Jamie craned his neck up to look at the shell-shocked man.

"Yeah?"

"Are we still gonna barbecue stuff?"

"AH'M GONNA HAVE THAT PERV NEUTERED!"

"…. Sure.  Let's go.  _Quickly_."  Nabbing Jamie, Logan quickly marched them both inside.  This left an angry Rogue screaming on the lawn, and a dazed Bobby staring at her in awe.

Idly rubbing the side of his jaw, Bobby shoots Rogue an odd look.  "… you actually fit into that?"  He asked in wonder.

SMACK!

"Ok, forget I asked."  


	16. Holiday INTERLUDE: What to do with a Mad...

…Wow… Turn out for chapters have slowed waaaay down.  I'm not even sure I'll write a Christmas season fic for this … well, fic!  Yeah yeah, I'm not a Scrooge!   I'm just working 9 hours a day, pet sitting, and earning money to pay off my car—and actually, that sounds a LOT like Scrooge (what with the 'money' and all).  But I wish you a Merry Christmas anyway, dudes.  And since this isn't a REAL chapter, feel free to pay it no mind.  Remember, Interludes were designed to be read over if you are trying to get any kind of 'meaning' from this story.  Interludes are just me venting…

Note of all the stuff I'm currently doing:  Doing a FLCL comic.  Doing a (unrelated) pirate comic.  Doing a fic for my Grand High Priest friend.  Registering for spring classes.  Practicing full body drawing and rendering.  Working full time.  Biting the mailman.  Worshiping bananas.  Single-handedly destroying Tokyo.  Fearing the hairbrush.  And finishing/starting the next chapter of Madrox.  Wow.  I'm busy.

A special message to special peoples:

 TOMGIRL27: HA!  I've confused you!  And I revel in it.  No, I will not make this any less confusing.  Sadly, this IS my writing style.  I could only make it MORE confusing, not less.

ULTRAMATT17.  Daa!  Feel free to use the title of Jamie's dairy.  … and your name makes me want to speak in a very low bass and go "Ultra Peepi.  Oooooh yeaaaaaaah".  … Curse my Invader Zim fandom!

Don't worry INUFICCRZY.  Jamie won't need surgery.  I just needed him to injure himself (briefly) in that chapter.  Though seeing a dozen drugged and woozy Multiples would be hilarious.

::Stares in awe at the shininess of BLACK ARACHNE's gold stars::  Oooooh. ::Goes into shiny-shock::

Hey KIKI CABOU, I liked your note of 'Den Island'.  I may use that phrase.  Sounds all … Survivor-y.

To KAMIKAZI ANGEL 07… WOW!  You practically typed me a novel note!  How amazing! … but using the goodness of milk to take over the world?!  How evil!  ::whips out bottle of strawberry and chocolate flavoring:: Me and my two friends shall stop you! … and then drink your army…  P.S.: ESCAPE PLAN DELTA!

Ok, ASGT, I'll put an 'explicit content' sign and an airhorn in the next chapter.  But only because you reenacted 'Remy's Certain Death with the Underwear Drawer of DOOOOM' in your class.

AIIEEEE! ::runs from STRETCH, the Remy beating bat, … and the letter Q::  My pants!  She's after my pants!

STARFIRE: Are you reading my mind about bringing new characters in?  How do you guess?!  Is there a camera around here you are watching me with? ::Paranoid::

WIZARDESS GAL:  Ah-HA!  I knew there was a Romy cult!  After walking into that incredibly awkward and frightening shrine to Romy in the closet, I began suspecting they were more numerous that I previously had guessed… kinda like democrats.

Hey TODDFAN… hey, hey, hey, HEY!  I put a glancing mention of Plunky in here, as a wonderful thank you for the… thank you.  (And on a different note, may I post that fic on my webpage?  With due credit, of course)

To my beloved (yet blond at heart) PANTHERDRAGON:…. I'm going to mail you a cow.  So you will have your own milk supply.  You want that?!  HUH!?!  HUH?!!?

**The Private Life of Jamie Madrox  
Interlude Edition!  12/25/03**

********************************************

It was the story of Madrox .  A lexicon of the boy's purpose in this grand scheme of things.  He was… Uh….. Hmmmmm…

"Things to do with a Jamie..." Kit tapped restlessly at the keyboard. She huddled under a large green blanket, making faces at the screen and wearing a fleece hat with white puppy dog-ears stitched to the top. Drat, another dead end. Her inspiration was gone. Actually, her inspiration was a very small boy named: "JAMIE!" She howled, picking up the keyboard and shaking it. "What are you good for?!"

Bling! An instant message. From Kit's beta, PantherDragon. Not really a panther, and certainly not a dragon, but Kit was unwilling to argue with a person who claimed to be a full foot taller than her... even if her bones were brittle (due to the face she did not drink her milk)…

**_PantherDragon: Stuck again?_**

"Duh!" Kit rolled her eyes. "Where hath all mine inspiration gone!"

Silence. Quit a bit so. Kit began to think PantherDragon had left her to battle the lack of inspiration alone. Then,… Bling!

**_PantherDragon: Kit? You do realize I'm not telepathic yet, and you actually have to type what you want me to hear, right? … Just asking._**

Kit blinked at the screen. "Oh yeah!" She smacked her palm into her head, and began to type to her friend. "I. Have. No. Clue. What. To. Write. … *frowny face*" Kit typed out, urging her frozen fingers to type faster.

Bling! Apparently PantherDragon types faster than Kit.

**_PantherDragon: Type a list. Or another interview. Or do some more Romy writing…_**

"You know, yer fired." Kit glared at the screen for the suggestion. A smiley face was her response. "Drink. More. Milk." She hacked out onto the keyboard. This time, a 'XD' came back.

Pulling the green blanket over her head as a hood, Kit began to plot. "A list of Madrox, eh? I can work with that. … WHOA-HAH-HAHAHAAAA!"

**_PantherDragon: Kit-chan? You better not be diabolically laughing for the next five minutes! Just put up a Zarking away message when you do that._**

***********************************************************

"Jamie! Where are you hiding?!" Logan snorted, lifting up the cushions of the couch. Yeah, Jamie had hid there before, and then popped out like some kind of couch monster. Ororo nearly fainted. After that, he was banned from hiding in the couch, or closets, or under beds, or in car trunks…

"He's not here!" Ray shouted from the lawn. "Get out of that tree, you sorry excuse for a monkey!" This last part wasn't directed at Logan (that would have been a Danger Room wish), but rather the strangely-familiar multi-colored monkey perched in a tree along the manor. Shaking one fist, sparks skimmed from Ray's hand and crackled through the air. A shot of electricity narrowly missed the inspiring trouble-maker, causing her to drop a full can of soda on Ray's head.

Scuttling down the rough bark, Kit glared up with all her five foot nothin' fury and snatched her soda back. Ray was unimpressed. After all, he'd seen Rogue before she got her turn in the bathroom. And though Kit refused to brush/comb/pick her hair and she had enough dye coloring it to turn Beast a mottled puce, she still looked just as 'normal' as any of Xavier's students… for all those who do not know, 'puce' is a brownish purple…

"The weird ones always come out after dark." Logan snorted.

"But it's not dark yet!" Amara shouted from the kitchen, beside a baffled Kitty.

Logan chose to ignore Amara's comment and went to see Xavier. There was a scene emerging outside that took over the girl's attention. "I never get nearly blown up when Jamie is around!" Kit cradled the soda with her tail.

Ray took a potshot at the multi-colored monkey. "That's because Jamie is your bodyguard. The little dude is a walking shield." ZAP! "You ever seen Jamie angry?" ZAP ZAP "It's better to go one-on-one with Wolverine than to tick off the Squirt and go fifty-on-one." ZAPPITY! The grass was smoldering and burnt leaves crinkled on the ground. 

Yet amid it all, Kit sat cross-legged on the ground and grinning like an idiot. "I like Jamie. He's like Gumby… only not green and stretchy. And actually he doesn't have a gumby horse either so I guess he's not very much like Gumby after all." She began to ramble.

"MR. MCCOY! Can we get a restraining order?" Ray shouted up to the balcony where Beast stood watching in amusement. Beast waved his hand inattentively. 

"And a trampoline! I vant a trampoline!" Kurt's voice came from his own room, giving his own smart-ass comments that are so very vital to life at the Institute. It seemed contagious today.

Kit hopped to her feet, popped the top on the soda an quickly downed the whole thing. Ray jabbed a finger viciously towards the now over-caffeinated girl. "SCRAM!"

"SHADDUP! Some of us are tryin' ta nap!" Rogue joined in the yelling as well. After her unspoken threat, an eerie hush crept into the grounds and silenced everyone in a moment. "That's bettah." The window slammed shut, causing everyone to wince.

"I'm scram-ing." Kit whispered, and then tiptoed very quietly off.

Ray watched as her tail vanished into the mansion. "We are so very screwed." He muttered.

*****************************************************

                Logan walked right into Xavier's office without knocking. After all, the man knew who was at his door before they knocked (which weirded the students out). Charles was finishing up a paper while a stack of documents rested precariously on the edge of the desk. Finishing his signature, the telepath looked up from his work and waited for Logan to start speaking.

"Chuck, you know where Jamie is? No one has seen him for a while." Logan was edgy. Granted, it was highly justified. Every time Jamie went missing, it ended up he had been having tea parties with the bad guys. The last thing they needed was for Jamie and Apocalypse to start a boy band.

Xavier folded his hands over the pen, "Jamie is not here."

"That's what they say." Logan grunted. "Got a clue where he left to?"

Smiling only the way telepaths do, Charles pushed away from the desk and rolled towards the window. "He is on a weekend away. With his parents. They came for a spontaneous visit, as it were. I had Jamie's schedule cleared before they got here."

"Hard to be spontaneous when yer expecting it," Logan mumbled. Xavier cocked an eyebrow, looking back at Logan. "So what this paper the kids are writing?" The students were oddly active while doing their homework. Instead of dragging themselves through their work, they frequently went into discussion and muffled laughter while writing. Wolverine had only caught glimpses of the assignment, but the repetitive use of Jamie's name made him suspicious.

Picking up a completed paper on the desk, Xavier passed it to Logan. "Hank used this as an example. With Jamie going through his period of turbulent growth, he has been a little… reserved. I asked the students to write what they think of the boy, hopefully boosting his confidence as his mutation grows as well."

Logan skimmed over the paper, preformed a double take, and then went straight back to reread it from the beginning.

_'Subject: Jamie Madrox._

_Gender: Male_

_Age: Very young_

_Appearance: Brown hair, 12 blue eyes, and 12 legs (when multiplied six times)_

_What to say about such a prime example of youth? A few things come to mind. Some being 'put down those highly volatile chemicals before you put out an eye' and 'you are dirt-encrusted, take a bath'. Yet those things do not do him justice. Jamie is a boy of creativity. Gifted with the capability to replicate him self in a way unlike any cellular mitosis, Jamie can create duplicates from --quite literally-- nothing. Not only is his mutation a natural defense, it is also a powerful offense, decoy, and great for parties.'_

Hank's paper had quite a vocabulary written into it, but the underlying message was clear. 'Jamie is a good boy, and we like him'. …. Ok, so that was an actual quote from the fourth paragraph where Hank tried to summarize in very small words. It seemed the students were being asked to boost Jamie's ego.

Dropping the paper, Logan watched as it fluttered back to the desk. Charles was watching him, already knowing what Logan was going to say next, but patiently waiting. "So," Logan dropped into a chair near the desk, "got anymore paper there, Chuck?"

"I think I do. Would you need a pen?"

***********************************************

                Sam had been the first person to be quizzed over the many uses of Madrox. Xavier's question wasn't very difficult, but Sam had could think of nothing to say. Under pressure and distracted by a blond and red streaked girl outside, (especially when she was stuffing herself with Cheez-Its), Xavier gave Sam an extension on the project . The country boy decided to write it out in the privacy of the library. Thinking for a moment, Sam finally came up with a good use for Jamie.

_"He's great at games. Like 'Red Rover, Red Rover, send Jamie right over'… and twenty kids go running at you. There is no way to keep twenty screaming kids from breaking through. (Though the fact that you have a large mob of tiny screaming maniacs running at you doesn't inspire you to hold your ground) Or tag. Tag is great. When Jamie is it, he just multiples and then EVERYONE has to run. Of course, he can't be good at all games. Jamie stinks at dodgeball. And football. And any 'ball' that involves body slams."_ The southern teen stopped dictating to the paper to think for another moment.

His thoughts brought him home, to where his brothers and sisters played in the quiet countryside. _"On a totally unrelated note, Jamie reminds me slightly of my kid brother. The one my sister, Paige, spoils horribly. Ma always told us to watch out for him and to be nice, because he was the baby. Like Jamie, the little guy can beg his way out of almost any problem. …"_

Sam paused, looking down at the paper. "Great. Now Ah'm homesick…" The paper was pushed aside so Guthrie could write a letter home, asking about his youngest brother.

********************************************

Kit stops typing at her story, looking at the clock. Yep, late at night. Time for her late-night inspiration muse. Getting up, Kit leaves the computer.

Bling! Bling! Bling! The instant messages run rampant. It is PantherDragon again, hoping to check on Kit's process. It's like a mafia, only without the protection fee.

**_PantherDragon: Hey Kit. Are you still writing? Kit? KIIIIIT?! Did you die? Aare you gone? Can I have your collection of manga?_**

Returning with a large glass of milk and a can of soda, Kit balances a box of Cheez-Its on her head as she hops down the stairs. The screen is full of messages, covering the story up entirely. Kit sits down, munches on the Cheez-its and gulps down the milk before typing.

"Yes. I am still *pause for more snacks* typing. The plot is moving slower than a freeway full o' freaks." Kit sends the message and then returns to typing. Sadly, she is interrupted by a BLING!

**_PantherDragon: Is it time for Bobby torture yet? Or are you writing Remy into there?_**

"No! No Remy! Remy bad for Kit's braaaain!" Kit howled. Then she remembered their little chat before about 'typing what you say' and sends the message. A sad face is the beta reader's response. Kit returns to typing. She gets a whole two sentences before … BLING!

**_PantherDragon: Meep! Fine! Don't write about Remy, but it better be some really good Bobby harassment then._**

Looking over at the soda, Kit began to smirk. It was a Mountain Dew. Hail to the Mountain Dew, muse to the uninspired and sleep-deprived everywhere! "Oh, it will be good Bobby harassment. It _WILL_ be." And once again, followed by five minutes of diabolical laughter.

**_PantherDragon: Less Yoda quotes and more typing, keyboard-monkey!_**

********************************************

Bobby was afraid to leave his room. That monkey-girl who lurked around the mansion had cornered him with a ball bat, threatening to beat him with it if he didn't write his paper about Jamie. She even had a spare bat, 'incase your hard head breaks the first one'. She wasn't doing this because she enjoyed trying to swinging ball bats at Iceman (though it was fun), she was doing it because Logan had dragged her inside and _ordered_ her to make sure Bobby did his work. Kit listened, due to her strange fear of hairy Canadians. As it was, she was standing firm guard outside his door until Bobby finished his essay.

"OK! I'm writing now!" Bobby announced, sitting at his desk. "Now I'm picking up the pencil! And I'm putting the pencil to the paper…"

"Just _write_, Drake!" She shouted from the hall. "Then I can leave!"

Thinking for a moment (judging just how fast he could run against just how far Kit could throw a ball bat), Bobby bean to write_. "Jamie is great to put the blame on. The kid is always underfoot. He sees everything! He's like one of those all-knowing telepaths… without the telepathy. Actually, Jamie does have some sort of mental thing going on with his duplicates so they all share the same thoughts at the same time, but it might just be they're all wacky. I'm sure Logan likes Jamie more than he likes me. Jamie never gets the 'Lots O' Ninjas' simulation in the Danger Yard." _Bobby mulled over this, and then added, _"But I've never seen Jamie ice down Wolverine's pants and put the blame on Summers, either. That could be a good reason why I'm fish bait for Wolverine."_

There was a knock at the door, followed by an impatient sound. Bobby began to wrap up the paper. _"So if something goes wrong, you just turn and dump the blame on Jamie. But be warned. Jamie always gets revenge. When you least expect it. Usually when you are in your pajamas or the shower…" _Bobby led off, wondering if he should elaborate on it. 

Deciding he had written enough, Bobby slipped the paper under the door. There was silence on the other side and Bobby wondered if it was safe to come out. Then there came a noise from the girl in the hall. It was a mix of alarmed horror and irate anger for blaming Jamie to begin with. 

Bobby fled from his room out the window and hid in the tall grass.

***************************************************

Kitty and Amara were looking around the kitchen. Earlier, a strange 'visitor' had entered the room, ran through the kitchen howling like a monkey, and dove out the nearest window while screaming about 'doom bees'. Pretty average. The strange part was when Xavier asked them to do homework that wasn't for school or a grade. He gave them both a piece of paper, and then told them to write their opinion of the youngest student in the institute. 

"Are you finished too?" Amara looked down at her loopy script that covered the paper.

Kitty sighed, tossing her paper to the table. "Yeah, but I think it's, like, missing something. I mean, what do I say about Jamie?" 

"Would you proof-read mine? I'm not sure if this is what he wanted." Amara tugged on a long strand of her dark chocolate hair.

"Sure! As long as you do the same for me." The papers were exchanged and the girls began breezing through the essays. 

_'Jamie makes a good pillow. If you watch a movie, he sits there and doesn't move until it's done. The kid practically glues himself to the set. So he doesn't really mind if you lean on him. Like this one time, we were all trying to watch a movie, but with everyone in the den, we ran out of chairs. So Jamie ends up on the floor. Then Mr. McCoy felt bad and joined him on the rug. Then Bobby bailed from the sofa and the three of them started doing this 'Mystery Science Theater3000' thing over the movie. Jamie didn't care that Ray used him as a foot stool. But the little guy did take half of the popcorn for himself, you know. Jamie is also determined to date. I'm sure Roberto put him up to it. And since I'm, like, the nearest to his age, he keeps asking me. It's cute, in this weird kind of way.'_

Amara looked up from the paper Kitty had written. For some reason, it left her feeling like it was one giant run-on sentence. 

Kitty was trying to decipher Amara's swirly handwriting. The loops were elegant, artful, and almost totally unreadable. 

_'Jamie Madrox. He is a very nosy little boy. But I'm sure it is because he wishes to be like the older students. Of all the students, Ray, Bobby, Rogue, and Scott are the worst influences on him. Jamie plays pranks on anyone he can, due to Bobby. By mimicking Ray and Rogue, he tries to pretend he isn't interested in what everybody else is doing. However, his natural curiosity overrides this and he gets into everything anyway. Only Scott seems to be a positive role model for Jamie, but whenever the boy tries to imitate our leader, it just irritates everyone. My opinion of Jamie is he is either trying too hard to grow up, or he's not trying at all.'_

Clearing her throat, Kitty finished the short blurb. "That's… kinda true, 'Mara." She admitted. "But it's… dry. You need to add… something." Kitty wished she paid more attention in English now."

"But my grammar is correct. I have no spelling mistakes either… by the way, I believe 'footstool' is spelt as one word, not two." Amara pointed to the error on Kitty's paper. The girls looked down at the lined paper and began to think for a bit.

"Should we say he's the sexiest guy in the house, just to see if that Jamie's monkey-friend has a hernia?" Kitty smirked.

Amara looked baffled. "How would she hurt her spine from reading our papers?"

There was a moment of quiet as Kitty contemplated this. "I have no clue. But Logan is always saying we're, like, going to give him a herniary one of these days."

"Kitty, he said a 'coronary'." Giggling, Amara rubbed her forehead. "A hernia is when your spine gets hurt. A coronary is when your heart explodes, I think. Or was it your eye…" Both of the girls made faces at this, not wanting the image stuck in their heads. Then they began to fill the rest of the page with 'absolute garbage', like about Jamie's multiple's favorite pastime: dancing.

********************************************

Jamie was not due to return to the mansion until after dinner passed by, which left Kit with very little to do. She returned to the mansion and pulled up a seat to wait for Jamie's return. Expecting a nice quiet afternoon, the tailed-girl was a little confused when she found herself jammed into the middle of a lecture by Sunspot. Roberto actually hunted down Kit to read his essay to her for feedback. This left the multi-colored monkey rather bewildered as he launched directly into his paper. Kit wondered two things: how did he find her, and did he ever breathe between words…

"What's he good for? What isn't he good for?! Once we accidentally got mud all over the mansion after we were playing football in the yard after it rained. The Professor was going to _kill_ us if he saw all that dirt. So then Jamie multiples a little maid service and they go around cleaning up the mess before we could take the blame. And then we had this bet going, that Scott and Jean… uh… never mind. But we hid Jamie in the trunk of Scott's car and he reported what was going on through a walkie-talkie. Bobby ended up losing twenty bucks to one of Jamie's multiples because of the bet. And Jamie isn't allowed to hide in cars anymore. Professor's rule."

Kit rubbed one ear, wondering just how long the Brazilian boy could keep talking like this. Roberto wasn't even reading from the paper. It was as if he had it memorized, or was talking even _more_ about Jamie's escapades.

"But he's pretty handy to have around. Not in a mean way, but in a 'gee, isn't that a coincidence' way." Yet the rambling went on. "Jamie's a nice kid. He always wants to come with us if we go anywhere. Even to the library."

Deciding she really didn't want to find out just how long Roberto could talk, Kit pulled her deuce. She was going to leave the mansion, one way or another ... "Look over there! A three headed monkey!" She pointed. And, foolishly, Roberto turned to look. Kit took that moment to run as if rabid dogs were on her heels, dive out the window, and hide in the tall grass.

*WHAM* "OW!"

…"Bobby, why are you hiding in the grass?"

"Yoink!" Bobby iced up and dashed back to the mansion, diving in through another open window. However, this was by far the worst window to dive through. A shrill, feminine shriek cut the air, causing all the inhabitants of the school to panic.

"BOBBY! Stop screaming!" Jean shouted. Twitching, Bobby threw himself out the window again, this time running for the pond.

Confused, Kit watched as Iceman threw himself into the pond and tried to hide under lily pads. Walking up to the mansion, she peeked into the window (after climbing the wall like some kinda… monkey). Sitting inside the room was someone who didn't belong in that house. … NO, it wasn't Remy. Remy wouldn't be caught by Iceman. Being caught by a wiffle bat wielding 14-year old, yeah, but by the Iceman? Hey, the guy has to have _some_ standards.

"Merde, m'head. Dat hurts."

… 

Ok, so it WAS Remy, but he was pretty disoriented so Bobby had a slight advantage on him. Rogue had drained him after he made a raid on her room while she had been writing her essay paper. She drained him with a smack to the face, and then proceeded to take revenge on him for him thieving her undergarments. Rogue exacted her vengeance on him while he was unconscious and then left to find Logan. Gambit was just coming too, the sickening sensation of being zapped by Rogue's powers making him woozy.

Originally, Kit planned on jumping into the room and screaming something about 'wanna-be Frenchmen', and unsavory things about his mother. However, when Remy pulled his hand away from his head, Kit decided she'd much rather stay where she was. And giggle. Until she fell off the wall.

Remy looked down at his hand. It was smeared with red. However it wasn't blood, it was too sticky and had no scent at all. Blues and greens were also smudged onto his hand from something. Raising his other hand, Remy took another swipe at his face, this time bringing back a dark black and silver. This did not bode well. Wobbling to his feet, Remy made his way to a mirror. His feet seemed pinched, and far too unstable as well. Bracing his hands on the vanity, he leaned forward to peer into the mirror.

A scream much like Bobby's sounded from Rogue's room. From down the hall, Kurt began to believe his sister's room was haunted. Just like the closet in the attic was haunted by that monster thing. The thing which lurked in the dark, only leaving the closet to eat all the tuna in the pantry. Shivering, Kurt teleported to find safety and cower behind it in fear.

The terror from Rogue's room was now causing Kit to hyperventilate with laughter. Remy LaBeau, prince of thieves, deuce of the boys, and all around scoundrel… was cross-dressing. Not willingly, of course, but with Rogue's help, he was in full female ensemble. Dark maroon lipstick was smeared down his chin, and pink blush covered Remy's cheekbones. His eyelids were dusted with blue and green eyeshadow while black mascara framed his red and black eyes. Then Rogue had taken a silver penliner and ran the shimmy color under his eyes. Rogue had also taken the time to strip off his shoes and shirt, replacing them with a low cut, tight fitting sweater and a pair of high heels. Kitty was going to be ticked when she saw how much Gambit had stretched out her favorite pink sweater.

All in all, Remy made for a fairly attractive woman.

Grabbing for the nearest towel and splashing a nearby bottle of water on him face, Remy tried to scrub off the makeup while pulling the shirt off. He managed to toe off the high heels without breaking his ankles, and then returned to wiping the make-up off. And that was how Logan found him. Shirtless, wet, face buried in one of Rogue's towels, and utterly oblivious to Wolverine's approach. Until the oncoming 'snikt' gave him away.

Kit found the fight between angry protector and bewildered stalker boring and predictable. So instead of narrating through it, she climbed into the window and went straight for Rogue's desk. The paper on Jamie was completed and waiting to be turned in, so Kit did her duty and picked it up for delivery. And also to read it.

_'Of all the people in this place, I'd have to say Jamie is the one who grows on you the fastest. I got here a few weeks before Jamie did, but when he came, he was literally beside himself. He had multiples running all over, doing all sorts of things they shouldn't, and he couldn't stop them. Jamie was scared, unhappy, and of all other things, lonely. I wasn't much better than him at the time, and we both kept our distance._

_Then one day, he gets himself lost, visits my old 'home', and then comes back with a message. Jamie ended up messing up the message and told me something like "Pietro has hair angst when he eats jelly". I still have no clue what he was talking about, but it made me laugh. He seemed determined to make sure I didn't lock myself in my room or wander off on my own. I think it is the fact Jamie has no brothers or sisters. The multiples don't count. They are more like imaginary friends than like siblings._

_Since arriving here, I've learned I have a half-brother, a crazy mother, an overprotective dad-type of guardian, my own private Cajun stalker, and a small boy who treats me like a sister. As long as Jamie is happy, this is good enough for me.'_

Looking up from the paper, Kit noticed the fight was nearly over. Remy had beaned Logan in the head with a kinetically charged slingback and dove out the window. Logan had dodged the glowing shoe and tore through Gambit's coat with his claws as a last ditch attack. Leaving the shouting Canadian to his … shouting… Kit went to turn in Rogue's paper for her. And to continue to wait the appearance of Madrox. 

************************************************

Giving up on typing the fic, Kit stared at the computer with bloodshot eyes. Her brain had coagulated hours ago, and the only thing that was coming out was horrible drivel and fluff. She didn't understand. So far the entire story had been about Jamie, but he hadn't shown up once. No savage dancing. No odd pronoun usage. And no Bobby teasing. … wait… ok, there was that, but Jamie (for once) wasn't the one doing it.

"Brain… melting. I'm meeeellting!" Kit suddenly grabbed her head and smashed it into the keyboard. "What do all the readers want?! I am but one monkey with one… and a half computers! And I can't draw when I'm writing!" It was time for, Kit-panics-because-she's-tired hour. BLING! Ah, the beloved 'bling'.

**_Pantherdragon: I'll drink milk if you finish it tonight._**

Kit instantly perked up. One of her favorite pastimes was trying to get PantherDragon to drink milk. It was right up there with drawing, writing, and falling down stairs (which was less of a pastime and more of a bad habit).

"Righty! I'll just finish this interlude up, put a few more papers in from students… and bother Bobby once more." Cracking her knuckles, Kit returned to typing like a sugar-high hamster in a wheel.

BLING!

**_PantherDragon: how much milk do I have to drink? Can I get away with just eating cheese?_**

***********************************************

Kurt had found safety in the lab, and settled for hiding behind a large machine until boredom struck. After that, he joined forces with Forge to complete a large device. It was a combination microwave/toaster. Forge thought it would revolutionize the world. Kurt thought it would make instant grilled cheese sandwiches, therefore he was testing everything it made. Their papers were resting on the table next to all the rejected sandwiches. Forge's essay smelled like burnt cheese…

_'If I were to rate Jamie on a scale from one to ten, with ten being totally groovy, I'd have to give the little guy an 8.5. He's patient when the older kids don't have time for him, and will hunt down a teacher to pay attention to him. Jamie gets bonus points for being a dancing fiend. I have never seen anyone so small perform the entire scene from Flashdance, Saturday Night Fever, and Boogy Nights, at the same time and memorized. Jamie is the disco king, no doubt._

_If it weren't for Jamie, I never would have been able to perfect my anti-kinetic suit technology. I actually have another person lined up who is interested in it. I think Jamie would get along well with him. He's a teen by the name of Guido. If Jamie were to partner up with another mutant like him, I'm sure there would be massive amounts of pranking. Speaking of which, that boy has learned from the best. I've never seen a toilet explode before I started working here…'_

Forge's writing petered off about at that point into odd slang and strange phrases. But it has perhaps the best compliment Jamie had ever received from the man in there. Forge thought his dancing was groovy. That was like Shakespeare saying you wrote good poems. It was worth framing, hanging on the wall, and dancing like a maniac around.

Kurt's paper was only half-complete, as the teen was now busy trying to pry the failed grilled cheese sandwich from his teeth. The beginning of the paper actually was in German, recalling something his mother had once told him about trouble-making boys. After giving the translation, Kurt began to explain.

_'See, my mother thought that the more troublesome the boy was, it meant the greater things he was bound to too. Which means that Professor X had to be a little rascal when he was a kid. Jamie has done some pretty unbelievable things which have caused us to panic. Nothing makes us panic more, though, than Jamie leaving without telling us. Without warning, he'll leave to talk to the Brotherhood, or finds Acolytes in strange places (such a Rogue's closet and open-air malls). We really shouldn't be upset. Jamie never comes back harmed. It is the fact that he is hanging out with people who should be his enemies that worries us._

_Jamie Madrox has no enemies or bullies at school. While most humans either ignore him or think of him as 'Jamie' and nothing more, every mutant the boy comes across actually likes him. Sure, he can come off as annoying, like a puppy following at your heels, but who can say no to a cute puppy? He's like his a peace treaty. No one fights when Jamie is around._

_And one of these days, I'm going to figure out just how he got all the girls wrapped around his little finger…'_

Opening the basement door, Logan stepped in. The whole room now smelt of burning bread and molten cheese. Snorting in disgust, Logan picked up the papers.

"Hey! I vasn't done yet!" Kurt wrenched his teeth free, leaving a perfect indention of his fangs in the sandwich.

"Time's up, Elf. You've had all day. Done or not, the Prof needs to get these in before Jamie's back." Logan grunted, waving the papers in the air. "You done too, Gear-head?" he said to Forge. Forge gave him a thumbs up, and then made the 'ok' signal with his thumb and forefinger before returning to prodding the toaster. Logan quickly left the room before his senses could be overwhelmed by the smell.

Logan was to take the papers up to Xavier's office for final grading before they were to be given to Jamie. However, there was an unexpected hitch. Jamie returned early. His parents car was pulling out of the gated manor as the boy stepped into the house, his blue eyes sparkling with happiness.

"Mr. Logan! I'm baaaaaack!" Jamie waved, charging headlong and hugging onto Logan's arm. The excessive force produced a single duplicate, despite the fact his anti-kinetic suit was on. "I had so much fun! Mom and Dad took me to the indoor zoo--,"

Multiple #2 didn't want to be left out and clung to Logan's other arm, continuing the babbling, "--and Jamie saw some monkeys swinging around the pen--," Logan was reminded of the horrid 'catch that monkey' battle that had been going on all day with Ray and Roberto. He doubted that monkeys in a zoo were any different.

Back to Jamie #1, "--but then we had to go, so Mom and Dad took me to the movie theater --,"

"--afterwards we got hungry but Jamie accidentally duplicated, and I came out--,

"--but Dad just picked up both up like a bag of potatoes and carried us back to the car--"

--and then we ate at this place that cooked the food right in front of us--,"

"--and Copy-Jamie ordered this squid thingy and they pulled it out with ALL it's tentacles!"

"It was so gross!"

Both boys looked at each other for a second, "It was great!"

Logan was in danger of getting whiplash from turning his head from side to side to listen to each boy. Part of him was glad to see Jamie… err… Jamies, so happy. His other part was worried that if Jamie missed home too much, he'd just leave. The Institute had lost several of their students, Logan didn't want to lose any more.

"Glad ya had fun, Squirt. … Here. These are for you." Logan thrust the pile of papers into Jamie's hands. The multiple began leafing through the back half while Jamie scanned over his section. Confusion was written on the boys' every feature. Neither duplicate or original quite understood why papers had been written about him.

Jamie looked up at Wolverine. "I don't get it. Am I suppose to write something about everyone else now?"

"No. It's… Chuck's idea. Something about building motivation or something. Geez kid, it's just suppose to make you happy." Logan ruffled his hand through the back of his hair, trying to find the words. "Warm and fuzzy feelings, I suppose."

A million-watt smile shone brightly on both boys' faces. "We like it here, Mr. Logan. We already are feel fuzzy on the inside."

The multiple's smile grew mischievous as he pat his stomach. "Thought it might be due to the squirrel Jamie at earlier."

"What?! I didn't eat a squirrel!"

"Oh yeah!? Then what was that thing you ate at the restaurant? Can _you_ identify it?" And argument between multiple and original (round five) broke out and the bantering began. Rolling his eyes, Logan left Jamie to wrestle with his duplicate. As he left the room, however, a small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth for just a moment.

"Hey, do you hear something?" Jamie stopped, holding his duplicate in a headlock.

"No. Nothin'. Lemme go." Copy-Jamie wiggled free, rubbing his hair back into place.

Jamie looked suspiciously around. "Exactly. No noise." With that, both boys spun back to back and on full guard.

However, it wasn't fast enough to avoid the multi-colored missile that had launched herself at them. *WHUMP!* "FOUND YOU!" There was an spontaneous puppy pile on the floor. Two multiples turned into three, and all three boys were captured in a bear-hug by an over-enthusiastic author. "Never leave! Never grow up! Always blame Bobby …. And why do you smell like barbecued squirrel?" Jamie Madrox (both of them) promptly turned the same color as Forge's groovy car. It was a mix of deep olive green and chartreuse swirls, which is exactly the same pattern the boys seem to be turning as well.

"Hrgg!" This is the noise a boy makes after he has realized just what he has eaten and is now deciding he doesn't want to have eaten it…

"Bathroom. BathroomBathroomBathroom!" Jamie's multiple began to chant, grabbing the original's arm and towing him along.

"I was just kidding!" Kit winced as the boys ran from the room. "Man, Logan is gonna scalp me." Deciding she'd rather like to keep her tail firmly affixed to her butt, Kit jumped out the window and made a break over the fence, trampling Bobby in the process.

"Medic."

Ray watched as their 'visitor' (or freeloader) jumped the fence and fled. "Yes! She's gone! Victory!" He pumped his fist, feeling almost like breaking into dance.

"Hey Ray! Look what Kit left me in my room!" Jamie entered the room, holding a large SuperSoaker2000XD. Ray looked at the watergun. The watergun looked back. It was then that Ray threw open the window, jumped to the ground, and fled over the fence.

"Doesn't anyone in this house use _doors_ anymore?" Scott

Jamie began pumping the gun. "Nope! Hey, wanna see me hit Jean from up here?" Jamie pointed out the window at Jean. She was helping Ororo garden and wearing a grass stained pair of khaki pants and a white t-shirt. White. T. Shirt.

If you had the ability, you'd see Scott's tiny little shoulder devil and angel pop up beside him (one being Kurt wearing tiny horns, and the other being Warren… wearing tiny horns. Shoulder-Warren said he didn't want to be left out of the fun.) It took only a few moments deliberating between shoulder angel and devil became they came to a conclusion…

"Soak her, Squirt." Scott smiled stupidly. Thus ended another day in the manor of X-men.

***********************************

Jumping up from her chair and dancing like a maniac, Kit sang a weird little song. "I'm fiiinished! It's ooover! Gonna pooost it! Toniiiight!" With the fic one-hundred percent finished, all that remained was the victory dance that followed. Yes! Success was almost in Kit's hands. All she had to do was send this to her beta. So she began typing to PantherDragon. Type type type.

Kit froze.

The computer froze too.

The screen is blank. Hours upon hours and dozens of cans of soda… all gone. This called for drastic measures. "NoOOOoOOooOO!" Kit howled. "WHYYYY?!"

"Heh heh heh." From around the corridor, Magneto chuckled. Kit clung to the dead computer, crying. After all, computers and magnetism combine just as bad as Evan and Pietro…ok, so I exaggerate. NOTHING combines as badly as Evan and Pietro. Not even ice cream and ranch dressing. 


	17. There was a boy who had a dog and Jamie ...

This chapter is in dedication to the memory of my muse.  My ferret, Rikki Tikki Tavi.  Personality of a dog in a pocket-sized fluff ball.  You kept the cats humble.  I miss you, my fuzzy little friend.  To my constant companion in mischief.  1999-2003.  You came to me when I need you most… and left when I least expected it.  I will never forget you.

Note: My college classes are starting back up.  Update may or may not continue as usual.

Note 2.0: This is the SECOND to last chapter.  Sorry, but it's time to let go of this fic and work on something new.

_Kit speaks to the masses, and the masses speak back._

FUTAGOAKUMA(dearGOD yer name is long): I'll have you know I am the overlord of idiots.  Truthfully, I could write MUCH more insane stories, but I worry for the remaining sanity I have.

FLAMABLE person, Jamie is your older brother? … Oooh, that gives me an idea! ::returns to typing::

So, MILLENIUM MUTANT, you wish to know my preference on Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru?  Well, I am a real Shippou fan… but I like Sesshoumaru AFTER he meets Rin.  So my answer is Sess-y.

PERSONAGE: ::eats cheez-its and makes giant mess with chocolate:: ^___^ weeeee

ASLYN: I am a consour of Cheez Its.  I've had every type imaginable.  My fav is Parmesan and Garlic.  And I SHALL write another chapter of Aeon poker, when this fic is over.

The triumphant return of GIRL NUMBER 1!  Hmmm, you want THAT much?  Well, I am going to continue a different fic, mostly Acolyte related, so I _suppose_ some of that is possible.  And it's not Remy is an idiot… he just reminds me so much of one of my friends, it is my duty to mock him.  WILLY IS A DOOFUS!  YER AN IDIOT, WILLY, BUT I LOVES YA!  *ahem* I digress.

STRECH!  Don't kill me!  I loved yer fic with Jamie in the trunk!  Only I think a duplicate would be a better trunk-spy.  And I would love to join the FBHA, of Bobby Harassers.  I can bring my own ball bat!

Yes, DESERT-ROSE6, I HAVE put ranch dressing on ice cream.  It was a dare.  I won.  Wish I hadn't… 

To STARFIRE:  I am prescribing your comments as great medicine for the ego.  I'm now going to take two a day.

And PANTHERDRAGON: Yer fired!  I'm now going to look for a new beta.  … and enjoy yer milk candies, WHAHAHAAAA!

**Private Life of Jamie Madrox**

**1/10/04**

******************************************

                Winter had sprung on the land, freezing the fragile blades of grass into glazed prongs of death.  Or at least, that was Jamie's opinion as he pulled himself off the lawn, brushing sharp frozen grass bits from his jeans.  Glaring once at the lawn, Jamie ran after the New Mutants.

"Guys!  Hey guys!  Wait up!  The grass is slippery."  Jamie stumbled a few steps, waving his arms for balance.

"That's kind of the point, Squirt."  Bobby was a moving ice sculpture, frosting the entire lawn behind him.  

"Stop talking!  More trashing!"  Ray growled, sending an electric bolt chasing after Bobby's heels.  The Iceman barely managed a dodge, sliding wildly across the lawn.  Amara was trying to melt the ice barriers ahead of the chasing group.

This was a mission.  Logan had sent the New Mutants on a training excursion.  The teens were dragged out of their nice warm beds to the frigid outdoors far too early in the morning.  And to make matters even more annoying, Bobby decided to ice himself up and declare the weather to be 'perfect'.  This wasn't what anyone wanted to hear.  Sam cuffed Bobby upside the head, and Logan sneered.  Then he gave them their early mission, to 'catch the popcicle'.  Bodily harm to him was optional.

Ok, so the morning wasn't a _total letdown.  _

Jamie slipped on another ice patch that Amara had failed to thaw.  Three multiples tumbled out, bracing themselves on the cold ground.  Jamie made a mental note to wear long underwear under his pants next time.

One of the duplicates shoved Multiple Man back to his feet and send a message through their minds.  'Jamie!  Pinser attack!  We'll take Iceman from the back.  You distract him from the front.'  The multiples began to head far to the left, preparing to head off Bobby.  Jamie threw himself into a runner's stance and bolted straight at ahead.  Sam was flying around willy-nilly as he narrowly avoided a collision with a rock, like a blind hummingbird.  As Cannonball nearly careened off the ground, Jamie jumped forwards and wrapped his arms around Sam's leg.  Thus lead to Jamie being towed about like a water skier… only with less water.

"Gotcha!"  Jamie let go of Sam, landing firmly on the ground.  Even though he didn't fall over, the impact brought out a duplicate.  Amara and the Jamie army doubled around behind Bobby, trapping the Iceman.  Bobby tried to create an ice bridge to safety, but Sam smashed into the beginning of the bridge, shattering it.  The dull morning light was just enough to power up Roberto, and the sunny mutant flew just overhead.  Ray advanced on Bobby, completing the pincer attack.  

It was Amara, however, that actually subdued the Iceman.  When Jamie leapt forwards for a tackle, Bobby counterattacked with an ice-blast towards the ground.  The dirt and grass froze into dangerous ice crystals, blocking Jamie's path and causing him to run face first into the wall.  Using Jamie's attack as a distraction, Amara created several fire barriers that even St. John would have been proud of.  The fire flared a circle around the target before burning high into the air.  Bobby was unable to escape his fire cell without being melted.

"All right!  I give!  Roberto, call her off!"  Drake waved his arms up into the surrender position.

Smirking, Amara withdrew her flames.  "There!  Let that be a lesson to you.  Don't _ever_ make us chase you in the cold again."  Jamie nodded vigorously in agreement, rubbing his arms with his gloved hands.  At this point mittens would have been much better than gloves, despite their lack of fingers.

"Right, that's all for now.  You kids can go back to bed."  Logan was wearing his leather jacket, but looked as chilled as the students.  There was a weak cheer as the mutants began to shuffle back inside.  

Jamie yawned widely and balled his fist to rub at his eye.  "OW!"  The boy squeaked, clapping his hand over the eye.  Logan's finely tuned senses heard Jamie and he whirled about to look at the boy.  A darkening bruise above his cheekbone was forming.

"Who gave you that shiner, Squirt?"  Leaning down to look at the bruise, Logan cast a suspicious glare at the other New Mutants.

"Shiner?"  Jamie tentatively touched the bruise again and winced.  A multiple leaned over to look into his face.  All of Jamie's duplicates were bruise-free. "The other me's are ok, though."

"The ice wall!"  A duplicate said.  "When you ran into it, we all formed, and _then you got a bruise!"  The icy barricade Bobby had made was long melted by Amara's fiery attack, but Logan looked back to where it stood._

Dropping one hand on Jamie's shoulder, Logan began to guide him towards the kitchen.  "Normally I'd say to get some ice on it, but you've probably had all the ice ya can take."  Logan rumbled.  Jamie kept prodding the bruise gently, testing how sore it was.  "Lets find Hank and test out that new stuff he made for bruises."

****************************************************

Jamie scribbled in his journal, sitting in the attic among Ororo's plants with a cool compress and a bottle of minty smelling cream nearby.  The cream was a combination of anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant, Beast's own creation.  With students always getting banged up in the Danger Room, something better than ice packs was needed.

_'Sometimes, I think that even if everyone likes me, they don't understand me.  I get along the best with myselves, but even I don't understand me.  When the X-men train, they know exactly what the other is going to do, and try to help.  With me, everyone can only hope I don't get in their way.  It's like I'm my own team, not quite one of the New Mutants, even.  I wish I had someone who liked me for what I am.'_  Jamie was unable to finish the paragraph.  He didn't know what exactly he was that he wanted to be liked for.

"Jamie?  Are you putting that cold compress on now?"  Ororo was in the other room, searching for the mineral tabs for her plants.

"Yes, Ms. Monroe!"  Jamie shouted, tucking the pencil into his book.  Lifting the gel pack, he gingerly pressed it to his face.  The smell of mint was overpowering Jamie's sense of smell, both from the medicine and the plants around him.  Juggling the pencil from right hand to left, Jamie tried to figure out how to hold the ice pack to his face while writing.  

Deciding to take the easy solution, Jamie produced a multiple to write in the journal for him while he nursed his bruise.  The duplicate was created without a matching black eye, and took the book and pencil up.  "What else should we right about?"  The duplicate asked.  Jamie shrugged for a moment, lost in though.  The duplicate could detect that Jamie was dejected about something and decided to help. 

"You know what always makes us feel better."  The multiple put the book down, crawling up to sit in front of Jamie.

"Cookies?"

"That too… but visiting the Brotherhood.  We like that crazy stuff Tabby does."  The duplicate began to wring his hands in an eccentric fashion.  "We like it when stuff explodes.  We think more stuff should explode, right Precious? … Ah, I mean… Jamie?"

Jamie cocked an eyebrow at his duplicate.  "Ok, no more Lord of the Rings for me."  The multiple snapped his fingers in dismay.  Jamie leaned to the side, peering into the room Ororo was still in.  "If I go now, you'll need to be my own decoy."

The duplicate nodded enthusiastically in agreement.  That was Jamie's sign to go on another trip across town.  As quiet as he could manage, Jamie fled from the room.  Once the original Madrox was gone, the duplicate began putting the minty cream over his eye and then pressed the cold pack to his face, pretending to be the bruised original.  Lifting the journal to his lap, the copy waited until Storm came into the room before he started writing.

"What were you saying earlier, Jamie?"  Ororo ruffled the head of brown hair.

"Oh, nothing.  Just talking to myself."  The multiple smiled, writing random bits in the journal.

"Yes, and that's what worries me."  Ororo narrowed one eye in suspicion.  After all, Jamie was known for using his duplicates at decoys, accomplices, and even props.  And on a different note, Jamie made a very good footstool.

**********************************************

                "Sheez, I never got lost going to the boarding house before."  Jamie hustled along the brick wall of an alley.  "And I don't think this was a very short-cut, either."  Shivering, Jamie looked into the dark sky.  Clouds had rolled in minutes after Jamie left, dumping wet snow on everything.  Opting to go through the sheltered alley instead of running through the wet streets, Jamie was cornered by darkness and strange shadows as he walked along.  Even if he was a mutant, and insisted he could do the things the others could do, Jamie was still only fourteen, and even fourteen-year-olds can be afraid of the dark.

There was a noise at the end of the alley and Jamie jumped in panic.  "I wish someone had come with me."  Even with the ability to create duplicates Jamie would still be frightened of this dark sidestreet.  If the original was frightened and jumpy, most of the duplicates were too.  The noise clanked again, the sound of glass bottles toppling against the pavement jangled in the small space.  It seemed to be close now.

"Who's there?"  Jamie pulled his jacket tighter, looking frantically around the darkened alley.  "I warn you… I'm not alone!  I-I'll… beat you up!"  His words were frail and trembled with the wind.  Despite his fear, he fully intended to follow through with his promise.  Within seconds, half a dozen teens were crammed into the alley, each one looking like he'd rather be hiding under the bed.

A garbage can toppled to the crowd's left.  "We …. We've got you covered!"  One of the Jamies squeaked, his voice cracking with fear.  There was another noise, like nails tapping against the wall.  From the dim street light, a very small _something crawled out from behind the trash._

It was a puppy.

The fear and tension melted away from the group at once.  "Awww!  Look how small he is!"  Jamie's multiples filed back to the original, leaving him with only one copy of himself.  "Hey there little guy.  I won't hurt you.  Come here."  Crouching low on the grimy cement, Jamie beckoned to the tiny dog with one finger.  The puppy cowered in fear.

"He was probably more scared of us than we were of him."  Copy-Jamie crouched down beside Jamie, softly clapping his hands together to call the puppy over.  The puppy was now shivering.

"I dunno, I was about to wet myself."  Jamie said sheepishly.

The multiple looked abashed.  "Well …  me too… but I think the dog actually _did."  The puppy trembled, not entirely from fear.  The snow was now falling even thicker and melting into cold water on everything it touched._

Reaching into his pocket, Jamie pulled out half a poptart from breakfast.  "He was in the trash.  I bet he was looking for food."  Breaking the poptart in two, Jamie placed half of it a few feet in front of him, just in front of the puppy.  The dog scuffled forward, quickly eating the snack in a few bites.  

When it crawled into the light for the treat, Jamie finally got a good look at it.  It was white dog with brown on his underbody and on his paws like brown boots.  A dark brown spot was over the left eye, and brown freckles covered the dog's muzzle.  Besides being as thin as a rail, the puppy had a very short coat, far to short to keep it alive through the winter.  Two floppy ears cocked up at Jamie, as the puppy pleaded at him with dark brown eyes, hoping for more food.

This time Jamie held the poptart in his hand, remaining perfectly still as the bedraggled pup crept forward.  Ever so carefully, as if afraid of being kicked, the animal took the food and sat down to finish it off.  A boyishly proud smile spread over Jamie's face as he watched the puppy.  The dog was ruffled and grubby, but currently Jamie matched its appearance.  The young boy's windbreaker soaked through with the damp snow, and mud was splotched over his pants and shoes.  The fading bruise over Jamie's left eye matched the puppy's spot over his eye.

"What do you think, Jamie?"  Jamie asked his multiple.  The copy was crouched over his knees, with his chin resting in the palm of his hands.

The copy snapped his fingers twice, causing the puppy to look up at him.  "He's alone, Jamie.  I don't think we should leave him."  Shivering, the puppy crept closer to the multiple, sniffing the boy.  Then the dog shyly edged towards Jamie, sniffing him as well.  The fur between the puppy's brow wrinkled, as if the small dog was in confusion.

"But we can't have pets at school.  … And I don't think he's house trained."  Jamie turned his hand over and carefully placed it on the puppy's head.  The dog flinched visibly, but didn't run away.  When Jamie began to scratch behind the floppy ear, the wiry tail slowly began to wag.  Like a fan, it slowly spun faster and faster, until the puppy all but crawled into Jamie's lap.  Even though the dog was muddy and a fine layer of snow had collected on the tiny animal, its fur was still the softest thing Jamie had felt.  

A pink tongue flicked out, licking Jamie's hand.  The multiple shifted forwards scratching under the spotted dog's chin.  "Let's take him anyway.  We can hide him in our room.  We don't share with anyone else anyway."

The puppy made a whining noise, large brown eyes looking up at Jamie while the floppy ears perked.  "Great idea!  That's the best idea I've had!"

"That was _my idea." _

"That's what I said.  MY idea."  Jamie smirked.  Standing up slowly, Jamie managed to tuck the puppy into his coat.  The dog was freezing.  Most likely it would not have survived another night in the cold.  This only made Jamie more insistent on keeping the dog.  Heading back to the institute, Jamie and his duplicate thought of a plan to smuggle the dog in.

"Urg!  And to the bath!  He's smelly."  The multiple held his nose.  That did nothing to stop the dirty dog smell now rubbed all over Jamie's jacket.

**********************************************

Getting into a school full of potential tattletales wasn't easy.  But Jamie had a plan.  Actually, he had several of them.  First, his duplicate would walk in, acting as if HE were the original.  Jamie would stay hidden outside with the puppy.  Then, after the original got inside, two more duplicates were to storm the den, crank up the sound system, and sing Particle Man (by They Might Be Giants)… inventing their own words as they went.  Then the first copy was to throw a massive hissy fit in a separate room, dividing the attention of everyone between the floorshow and the screaming maniac.  

Jamie's jacket wiggled as he pushed the door open.  "Shhh!  Puppy!  Stop wiggling!"  Jamie hissed to the lump in his coat.  Very quickly, Jamie shoved open the door and scuttled up the stairs.

"Squirt?  Is that you?"  Uh-oh.  Logan!  

"Uh… yeah… My multiples are… uh.  Bad.  Very bad."  Jamie draped his arms as inconspicuously as possible over his stomach.  Logan began to walk down the hallway.

There was a pause, and then Jamie mentally called for help.  "I HAVE BADNESS!"  A dupe shouted.  "I'm sooooo bad."  Then the duplicate proceeded to growl and chew on the upholstery.

"Yeah.  Obviously.  Squirt, you smell all gamy.  Take a bath or somethin'."  Logan sounded rather bemused.  "All of you.  Ya smell like… wet dog."

Jamie broke into a nervous cough.  "Yeah, I'll go clean then, thanks, byebye."  He babbled, dashing up the rest of the stairs with his hands covering over the puppy.  The refrain of the song the two dupes were singing kept everyone else busy.  

Once in the safety of the bathroom, Jamie let loose a sigh of relief and recalled his duplicates.  Opening his coat, the dirty puppy pranced to the floor.  It was a new sight for the dog and took its time exploring the room while Jamie drew a bath.

"Do dogs like bubblebath?"  Jamie picked up a bottle of Jean's floral bubblebath and examined it.  "It smells good, so you should smell good too, puppy."  The young mutant reasoned.  The dog looked confused.  Then Jamie dumped half of the bottle into the tub.  The suds quickly filled the remaining space in the tub.

With the water warm enough to keep the puppy from shivering, Jamie beckoned with his hand.  "Com'ere girl.  Come on.  It'll make you feel better."  The dog made an indignant sound, like a cross of a grunt and a squeak.  Jamie picked the puppy up to look at its underside.  "Sorry, 'boy'… I've been mistake for a girl too.  Well, not really, it was more like, a girl got mistaken for me."  Jamie hustled the puppy to the bathtub.

The dog stared at the bubbles in a confused but distrusting fashion.  "In you go!"  Jamie began to lower the dog.  In the way all dogs detect incoming baths, the dog knew what was coming and he began thrashing.  Unable to hold a wiggling puppy and his balance, Jamie (you guessed it) multiplied.  And then both duplicates and the puppy toppled into the sudsy bath.

"Like, what's going on in there?"  Kitty rapped sharply on the door.  Jamie popped above the surface of the bubbles, wearing the white suds like a beard, a mustache and bushy eyebrows.  Eyebrows so bushy, that it would have put Mastermind to shame.

"Nothing Kitty!"  Jamie wiped the bubbles out of his mouth.

"OW!  He bit me!"  Jamie's dupe shouted, jumping up in the tub.  The multiple was, of course, referring to the puppy.  

However, Kitty interpreted it differently.  "Jamie!  Are you ok?!"  Then Kitty leaned through the door.  She was probably expecting a villain like Sabertooth or Quicksilver.  But the fact that she thought Sabertooth or Quicksilver would be in there and biting Jamie is kind of disturbing.  What Kitty saw was two fully-clothed boys in a bubbly tub while something else bobbled about in the water.  "Jamie, what is that in there with you?"

Jamie looked down at the damp brown fur of the puppy as he fought the bubbles.  "Uh… a copy."  He answered.

"So then, like, what's he doing?"

"Uhh… the backstroke?"  The duplicate answered this time.  "Geez Kitty, do you mind.  We're trying to be our own synchronized swimming team here!  Quit peeping at us! Voyeur!  Peeping kitty!"  The duplicate began to squeal and thrash about in mock-panic.  Jamie flung a handful of bubbles at his copy, trying to pull himself out of the tub.  Kitty flushed a bright pink and pulled back through the door, mumbling something about hormonal little boys.

Seeing as how both boys were drenched, they decided it would be best if they took a bath at the same time as the dog.  Tossing wet clothes over the heating vent, they managed to wrestle the puppy back into the tub and broke out the soap.  The dog did not wish to stay in the tub, even if both Jamies were keeping him company.  A distraction was needed.  Something that the small dog would like, even in the water.

Roberto's rubber ducky was resting in the soap dish.  An idea (not necessarily good) struck Jamie's multiple.  "Rubber ducky!  You're the one!"  The duplicate sang, passing the yellow squeak-duck to the puppy, who happily chopped down on it.  Squeak!  Squeak!  SQUEAAAAAAAK!

"You make the bathtime, so much fun!"  Jamie joined in, rubbing shampoo into the damp dog.  With the dog busy trying to destroy the squeaking duck, he didn't even notice the shampoo and bubbles.

"Encore!"  Someone (most likely Hank) yelled from the hallway.  Both boys immediately ceased singing and pretended the song never existed.

With the dog now clean, the boys began gathering towels for the long task of drying everyone's hair, dog and mutant.  Jamie dried the puppy, the duplicate dried Jamie's hair, and a strategically placed blowdrier took care of the duplicate.   "Sheez, now I know how Kurt feels.  This dog is going to be wet all night."  Jamie ruffled the towel along the puppy's back.  The animal tried biting at the terrycloth towel, playfully growling at it.  "Hey, Jamie, I think we should name him."

The copy lifted the towel off Jamie's head, "We probably won't agree on a name."

"But you're me!  You've _got_ to like what I say!"  Jamie protested.

"No I don't.  See… I think it would be funny to see Wolverine in a dress."  The duplicate looked smug.

Jamie, however, looked panicked.  "And I think I would like to see the age of 14."  The puppy looked from Jamie to Jamie, not really understanding why two boys had the same scent.  But the small animal made a good attempt to cope with it.  He rolled onto his back with all four paws in the air, begging for his tummy to be rubbed.

"How about we name him 'Dump'.  Cause that's where we found him."  The copy suggested, scratching at the dog's belly.

"What?!  NO!  That's horrible!  That's like … being named after a Backstreet Boy!  It's insulting.  And we aren't naming him after dance steps either."  Jamie rolled his eyes upwards as he said this, delivering the message to one savage dancing multiple still in his head.

"Call him … Vicious!"

"He's too cute for that name!  How about Spot?"

"Too boring.  I like 'Sirus'."

"Too Harry Potterish.  How about a made-up name, liiiiike, uh… Nix!"

"How about NOT."  There was a sigh, and then both boys had gave up on the name.  

Ruffling his hair into a mess, Madrox sat on the pile of towels they had used to dry the dog.  "We never agree.  I wish there were an easier way to name him."  Jamie pouted.

"Ditto".  Copy-Jamie sighed.

"Bark!"  The puppy yapped happily.

Both boys turned to look at the puppy, who was now wiggling with excitement.  Jamie looked at Copy.  Copy looked back at Jamie.  Then in unison, they said, "Ditto".  The dog began to bark again, his little tail turning into a blur of brown as it wagged.  

Unanimously, the dog was named.  "I hereby dub you, 'Ditto'!"  Jamie lifted the dog up so it could look down on him.

"BARK!"

"Jamie?!  What are you doing in there?  Are you coughing?"  That was a confused sounding Amara from the hallway.  "Should I get Mr. McCoy?"

"Uh, no!  I'm fine, Amara!  I just… "  In need of a distraction, and a way to get Ditto unseen to his room, Jamie punched his fist into his thigh.  After all, when in doubt, multiply (and then blame it on them).  The dog gave a soft yip of panic but didn't fall from Jamie's arms.  On one signal, a herd of Jamie's burst into the hall, barking and jumping around Amara.  There was one confused Jamie who was meowing, though, which incited a massive 'cat vs dog' battle in the hall.

While Amara was trying to break up the copy fight, Jamie dashed down the hall in the opposite direction towards his room.  The duplicates were so loud, it drew Bobby and Roberto away from their own argument of pirates vs ninjas.  Roberto was convinced he was logically winning the argument by two peglegs and a cannon.  But it's hard to win a battle of wits against an idiot, so Roberto gave up to watch Jamie's multiples.  It was hard-pressed to find good Thursday night entertainment in the Institute.

Once inside the safety of his room, Jamie set Ditto down on the bed.  Another duplicate was waiting for Jamie, holding several slices of bread, a can of tuna, and a hotdog.  "I didn't know what dogs like to eat."  The multiple shrugged, offering Ditto one end of the hotdog.  The sausage was devoured in seconds, and hopeful eyes begged the duplicate for more.

"I'll have to find dog food tomorrow."  Jamie mulled aloud.  Ditto was now working on a piece of bread, champing his lips together when he finished.  The rest of the food vanished as well, leaving crumbs on the bedspread. Yet even the crumbs were cleaned up by a small tongue, searching for anything he may have missed.  Ditto's meals were probably few and far between, so even if the puppy looked like he was hungry, he was probably trying to binge as much as possible.  Jamie had to use his best efforts to ignore the puppy expression being directed at him.  The perfect beg was ruined by an unattractive string of drool hanging from the puppy's jowls.  The duplicate pulled a disgusted face, and cleaned the salivating puppy up.

Now fed, clean, and warm, Ditto began to glance about the room.  "Ok puppy!  This is my room!"  Jamie made an expansive gesture, pointing out the walls of his room.  "And this is my closet.  You'll be hiding there if anyone comes in."  The door to the closet was opened and then closed.  "This is my dresser, where my journal is taped under.  Guard it with your life.  … Bite Bobby on the leg."  The small dog cocked his head to the side.  

Jumping on the bed beside Ditto, Jamie sprawled out on the bedspread.  "And this is where we'll sleep!  You can have this pillow and… Hey!  That's my side of the bed!"  Jamie crawled to his knees and began to pull on the blankets that the dog was currently playing tug-o-war with.  Ditto happily pulled back.  Jamie overcompensated and tugged the blanket so hard that they both went topping head over tails off the bed.

The door slammed open and Logan was standing in the doorway.  "You ok, Squirt?  I heard a struggle."  The claws on Logan's right hand were out, prepared for anything that may be hiding in the room.

"Yeah, we're fine.  But I accidentally pushed me off the bed."  Jamie sat up with his six duplicates.  A seventh dupe was hiding under the bed, pinning the puppy to the floor.

Logan glanced warily around to room.  "Ok there.  But… I thought I smelled something."  Sniffing the air again, he sheathed his claws.

Half of the duplicates paled.  "NO!  Nothing in here!"  They blurted, managing to sound both incredibly suspicious and guilty.  

"Other than incriminating evidence against Bobby and three pygmy goats."  The original quickly filled in, trying his best to use a mocking tone of voice.  Apparently it worked, because after Logan looked into the closet and saw nothing (or no one, he was half expecting to see an Acolyte in there), he snorted and gruffly ruffled Jamie's hair.

"Don't stay up too late, kid.  There's gonna be another early morning session tomorrow."  Logan smiled slightly as the pile of Jamie's wilted into a whining and complaining pile.  "And you smell … like a fruit basket and a wet dog still."

Before Jamie could think up an excuse for this, one of the duplicates lifted his arm up to sniff at his shoulder.  "Sorry.  That'd be me."  Logan wrinkled his noise at the odor, waving his hand to disperse the wet dog smell.

"G'night, Mr. Logan!"  The herd of Jamie's chirped.  The Canadian gave a small wave before stepping into the hall and closing the door.  Collectively, the boys released a relieved breath of air.  "That was way too close."  A duplicate sighed.  Ditto crawled out from under the bed, his brown puppy eyes filled with curiosity on why everyone was hiding him.

The copies merged back to the original.  "Come on, Ditto!  Bed!"  Jamie pat his hand on the covers.  The puppy made a weak leap at the bed, but fell short and toppled back to the ground.  Even if the dog was warm and clean, he was still very skinny.  Ditto wouldn't be able to play like normal puppies until he regained his strength.

Picking the dog up, Jamie cuddled him.  "I know how you feel.  I'm the smallest too.  The other kids don't do stuff with me like they do with the others."  Ditto rested his head on Jamie's arm and curled up along side of him.  "We'll be fine."  Jamie sighed, his eyes drifting closed.  Seconds later, both dog and boy were asleep.

*************************************************

"The SIMS lies!  Owning a dog is _nothing like this!"  Jamie pulled on his hair.  A large bottle of 'spot remover' was pulled out from the hiding place under his dresser.  Ditto had his big-eyed, sorrowing expression on, cowering over a darkened stain on the carpet._

"Aww, I didn't mean it.  You're a very good puppy."  Jamie crouched down, ruffling Ditto's fur.  The brown, dipstick colored tail began to wag frantically and the dog pranced about in a circle.  The puppy had learned not to bark in the week he'd been hidden in the school.  With frequent baths, and using a borrowed bottle of Jean's perfume, the dog smell was constantly masked from Wolverine's sensitive nose.  However, Jamie always smelled … girly now… making Logan wonder just what the boy was up to.  The dog was old enough that potty training him was easy.  Unfortunately, the puppy was prone to mistakes.

A door opened and then slammed closed from the hallway while Jamie was cleaning the mess.  "This is the _second time!"  It was Bobby's voice.  And he sounded mad.  Not like 'a prank-just-backfired' mad, but 'I'm-going-to-ice-your-underpants-for-the-rest-of-your-life' mad.  Jamie shoved Ditto in the closet and opened his door to listen._

Bobby was holding a pair of jeans.  Or what remained of a pair of jeans.  The rear had been completely… 'taken out'.  "This is the second time something … or someone, has destroyed my pants!  What am I suppose to wear!?  I'll only have khakis soon."  Jamie blanched, trying to dodge back into his room as inconspicuously as possible.

"You zhink that's bad?  Someone ate my homework!  Really!  Zhey ate it!  Little pieces of Trig were left all over the floor."  Kurt's tail had developed a nervous twitch at the thought of math.  "And 'berto's rubber ducky bit the dust too.  Now vhat do ve tell zhe Prof?"

"Rats?"  Bobby suggested.  "Really big rats.  We'll blame my pants on that too."  The ruined jeans were tossed to the side of the hall as the boys went to find Logan (and new pants, in Bobby's case).

Jamie edged along the wall and slid back into his room, quietly shutting the door.  From in the closet, Ditto was whimpering, a soft sound that promised to get infinitely louder if he didn't get out soon.  Jamie pulled the door open, snatching up his puppy and trying to listen for anyone who heard the noise. 

"It's ok.  You're still a good boy.  But you've got to grow out of that."  Jamie pet the soft fur of Ditto's neck.  The puppy tried to lick his face, but missed and ended up with a tongue full of sweater.  During the week of hiding the dog, Ditto had begun to fill out nicely.  No longer a walking bag of bones, the puppy now had the energy to explore the building more.  So when it was night time, or in the very early morning, Jamie would let Ditto out to go to the bathroom and then to search about the school.  During lunch, Jamie would always come to the table late, smuggling Ditto out the back door.  So far, the plan was flawless, and only cost Jamie a bit of sleep.  But routine causes laziness and people began to notice that Jamie wasn't getting much sleep and was always tardy.

Putting Ditto on the floor and pushing an old tennis shoe to the puppy, Jamie headed for the door.  "Just play with your toy for a bit, Ditto.  I'm going to find some food."  Ditto ignored the shoe (which he had chewed to ribbons with his sharp puppy teeth), and went straight for his food bowl.  The dog was eating up Jamie's allowance --literally-- with his expensive puppy chow.

Hopping down the stairs happily, Jamie found himself in a very good mood.  'I have my own dog, and no one knows.  There hasn't been an early morning session in almost a week.  Bobby's pants are ripped and we're having cheesecake for dessert.  Life is good.'  The boy thought.  This is mildly strange that he'd put dessert and Bobby torture in the same sentence, but this is Jamie.  The boy regularly holds conversations with himself.

There was a scuffling sound down in the library, and voices that were just loud enough to catch Jamie's attention.  The curiosity that plagued Jamie to go willingly into trouble kicked in and the mutant crept towards the door to listen.

Jean and Sam were trying to move a bookshelf back into place (after Sam had barreled into it and knocked it over).  Cannonball was muscling the shelf up while Jean used her telekinesis to put all the books back into place.  "Sorry, Jean.  Ah didn't even see it in front of me."  Sam had dark smudges under his eyes.

"Have you not been sleeping well?  It could be the flu."  Jean flicked her wrist to move the rest of the books into place, looking at Sam from the corner of her eye.  "I think Jamie has it too."  At the mention of Jamie's name, he slid further behind the door, half-expecting Jean to pop up and go 'boo'.  It would have traumatized the small boy if she did.

"No, it's some kind of noise.  Like, crying or howling."  Rubbing his weary eyes, Sam leaned against the wall.  "If Rahne were here,…"  Sam lead off, rubbing the back of his neck, "…well, she'd probably know what it was.  Like a ca'yote or a stray or somethin'."

The books halted in midair.  "It's a dog making those noises?"  Jean turned, looking both baffled and like she was on the verge of discovering the mystery.

"Has ta be.  Sometahmes there's scratchin' at a door, like with very small claws.  And unless someone has forgotten where the bathroom is, there is… 'doody' outside."  Sam tried to put it as politely as possible.  If Bobby were here, he'd simply blurt out the word 'shit'… and then have to run from Wolverine for swearing in the school.

"Something got into my room too.  I thought it was a rat though."  Jean shuddered.  "A bottle of my perfume went missing and it ate my lipstick!"

Jamie had to muffle his giggles.  Rats indeed, the whole school thought that rats were everywhere, even if they weren't.  Kitty once blamed the missing chocolate cake on rats (when the real culprit was a midnight-snacking Scott.  Who'd have expected that one?)  This situation really wasn't that funny thought and Jamie ceased his giggles.  They were about to discover Ditto!

Turning on heel, Jamie dashed back up the stairs, planning on moving Ditto to the attic temporarily.  And then the dog could hide out in the med rooms during the night.  Jamie had become a master of hiding things after his 'secret diary' became the 'not-so-secret-but-still-highly-sought-after' diary.  Who'd think to look inside the toilet tank for a saran-wrapped book?

But this was the one time the diary wasn't hidden very well.  When Jamie opened the door to his room, planning on hiding his dog, he was greeted by a shocking sight.  "Ditto!  Don't eat that!"  Jamie wailed, pulling his diary away from the puppy.  The book was no longer in its pristine condition.  Ditto had gnawed a good deal of the leather binding off, breaking the flimsy lock from the book entirely.  The pages were wet with saliva and a few entries had puncture marks through them.

Pulling his eyes from the ruined book, Jamie glared venomously at the little dog.  Dropping the book on the floor, Jamie grabbed the dog and lifted into the air.  "That was _very bad!  Bad bad dog!  You're horrible!"  Ditto didn't need to hear the yelling.  By the sight of Jamie's voice alone, the small dog realized he was in very big trouble.  His perky ears fell back and his tail drooped as Ditto tried to make himself as small as possible.  With Jamie scolding him, the dog looked absolutely miserable, like his best friend in the world hated him…_

Jamie's words died on his tongue.  The small mutant _was this dog's only friend, and here he was currently yelling at him.  Draping Ditto over his shoulder, Jamie quietly pet the dog's soft fur.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it, puppy."  The mutt gave a small whimper, licking at Jamie's ear.  "It's just, you do bad things sometimes, and you don't listen, and they aren't going to let me keep you if they find out.  But you aren't a bad dog.  You're still my friend."  Slowly, the thin tail began to whirl about.  Then a quick tongue lapped at Jamie's face, causing the small boy to squeal and topple over as he was mugged by the puppy.  Trying to fend off a Ditto, Jamie flipped the puppy onto his back and began tickling the thin dog's ribs.  Both boy and dog were, for once, blissfully happy being alone._

"JAMIE!"  Rogue was shouting at him from the bottom of the stairs.  Ditto's ears shot up and Jamie stopped tickling the dog.  Putting the puppy down, Jamie leaned out his door to answer her.  "Ya better get down here!  The Professor has somethin' ta say!"  

"You stay here, Ditto.  Staaaaay."  Fearing the worst, Jamie quickly trekked out the door in a daze.  In his haste to get down the stairs, he neglected to watch the latch of his door close all the way…

In the sitting room (the room formerly known as the Movie Marathon Chamber), the entire body of Xavier's Institute for the gifted had gathered.  Most of them looked confused or agitated.  At the back of the room, Xavier listening to Bobby talk animatedly about something.  Jamie had a good clue what it was though, the icy mutant was waving around a pair of chewed pants.  Jean seemed to be scanning the room when Jamie entered, no doubt searching for any clue of the puppy.  Once either of the telepaths hit Jamie's mind, they would instantly know the answer and Ditto would leave.

'Can't let that happen.'  Jamie thought, entering the room with a very slow shuffle.  'Time for plan B, … confuse everyone!'  While walking to a seat, Jamie scuffed his foot at the edge of the carpet and dramatically went sprawling onto the floor.  The force of impact, combined with his desire to duplicate, produced more clones than is easily countable (multiplied with the fact that none of the duplicates _wanted to stay still long enough to be counted). _

Instead of Jamie's sole thoughts being on Ditto, the boy's thoughts were now as following:

'I'm hungry.'

'I wonder if my butt looks big in these pants?'

'Gross!  Someone left old chips under the sofa!'

'Hehee.  I've just tied Ray's shoelaces together.'

'What am I doing on the floor?  When did _this_ happen?  Oh no!  Amnesia!'

And of course, 'Do a little dance!  Make a little love!  Get down tonight!  Get down tonight!'  That crazy dancing dupe.

Jean covered her face and gave up on trying to read all the little boy's minds.  While Jamie was currently many people, the dupe's minds were combined into one very large thought.  It was totally impossible to read Jamie's mind when he duplicated, unless you were a very powerful telepath.

…"Jamie, I have some business that involves you that we all must speak of."  Which, of course, was who was scanning him.

Trying to look totally innocent, Jamie took a seat and waited.  After all, with Ditto hidden up in his room, they had no proof.

"Yap yap!  Arfarfarf!"  However, the proof came toppling down the stairs on unsteady puppy paws and stumbled along the floor to jump into Jamie's lap.  Ditto looked like it had been years since he had seen Jamie and gave him a thorough and wet greeting.  Unable to hold his concentration while struggling with a happy puppy, the duplicates all vanished, leaving an uncomfortable silence in the room.

"That is what we must talk about."  The professor's hands were folded firmly as Jamie tried to pull the enthusiastic puppy from him.  The rest of the students were in completely surprise.  They never expected Jamie to hide something so big from them.  Hide desserts, sure.  Hide dirty laundry under his bed, of course.  But to hide an animal right under their noses… that was _really_ impressive.

Holding Ditto tightly, Jamie tried to explain.  "But it was cold and snowing that night!  There was no food for him and he was dirty.  Ditto would have died if I didn't take him home."  The ribs of the dog were still visible under the thin fur coat.  However, instead of radiating pity, the puppy was exuding joy and happiness.  "Please, Professor.  He doesn't have anywhere else to go."  Very quietly, Jamie added, "He's my friend."

While Xavier took a moment to think, Jamie was quickly surrounded by curious mutants.  Kitty cooed over the freckles and spots on Ditto's coat, petting the dog's muzzle.  Despite the fact that Ditto had eaten Jean's lipstick and smelled of her missing perfume, she fell victim to the expression on the puppy's face.  Roberto and Amara had to lean over the couch to reach the puppy, both of them ruffling the soft white fur of the dog's exposed belly.  With all the attention, the dog was on cloud nine.  On the other hand Bobby and Scott were not lavishing their attention on the dog.  Bobby was still steamed about his ruined pants, and Scott was showing his disproval of Jamie breaking the rules to smuggle the dog in.

Hank managed to disperse the students away from Ditto long enough to examine the dog.  "Has he had his shots, Jamie?"  Gently prodding at Ditto's ribs, Hank judged how skinny the dog was.  Ditto turned to chew at an itch on his tail, dealing with the examination with a good disposition.

"Uh, no."  Jamie realized he had forgotten something important he was supposed to get his dog.

"Then I'm afraid he cannot stay."  Xavier said.  "It is dangerous to have an unvaccinated animal here."  Jamie wrapped his arms around Ditto, unwilling to release his dog.  Tears were forming in Jamie's eyes.  Ditto needed him just as much as he needed the dog.  The puppy was always there to make him smile, even when everyone else was frowning at him.  "But…" Charles lead off, turning his chair a bit to the side.

The small mutant's head snapped up and hope glistened in his eyes.  "But?" 

"I do know someone who would watch after the dog for you once he is properly vaccinated."  A small smile from the professor comforted Jamie.

"Ok.  Who?"

*********************************************

Jamie and Ray were walking through the sewers, almost swimming through the warm steam that swirled in the tunnels.  Even if it was below freezing outside, in the sewers, it was much warmer and almost comfortable.  Ditto was being carried by Ray, his rope thin tail whirling about happily.  Jamie's hand was latched onto the back of Ray's shirt, towing along behind the quick-tempered mutant.

"We're almost there, kid."  Ray glanced about the walls, navigating by markers and features of the dark tunnel that he had memorized.  

Jamie fingered the casing of a small communicator in his pocket, flicking it on and off.  There was currently static on the other end, but a message Jamie had whispered into it earlier had received a message.  If all went well, the owners of the other communicator would find them before they got to the Morlock's Alley.

After a few more minutes of stepping over half-frozen puddles, Ditto stiffened in Ray's arms and began to sniff the air.  Trusting the puppy's instincts, Ray shifted Ditto to Jamie and prepared to greet or defeat what was coming down the corridor.  When a very small party turned a corner, Ray was expecting to see Callisto or Caliban leading the way.  Instead Artie, Leach, Torpid, and Evan were the ones who meet them.

"Hey guys!"  Jamie waved, balancing Ditto in his other arm.  The puppy squirmed excitedly, wanting to greet the new mutants.  "I got someone who wants to meet you."

"Babysittin', Ev?"  Ray looked down at the four small mutants, now circling around the puppy.

Evan rubbed his head, armor plating keeping him from bending his arm much, "You don't know the half of it."  He muttered.  "I'm responsible for keeping these three out of trouble.  It's insane, man, like keeping Kitty away from a shoe sale!"  Ray winced in sympathy.

"Is this dog Jamie was talking about?"  Leech held out his hand for the puppy to sniff.  Ditto's tongue lolled out as he pranced happily about the new mutants.

"He's… cute."  Torpid said quietly, squeaking as the puppy licked at her face.

Artie projected a picture of Ditto fully grown, and looking over the young Morlocks.

"Yeah, he's a guard dog.  He's a good dog, he knows not to bark so you won't be found."  Jamie's voice began to soften as Artie mugged the small puppy, ruffling his fur backwards.  Ditto tried to catch his tail, causing Torpid to break into giggles.  

Leech picked up the dog, overjoyed to have something or someone to hold onto that didn't care about having superpowers negated, for Ditto had mutation.  "Thanks Jamie!  Leech will take good care of Ditto."

At the mention of his name, Ditto barked happily.  Jamie smiled weakly, watching as his Morlock friends poured their attention onto the small dog.  Something felt like it had cracked inside Jamie.  While he had only had the dog a short time, Ditto gave Jamie all his love.  

Ditto didn't care that Jamie was a mutant, or that he was the smallest of the X-men.  

Ditto didn't care that Jamie would trip over his shoe laces, or got chocolate all over his face (actually, the puppy liked it when Jamie did that).  

Ditto didn't care that Jamie would cry when he scraped his knees or got forgotten by the other students. 

Ditto loved Jamie just for being Jamie.

"Please take good care of him."  Jamie's voice cracked and tears burned at his eyes.  "He'll protect you guys someday.  He's a good dog."

Seeing Jamie was about to cry, Evan decided to help the little guy out.  "Hey, we gotta go, guys."  Evan began to herd the youngest Morlocks toward the Alley.  "Come and visit, Squirt.  These little guys all miss you if you don't."  Carefully pushing Artie along with the flat plates of armor on his hands, Evan gave Jamie a moment to dry his eyes.  An image of a very small Artie waving and cheering floated above the group as they left.  Ditto watched as Jamie got further and further away, his little tail wagging to a stop.

Torpid suddenly broke from the group to head back, looking up at Jamie.  "Thank you."  She blushed slightly, then quickly leaned forward and kissed Jamie on the cheek.  Covering her flushed cheeks with her large hands, she turned and ran back to the Morlocks as they headed back.  Ditto gave one bark as they vanished from sight.  Jamie was frozen in place, but not from Torpid's mutation.

"Nice, Romeo.  Let's head home."  Ray tugged on Jamie's shirt.  Jamie turned and saw Ray's hand offered to him.  Taking Ray's hand, Jamie hung on, his head hanging slightly to hide the blush on his own face.  "Your dog… he was good."  Ray said awkwardly.  Jamie looked up at him as he continued.  "I mean, he ate Bobby's pants.  He was a very good dog."

Smiling in fond memory, Jamie nodded.  As they got closer to the surface, Jamie tugged a bit on Ray's hand.  "Do you think the professor will let me have a ferret?"

"Ya mean a small furry 'tube-rat' that stinks up the entire room and hides all shiny things under sofas?"  Ray tapped his chin.  "No… but that's not going to stop you, will it?"  Jamie smiled, shaking his head.  "Thought not.  I suggest hiding it in Bobby's room… no one would notice the smell."  And Jamie laughed.

***************************************

'I learned something I will never forget today.  I learned animals love you unconditionally.  They love you even when you think no one else does.  Nothing else will ever replace him.  Ditto will be ok with the Morlocks.  Torpid will probably spoil him.  She's pretty cool… for a girl.  Maybe I should visit the Morlocks more often.

I hope he never forgets me.  I'll never forget him.

_I'll miss you, Ditto.'_

                                                                The Private Life of Jamie Madrox.


	18. Beginning to End

This is the end.  Really.  No more… well, I lie.  There is a kind of 'interlude' after this chapter.  But remember, I claimed interludes could be ignored if you want any sort of story content.  But Boy, writing this has made me a screaming Jamie Madrox fan.  Moreso than usual.  Which means I'll have to be upgraded to 'screaming Jamie Madrox artist'.  

This chapter is a little morose, but I needed a resolve.  So for those who love humor, read this, and THEN go to the interlude.  I packed this chapter full o' fluff.

                I have many people to thank, and only seven inches to do it in:

STRETCH:  Oh wonderful Stretchy one. You were one of my first comment'ers and regular read this fic, even when my inspiration died.  I won't abandon you, more fics, humorous and serious are coming your way, to a computer near you!

To GIRL NUMBER 1, I do write serious fics!  Really!  Probably…  And I don't do many crossovers.  The insane level of catching up I'd have to do to write a Buffy fic would turn me comatose.

Hey, TAINEYAH, I happen to love sea monkeys!  And you DON'T know what a Cheez-it is?! ::shocked horror:: check my deviant art account soon for a cheez-it picture.

ULTRAMATT17, there is nothing Jamie can't do… except for conjugating latin verbs.  And if my video program ever would, you can bet I'd make a Hank/Cookie Monster video. ^__^  And I'd dedicate it to you.

Note to TODDFAN: Ferrets are the best.  So utterly good… but stinky.  Meh, I got used to the stink.  And that Forge picture I promised, I found it again!  And I'm working on it! ::draws::

A naked mole rat, eh TOMGIRL27?  I would love a one, but I think I'd prefer a Sphinx cat.  And Yugi Moto is that big-eyed boy with purple and blond oddly shaped hair from Yugi Oh.  Yes… I know…

Is ASGT ready for that explicit content sign and the airhorn I promised?  Cause it's in the next interlude!

STARFIRE:  ::pat pat::  Fluff is what I do best, dearie.  … actually, I lie.  Being lazy is what I do best, but fluff is second place.

I inspired KYOU KARA RIN!  Wow!  Now I'm going to inspire you to play all sorts of D&D games.  RP'ing is goooood.  ::joyfully drinks milk::

To PERSONAGE: Yaaah!  Cheez-its!  ::devours cheesy goodness::

MILLENIUM MUTANT: My next fic will be to finish 'Gimme a day off'.  And then putter around until I'm again inspired.

And FUTAGOAKUMA… ya get the point.  Yer name is still long, but I swear I WILL get around to reading your Gravi fics.  Mmmm, Gravitation.

Finally… PANTHERDRAGON:  Thanks for putting up with me.  And my grammar mistakes.  And my faulty 's' key.  And the fact that I force you to drink milk.  Now we don't have to beta fics at 12 in the night during school anymore!

**The Private Life of Jamie Madrox**

**1/19/04**

*****************************************************

                Wedged under a pile of boxes and stacks of old newspaper was a brown leather bound book and a very tattered blue text.  Each book was dusted with dirt, water stains, rips, and spider webs.  Ages have passed since either book has been touched.

                A young boy with blue eyes and sandy brown hair was rummaging through these piles.  His hands and feet are gawky far beyond youth could go and give him an unbalanced look.  The topmost box is opened and something furry rests in the top.  A ruffled puppy plushy is pulled out and then hugged tight to his chest.  The movement upsets the box, spilling the contents over the floor.  The two journals topple from their spot under the box, landing at the child's feet.

                "Hey, these are diaries!"  He said, idly brushing the longer brown hair from his eyes.  A lopsided smile forms as he carefully opens the cover.  The leather book looks as if it has been chewed, while the blue one has severe water damage to it.

Taking a seat on the floor and dropping the toy to rest on the top of his head, the boy opens the diary and begins to scan through it.  "Hmmm, the ink s'all smeared here.  Kinda hard to read…"  Still, the boy pawed through the book until he found a bit he could decipher.  "It says, 'May 34 -- no wait… that's 24th," squinting, he read on, "I left home to go to the mutant school today.  It's scary.  I wish I didn't have to go." …

*****************************************

A bewildered little boy clutching a duffel bag of clothes stood in the driveway of the massive school.  The bag was large enough to fit Jamie and three of his duplicates.  It was slightly overcast, and no birds chirped in the wet weather.

"Mommy, I don't want to leave."  Dropping the bag, Jamie grabbed his mom's blouse, burying his face into it.

She smiled sadly, ruffling her son's hair.  The action, while gentle, created a duplicate.  His father quickly took the dupe's hand, keeping him from running off.  "Jamie, Professor Xavier can help you with your… ability.  It will be just like your old school, but there are other kids like you here."  Jamie's duplicate latched onto his mother, unwilling to let go either.  

His father looked up at the grand school building.  "This is the best we can do.  Even if you are a mutant, we love you; and all your multiples."  The duplicate clung to Jamie's mother while Jamie himself moved to hang on to his dad.

There was a soft whirring sound behind the group.  When Jamie turned, an older man sitting in a wheelchair was waiting for him.  "Hello James.  It is nice to finally meet you in person.  I am Professor Xavier."  Jamie didn't let go of his father.  He expected Xavier to be… different.  Perhaps it was the fact that the man in charge of such a large school was wheelchair bound made Jamie doubtful.

Still, his parents didn't raise him to be some sort of… savage.  Jamie offered his hand to the professor.  "Nice to meet you."  Jamie echoed.  They shook hand, but the boy quickly retreated to hide behind his dad.

"Mr. and Mrs. Madrox, there was something you wished to speak with me about?"  Xavier asked instantly after releasing the boy's hand.

"Yes.  Just a few… basic questions if it isn't any trouble."  Jamie's father pried the boy's hands from his leg.

"That is no problem.  Jamie, you are free to explore the grounds if you would like.  Scott will take the bags to your room."  The wheelchair and the man who was to teach Jamie headed back towards the lush building, and taking his parents with.  Jamie rubbed his hands together, toeing at the ground.  Unnoticed, the multiple vanished back into him.

The cloudy, overcast sky suddenly melted away into bright and warm weather.  As mysterious as the change in weather was, Jamie didn't question it.  He toed the ground one last time before wandering over to a large fountain.  The water playfully flowed from several jets, threatening to escape the cement pont.  Curious, Jamie peered into the reflective surface of the water.  A small boy with unbrushed hair peered back.

"I hate you duplicates."  Jamie told the reflection in the water.  "I wish I wasn't a mutant."

"HEADS UP!"  Someone shouted.  Jamie pulled back, frightened, only to see a tennis ball winging its way towards him.  Missing Jamie's chest by inches, the ball splashed into the fountain and sent cold water cascading over the rim of the pool.

Choking back a frightened whimper, Jamie dropped his arms from the protective gesture they had locked into.  A boy with brown hair, just as unruly as his own, was running towards him.  He appeared to be the very definition of the word 'normal'.  Jamie wondered if, somehow, a normal human had gotten into the compound somehow.

That is, until he saw the ice trail the boy was leaving behind him.

"Sorry about that.  'Berto threw it way too hard."  The ice mutant gestured to the ball floating in the fountain.  Jamie remained frozen in place.  "Hey, you ok?  Oh!  You're that new kid.  Nice ta meet you.  I'm Bobby Drake, but everyone calls me Iceman on the field."  Jamie took another look behind the teen, casting suspicious glances at the ice that collected on the grass.

"Nice to meet you."  Jamie's vocabulary around strangers had diminished to those four words.  The other boy saluted him before fishing his ball out of the fountain.

"It's not so bad here, kid."  Bobby Drake was shaking out his arm, splashing water over the pavement.  "They only lock you in the closet if you don't get the answers right… and you eat twice a week."  Jamie quickly paled.  The urge to hide in the car was impossibly stronger.

Bobby received a sharp slap to the head by a girl with dark hair.  "Knock it off, Bobby.  The kid's just a noob."  A girl wearing a bright yellow jacket looked down at Jamie.  "He's lying.  Never listen to anything he says."  She informed him.  Jamie nodded, tugging on the edge of his sleeve.  "I'm Jubilee, the amazingly gorgeous!  But welcome to Mutant High.  School of the bold and…," Jubilation Lee looked over at Bobby, who was making faces at her, "beautiful."  She said sarcastically.  Jamie watched in fascination as the girl reached over to cuff Bobby on the arm again.

"Hey!  Is the game over?"  Two more people joined up with them by the fountain.

"Och, its tha new boi."  A lilting Scottish accent was surprisingly unexpected, yet it calmed Jamie's nerves.  A girl with bright green eyes and hair in high pigtails was looking down him.  Bobby winged the damp tennis ball to her and she began tossing and catching it to herself.  "Aye'm Rahne Sinclair.  Aye've only been 'ere a few weeks too."  There was something pixie-ish about her upturned nose and voice that almost gave away the fact she was too cute to be a human.

"I'm Roberto DeCosta, from Brazil."  The other newcomer said.  He caught the look of astonishment of Jamie's face, even before the boy knew he was shocked.  "We come from all over, and the Professor makes sure we don't hurt others while we are learning."

"Yeah, just ourselves."  Bobby was rubbing his arm where Jubilee had smacked him.  The girl balled her fist and advanced on him again.  Bobby gave a whoop and then ducked behind the fountain, splashing small waves of water at her.

Rahne cocked her head to the side, looking Jamie over.  "So, whats ye ability?"

"Uh… I…"  Jamie glanced quickly over to Roberto, who was standing to Rahne's side.  The boy was _glowing_ slightly.  "I… clone."  A shy spell hit Madrox and he felt himself turning pink.

Bobby rolled back to the balls of his feet and leaned against the fountain.  "You clone?  Like that sheep in the news?  Are you sure you aren't just an identical twin?"

Jubilee shoved Bobby again, and the icy mutant went rolling into Jamie's legs.  The small boy toppled over, landing face first in the ground.  The impact was more than enough to demonstrate his mutation, and when Jamie lifted his head, he had five duplicates beside him.

"Woah!  The kid's a photocopier!"  Jubilee cackled.

"He's his own soccer team!"  Roberto leaned on Rahne's head, causing the lycanthrope to glare up at him.

"Sam's gon'to baby 'im.  'Ee's got to be tha youngest."  Rahne shoved Roberto off her head.  

Everyone seemed so carefree.  Their mutations, some only mildly obvious, and some not, didn't stop them from having a game of keep-away in the yard.

"Com'mon boyo!  Join in!"  Rahne frolicked about for a moment before turning into her lupin form and then loping towards the ball.  Jamie watched in shock before something sparked inside of him.

He wanted to play too.  He wanted to run about and chase the ball.  He wanted to be like them.

So he did.

The basic game of catch gradually evolved into a rule-less team battle of catch… with mutant powers.  Jamie had started out on Jubilee and Roberto's team opposing Bobby and Rahne's side, but every time he duplicated it would tip the scales unfairly.  So Jamie became part of everyone's team.  Team Bobby had at least three Jamies on his side while Team Jubilee had five.

It may have been minutes or hours before the game was interrupted.  But Jamie was pleasantly winded and hand many duplicates surrounding him.  Another person had joined the field, but instead of entering the game with the others, his presence seemed to break it up.

"Aww, Scott, you ruin all the games."  Bobby said dramatically, throwing the ball at the back of Roberto's head.  It bounced off and rolled under the bushes while Rahne chased it.

Scott looked over at the crowd of boys and girls, then back at the piece of paper in his hands.  "Ok, so … which of you is Mames..err… James Madrox?"

"My name is Jamie!"  The boy announced proudly.

"Ah, so then you are Jamie?"  Scott looked over the many other identical boys.

"Yep, I am."

"Me too!"

"So am I!"

"No you aren't!  You are a clone!"  This caused the hoard of Jamies to laugh at their own expense.

Scott adjusted his glasses, looking over the many boys.  "Well, you want to see your room now?  Dinner will be soon and we have some time."

"Hey!  Summers just stole our best player!"  Jubilee created 'paffs' accidentally, almost frying the ball.

"You can all watch a movie after dinner.  I'm just a tour guide."  Scott waved them off and began to lead Jamie to the house.  "You'll like your room.  It's a double," Looking over at the seven duplicates, Scott's smile looked kind of like a wince, "and you may need all the room you can get."

Jamie baffled for a moment.  With all the students here, the mansion suddenly didn't seem so big.  "You mean I get my own room?"

"Of course.  Most new students get their own room until they gain control."  Scott held out a hand to Jamie.  "Come on, Short guy, we'll have looked at everything before Ms. Monroe takes dinner out of the oven.  Your parents are staying until dinner is over."

Jamie paused for a second.  The day had seemed so bleak and frightening, but now Jamie had order in his multiple lives.  He had people who really did understand him.  His duplicates suddenly shifted back to him, leaving Jamie the only Madrox again.  'I think I'm gonna like it here.'  Jamie thought, happily following behind in Scott's footsteps while dangling from his hand.  

******************************************

The small boy pulled his slightly upturned nose out of the book.  A look of astonishment was writ on his face.  "Whoa!  That's cool!"  He suddenly announced.  The dog toy on his head fell off and landed upside down on the floor.  A small hangtag was sticking out of the underside of the dog, and a black marker had written something on the tag.

Large, ungainly fingers flipped the tag up to be read.  "Max?  Hey, that's my name too!  I'm Max!"  the boy said happily, again hugging the toy to his chest.

The books on the floor were still open, resting between the Max's legs.  "I know an Oro-… Arro… an Aunty O too.  And a Scott.  Maybe they are friends of Daddy."  Turning a few more pages, Max returned to reading.

*****************************************

Jamie Madrox, age 17, was packing his bags.  Tears welled in his eyes.  After everything he'd been through, after all the fights they had to protect his home, it was time for him to leave.

It wasn't anyone's fault.  With Apocalypse still free, humans still rioting against mutants, and now a deadly virus rampaging through the mutant population, the Institute was no longer the iron stronghold it had been through his childhood.  It had been a group decision on the X-men's part that Jamie as well as Alex Summers were to go to Muir Island.  Rahne was there, as well as Forge, and several more mutants he was assured to become friends with.

But that didn't mean Jamie liked it.  It had been only days after the Professor declared Jamie to be fit enough to become an X-man.  Of all the struggles to control his abilities, he finally had mastered the ability to duplicate only when he wanted.  The smallest member, youngest member, and once most immature member of the New Mutants was going to wear the X.  However, plans changed, and how Jamie was to flee.  

The Morlocks… Oh God, the Morlocks.  They had been the first to suffer the attacks.  Artie and Leech… both had barely survived it.  The boys were shipped to safety, and far away from Jamie.  Evan and Callisto vanished deeper into the sewers with the survivors.  Rumors about Caliban said he had been captured, but no one had proved it yet.  And Torpid… no one knew what happened to her.  The Morlocks had been the deciding factor to send Jamie to Muir Island.

"Jamie?"  Someone had opened Jamie's door and the voice startled him.  Bobby Drake, once Jamie's greatest tormenter and now his closest friend, was looking into his room with an expression Jamie had never seen.  "Are you ok?  Do you need anything?"  Bobby stepped into the room, looking at the bare room.

Jamie's head hung.  "Unless you can change the course of history, I don't think you can help."

A firm hand clamped onto Jamie's shoulder.  "Hey."  Bobby's voice was firm, and almost angry sounding.  "The world doesn't end just because you go away.  You aren't the Armageddon.  There is still e-mail, and snail mail, and postcards, and telephones, and wireless text messaging, and faxes, and telegraph…"

"B-Bobby, I get the point."  A weak smile had found a hold on Jamie as he looked up at Bobby.  Dang, after all these years of growing, Iceman still stayed just one step and several inches ahead of Multiple Man. 

Bobby took a seat on Jamie's now bare bed.  Years of change had seen the room go from fluffy animals to video gaming to the intimidating blank face it wore now.

"Forge says it's not bad over there.  Some guy named Guido or Guydoh or something, he has a power like yours only without the multiplying part.  And from what Alex says," Bobby leaned in conspiratorially, "there is a really _hot_ chick with green hair there."

Jamie chuckled slightly.  Bobby Drake, ever-watchful bachelor.  Jamie Madrox, brother to all.  The laughter stopped as Jamie looked at his bags.  He was ready to go.  He was going to leave the only place that was tolerant enough to let him do as he pleased.

"Hey, James, I got something for the flight."  Bobby reached into his back pocket.  "I had to maul Kitty for these, so if they get damaged, I'm coming after your spleen."  Bobby threatened in such a tone that it became a joke.  A small book with clear pages came out of his pocket.  Jamie took it and flipped open the cover.

It was a photo album.

Pictures that Jamie had long since forgotten about were stuck in the plastic pages.  Picture of Jamie and his many duplicates fighting for the remote.  Photographs of Kitty, Rogue, and Jean standing over a confused looking Jamie wearing a pink hair ribbon.  Snapshots of movie nights, birthday parties, and the first time Jamie learned to drive.  There were even the rare pictures of Jamie doing embarrassing things.  And even more rare was a picture of Logan doing embarrassing things, such as the time the students had tackled him and stuffed him into a pair of pink and white bunny printed footie pajamas.  There was a close-up on Ray's face, mostly showing the 'up-his-nostrils' shot as he napped on the sofa.  Kitty had become the campus shutterbug, catching moments that stood out like stars in the black night sky.

The last picture was one that would forever burn into Jamie's mind.  It was all of the New Mutants, X-men, and teachers on the lawn of the Institute and looking up into the air at something.  The picture had been taken by Angel, and the 'something' in the sky happened to be Bobby's pants lanced to the flag pole.  Jamie had the biggest grin on his face and was unable to hide it, while Bobby looked like the Armageddon was coming.  Frozen in the film, everyone looked amused --even Xavier was unable to hide the smile.  Since then, the unofficial flag of Xavier's school had become a pair of Iceman's pants.

"Bobby…"  Jamie's voice cracked.  This was his home.  These were his friends.  What do you say to someone you never thought you'd be rid of, yet didn't want to leave behind?  "Thank you."

Drake leaned over and tossed an arm over Jamie's shoulder.  "What are friends for, Squirt?  Other than putting oatmeal in my bed, framing me for extra Danger BathROOM sessions, and systematically shrinking all my pants so I thought I was gaining weight… you're the best friend I've had here."

'I'm not gonna cry.  I'm not gonna cry.  I'm not gonna cry.'  Jamie's mind chanted.  His efforts were not in vain, and before he could burst into tears a distraction walked through his door.

"Thank Gawd, yer still here.  Ah thought we missed ya."  Rogue burst into the room, Remy trailing behind her.  Storming straight up to Jamie, she wrapped the young man into a hug.  Jamie half hoped Rogue's skin would slip and she'd zap him into a coma so he could stay.

Jamie hugged Rogue back.  She was his sister of the school.  His first real role model was Rogue.  Up to now, Jamie and Logan seemed to share 'guard duty' for Rogue, menacing anyone who messed with her.  That included Remy.  "I wish I could stay here, but I don't think leaving a duplicate in my place is quite the same."  Jamie choked out, his voice measured carefully to keep from cracking again.

Pulling away from Rogue and giving her a smile, Jamie shuffled up to Gambit and held out his hand to shake.  Remy looked down at the hand, then up at Jamie's eyes.  Then he grabbed Jamie in a headlock and pulled him under his arm to scruff up his hair.  "Y'hear dis, Tapis.  If ya don' call an visit mah chere, Remy'll have y'glowin' radioactive, d'accord?"

A duplicate was produced under Jamie's command and quickly latched his arms around Gambit's neck, dragging the ex-thief to hunch over.  "And you get this Venom-Lack, if you upset Rogue, I'm going to Fed-Ex an army of duplicates to kick you around."  Jamie squeezed his stranglehold playfully.  After Remy joined, or at least 'hung out with' the X-men, Jamie had his own sparring partner with the Cajun.  Remy taught Jamie many of his own escape techniques and for the sole reason that Jamie grew on him.

Tugging Jamie's duplicate away, Remy skillfully escaped from both of them and stepped back to Rogue.  "O'course."  He smirked.

Logan was shouting at Jamie from downstairs, urging him to hurry up.  The boy, now almost an adult, could fear his breathing kick up as he panicked.  The small child in him wanted nothing more than to cling to the furniture crying.  He had taken the Brotherhood's advice for as long as possible.  But Jamie had grown up.  

"I'll," his voice wavered and he swallowed thickly.  "I'll visit or call.  I bet Forge can set up a camera phone for me."  Jamie and his duplicate lifted the luggage up and looked uneasily around. 

"Don't ya dare change on us, Jamie."  Rogue waved, one gloved hand clutching the bottom of her shirt tightly.  Jamie's duplicate reached over to give her one last hug.

Bobby was wiping his eyes discreetly.  "Yeah, if you don't change, I won't change."  Bobby's smile didn't light up like it usually did.  It seemed dull.

"I promise, but it goes for you too.  Just promise me you won't try to redesign your costume to look like a ninja again."  Jamie snickered, the memory causing him to break into a true smile.  Bobby could only shrug helplessly at the memory.

Remy said nothing to Jamie.  But the Jack of clubs was being toyed with in his hands, spinning over his fingers in a nervous manner.  It was the 'youngest' of the face cards, the one most like Jamie.  A few numbers were scribbled onto it.  Emergency numbers.  Personal numbers of almost all of the X-men, most of the numbers hadn't even been given out for the desire for privacy.  Remy tossed the card at Jamie's coat pocket, and it fluttered in.  Jamie nodded.

And then Jamie Madrox left.

The Blackbird, which usually gave Jamie thrills to be in, now seemed stifling.  Jamie broke out into cold shivers, even if the jet was pleasantly heated.  Logan was piloting and Xavier had come to see his youngest student off.

'I, I won't like it there.  It's not home.'  Jamie thought, his fingers toying with the waxy surface of the playing card.

_'That has yet to be discovered,' _Xavier's mental voice caught Jamie off guard.  Jamie smiled at his teacher, one last shred of hope still there that Xavier would change his mind and Jamie could return.

Xavier reached up to pat Jamie on the shoulder.  "There is no need to worry.  Things might be a little less eventful there, but in time it will be home."

Jamie looked out the side window briefly.  The mansion had disappeared from view long ago, but the feeling of comfort seemed to radiate from that direction.  "What if they don't like me?  What if they are all boring and… serious?"  

From the front of the jet, Logan made a snorting noise.  Xavier tapped his armrest.  "That will not be a problem.  Rahne has changed very little over the years, and Forge still plays disco music records on Tuesdays.  When I visited Muir Island, the other members seemed quite relaxed as well.  I believe Mr. Guido's first words to me were, 'Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?'"

Jamie snapped his head down to look at the professor, who had an expression of the utmost sincerity on his face.  Jamie burst out laughing.

******************************************

Max's small face had drawn into worry and emotion.  He sniffled a bit as he turned the page, searching for more of the journal's entries.  However, that was the last one.  Rubbing his eyes with his large fists, Max put the book down.  He didn't like sad stories.

"What you got there, Midget?"  Max jumped in surprise as someone tapped his shoulder.  Standing behind the boy, and bent over to his level was a very tall adult.  The man was wearing a full-length leather trench coat that was too big in the shoulders and almost long enough to drag on the dusty ground.  Shaggy brown hair, untamed by brushes, fell over his face at odd angles.  Under the hair, a pair of blue eyes peered down at the book.  With a steady hand, he reached down and took the leather-bound journal from Max and glanced over it.  

A thoughtful expression smoothed his face, followed by a half smile.  "Wow, did I ever have bad handwriting.   Hey!  Why didn't you guys have good writing?"  The young man calls out behind him.

"Gimme a break, _Jamie, we were … what, like thirteen?  Except for that dupe who acted like he was twenty, we all had bad handwriting."  An identical man, a duplicate, was pushing aside more boxes, looking for something._

"You _still don't have good handwriting though!"  Another duplicate chimed in.  Jamie laughed and returned to his old journal.  Shortly after leaving the institute and moving to Muir Island, all of Jamie's things were put away.  The stuffed dog, his collection of comic books, strange Polaroids amongst Kitty's pictures, and even his journals were all boxed up._

"Dad!  The dog is named after me!"  Max announced, wobbling to his large feet.  The toy was held up to Jamie's face.

Jamie smiled brightly now, his eyes squinting as dust puffed up from the toy.  "Yes, I know.  He used to be mine.  I always liked the name Max."  Reaching down, Jamie ruffled his son's hair.  The two of them were almost identical, same eyes, same unruly hair, and same upturned nose.  Only the large hands and feet, and unsteady look separated the two of them from being near-twins.

Jamie's eyes wandered the piles of stuff, old memories dredging up from the past.  "Daddy!  Dad hey dad hey hey dad hey hey HEY!"  Max began to jump on the ground, trying to get attention.  Jamie turned a bright smile on his son, scooping the boy up and holding him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.  "Daddy?  Why isn't mommy in that book very much?"  Max pointed to the leather bound journal on the floor.

Picking up the book and resting it back into the box, Jamie bounced his son once.  "That's because your mommy fills up an entire book on her own.  And that book was even more private than those books."  A crafty smile smirked across the face of Jamie.  Yeah, no one ever suspects the cute one, especially not if he grows up to slightly resemble Remy LaBeau (minus the goatee).

Looking down at the blue-bound journal, Jamie fondly remembered something he had forgotten to do for years now.  "Hey, guys."  Jamie called over his shoulder to his duplicates.  "How about for old times sake?"  He balled his fist up and made a 'victory' motion.  His son puzzled at the move.

The two dupes exchanged a glance, and then finished the motion with a set of 'bunny ears'.  "Let us DANCE!"  Springing around the room, hollering and making bodily noises, the three men, and one small boy dance like imbeciles.  And thus began, and was passed on, the savage dance of Madrox.

"Jamie!  Is Max in the bath yet?"  A female voice came from the stairway to the attic.

Grunting slightly as he set Max back down, Jamie stretched out his back.  "Alright, Mini-me.  Bathtime!  Get to the bath before your mother lets Uncle Guido toss you in there like a cannonball."

"BOOM!"  Max squealed, dashing down the stairs.  For such a small boy to stand on such large feet, it would make sense that his feet would get filthy after being barefoot all day.  But for the boy to look like he rolled in the sandbox, and rubbed mud in his hair… that was one of the most confusing parts of parenting.

Jamie smile waned just a bit as his son left, leaving him and two duplicates in the dusty attic.  Bending down slightly, Jamie picked up one of his own journals and flipped through it.  His eyes stared far away as he remembered.  The two duplicates vanished away, leaving only dusty footprints on the floor.  He didn't hear the steps to the attic creaking, nor did he notice shadow standing behind him until he felt someone leaning over him.

"I remember those books.  You were so shy about hiding them."  The woman leaned over Jamie a bit, tucking her hands behind her back.

"Deee-ear!  They were _private!_  It contradicts purpose to have a secret diary, yet let everyone read it."  Jamie quickly closed the book, hiding it under his hands.

A pair of much larger hands pulled the book free from him to flip the pages back open.  Torpid smiled.  "Strange, but when you mentioned the 'savage dance', I thought there was more body paint and fewer clothing."  She quirked a smile, a gloved hand trying to cover the grin.

Jamie's eyebrows shot up for a moment, and then he said in half-husky tones, "it can be."  Torpid laughed.

THE END 


	19. INTERLUDE: Outtakes of PLoJM

Outakes of Madrox – As direct by Kit, and her beta, PantherDragon

****************************************

Sitting in a 'basket chair', Kit oversees the construction of the set of 'Private Life of Jamie Madrox'.  The interior of Jamie's room is being constructed.  Kit sits because, in Kit terms, 'little movement is good movement'.  In laymen's terms, Kit is very lazy.  It is the first day of PLoJM, (abbreviated version of the horribly long title), and the director is filled with hope, warm fuzzies, and about twelve cans of Mountain Dew.  The latter will come back to haunt her.

Tabby entered the room, holding her lipstick like some kind of … lipstick gun.  "I'm NOT doing it!"  She says forcefully.

"Huh?"  This is the logic that is Kit.

"I will NOT be a stagehand!  You can't make me!"  The lipstick tube was waved frantically.

Kit threw her hands in the air, in fear of the 'lipstick rifle' Tabby wields.  "Ok!  You don't have to be a stagehand.  Just watch where yer pointin' that thing!"  Looking more relieved, Tabby lowered her weapon and the director put her hands down.  "I'll just ask Remy to be the special effects dude and explode what needs exploding."  Kit finished.

Once again, the lipstick gun was waved about and a pair of hands went up.  "What?!  You're letting HIM explode _my_ stuff?  I'm the stagehand, and that's final!"  Capping her lipstick, Tabitha stormed off the set, finding the largest thing to explode.

"I'm going to need kevlar underpants by the time this story is over… I know it."  Kit shuddered with a horrible premonition.  

"Whoa!  That'd be weird!"  Jamie exclaimed.  Turning towards the camera, Jamie suddenly gave a narrative.  "Warning!  This fic has an explicit content for humor and airhorns, and the following may happen: You may lose bladder control, people may stare at you funny, drooling, spilling soda on your self, snorting like a pig, smelling like a pig and … what?"  Turning to look off screen, someone whispered to Jamie.  "You mean this fic doesn't cause body odor.  Ohhhh, my bad."  Jamie turned back to the camera, embarrassed.

Kit quickly pointed at Jamie, "You!  Look horribly cute!"  Jamie pressed his hands together, put the puppy eyes on, and his lower lip quivered.  Do you not feel the all-powerful effect of 'The Puppy Stare'?.  "It's showtime!"

********************************************************

Chapter 1: 'Hi, my name is Jimmy' 

"Cue the 'dump-out-of-bed-at-ungodly-hour' scene."  Kit announced, rubbing blearily at her eyes.

All non-essential characters (aka. People who are not in this scene) retreated to the break room with a pair of earplugs.  A kareokie machine had just been installed and Forge was under the illusion that disco _was_ back.

With the film rolling on the darkened stage, Logan began the scene.  "Wake-up, Squirt." Logan was shaking the lump in Jamie's bed lightly.

"Fi'm mins."  A mumbled voice said, tugging the blanket up higher.

Logan grabbed the edge of the mattress and lifted it into the air, sending the big lump in the bed sprawling onto the floor.  Instead of Jamie being dumped to the floor, a very startled-looking Gambit is dumped out.  "OW!  Merde, m'neck."  Sitting up, Remy is wearing a larger pair of Jamie's blue and yellow ducky 'jammies, complete with footies.  "Dat bed is t'small."  

Behind the scenes, Rogue is laughing herself silly.  Kit looks torn between laughing her tail fuzzy and throwing cantaloupe.  "Cut.  … and get me a pair of those pajamas too."

*******************************************************

**Chapter 2: 'Run Jamie, Run!'**

Thumbing through the script, Kit looked up, "Lets try breakfast.  Breakfast is easy."

Evan and Scott are supposed to be holding a conversation during breakfast.  "Would you pass the milk? … And you are SO wrong. The New Devils jersey sucks this year."

"…"  Scott has now become horribly confused.

"Cut.  Evan, line is, 'The New _Jersey_ Devils sucks this year.'  New Jersey.  You know, that place we can't find with both hands, a flashlight in tail, and a pair of tweezers.  Speaking of which… KURT!  We need to locate New Jersey on a map and then mock it."

*take  II*

"Would you pass the milk? … And you are SO wrong."  Before delivering the next line, Evan took a large drink of the milk.  "The Neub Jershey Devilshs… that didn't come out right."  Evan broke into giggles, snorting the milk.

"I think Evan had a drinking problem."  Scott announced.

"Daniels!  How many times must I tell you, speak first, then drink!  Don't do both at once!"  Kit frowned at the waste of good milk.

Kurt stood suddenly.  "I found it!  I found it!"

"You found New Jersey?"  Jamie looked over the prop table at the book Kurt was holding.

"New Jersey?  No!  I found Valdo.  See."  With one blue finger, Kurt pointed to Waldo in his 'Where's Waldo, in the Mall of Doom' book.  

A grinding noise causes both boys to turn.  "Uh, Kit?  Is that good for your teeth if you keep grinding them like that?

**********************************************************

Chapter 3: 'Brotherhood of Monopoly' 

Another 'breakfast scene' was being set up.  Mugs of steaming hot coffee (and warnings not to dump it on their laps) were distributed.  

"Action.  Please… soon."  Kit whined, dangling from her chair in a boneless fashion. 

"Hey!  That's my poptart!"  Entering the set, Jamie chased a poptart-carrying duplicate around the kitchen table three times, and then under it.  There was a very loud *BONK*, courtesy of Freddy and Tabby working sound effects.  Cups rattled, saucers tinkled, hot coffee narrowly missed spilling in Xavier's lap.

"AHHHHH!"  However, it did successfully spill on Ray.

"HANK!  We need ice packs, and aloe!"  Kit winced in sympathy.

-------------------

"Get onto that stage, you big chicken!"  Kit was trying to push the unmovable Blob onto the set.  Giving another push, Kit decided it might be easier to roll him…. but not by much…

"No!  There are gingerbread men up there!"  Freddy was clinging to furniture helplessly.  "I don't wanna go!"

Releasing Freddy's arm, Kit stomped to the break room.  "Mystique!  We need a stunt double for Freddy!  He won't go near the gingerbread."

In the break room, Magneto, Mystique, and Xavier were enjoying a nice mug of hot tea and some peace and quiet.  Of course, when Kit shouts everything, peace and quiet is hard to come by.  Mystique groaned in abhor for being pulled from her nice calm break.  Taking the form of the several hundred pound Freddy, she made her way to the stage for the scene.

"Roll film!"  Kit ordered.

Pietro and Jamie were digging through the tin of gingerbread men while a faux-Freddy looked on in horror.  Pietro offered the small boy a cookie.  Having already done this scene some seven times, he was going to be sick if he ate another gingerbread cookie.  Thus began another bad outtake.

Before Jamie could take the cookie Pietro was holding, it spoke.  "Do you know the muffin man?"  The cookie squeaked, in a falsetto voice that sounded rather like Pietro.

"The muffin man?"  Jamie echoed, baffled.

"The muffin man!"  The cookie bounced.

"Oh!  I know the muffin man!"  Jamie grinned.  "Who lives on Drury lane?"

Yeah… you could probably see where this is going… or not.  "DIE!  Die, you gumdrop monster!"  The real Freddy suddenly stormed the stage, moving faster than the Brotherhood had seen him move before.  A heavy boot suddenly smashed the harmless cookie into dust and then ground it into the floor.

"I have no clue where _that went wrong, but I'm losing sanity just thinking about it."  Kit twitched._

"Hand."  Pietro croaked.  "Blob's foot … on hand…Getoffmyhand!"  Quicksilver was horribly pale, even for him.

The entire cast winced.  "Hank!  We need… sheez, I dunno.  Plaster, Band-Aids, and the largest Tylenol you can find."  Kit called out.  "I'm gonna put you on speed dial, Doctor."  

***************************************************

**Chapter 4: 'All's fair in love and germ warfare'**

Most of the cast is wearing biohazard suits.  "Fer cryin' out loud!  Rogue isn't really sick!  She's not contag--oh I give up."  Kit rubbed her forehead and then gave another warning as the camera beings.  "Filming, action!"

Rogue was sitting in bed, her arms wrapped around a blanket-cover figure.  "Yer such an angel."  The blanket flailed a bit, chuckling.

BAMF!  As Kurt appeared, Rogue let go of the blanket person.  "Ack!  Vas ist das?  Vogue!  Are you hiding someone from me?"  Kurt teased, grabbing the edge of the blanket and pulling it.  _Remy sat on the bed grinning ear to ear._

"Bonjour."  Gambit waved.  Kurt promptly fainted.  

"That is for you, Romy fans!"  Kit cheers.  "Now leave me alone!"

Jamie is hanging from the back of Kit's chair.  "How many times are you going to replace me with Remy?"

"Until I don't find it funny."  Kit answers matter-of-factly.

----------------

                The next scene, they managed to pull themselves together for the bicycle race.  The hardest thing was finding a bike small enough to fit Jamie that _wasn't_ pink.  The Copy-Jamie in this scene threatened to run away if he had to ride a pink bike.

Hank began the scene.  "Ok. Rules. No knocking other riders off their bikes. But any abilities to speed up your ride are acceptable. Bikers ready?" Hank shouted, his voice projecting very well over the open flat of the yard. There was a cheer from the crowd and the racers. "On your marks, get set. GO!" And the race began.

Copy-Jamie was jumped the track and peddled away from the course.  In fact, he peddled right out of the scene.

"CUT!  Jamie!  Errr, COPY!  Get back here!"  Kt shouted.  The copy, of course, did not listen.  He kept going until his skinny little legs sped the bike from the set entirely.  Everyone watched as the duplicate made his way to freedom.

"Born, freeeee!  As free as the wind blows!  As free as the graaaaass grows!"  The original Jamie began to sing, dashing away an imaginary tear as his duplicate ran off.

Lance made a mark on a chalkboard.  "That's the fifteenth 'Jamie' to escape so far… today."  He announced.

"Danngit.  We're going to need kid-leashes for all those dupes."  Kit mussed.

************************************************

Chapter 5: 'Madrox of the Mosquitoes' 

Kit looked pleasantly refreshed.  "I love camping."  She sighed. "Thus, you will ALL love camping too."  The tone of her voice threatened all with tuna down their pants if they didn't agree.  "If you are ready, lets film the scene where Logan drives the New Mutants to the woods.  Ready?  Marker!"  Filming began with Kit on a very high note.

Four Jamies were sitting on the floor, waiting to either be reabsorbed or to help out.  But everyone was in the car and ready to go.... "WAIT! I forgot something!" Jubilee cried out. Logan snarled and let her run back inside. Minutes passed. People got jittery. Logan began to grit his teeth. 

"Dude, did I pack underwear?" Bobby wondered out loud. Logan looked like he wanted to flee the van and hide in the trees  … in fact…

"LOGAN!  Logan … whatever-your-middle-and-last-names-are, you get down from the tree right now!"  Kit shook her fist up at the tree in fury.  "I'm part monkey!  Don't you make me climb that tree!"

Filming was called off until someone figured out how to get an angry wild man out of the shrubbery.

------------------------------------------------------------

"I feel so naked."  Jamie was wearing his underwear, paint, and some feathers, and that was it.

"Welcome to my world."  Hank sighed.  Under his blue fur, Hank is entirely _naked!  How's that food for thought?_

Taking the stage, the scene began.  Jamie had stripped down to his skivvies, painted black and red marks all over his body and the bodies of six dupes, and they were standing around a raging inferno and then began to … wait…

"CUT!  JAMIE!  You are supposed to dance!  This is important!  It's the very first savage dancing scene!  DANCE!  Not… what ever it was you were doing."  Kit said enthusiastically.

"It was the Macarana!"  A duplicate smiled.  Everyone else shuddered.  Forge looked bodily ill.

"Do you not know how to dance?!"  Kit is tugging on her bleached bangs in irritation.  Seeing no other way, she called the filming off.  "Forge, I want this boy be able to boogy.  You've got three hours."  

"Hey!  That's cruel an unusual punishment!"  A multiple in mostly red paint shouted.   "… to Forge.  Poor guy."  This Jamie was pelted with mud.

(Three hours, four aspirin and a trip to the infirmary later)  Jamie is dancing.  Filming continues.  Forge is in a full-chest cast.

"So many little feet…"  Forge moaned.  "He boogied all over my back."

**************************************************

BEHIND THE SCENES: First Interlude 

"Bobby Drake, you get out of that room right now!"  Kit tugged on the handle to his dressing room.  "You were supposed to be on set five minutes ago!"  Unable to force the door open, Kit degraded to petty threats.  "Don't make me come in there!"  She banged on the door.

"Like you could!"  Bobby shouted back.  It was the upcoming scene that everyone had dubbed, 'Revenge of the midgets'.  Self-preservation told Bobby not to trust any scene with Jamie in it called 'revenge', and had boarded himself in his room.  Too bad (for Jamie), because there was a large pot of lukewarm noodles, icy water, and jello waiting with Bobby's figurative name on it.

"Let me in!  Lemmin, lemmein, lemmein!"  Kit growled, banging on the door.  "I have magical, mystical powers!  I can annoy the hell outta you!!  Do you never want to sleep again?!?"  This was a very real threat, because Kit never sleeps.  It is a fairly consistent thing.  Rain falls.  Sun rises.  Kit is an insomniac.  And as for the magical, mystical powers… Kit considers being able to consume great amounts of sugar in one sitting (enough to put an elephant into diabetic shock) a magical power.

"Let!  Me!  In!"  Each word was accented by Kit pounding on the door.

"But I not wearin' any pants!"

"… Then I take back that last comment!"  Wow, look at her turn on heel and quickly leave the area before a pantless Drake decides to make his exit.

*******************************************************

Chapter 7: 'Have you seen this boy?' 

"Ready for the museum scene?"  Kit had given up on shouting and resorted to using a megaphone to do the shouting for her.

"My ears…"  Logan winced.

"Action!"

"Oh! Oh wow!" Kitty breathed, pulling their attention from a collection of Indian artifacts. Ahead was the diamond exhibit. It sparkled like a million raindrops under a blazing sun. The whole room looked like it was been doused with diamonds. Not even Rogue could keep from staring at wonder at the showcases.  The special effects crew had spent hours making a 'diamond' that sparkled… without exploding afterwards (much to Tabby's dismay).  The rock was easily the centerpiece of the set.

"Yoink!"  Until an Australian pyro zipped in, grabbed the shiny rock, and ran off with it cackling.  Kit released security, which consisted of Cain Marko and Victor Creed.

"Bring that back you kleptomaniac!  I'm going to break your shins!"  Kit threatened.

-------------------------------

(many hours, two fire extinguishers, four fights and severe cleaning later) 

"Ok!  We are now filming the kidnapping scene.  Jamie!  You ready?"  Kit finally finished putting many bandaids on St. John after Cain and Victor caught him.  Hank was busy tending to the overly crispy Juggernaught and Sabertooth after they _caught Johnny._

"I'm ready!"  Jamie announced, wearing two thick bandages over the palms of his hands.  

"Action!  Remy, yer up!"  The sharp snap of the marker was Remy's cue to begin.

"So, garcon got t' de diamonds b'for we got back, heine? Clever, mon ami." That smooth French voice made Jamie twitch. "Doesn' 'splain why he be hidin' here." Jamie froze. His eyes. They were pure black with red circles. A strange poem Hank McCoy had once told him comes to mind:

_Penguins are Black,_

_Tomatoes are Red,_

_We're comin' aboard,_

_Prepare to eat lead!!_

With that, a small NERF gun was pulling out and fired several times at Remy.  Suction cup darts were sticking to his forehead.

                "Cu-cut!"  Kit was laughing hysterically.  Pirate-y quotes did that to her.  "Whooo, that was funny, … Hank, lay off the bad lymrics."

********************************************************

Chapter 8: 'The ill-fated escape of Jamie Madrox' 

Tabby was holding a large supersoaker, smiling in such a way that everyone had moved ten paces away from her.  "Ready with the water torture scene there, Tabs?"  Kit asked.  The grin was answer enough.

"Action on water scene!"  CLACK!  Went the marker, scene two, act I, take 3.

Drip-Drip. What was that? Jamie turned to see a mostly-empty soda can on the dashboard leaking onto the armrest of the seat. Drip. Jamie then remembered he had to use the bathroom. Drip. Drip. And his bladder seemed to be shrinking. Drip. Drip. Drip. Sweat broke out on Jamie's forehead as he watched the dark drops fall through the air and shatter into tiny flecks of fluid as it hit the chair. Oh, he really had to _go_. Drip. Jamie turned quickly to try again to stare down Gambit. Drip Driiiiiiip.

"OK! OK! I'M KIDNAPPED!" St. John screamed, wobbling to his knees. "Call a break!  I have to use the can!!"  With that, Pyro jumped up and ran of the set to the restrooms.

"JOHN!  This is the fourth time!"  Kit pulled on her hair, then reached over and began pulling on her tail again.

"D'man has de bladder of a chipmunk."  Remy groused.

----------------------------------------

With everyone crammed back into the van for filming, Kit gave the command.  "Do PLoJM's 'name scene'.  That can't possibly be any worse than what we've already messed up."  

Jamie took his spot and gave a thumbs up to the camera.  St. John hit his lines right on time.  "Hey! We still don't know your name!" Jamie paused, thinking quickly.

"I'm Thor, the conqueror!" Madrox announced in a bad baritone, keeping his name hidden. He didn't want these people going after his family. 

"Ya, and Remy is a nun." Remy said, bringing the van to a halt at a streetlight. Sabertooth had taken Piotr's spot in the front of the car and was completely silent. Jamie forgot he was up there for a moment until he heard him growling at a comment by John.

"THAT, would be a sight, Swampy, in that fetching black and white dress, woo!" St. John snickered. 

"No, really, Remy meant dat.  He's a nun."  With that, Gambit turned around, revealing the black and white nun habit he was wearing, equip with that 'bird-like' hat.  _Something_ had been used to pad the front of the dress.  "Amen."

The entire stage.  Silent.

"Can ve show that, Kit?"  Kurt asked.  "Isn't it… sacrilege?  Putting _him in a dress?"  _

Kit was drinking milk straight up.  "I'm giving up on him.  Pass me that other carton of milk… I'm gonna need it."  She mumbled.

*********************************************************

Chapter 9: 'Saving Private Madrox' 

The stage was utterly silent.  For dramatic purposes, the cast was asked to be quiet while as Mastermind's large, flaming crocodile, or perhaps an alligator (Kit often confused the two) went gently gliding around the ceiling and turned a loop-de-loop. The Acolytes looked towards Pyro, who had stopped dancing to stare up at the illusion.

And during the silence, a cell phone started ringing the tune to Bonanza.

"Quiet on set… Quiet… HEY!  Turn your cell phone off!  PIETRO!"  Another scene ruined.  "Cut scene, we'll need to—," However, Kit was cut off by singing, atonally, from the stage.

"Na-nanana nananan nananan na na NA BONANZA!"  St. John began to sing the theme song quietly, progressively getting louder.  This was followed by much galloping and yelling of 'yee-haw'.

"Wait, Evan, keep filming this.  I could always use blackmail."  Kit folded her hands, smirking broadly.

---------------------------------------

Kit was in another good mood.  Why?  Savage dancing scene!  "Cue the amazing dancing Madrox!"  She ordered.  The Acolytes and Jamie took the stage.

Jamie multiplied twice, leaving two duplicates looking down at themselves in amazement.  "Hey! We're all tall!"

"Dude! We don't have to use a chair to get cups anymore!"

"Wow, the floor is a long ways a way now."

"Dance boogy! Dance dance dance!" While Jamie, or _a_ Jamie, had said this, the results weren't what he expected.  Instead of the three boys breaking to a dancing craze, the entire cast of Evolution rushed the stage and broke out into a combination rave/mosh pit.

Kit stared.

Jamie stared.

Roberto looked over at them and shrugged.  "Hey, why should Jamie have all the fun?"

Jamie tugged on Kit's sleeve.  "I think they are mocking me."

"Indeed.  Let's get the _really big _hose."  Kit muttered.

******************************************************

BEHIND THE SCENES: Third Interlude 

The crew was on break.  If they didn't go on regularly scheduled breaks, mass destruction (moreso than usual) would occur.  The director was standing on the stage of a scaled-down size of Bayville.  Awww, look, a little mini version of the Brotherhood's boarding house.  She looked to the left.  No one.  She looked to the right.  Empty.  Then a twisted grin spread over her face and she stretched her fingers into 'claws'.  

"RAAARW!  I ARE KITZILLA!"  She hissed, storming around the model of town.  Crunch!  That was burger bomb.  BOOM!  That was the high school.  OUCH!  That was Kit stepping on her own tail.

"You have issues."  Kit whirled around to see the leader of the Acolytes staring at her in abject horror.  Magneto raises one eyebrow at the strange girl.  "Do you see a therapist?"

Kit suddenly looks panicked.  "No!  … Although I didn't check the cupboard.  JAMIE!  Check the cupboard for therapists!"  Jamie pokes his head out of the break room, wielding a frying pan and pulls the door open revealing … cups (bet you were expecting Remy).  "Whew, still safe."  Kit sighs, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand.  "You can come out now, Wanda!  False alarm!  No therapists!"

Wanda exits from behind a set of curtains, looking suspiciously around the room.

"St. John!  You too!  No therapists."  Kit announced to the highly noticeable lump in the rug.

Pyro peeked out, stood up, and then brushed himself off, trying to look nonchalant.

Magneto rubbed his forehead under his helmet.  "First my daughter, now my henchmen.  At least I have one normal child."

Fates conspired against Magneto, and then burst out laughing.  At this moment, Pietro came sliding out from his dressing room, and wearing Mystique's costume.  "Why do you hog all of leather?  I want to wear leather!  Even Freddy gets to wear leather!  I'm wearing leather!!"  He shouts.  There is a highly annoyed and mostly homicidal screaming coming from down the hall.

Casting his eyes to the ceiling, Magneto gave a long sigh of self-suffering.  "Is nothing sacred?"

"Uh… P.S., we ran out of towels in the break room, so we used your cape."  Kit added.  "Was that bad?"  It was only when a mass of paperclips and office supplies went flying around the room that the crew fled from the set in pandemonium.  

*******************************************************

Chapter 12: 'Happy Something or other, Jamie' 

                The director's chair had been destroyed by an irate Lance Alvers and Kit was now forced to sit on empty crates.  Why was the chair destroyed?  According to everyone, it was because he had so far been the most ignored character; in reality, the color of the chair really ticked him off.

Kit twisted about, trying not to get splinters in her tail.  "Are the Morlocks ready?  Yes?  Ok, roll scene!"  Forge began recording.

Callisto entered the room, her duster draped over one shoulder. Her feet halted once she saw the 'party' going on in her room. Artie and Leech were clinging to a row of bone plates on Evan's back, each whining and kicking their legs.  Jamie was dancing like a tiny breakdancer around Evan. Another Jamie was holding something rather familiar, but as he spotted her, he hung it from one of the large spikes on Evan's shoulder. A growl worked its way from her throat as she saw what it was Evan was 'wearing', even in the darkness.

A large banner that said 'Eat At Joes'.

"CUT!  … Wardrobe!  Can we find the right prop here?"  Kit shifted again on her uncomfortable perch.  "And a pillow or somethin'?"

---------------------------------------------------

"Is the film rolling?"  Kit was looking carefully at the video equipment.

"Should be," Forge is fiddling with the camera, "but none of the sets are showing on the vid screen."  Static crackled on three different TVs used to view the camera's angle.

"So why isn't the red light blinking?"  Random buttons are pressed, in hopes of getting the fabled 'red-blinky light of information' to start working again.

Forge presses the eject button.  Instead of a tape springing out to greet them, a peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, and Nutella sandwich oozes out.  The white marshmallow fluff has fused with the Nutella,… and the inside of the tape deck.

In absolute horror, Forge pulls the sandwich out and survey's the damage as Kit took it from him.  "Man, Oh man.  That sticky stuff covered _everything_!  All the ports are jammed with it!  No wonder the camera wasn't rolling, it was trying to record on a sandwich.  This will take about a day for me to fix.  What a burn."  Forge turned to look at the director.

She wasn't holding the sandwich anymore.

Looking about the ground in fear of stepping on the sticky sandwich, Forge warily asked.  "Where did that sandwich go?"

Kit swallowed.  "Hey, PB, Fluff, and Nutella is my fav kinda sammich.  And I don't know who felt the need to hide it there, but I felt the need to eat it."

Forge quickly gathered up the camera and fled.

**********************************************************

(Two weeks, a diet, Two self defense classes and ten cameras later)

Chapter 13: 'Multiple Imitation' 

Things were going well.  Nothing had exploded, vanished, or caused bodily injuries to others today.  The author should have suspected something…  When Kurt was supposed to dangle by his tail from the light fixture, there was a sudden change in plans.  *WHAM!*  Kurt was now dangling by his head from the floor.

"CUT!  Ok!  Who greased the light fixtures?" Kit grilled the crew.

Mystique pulled Kurt up, clinging to her 'poor injured baby'.  If Kurt were coherent, he probably would have been embarrassed.

"Really, people!  Third time this week Wagner has gotten a concussion!  Does someone need a timeout?" scolded Kit.

--------------------------------------------

"Beast!  You're on set!"  Jamie tugged on Mr. McCoy's arm.  The blue behemoth abandoned his place in the break room and picked up his medical bag.  "No!  It's your part in this scene, remember?  No one has gotten hurt … yet."  Toying with the collar of his shirt, Jamie fidgeted.

                Kit had gotten everyone on his or her marks on time.  There were no complaints either.  How?  She had a supersoaker filled with red paint.  And a homicidal grin on her face.  Hence the reason no one was arguing with her.  Hank began his lines with scolding the boys (which consisted of Jamie, a 'mock-Jamie' *Mystique*, Scott, and Kurt).

"This is the third time! I am out of places to hide snack foods that is still sanitary." Hank sighed. "I can think of only one way to teach you kids a lesson…" Hank suddenly ducked behind the counter.  There was a lengthy pause.  So lengthy, in fact, that Rogue actually made it back with the towels.

"Psst!  Isn't this the sock puppet scene?"  Jamie whispered to Kurt.  Kurt shrugged.

Suddenly Beast popped up.  In disguise.  A disguise of googly eye glasses.  "Ahem…. C is for cookie!  That's good enough for me!"  Hank began to sing.  "C is for COOKIE!  That's good enough for me!  C is for _COOKIE_, and that's good enough for me, OH!  Cookie!  Cookie!  Cookie starts with C!!!!" … a plate of cookies was lifted up.  "YUM anrg rrrn nnnng."  These cookies were shoved into Beast's mouth, with most of the cookies falling out onto the floor at the great spectacle he made of eating them.

This was probably the worst time for Kit to take a drink of milk, as the 'fountain' effect occurred as Hank sang.

"Was there even a point ta this?"  Rogue asked.

"Zhat Kit finds Cookie Monster hilarious…. And now she needs the Heimlich."  Kurt answered.  Scott nodded.  Indeed Kit did.

********************************************************************

Chapter 14: 'Tour de Mall' 

In Kit's fancy director's chair sat someone else.  Someone terrifying.  Someone who should have been tossed into the same Asylum with Wanda and forced to watch really bad 80's cartoons.  

"Hi!"  It was Kit's beta, PantherDragon.

"Good lord, NO!"  Xavier whirled his chair around and floored it to the door.

"Oh come on!  I'm not that bad!"  PantherDragon (or PD as Kit likes to call her), stood up.  "I'm just here until Kit is released from the hospital for drinking… and then choking on bad milk."  Evan took a moment of silence here.  Uh, for the milk.  Shame to see good milk go bad.

"If we could, lets to the mall scene with Pyro doing his thing." Suggested PD.  Everyone blanched.  St. John cheered the fates.  Then everyone put on fire retardant underpants.  The stage was set, the sprinkler system was primed, and filming began.

Then it stopped.

St. John looked irate for some reason, holding his hand over the camera.  "No!  We are doing it all wrong!  Instead of acting through a semi-orwellian concept of biopsychosocial mental philosophy, we should be interpreting this segment for what it is!"  

The room is Dead Silent.  No one even blinks.  Scott loses brain cells just _listening_ to it.

"What… is it… about?"  PantherDragon whispered, her eyes almost glued open in confused shock.  If you look closely, her left eyebrow twitches from the insanity of it all.

"FIRE!"  Johnny screams.  "A towering inferno of DOOM!  Flames eating everything in sight, like people just off a Jenny Craig diet!  Nothing is safe from fire!  Watch me set my pants aflame!"  PantherDragon backed slowly out of the chair, then took cover behind Logan.

Jamie began pushing Wanda forward.  Wanda resisted.  "What are you doing?"  She asked in a tone that would have put frost on John's proverbial flames.

"He's totally nuts.  You've _been_ nuts before.  Please, Wanda, you're our only hope."  Jamie begged.  Wanda stared at the _still _madly laughing Pyro.  A handful of the actors had managed a hasty retreat in fear of any explosions that may follow St. John's ranting fit.  The other half was standing around watching in a kind of 'train-wreck' morbidity.  "That, or a fire extinguisher."  Jamie added.  At this, Wanda paused.  

"Actually… help me find a fire extinguisher, Squirt.  We're going to fix this."

Going along, Jamie opened a cupboard, pulling out a large red and white fire extinguisher and handing it to Wanda.  But the boy had a question.  "But he hasn't started any fires yet…."

*KA-WHOP*  That would be the sound of a fire extinguisher to the back of the head of a crazy Australian.  St. John took a short nap on the floor.

"It still saved our lives, though."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

With Kit's substitute director still in place, everyone was waiting for the last scene of the day to film.  PantherDragon was scribbling all over Kit's script, adding new parts.  Jamie was reading over her shoulder.

"Ok!  We are ready to film with this new script!  Rogue, Logan, Jamie, you three take the stage.  Scott, you better start running around.  Remy, get in the sound booth.  Tabby, cue a telephone sound effect!"  PD ordered.  Highly motivated to finish filming and then run away very fast, everyone obeyed.  

The phone rang.  Rogue reached over and picked it up.  "'Lo?"  Rogue looked over at Jamie, who watched as his duplicates evicted Scott from Den Island.  Jamie looked like he was having a blast.

"'Lo, peite.  Guess who."  Remy husked over the phone.

"Ah'm guessin' it's not the pizza guy."  Rogue sighed.

"Non,… but Remy could bring ya som'tin' good."  There was almost an audible smirk on the line.

Rogue could hear Logan coming down the hall, and the incredibly brilliant idea struck.  "Can ya hold on fer just a sec, Suga, and then say that 'gain."  She purred.  There was an affirmative sound from the phone.  Rogue quickly stood up and leaned into the hall, her hand pressed firmly over the mouthpiece.

"Hey, Logan.  It's fer ya."  She held the phone up to him.

Taking the phone, Logan put his ear to the receiver and just listened.  Remy began speaking again, "P'rhaps we can go f'some coffee later t'night, chere."

Logan's claws unsheathed and he growled into the phone.  "Cajun!  When I find you, you'll be singing soprano fer the rest of yer life!"  The yelling only got louder and the threats became much more effective.  There was an undistinguishable squeak on the other end of the line and it quickly disconnected.

PantherDragon looked down at the script.  "Wait… that's not what I wrote.  It was meant to be pointless Romy fluff."

A voice spoke from behind PD.  "Yeah, … lucky for me I meddle in everything."  Kit was back.  And she did not looked pleased.  See, Kit is deeply worried by Romy fluff.  Something about her thinking that it will soon take over the world.

"Uh…"  PD stuttered, meekly rubbing the back of her head.  "Boy, you got out of the hospital early.  I would have thought that you, ESCAPE PLAN OMEGA!"  At this, all of Jamie's duplicates broke into the funky chicken.  Mass confusion ensued.  PantherDragon jumped up, ran to the nearest window, and dove out.

THUD!  "ow…"  And just a hint… that wasn't PantherDragon…

Kit leaned out the window.  "Yeah, generally, I try not to land on Warren."  She called to her beta.  "He's got a large team of lawyers, ya know."

**********************************************

Chapter 15: 'Have you seen this boy AGAIN?' 

With Kit in her reclaimed director's chair, filming began again.  Once again, the scene was set for Magneto's base.  Jamie was getting pretty used to acting in a metal room.

"Action, whenever you are ready."  Kit said meekly.  Why did she say this meekly?  Well, because her pockets are mostly full of change.  If Magneto did his 'magnet' thing, her pants would go flying…

"Sabertooth! Remove the shoes! I want all of these… icky things… clear!" Eric sneered at the word 'icky'. The shoes were picked up, revealing yet more 'icky' beneath them. "Is it… I'm not even speaking of _those._" A set of rather suspiciously looking magazines, belonging to Remy, were resting under the speedster's shoes. Let's just say… Remy didn't keep the magazines for the articles…

                "Remy object t'dat!"  Gambit shouted, interrupting the scene.  "Remy never seen dose magazines b'fore in his life!"

                "Oh yeah?  Then why did you use a whiteout pen to draw white bangs on all the chicks?"  Pietro zipped in, opening the magazine to a random page to prove his point.

                Remy LaBeau, thief extraordinaire, actually blushed.  "D'blame goes ta too much alcohol."  He muttered.  Off the stage, Rogue began to crack her knuckles.

***********************************************

BEHIND THE SCENES: Fourth Interlude 

Kit had fought Evan off for the last gallon of milk.  She had a purpose for this milk.  A greater good.  There would be milk revenge!  BWHAHAHAAA!  "We'll have to be sneaky.  Don't want to be discovered now, do we precious?"  She hovered over the milk, lovingly petting the plastic container.

Jamie was staring at Kit strangely.

Kit stared strangely back.

"Um… shouldn't we be filming?"  Jamie said, offering any kind of distraction to keep the author from going ape-nuts.

Kit cleared her throat and straightened up.  "We probably should, but… I must _do_ something first."  Dark and creepy shadows crept over her face as she grinned.  It was a potentially eeeevil grin, promising revenge and doom.

So, of course, Jamie volunteered.  "Can I help!?"  The small mutant waved his hand in the air.

***

See Kit sneak.  

Sneak Kit, sneak.  

See Kit signal to Jamie in complex hand gestures to put Operation Moo-cow into order while sneaking up behind PantherDragon.

Uh… 

"BANZAI!"  Jamie hollered like a sack full o' monkeys as he threw himself at PD.  Sensing danger, much like crocodiles sense Steve Irwin right before he pounces, PantherDragon dodged clumsily to the left.  This left her room to escape, so the beta took the advantage and ran like pants.  Or rather, ran like her pants off (because, personally, I've never seen pants run on their own).

"No!  She's escaping!"  Kit jumped from her hiding placed as dashed after the fleeing girl.  "Drink yer dang milk, ya brittle-boned geek!"  PantherDragon jumped out the window again (this time avoiding landing on Warren) and Kit gave chase, screaming like …like… I dunno… Forge exposed to bunnies or something.

Jamie and his duplicates watched as the director vanished.  They looked at the full gallon of milk that had been left behind in Kit's hurry to catch PantherDragon.  Then the boys broke into chanting 'Drink yer milk!  Drink yer milk!' and danced around the gallon container.

Entering the room, Spyke watched the hoard of Mulitple Man dance around the milk like it was a shrine, commanding the milk to be drank.  Shrugging, Evan stepped in, picked up the milk and drained the whole thing.  The Madrox (insert bunny-triumph sign here) were too busy dancing to realize the milk had been purloined.

"Hey!  He drank the milk!"  Finally, one of the Jamie's noticed.  This was because Evan had failed to wipe the milk mustache from his face.

"Uh-oh.  What do we do now?  Kit has no milk to force upon others!"  A duplicate panicked.

The lead Jamie took the front of the group, putting his hands on his hips in determined triumph.  "There is only one thing we _can_ do… make Evan drink a bottle of strawberry syrup and then tell Kit we have no clue where HER milk got off to!"  Evan looked bodily ill and tried to flee. 

We say, 'tried' because after drinking a gallon of milk, _nobody_ is in any condition to do any serious moving; not even a mutant.  Trust me… I've tried…

***************************************************

Chapter 17: 'There was a boy who had a dog and Jamie was his name-o' 

"This is it!  Last chapter people!  Then we can all go screaming like Ring Wraiths from here."  Kit announced.  There was a very enthused 'yaaah!' at this.  That is, until Kit gave them the news, "And then I can get started on my _next_ X-men fic."  A resounding 'booo' was the answer.

"Get to work or I'll bring back my Beta of DOOM!"  She shouted.  Almost as one, everyone takes their marks and the filming begins.

In a darkened and snowy alley (courtesy of Storm and Bobby), Jamie shivered from the cold.  A garbage can toppled to the crowd's left.  "We …. We've got you covered!"  One of the Jamies squeaked, his voice cracking with fear.  There was another noise, like nails tapping against the wall.  From the dim street light, a very small _something crawled out from behind the trash._

It was Remy in a Flopsy the Puppy suit.  "Arf."

"... I know nothing."  Xavier was twiddling his thumbs.

"I'm not taking that home."  Jamie said flatly.

-------------------------------

Filming the scene, the actors took the stage even before the director took her chair.  The 'director black/white thingy' snapped and filming began.  Ray and Jamie were the last two people the camera would film before the PLoJM ended.  And they were happy about it.  "Ya mean a small furry 'tube-rat' that stinks up the entire room and hides all shiny things under sofas?" Ray tapped his chin. "No… but that's not going to stop you, will it?" Jamie smiled, shaking his head. "Thought not. I suggest hiding it in Bobby's room… no one would notice the smell." And Jamie laughed.  The end (of chapter).

**BWA~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!**

That would be an airhorn.  "I give you all a 21-airhorn salute!"  Kit cheered, holding an airhorn in each hand, and one in her tail.  How was she going to use 21?  Well… if she can use a maximum of three at once, and each air horn holds about ten seconds of continuous honking, then that's about…  Three times the volume for 70 seconds.  In other words, just enough to give Logan a headache and pass out and deafen everyone else.

"WHAT?!"  Jamie shouted, trying to clear the ringing out of his ears.

"Did she say she's giving us the boot?"  Scott shouted out, confused.  "But it was the last day of shooting!"

"WHAT!?"  That was Jamie again.

"NO!  I won't pay for looting, yo!"  Todd had his hands pressed over his ears, trying to stop the ringing.  "I can do that myself."

"WHAT?!"  Jamie shook his head, hoping to get hearing back.  Instead, he made himself dizzy.

Kitty giggled.  "I know Legolas is an elf!  A cute elf too..."

"WHAT?!"  Jamie needs a hearing aid.

Looking down at the twenty-one empty air cans around her, Kit decided that, while it _sounded_ like a good idea at the time, deafening the entire cast was a bad idea.  Or at least, a _mostly-bad_ idea.  She didn't object to causing the cast to shout incredibly random phrases.

"WHAT?!"

**********************************************************

Kit broke into a fit of cheering.  "Yes!  It's over!  I'm free!  FREE!"

"But you didn't do outtakes of the very last chapter!"  Someone announced.

"The very last chapter is serious, and mocking serious work is… sacrilege!"  Kit gasped.  "And more work to do if we did."

"No more work!  No more work!"  One of the Jamies chanted.  The rest of the dupes broke into rounds of 'Swing low, sweet chariot'.

"Come'n, Squirt.  Let's go drink soda until we go into pancreatic shock and have to get our stomachs pumped."  Kit hopped to her feet, meandering towards the door.

To a fourteen year-old boy, this sounded pretty good.  "Oh yeaaaah!  And can we watch really bad Godzilla movies too??"

Kit leaned down on Multiple Man.  "I have taught you well, my padawan."  She ruffled his hair.  "I hope you lead a prosperous life… ya wanna go dump green beans down Bobby's shorts?"  And thus ended the saga of Multiple Man's boyhood.  Who knows, maybe in the future, Kit will write a more comic-based fic of James "Jamie" Arthur Madrox all grown up.  ... WHOAHAHAHAAA!


End file.
